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by Malcolm Not in the Middle

May 10, 2011

Hey folks, welcome to the rant. So you guys hear about Christian losing the belt to Orton? Of course you have, just about all the writers in here have said something about it (Except of course Halo, who covers TNA). I'm sure most of my readers knew I'd say something about it, so let's get right into it.

It fucking sucks. Ignoring the fact that I'm a long time Christian fan and am pissed his time went so quickly, I'm really getting annoyed with WWE making you care about a guy, and then shitting all over him. WWE built up Christian, his friendship and past with Edge, and his dream to be World Champion. And when Christian won that match with Del Rio, the roof just went off. I dunno what the percentage was for Long-time or short-term fans, but the fuck does it matter? It was such an awesome feel good moment. It was great moment for the IWC, as Christian has always had a very good standing with us… and for him to not only lose, but to lose piece of garbage like Orton was a kick to the head… no pun intended.

Now some people I know, even Chris Jericho, have insisted that this is part of a bigger angle that will mean better things for Christian. To be fair, after looking at the video recaps and seeing how WWE is putting such an emphasis Christian's look of defeat; I have to agree, it does look like it at least was part of a bigger angle… but I don't care.

I think Cameron Burge said it best in his RAW Rant, when he said "You know, I don't have that much else to say on the subject when so much has been said. I just want to say that sometimes, you just want to see the guys you like, those who truly deserve it, should be allowed to be on top for just a while. " Amen, brother. We're not infants, we knew the belt was going to go to Orton sooner or later on Smackdown! I'm just pissed that WWE couldn't even give me one week of one of my favorite wresters being the champion. I would have been fine even if he lost it at the first PPV! But to just strip him of it after 2 days? That pisses me off.

I am happy to see people take such an amazing stand to this. Even WWE is in shock over how many people had such a tremendous problem to this. I only hope WWE recognizes that the drop in the Smackdown rating was due to fans being pissed off about Christian, and not that "he doesn't draw" or whatever.

For Off Topic, I thought this week I'd try and do something interactive. This week, I've actually done a pseudo award show (or rather I'm going to) for this column. I've put together some awards that I'd like for all of you to vote on. I'll throw in some nominees in there, but feel free to make some write ins! I mean it's been 5 seasons now, people. I'm going to forget stuff.

We start with our default opening, with Matt Striker welcoming us to NXT. He then welcomes back to NXT Maryse, who is done selling her attack from Kharma. BTW, just have to say I am really enjoying what they have done with the former Awesome Kong. This has been the first time since Trish Stratus that I've cared about the Diva's Division. Maryse is actually doing a decent job of selling being shaken up about it, but the fans boo her anyway because she is a manipulating witch.

Rookies and Pro's are introduced. The story this week however is that Hornswoggle is missing and no one knows where he is. Titus sells being concern, stops to bark like a fool, and then resumes being concern. We go over the scores as Titus is leading by 13 with Darren Young coming in second. Striker takes this time… to finally make the announcement that I have been waiting so long for. Next week, we will have our first elimination! FINALLY!

We follow this awesome announcement with another. Our challenge this week is short, and easy for me to recap! ^_^


This challenge is really poorly named. Number one, there really is no hill or a fight to defend it; it's a race. The rookies start by the announce booth and run to the top of the ramp where there is six flags. The Rookies have to grab a flag and then run back into the ring to grab an airhorn and blow it. First one to do this wins.

This should be quick, but luckily for us Titus is an imbecile. He runs up, grabs the flag, and even gets the horn… and just stands there. Finally, Striker has to remind him he has to ring it. Which he does just as Darren blindsides him.

WINNER: Titus O'Neil

That challenge was worth 6 points btw, meaning Titus now has 19 points, so its pretty much all over but the shouting. I say this, but WWE will probably create a 20 point challenge for the hell of it.

Titus ain't happy, despite winning as "Somebody stole my Hornswoggle". He starts asking people, and here's the weird thing. He asks Grisham, who hasn't seen him. He then goes back to his promo but its funny as Grisham asks why would he think he'd know, and Regal almost sounds insulted that he never asked him. Titus then starts yelling at Darren Young, asking him if he took him, which makes sense as Young has wanted to take out Hornswoggle for some time. Darren says he had nothing to do with it, but Titus tells him he's going to make him tell him by beating him up. Titus, he cannot tell you jack if he's unconscious. Just saying… Wait a minute… Up next is Darren Young vs. Titus O'Neil 5?!


OFF TOPIC: Biggest Miscarriage of justice in NXT history

  1. Kaitlyn wins Season 3, but has only been on TV 3 times.

  2. Daniel Bryan comes off BS firing and with much fan support… only to be left to flounder after creative fails to figure out how to use him.

  3. Johnny Curtis wins NXT and is never heard from again

  4. Wade Barret goes from winning NXT and feuding with Cena… to being IC champ

  5. Kaval wins NXT, and is released a few months later.


Fuck this match.

WINNER: Darren Young

Look people, I'm sorry but I'm not covering the same fucking match for the fifth bloody time. Okay, there are exceptions, but Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels this ain't!

We cut to the back where Koslov is teach Conor sambo… this is about as exciting as it sounds. Worse yet, Conor is now wearing that red robe that Koslov wears… I love that Koslov and JTG's way of mentoring their Rookies is just to turn them into themselves… really shitty wrestlers who can't get over.

OFF TOPIC: The Moral Victory Award (Rookie who should have won their season)

  1. Daniel Bryan (Season 1)

  2. Alex Riley (Season 2)

  3. AJ (Season 3)

  4. Brodus Clay (Season 5)

We return, and are thrown violently into another match.


In what looks like a break in continuity, Yoshi Tatsu comes out with Bryon Saxton. More on this later.

This match was boring. Lots of restholds, and was lousy. Even the announcers started to comment on how miserable this match was. End came as Saxton became a house of fire, and hits his finisher. It's actually a new one, as it's just a flying clothesline from the top. Generic? Yes. Better than whatever the hell was his previous finisher? Hell yeah!

After the match, Saxton gets on the mic, and asks Yoshi what the hell is he doing here? He reminds him that he told him last week that he wants to do it on his own now, as Yoshi has proven to be unreliable. He tells him to stay away from him. Yoshi just stands there with a stupefied look on his face. Saxton then proceeds to ask him what can't he understand, citing that it's maybe the language barrier. He then asks if maybe Yoshi is just stupid, which Yoshi takes offense to. This leads to stare down, and Saxton tells him he's doing this alone and leaves.

Regal then goes off about how Saxton is making a mistake, and how he needs the advice and knowledge from Yoshi Tatsu to be a success, and how he was able to say that with a straight face, I will never know.

We go to the back, where Lucky starts to talk to Maryse again. She however is still pissed off at Lucky for (allegedly) stealing her stuff, and being an overall creepy perv. Lucky counters this by giving her an expensive purse… I dunno if its really expensive as it had Walmart written all over it, Anyway, Maryse then completely forgives Lucky for this, because she is a shallow bitch.

OFF TOPIC: NXT's Dumbest Moment (Moment that made the Least Amount of Sense)

  1. Daniel Bryan and Michael Tarver are eliminated over BS. (Season 1)

  2. All new Rookies get the shit kicked out of them by there Pro's on the first show, and then proceed let the whole thing slide a week later. (Season 2)

  3. Season 3 in its entirety

  4. Ricardo Rodriguez tries to kill Conor O'Brien (Season 4)

They then recap the Christian angle. I've said my peace already.

They then do a recap of the Novak vs. Regal feud… wow, WWE sure wants us to care about this feud. But will it be worth mentioning?

OFF TOPIC: How'd this Loser get this Job?! (Worst Rookie)

  1. Jacob Novak

  2. Conor O'Brien

  3. Eli Cottonwood

  4. Micheal Tarver

  5. Titus O'Neil


Here's the moment a few of you may think of me as crazy. Novak and JTG come to the ring, and JTG cuts a majority of the promo, a heel promo no less… and it was good. Here's the thing… he reminded me so much of a modernized version of Slick here. I think JTG may have missed his calling, and could make for a really awesome manager. He did wonders for Novak here, and I'm starting to wonder if WWE should consider making him a manager… perhaps for an also newly heel R Truth?

Regal then comes out… as we go to break.

OFF TOPIC: Best Couple (Best Pro/Rookie Team)

  1. Chris Jericho & Wade Barrett (Season 1)

  2. LayCool & Kaval (Season 2)

  3. Goldust & Aksana (Season 3)

  4. Daniel Bryan & Derrick Bateman (Season 4)

Now for the match… it's a botchamania entry waiting to happen. Regal tries his damnest to make Jacob look good but Novak botches a lot of moves. End mercifully comes as Regal catches Novak's Mafia kick, trips him up, and applies the Regal Stretch for the win.



Till then folks, send your votes in to my email and we'll tally the winner. Peace!


AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE REESE AWARD": Darren Young vs. Titus O'Neil part 5490

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE FRANCIS AWARD": This show was a botchfest? The fuck happened?!

Hey, did you know I had a Podcast? Yes, it's true! "The Rundown Wrestling Review" Podcast is a show featuring me and my good buddy Adam as we review and talk about the major happening in wrestling! Like to be in on it? Of course ya do! Just contact me via twitter or either email address, and I'll add ya to the mailing list! Any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated!

Twitter: @NotintheMiddle

Email: Malcolmnotinthemiddle@gmail.com

Podcast: Rundownwrestling@gmail.com

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).