WWE NXT RANT
8/10/10
Hey guys, Malcolm not in the Middle here for the
NXT Rant.
Before we get into this week’s farce, something I
wanna bring up something really quick for my own
benefit. Now a few of the Rookies still don’t have names
for there finishers, which result in me writing a run on
sentence that should probably be three describing it,
I’m going to give it a name here till they think up of
one. Of course, I’ll leave out The McGillicutter and
Percy
Watson:
That weird dropkick that looks he’s dropkicking
an invisible man, but is actually a weird looking splash
is now called The Oh Yeah!
Husky
Harris:
Running Senton Splash is now called Back Fat.
Lucky
Cannon:
The small package is now called… a small package?
Fuck he doesn’t even have a finish yet!
Alex Riley:
Marvelous Marc Mero’s TKO will now be Dismissed…
and ya I know, I think Cole gave him that name.
Show opens up with… another challenge? Really?
Thankfully, this challenge isn’t completely unwrestling
related as it is “The Power of the Punch” (Awesome
name!) challenge. They have an arcade punching bag set
up on stage, which gives ya a number telling ya how hard
ya hit. To demonstrate first up is... is that Cole? Holy
shit! He’s wearing a Miz “I’m Awesome” T Shirt, Cena
wristbands, John Morrison sunglasses, and white powder
for his hands. He looks like an uber wrestling dork made
from parts of lesser wrestling dorks.
Though admittingly, it’s actually quite humorous.
For those who care, Cole gets a 728, and is beaten by
Josh who gets an 806.
An opening later, and we are still standing here
in San Jose, CA. Just to get this out of the way, the
blonde ring announcer is out for the “classic” opening
of NXT, with a new twist. Instead of the Pro’s coming
first and then the Rookies following, they the Pro and
Rookie combinations come out together. Progress, I
suppose. Tune in next week to see if the Rookies can use
the same drinking fountain as the Pros.
In case ya forgot, there is an elimination this
week. While this challenge makes sense wrestling-wise,
no immunity as a reward? The actual prize is kinda cool,
as the winner gets to appear on RAW… which means nothing
if he’s eliminated. WTF?
HIGHLIGHTS!
MCGILLICUTTY: With the
power of his McGillibuddies behind him, scores a strong
863.
KAVAL: As he
goes up, I actually think to myself “It’s a shame he
can’t kick the thing.” Sure enough, he winds up and
kicks the thing. However, we both forget that he’s about
as tall as Hornswoggle, and it takes a lot of power out
of the kick. He only gets a 297. Striker
then is nice enough to DQ him… the hell’s the point of
that? Its not like he would have won otherwise.
PERCY: Gets a
good hit for 715.
LUCKY: Gets 744, sparing us
a Lucky RAW.
HUSKY: Isn’t
close enough to the bag, and grazes it… getting a 365
ALEX: Wrecks
that bag’s shit, and gets higher than 863
as they pan off as the number was going up.
Alex Riley wins, which is awesome. Can hardly
wait to see John Cena killshit him in 93 seconds on RAW.
Riley cuts a nice promo, claiming while Miz is a Reality
Star, he is a star in reality… I still think he’s cool.
BTW, for those keeping score, Michael Cole hits
harder Kaval, Husky Harris, and Percy Watson. Two of
those people are front runners to win this… sigh.
OFF TOPIC:
Am I the
only one excited about the Splatterhouse remake? God I’m
old…
We come back from commercials, and the storyline
of Miz replacing Khali (Thank God!) continues. He’s
confronting Morrison, due to their past, and he wants to
hear Morrison ask him to join Team WWE (which is really
just Team RAW). Morrison however, says they don’t need
him, and challenges Miz tonight to a match to make that
point. Miz accepts… Miz/Morrison tonight? Awesome!
We are then thrown violently into a 6-man tag!
ALEX RILEY, HUSKY HARRIS, & MICHAEL
MCGILLICUTTY
VS.
KAVAL, LUCKY, & PERCY WATSON
You are correct, this is the exact same match
from RAW last night, which means the other guys will win
to regain their heat… oh sorry, spoilers.
OFF TOPIC: At risk
of coming off as stupid, I think the Playstation move
could be awesome. Yeah it takes ideas from the Wii, but
the importance is that does it better than the wii.
Nice back and forth here, with Lucky Cannon
playing face in peril. Kaval comes in, and starts
kicking the shit outta everyone! End comes after a brawl
that leaves Kaval and McGillicutty in the ring.
McGillicutty goes for the McGillicutter but Kaval moves
out of the way. He then hits a dropkick in the corner
and follows it up with a Warrior’s Way for the win!
WINNERS: KAVAL,
LUCKY, & WATSON
KAVAL is now 2-5
LUCKY is now 3-5
PERCY is now 3-4
MCGILLICUTTY is now 6-2
HUSKY is now 4-3
RILEY is now 4-3
God I hate the six man’s on this show. Striker
comes out to get the Pro’s to tally their votes… now? So
much for progress, don’t tell me we’re going to rush
through the Rookie elimination just because two Pro’s
are wrestling? Really?
Before we go off to commercials,
OFF TOPIC:
Little Big
Planet 2 could be big simply from a potential game
designer point of view, as in it will be awesome
practice. I dunno if it will do well with the ever
popular casual fans.
We’re back, and this being a C show on WWE
programming, it is now time to recap stuff from the A
show! We do the recap, the whole Nexus vs. WWE deal.
While Bret being on the team still makes no sense, I’m
happy Khali is gone and Miz potentially in… shame he’ll
reveal himself to be the leader and betray team WWE. You
heard it here first.
They then recap the “card” for Summerslam… I
still can’t believe one of the main events Kane vs. Rey
Mysterio for the World freakin title.
THE MIZ w/ Awesome push
VS.
JOHN MORRISON w/o Awesome push
This was a great match, as these two have great
chemistry. As much as I pick on Morrison for his below
average promo skills, I am praying he gets better as I
think he’s a good wrestler. This is definitely a match
to watch if you get the time.
The commentary ain’t bad either. Cole tells the
story of why Team WWE needs Miz, while Josh brings up
why that may not be a great idea. Good work by these
two.
End comes when Morrison goes for Starship Pain,
but Miz moves out of the way. Morrison lands on his
feet, and Miz grabs him from behind. Morrison tries to
hit a Pele kick that Miz ducks out of the way of.
Morrison kicks the turnbuckle and injuries his leg…
giving Miz ample time to hit the Skull Crashing Finale.
WINNER: The Miz
I suppose I could complain about this match does
absolutely nothing for the Rookies they’re supposed to
be elevating… but I’ll forgive it as it was a good
match. Not like they gave us Henry vs. Ryder here.
OFF TOPIC:
DC Universe
looks too good to be true… but I hope I’m wrong.
Striker is out, to be annoying, and askes the
Rookies who they think should be eliminated.
McGillicutty and Kaval both say Lucky. You know, when
other faces are saying you suck, you’re done man. Percy
decides to be generic and say Alex Riley because he’s a
heel. Lucky
says everyone else should be eliminated because no one
wants it more than him… Though they seem to want it
enough to win matches. Husky also says Lucky.
Then Alex Riley is up and becomes my favorite
Rookie ever. When asked would he like to see eliminated,
his response is “Well, aside from you and your annoying
questions?” Cole and Josh explode with laughter as well.
Wow, nobody likes Striker.
All right here are the rankings!
1.
Kaval
2.
McGillicutty
3.
Percy
4.
Husky
5.
Riley
6.
Luck
… Okay audience, quick sidebar…
Hey how ya doing? Alex Riley for number 5?
Really? You’re going with McGillicutty over Riley? Come
on! He’s the only guy there that’s plays his character
amazingly and is a good wrestler! Why was he almost
eliminated?!
I supposed you can make the argument that he’s
such a good heel, he’s forcing people to eliminate
himself despite his abilities, but come on! He is
awesome people! Vote him in!
Anyway, Lucky is eliminated! You know what that
means?!
Character
Retrospective: Lucky Cannon
BEGINNING: Thought
he had a shot. He has a good luck to him, so all he
needs to be is interesting and a good wrestler and he’d
have a shot… yup, that’s all he needed…
NOW: Fuckin-A, he
sucked! Seriously, what the fuck was that? In listening
to his promo he was just happy to be there. Seriously,
like him even being there was his winning the contest,
and he didn’t care anymore… and it showed. If it weren’t
for the fact he was a face, he’d have been eliminated
earlier.
FUTURE: Hopefully he’ll
decide to pump gas for a living or something; cause
wrestling is not his calling.
Lucky is gone, and is (unfortunately) given the
mic for his farewell. He tries to be funny; he then
tries to be a heel, and finally tries to be sentimental.
He fails all three times. He leaves, and doesn’t even
have his Pro there (Mark is selling the Nexus attack) to
say good-bye. “Lucky” my ass.
Riley is asked what he thinks about what he
thinks about almost being eliminated. He brings up how
its BS, and he doesn’t understand how he dropped so far
when the only thing they’ve had a chance to do is make
out with fat chick (I guess there is a demographic for
that).
Striker than tells that next week… we have two
eliminations?! Wow, Vince must really want to start
Smackdown ASAP! And we fade to black…
BEST THING
OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD:
We have a tie this week!
1.
Miz vs. Morrison was awesome!
2.
Alex Riley’s Striker diss was epic!
AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE
AWARD”: Riley was almost
eliminated?!
WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS
AWARD”:
This goes to the fans that aren’t voting for Alex Riley!
Come on!.. also, I think I missed some commercial breaks
O_o;;;
Honorable mention goes to Cole’s uber dork outfit.
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
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