Home | Columns & Rants | Satire | Entertainment | Media | Archives | Forum


NXT Rant



            Hey guys, and welcome to the Rant, where this week things will be a little different this week. Today, expect a pretty bare bones report today. Why? Reason being I’m dead on my feet… from staying up all night watching Smackdown! That’s right, I was there live to watch NXT, some of Superstars, and Smackdown in a whole night. I had forgotten how cool the live shows are, and I must say it was a fun time… with the expectation for Rey Mysterio. So, he wins the belt for the second time… and the jerk decides to take the week off when they come to my town? Champion of the people my ass!


            Anyway, given the fact I didn’t have my notes, I’m beat, and heard no commentary, I’ll be doing this report pretty quick. Actually, I’ll be honest, as a big reason this report will be a little quicker is that we had a lot of wrestling tonight, with four matches. And lets be honest, my recaps of matches are a little weak.


            We are live from Manchester, NH! I have to say I was pretty pleased with this show. They made a lot of big improvements, starting with something different to start the show! A new announcer named Ashley Valence started off the show and gave the brief synopsis of NXT thus far; including reading us that next week is the first set of rankings. If you wanna do it, just go to WWE.com at 10pm next Tuesday and vote. Ashley was a welcome edition to the show, as it was new and its nice not to have Striker shoved down my throat. In fact, there was a lot less talking this show, as Striker didn’t even show up after each match like he usually does. It gave the show a nice fast pace, and made the show better.


            Ashely introduces the Pro’s, and just like that, we are off to our first match.


The Miz & Alex Riley vs. MVP & “Showtime” Percy Watson


            Pretty enjoyable match, and it had a nice pace. Plus, it was nice to see Percy Watson get in some offense. This match also offered a nice little peek into the relationship of Alex Riley and Miz, as Miz acts like every jerk coach I’ve seen in teen movies.


            The crowd was very into MVP tonight, btw. He got heavily cheered in both NXT and Smackdown. Percy btw, debuts an interesting looking splash that looks like he’s dropkicking the invisible man, but he’s just doing a splash.


            End comes as MVP takes Alex to the outside, leaving Miz and Percy in the ring together… yeah, you can already tell where this goes. Percy, god bless him, goes for the Floatover DDT only for Miz to counter into hotshot on the ropes. Miz hits The Skullcrushing Finale to end this.


Winners: The Miz & Alex Riley


Alex Riley is now 2-0

Percy Watson is now 1-1


            This brings us to the extended video package for Titus O’Neil… and Christ, it paints this guy in a positive light. No joke, its like he’s running for office, its that good. So good, I almost feel like a jerk for saying he’ll be the first guy eliminated… almost.


Speaking of Titus, he’s in the next match!


Titus O’Neil vs. Michael McGillicutty


            Well this should be a good on- oh shit, its over.


Winner: Michael McGillicutty  


Michael McGillicutty is now 2-0

Titus O’Neil is 0-2


            Suddenly a “Tale of the Tape” image appears on the titantron, and its for Kaval and Eli Cottonwood. Wow, Vince sure does love these “smallest guy vs. the largest guy” matches.


Kaval vs. Eli Cottonwood


            Kaval matches are interesting, as even when he’s losing he looks amazing. So much so, it makes no sense as to why the other guy won… and this match was no exception. Kaval plays the “Little Man in Peril” here as he desperately tries to fight against the bigger Cottonwood. He is able to knock him once thanks to a Warrior’s Way while he’s bent over.


            End comes as Eli debuts his new finisher, the Reverse Chokeslam… were he pretty much just spikes his opponents head to the mat. A cool move, too bad the wrestler kinda sucks.


Winner: Eli Cottonwood


Eli Cottonwood is now 2-0

Kaval is 0-2


            In case I haven’t said it before, I love the Kaval-LayCool. And yes, I say that being a Kaval fan. I just find Kaval playing straight man (no pun intended) to the two over the top valley girls to be funny. Plus once again, they seem genuinely concern for Kaval here, even helping him to the back.


            It’s main event time! Lucky Cannon vs. Cody Rhodes (minus his extremely lame gimmick change for Friday). Going into to this, I could have cared less, and leaving it… nothing really changed. However, I have to say how lame is your set of Pro’s when Cody freakin Rhodes is the controversial one?


Cody Rhodes w/controversy vs. Lucky Cannon w/o Luck


            Cody comes out and reminds Lucky how he said that Lucky would be lucky to last five minutes in the ring with him. So, this match will have a 5-minute time limit.


            Now I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, that’s clever! Lucky will last to a time limit draw! That way Lucky looks good without burying Cody! That’s a really great way to go about this! Maybe WWE isn’t so stupid after all?!”


            … So yeah, Cody wins with 1:03 left on the clock.


Winner: Cody freakin’ Rhodes


Lucky is now 0-2


            At some point tonight, we got a backstage segment with LayCool trying to cheer up Kaval after his loss. Very humorous stuff here, and it ends with them giving Kaval a pink-collar shirt, with the words “Property of LayCool” on it. Oh, and them turning his frown upside down… The PG rated way, of course.


            To wrap things up, Matt Striker makes his first appearance on NXT tonight to get everyone to give their closing arguments to the WWE universe as to why they should stay on in 45 seconds or less. Just to gonna through them.


            Alex Riley: Cuts a sweet promo about how when he was kid, he bullied little kids. Now he gets paid to do this. He talks about how awesome he is, and that he is undefeated. He goes a little over.


            Kaval: Who is now sporting his pink “Property of LayCool” collar shirt.Tells a nice story about how when he first tried out for WWE, they told him he was too small. Now… he’s here. It’s a nice story that goes way past the 45 second mark… so much so the production crew needs to cut him off.


            Titus: Cuts a surprisingly good upbeat promo that gets the crowd (who were boo’ing him at first) to stand up and cheer. Hopefully, he can keep this up for the rest of the season.


            McGillicutty: Gets a nice promo about his family, and how he’s undefeated. Speaking of his family, he ends his promo time perfectly, handing Striker the mic as the buzzer goes off.


            Eli Cottonwood: FIRE…. BAAAAAD!!!!


            Percy Watson: Is awesome on the mic. And I really enjoy watching him… too bad he’s not going to win.


            Lucky: Clears up that he’s called Lucky because he’s able to do what he loves and that’s wrestling. Good to know, as it’s sure as hell not because he wins a lot.


            Husky:  Says he doesn’t need 45 seconds… and then proceeds to beat up Matt Striker! Clubbing blow to the back of the head, and then a back splash off the ropes.


            Show ends with Cody being happy with the fact that he’s created a douchebag. This show was awesome, and a great step in the right direction! We had four solid matches, and no BS. Now, the fact I couldn’t hear any commentary for obvious reasons maybe have a lot to do with my rating, but I had fun watching this show nonetheless.


BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD”:  I’ll give this to me going to the Red Arrow Dinner after the show… were I got to meet and sit across from Tyler Rekks, Vance Archer, and the Dudebusters.




WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: This week we have a tie! week we have a tie!


1)      What the heck was the point of having that 5-minute stipulation with the Lucky/Cody match? They trying to make Lucky look like garbage here?

2)      So Husky doesn’t want to be eliminated I take it… so he does an act that pisses off both the pro’s and possibly the fans too?



Bookmark and Share


November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).