WWE NXT RANT
April 5, 2011
Hey guys, Malcolm Not in the Middle here. Happy to be returning home… though I have the feeling this feeling will go away when the first challenge rolls around. I want to take this time to thank Halo for switching with me. No seriously, this isn’t going to turn into a wiseass joke. I’m really thanking her.
Before we get into NXT, my thoughts on Wrestlemania. So what did I think about the Granddaddy of them all? To quote the Angry Video Game Nerd: “IT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLE!”
This Wrestlemania made it official to me; Vince McMahon has lost his mind. Folks, we could be entering a rough patch here in wrestling history. We just had a Wrestlemania that was lukewarm at best. Vince actually seems to be pissed that he runs a wrestling company, and not… I dunno, but its obvious he doesn’t want to own a wrestling fed anymore. First we went from WWF to WWE. Then the name of the company has officially gone from World Wrestling Entertainment to WWE so we stop saying wrestling. Now he makes a Wrestlemania that was mainly crappy backstage segments. A Wrestlemania that cut out the US Title match to give the match featuring two commentators more time.
Hey Vince! I have an idea. You want me to stop expecting wrestling in WWE? Get rid of the ring, the Title belts, and the greased up “entertainers”!
So what did I think about the matches? Let’s go down the list.
ROCK AS HOST: Disappointed. He cuts a lousy promo to start off the show, and then gives us awful backstage segments. Though, I guess I should be thankful we didn’t get these all throughout the night. I thought for sure they were going to give us a Saturday night live ripoff…. On Wrestlemania…. That cost me 65 dollars!
SHEAMUS VS. BRYAN: Really? Why is it whenever Vince needs to cut a match from Wrestlemania, he immediately leaps to a title match. For Christ sakes, he cut out the match that created the Unified Tag Team Titles from show! If given time, I believe these two could have stolen the show… but that’s what happens when WRESTLERS try to get time on the ENTERTAINMENT show.
EDGE VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO: … Well, what can I say that wasn't said in Sean Carless’s Entertainmentmania Recap? Why the fuck is the Royal Rumble winner opening the show!? And he lost?! The fucking RR winner lost again?! Dude, fuck the Royal Rumble. Apparently, you just need to focus your energies on MitB! This was a big pisser for me as I was looking forward to Del Rio winning. Oh well.
CODY RHODES VS. MYSTERIO: Match of the night, there I said it. This match was perfect, and I’m really getting into the Cody Rhodes character. Too bad he got killshit on RAW though.
CORRE VS. BIG SHOW, KANE, SANTINO, and KOFI: What the fuck was this? Does the WWE remember how to make an effective stable? Remember the heyday of the Four Horsemen? I guess I can understand why WWE is doing this, as it kills two birds with one stone. 1) making new guys look like shit, and 2) making the 2nd tier titles look like a joke.
CM PUNK VS. RANDY ORTON: Look, I understand that Orton is a top face. I also understand that win/loss records mean nothing. I even understand that Punk is looked highly upon by management and that they recognize him for how great a performer he is… BY WHY THE FUCK DOES ORTON ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN!? In case I haven’t mentioned, I hate Orton! I hate his lack of selling and overpowered finisher especially. I dunno why he bothers with a moveset, when it’s apparent that all he needs to do is hit one RKO. And don’t think I missed the fact Orton jumped off his bad leg to hit that final RKO. ~_~
COLE VS. LAWLER: This made Bret vs. Vince at Wrestlemania 26 look like Bret vs. Shawn at Wrestlemania 12. Really hate the fact that WWE is so high on this guy, as it means he’s not going shut up anytime soon. Well, I will give him credit, as at this point I wanted to see Lawler deck him. However, it went on 5 minutes too long, and what the fuck was with that ending? That actually felt like a pretty cool moment till that splash of cold water by the GM. Really sucked the life out of the moment.
TRIPLE H VS. TAKER: Call me crazy, but I was expecting more. Maybe it’s thanks to those last two matches with Shawn. And this match has effectively made me believe that no one will ever break that fucking streak. Hunter did everything but shoot the fucker, and Taker still kicked out. I personally thought they got a little ridiculous with the finishers and chairs. Fuck, it was like Passion of the Calloway for the last ten minutes!
SNOOKIMANIA: Thank God it was short.
MIZ VS. CENA: I thought the Miz video at the beginning was sweet; not so much with the Cena Choir. Wasn’t bad, but it felt more like a RAW main event than a Wrestlemania. Plus, as a friend of mine said, it felt like they were just killing time till the Rock showed up.
So at best, this one was mediocre. Which maybe passing for other PPV… but this was Wrestlemania for christ’s sake! This show was a major letdown, and wasn’t worth 65 dollars.
Anyway, enough happy thoughts… let’s talk NXT… Actually, I have to admit, this was a pretty quick show. Guess that’s thanks to having to cover TNA. They do a great job of making a 2 hour show feel like a 6 hour show.
We get our usual default opening, with Maryse and Striker welcoming us. We get a recap of the current scores right now: Titus O’Neil leading with 9 points, and Darren Young with 7… everyone else has jack shit. This next challenge is worth 4 points, cause making it three or less would be tedious.
CHALLENGE! HOT SEAT TRIVIA!!!
BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE DEWEY AWARD": Conor has two dogs
AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR THE REESE AWARD: Hornswoggle wrestled…
AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR THE REESE AWARD: Ted and MAryse are still together? Really?
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).