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by Malcolm Not in the Middle

May 3, 2011

Hey guys, welcome to the rant. Tonight's going to be a short one unfortunately, as I actually got into a car accident 2 days ago, and I'm trying to fix the damn thing. My attention really is elsewhere, but I'm trying to focus here. Sides, I know how much everyone needs to know what happens on these NXT shows. I mean, they are just written so well…

So NXT actually does something that it hasn't done in several months… surprise me. This week did not start with a challenge. Actually, there was no stupid challenge for this show, as it was all wrestling with the exception of a few backstage segments. What's more, all the matches were new! So hey, great job NXT. Way to figure out something that's been a "Duh" discovery everywhere else.

Now before you get excited about no challenge, it comes at a price as they show the entire Rock celebration in its place. Crap it's going to be annoying recapping all of that. They dedicated an entire hour to that shit, you realize that? Christ its going to take forever… what's that, SWF Universe? … Fuck the Rock, and the fact that the entire first hour of RAW had 15 seconds of wrestling? … I can skip it? ...Okay ^_^

First match!


I was actually looking forward to this match until two things happened: Titus O'Neil is revealed as a special guest commentator, and Hornswoggle is the special guest ref. At this point, I'd love to just skip to the end and get to the winner, because you already know Darren's screwed… however, my rant would be 2 pages long, so I'll have to improvise.

Titus is cancer on the mic. Did anyone talk to Titus on how to be face commentator? Cause he sucks. He of course defends Swoggle's cheating everytime. Even to the point that Titus claims he didn't see it (Even during instant replays). Plus, he has the charisma of Shaq in terms of talking, so hopefully this is it. He also gets in the other announcer's faces about calling Hornswoggle a leprechaun, and claims that Hornswoggle can actually talk… Shut the fuck up, Titus.

Hornswoggle was… well, Hornswoggle in this one. He makes Darren Young take off his left boot, claiming that it was an illegal boot. So we get the first 5 minutes of Young getting his foot stepped on. Then we get several obvious times of Swoggle ignoring pinfalls by Darren or slow counting. Seriously, at this point, I'd have grabbed a chair and beaten up all three guys. I mean its not like you have a shot anymore.

Aside from the BS, they actually have a pretty good match. I'd love to see them wrestle with no BS. End comes when Young goes for a bridging suplex but bumps into Swoggle by accident. As a result, Swoggle doesn't even count. Darren gets in his face again, only for Hornswoggle to bite Young's ass, and causes him to stumble into a 3 Amigos. Frog Splash later, and its over.

WINNER: Chavo Guerrero

Ugh, I have a feeling I'd dig this Young heel turn a bit more if it weren't for him having deal with Tom and Jerry. Titus makes the point to the other announcers that Young needs to start listening to his Pro. Yes, take it from the guy who's Pro says "Argh!" a lot. Dude, fuck Chavo. He is not the victim here! He's not the guy facing 3 on 1 odds.

Cut backstage where Koslov is with Conor to teach him the technique to make him a success in the WWE. Yes Conor, take advice on being a success from the guy who hasn't been on RAW in weeks. Anyway, Koslov grabs a board, allows the camera to zoom in on his face so it doesn't see him switch boards, and smashes it to pieces with one headbutt. He then tells Conor to do it too, and despite him saying over and over he can't do it, he's able to do it too. I was actually expecting Conor to knock himself out here (which would have been funny) but I'll let this go. Besides it's the first anything in months that made a Rookie look credible.


Few things stuck out to me about this one:

  1. Conor's main taunt is him signaling for a left turn

  2. When he came to ringside, Lucky walked up to a group of fans and screamed "Hey what's up? I'm here! Here I am!!!" It was so random, it was funny. Imagine if Bobby the Brain Heenan did that?

Other than that, this match was all right. This was a standard big man vs. pretty boy match. Lucky Cannon has definitely made me a believer, as he knows how to be a good heel. End comes when Kidd trips Conor, allowing Lucky to hit the Lucky Break to win.

WINNER: Lucky Cannon

Sadly, Kidd didn't scream "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" when he raised Kidd's hand. Good god, a Rookie/Pro team that actually works together? Miracles never cease….

They show a video of Maryse getting killshit by Kharma aka Awesome Kong. This is apparently why we have no Maryse this week. I am so happy to see Kharma, as I was a big fan of hers in TNA. In a land full of Barbie's she sticks out so well, and can be THE Diva's division if booked properly. If built correctly, Beth Phoenix vs. Kharma at Mania would be epic!... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Cut to the back to Yoshi Tatsu with Byron Saxton coming in. Yoshi stands up to fight, but Byron asks him to claim down. He apologizes for his actions and says he lost his temper. He starts to talk more about the situation, but Yoshi tells him to talk later as he wants to call Maryse. Angrily, Saxton grabs his cell, and says this is what he's sick off. Yoshi is supposed to be his Pro, but he's more concern with Maryse than him (A fair point). Byron reminds him that this is his last shot to make it. He tells Yoshi that until he can get his life together, that he's going to go this alone. Wow, Saxton actually made a lot of sense here. It's was actually some great acting by him as well. BTW, Yoshi responds by picking up the phone to call Maryse… bitch.

JTG and Grandmaster J, er I mean Jacob Novak (Actually both names begin with J… Fuck it, he's Grandmaster J) come down for the main event this week. After a short intro from JTG, the Grandmaster takes the mic. He goes off on Regal for being an announcer, and how being an announcer is the lowest level of Wrestling Hell, or something. Dude, he's been an announcer for like 5 minutes. He promises to give the fans something to cheer about, which makes me hope he getting eliminated tonight.

BTW, when the fuck are they going to eliminate someone? These same six Rookies have been on this season for 4 months now! I'm already sick of them, start eliminating them!

Did I mention that Jacob Novak is wearing his hair in corn rolls now?

Regal comes out, and tells Novak to go fuck himself, and promises to show the Pros how to handle a Rookie. He then rips into JTG, calling him a bloody muppet… which was funny. JTG then gets booking power, and tells the Grandmaster to take the night off. He says he'll take on Regal instead as I cannot believe they are extending this feud. Least that's what I believe he said, as he was speaking jive again.

Regal seems to be having the same trouble I had, as he couldn't understand what JTG said either, but got the jist of it. He says he sorta expected this to happen (Even Regal admits that the writing in this company sucks) and promises to get to Novak later. He then promises to take care of JTG tonight, calling him a waste of space… damn!


This was a pretty standard Superstars match, with a lot of focus on Regal. It was interesting to see Regal being a face, and JTG being a heel. Regal was fantastic as usual, and JTG was actually a very old school heel, often leaving the ring repeatedly when he was getting beat up. They both did a pretty good job here.

Story here is that JTG had no business being in the ring with him, as Regal just out classes JTG everytime, though admittingly taking a lot of cheap shots along the way. He even takes several at Grandmaster J, which was funny. End comes as Regal hits the knee trembler, only for Novak to jump Regal causing the DQ'ed.

WINNER: William Regal by DQ

Jacob continues to work on him with kicks and punches, as Matt Striker (Who is on commentary for this one) hilariously asks if Regal will be in any condition to make it to next week after this. Dudes, its just kicks and punches…

It then goes to the Rock's Bday. SKIP!


BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE DEWEY AWARD": Overall, I have to give this show props. They changed it up, no lame challenges, and the matches were all new. For this much, I appreciated NXT this week. Plus JTG/Regal and Conor/Lucky were all good matches.

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE REESE AWARD": This Young/Chavo/Titus/Hornswoggle feud better end with Darren Young bringing a shotgun to the ring and killing all three. Otherwise, this feud has done more harm than good.

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE FRANCIS AWARD": Seriously, if you're in a match, you're a heel, and Hornswoggle is announced as the guest ref… do me and yourself a favor; grab a chair and just get yourself DQ'ed. You are not going to win. Also, never let Titus do commentary again.

Hey, did you know I had a Podcast? Yes, it's true! "The Rundown Wrestling Review" Podcast is a show featuring me and my good buddy Adam as we review and talk about the major happening in wrestling! Like to be in on it? Of course ya do! Just contact me via twitter or either email address, and I'll add ya to the mailing list! Any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated!

Twitter: @NotintheMiddle

Email: Malcolmnotinthemiddle@gmail.com

Podcast: Rundownwrestling@gmail.com

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).