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            Hey guys, Malcolm not in the Middle here for the NXT Rant.  Before we get into this week’s farce, something I wanna bring up something really quick for my own benefit. Now a few of the Rookies still don’t have names for there finishers, which result in me writing  a run on sentence that should probably be three describing it, I’m going to give it a name here till they think up of one. Of course, I’ll leave out The McGillicutter and Warriors Way out since Kaval and Henning were nice enough to name there’s.


Percy Watson:


            That weird dropkick that looks he’s dropkicking an invisible man, but is actually a weird looking splash is now called The Oh Yeah!


Husky Harris:


            Running Senton Splash is now called Back Fat.


Lucky Cannon:


            The small package is now called… a small package? Fuck he doesn’t even have a finish yet!


Alex Riley:


            Marvelous Marc Mero’s TKO will now be Dismissed… and ya I know, I think Cole gave him that name.


            Show opens up with… another challenge? Really? Thankfully, this challenge isn’t completely unwrestling related as it is “The Power of the Punch” (Awesome name!) challenge. They have an arcade punching bag set up on stage, which gives ya a number telling ya how hard ya hit. To demonstrate first up is... is that Cole? Holy shit! He’s wearing a Miz “I’m Awesome” T Shirt, Cena wristbands, John Morrison sunglasses, and white powder for his hands. He looks like an uber wrestling dork made from parts of lesser wrestling dorks.


            Though admittingly, it’s actually quite humorous. For those who care, Cole gets a 728, and is beaten by Josh who gets an 806.


            An opening later, and we are still standing here in San Jose, CA. Just to get this out of the way, the blonde ring announcer is out for the “classic” opening of NXT, with a new twist. Instead of the Pro’s coming first and then the Rookies following, they the Pro and Rookie combinations come out together. Progress, I suppose. Tune in next week to see if the Rookies can use the same drinking fountain as the Pros.


            In case ya forgot, there is an elimination this week. While this challenge makes sense wrestling-wise, no immunity as a reward? The actual prize is kinda cool, as the winner gets to appear on RAW… which means nothing if he’s eliminated. WTF?




MCGILLICUTTY: With the power of his McGillibuddies behind him, scores a strong 863.


KAVAL: As he goes up, I actually think to myself “It’s a shame he can’t kick the thing.” Sure enough, he winds up and kicks the thing. However, we both forget that he’s about as tall as Hornswoggle, and it takes a lot of power out of the kick. He only gets a 297. Striker then is nice enough to DQ him… the hell’s the point of that? Its not like he would have won otherwise.


PERCY: Gets a good hit for 715.


LUCKY: Gets 744, sparing us a Lucky RAW.


HUSKY: Isn’t close enough to the bag, and grazes it… getting a 365


ALEX: Wrecks that bag’s shit, and gets higher than 863 as they pan off as the number was going up.


            Alex Riley wins, which is awesome. Can hardly wait to see John Cena killshit him in 93 seconds on RAW. Riley cuts a nice promo, claiming while Miz is a Reality Star, he is a star in reality… I still think he’s cool.


            BTW, for those keeping score, Michael Cole hits harder Kaval, Husky Harris, and Percy Watson. Two of those people are front runners to win this… sigh.


OFF TOPIC: Am I the only one excited about the Splatterhouse remake? God I’m old…


            We come back from commercials, and the storyline of Miz replacing Khali (Thank God!) continues. He’s confronting Morrison, due to their past, and he wants to hear Morrison ask him to join Team WWE (which is really just Team RAW). Morrison however, says they don’t need him, and challenges Miz tonight to a match to make that point. Miz accepts… Miz/Morrison tonight? Awesome!


            We are then thrown violently into a 6-man tag!






            You are correct, this is the exact same match from RAW last night, which means the other guys will win to regain their heat… oh sorry, spoilers.


OFF TOPIC: At risk of coming off as stupid, I think the Playstation move could be awesome. Yeah it takes ideas from the Wii, but the importance is that does it better than the wii.


            Nice back and forth here, with Lucky Cannon playing face in peril. Kaval comes in, and starts kicking the shit outta everyone! End comes after a brawl that leaves Kaval and McGillicutty in the ring. McGillicutty goes for the McGillicutter but Kaval moves out of the way. He then hits a dropkick in the corner and follows it up with a Warrior’s Way for the win!




KAVAL is now 2-5

LUCKY is now 3-5

PERCY is now 3-4



HUSKY is now 4-3

RILEY is now 4-3


            God I hate the six man’s on this show. Striker comes out to get the Pro’s to tally their votes… now? So much for progress, don’t tell me we’re going to rush through the Rookie elimination just because two Pro’s are wrestling? Really?


            Before we go off to commercials,


OFF TOPIC: Little Big Planet 2 could be big simply from a potential game designer point of view, as in it will be awesome practice. I dunno if it will do well with the ever popular casual fans.


            We’re back, and this being a C show on WWE programming, it is now time to recap stuff from the A show! We do the recap, the whole Nexus vs. WWE deal. While Bret being on the team still makes no sense, I’m happy Khali is gone and Miz potentially in… shame he’ll reveal himself to be the leader and betray team WWE. You heard it here first.


            They then recap the “card” for Summerslam… I still can’t believe one of the main events Kane vs. Rey Mysterio for the World freakin title.


THE MIZ w/ Awesome push


JOHN MORRISON w/o Awesome push


            This was a great match, as these two have great chemistry. As much as I pick on Morrison for his below average promo skills, I am praying he gets better as I think he’s a good wrestler. This is definitely a match to watch if you get the time.


            The commentary ain’t bad either. Cole tells the story of why Team WWE needs Miz, while Josh brings up why that may not be a great idea. Good work by these two.


            End comes when Morrison goes for Starship Pain, but Miz moves out of the way. Morrison lands on his feet, and Miz grabs him from behind. Morrison tries to hit a Pele kick that Miz ducks out of the way of. Morrison kicks the turnbuckle and injuries his leg… giving Miz ample time to hit the Skull Crashing Finale.


WINNER:  The Miz


            I suppose I could complain about this match does absolutely nothing for the Rookies they’re supposed to be elevating… but I’ll forgive it as it was a good match. Not like they gave us Henry vs. Ryder here.


OFF TOPIC: DC Universe looks too good to be true… but I hope I’m wrong.


            Striker is out, to be annoying, and askes the Rookies who they think should be eliminated. McGillicutty and Kaval both say Lucky. You know, when other faces are saying you suck, you’re done man. Percy decides to be generic and say Alex Riley because he’s a heel.  Lucky says everyone else should be eliminated because no one wants it more than him… Though they seem to want it enough to win matches. Husky also says Lucky.


            Then Alex Riley is up and becomes my favorite Rookie ever. When asked would he like to see eliminated, his response is “Well, aside from you and your annoying questions?” Cole and Josh explode with laughter as well. Wow, nobody likes Striker.


            All right here are the rankings!


1.       Kaval

2.       McGillicutty

3.       Percy

4.       Husky

5.       Riley

6.       Luck


            … Okay audience, quick sidebar…


            Hey how ya doing? Alex Riley for number 5? Really? You’re going with McGillicutty over Riley? Come on! He’s the only guy there that’s plays his character amazingly and is a good wrestler! Why was he almost eliminated?!


            I supposed you can make the argument that he’s such a good heel, he’s forcing people to eliminate himself despite his abilities, but come on! He is awesome people! Vote him in!


            Anyway, Lucky is eliminated! You know what that means?!


Character Retrospective: Lucky Cannon


BEGINNING: Thought he had a shot. He has a good luck to him, so all he needs to be is interesting and a good wrestler and he’d have a shot… yup, that’s all he needed…


NOW:  Fuckin-A, he sucked! Seriously, what the fuck was that? In listening to his promo he was just happy to be there. Seriously, like him even being there was his winning the contest, and he didn’t care anymore… and it showed. If it weren’t for the fact he was a face, he’d have been eliminated earlier.


FUTURE:  Hopefully he’ll decide to pump gas for a living or something; cause wrestling is not his calling.


            Lucky is gone, and is (unfortunately) given the mic for his farewell. He tries to be funny; he then tries to be a heel, and finally tries to be sentimental. He fails all three times. He leaves, and doesn’t even have his Pro there (Mark is selling the Nexus attack) to say good-bye. “Lucky” my ass.


            Riley is asked what he thinks about what he thinks about almost being eliminated. He brings up how its BS, and he doesn’t understand how he dropped so far when the only thing they’ve had a chance to do is make out with fat chick (I guess there is a demographic for that).


            Striker than tells that next week… we have two eliminations?! Wow, Vince must really want to start Smackdown ASAP! And we fade to black…


BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD: We have a tie this week!


1.       Miz vs. Morrison was awesome!

2.       Alex Riley’s Striker diss was epic!


AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE AWARD”:  Riley was almost eliminated?!


WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: This goes to the fans that aren’t voting for Alex Riley! Come on!.. also, I think I missed some commercial breaks O_o;;;


Honorable mention goes to Cole’s uber dork outfit.





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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).