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WWE NXT RANT

6/15/10

 

            Well shit, where do we start today? A lot went down since the last time we talked. I suppose we should talk about the big one, and that’s Daniel Bryan getting fired… for no reason. Oh I’m sorry, there was a reason. Apparently the whole “choking Justin Roberts with his own tie” thing is against some sort of Post-Benoit going crazy rule… that absolutely no one knew was a legit rule…. I understand why so many thought this was all part of the angle, cause I feel like I’m being punk’d.

 

            The rumor also says that the firing came due to another official who had enough stroke that Vince went ahead with the firing. Some have said it’s thanks to the deal WWE made with Mattel, as they felt it went against their child audience. Other’s say it was thanks to someone on Linda’s campaign saying that it would hurt her campaign (You know, worse than the whole being involved with prowrestling deal). Others, like TWF’s own James Swift, even found a way to blame this on Triple H.  I dunno who made this complaint, but all I know is this fuckin’ sucks and it took a lot out of the whole NXT War angle.

 

            While I don’t know who did it, but I don’t think it was Triple H personally. Bryan was only around for a cup of coffee, and while I thought he was great, saying he was so good that Triple H saw him as a threat is pushing it just a little bit. Mattel or Senate seem logical, but I think Mattel did the deed. Hence the theme of this week’s commercial thoughts, as I bring up other incidents that Mattel may have missed.

 

            The good news (I guess) is that the WWE isn’t happy about this. Quite a few view this firing as unfair. Most notably, one John Cena who actually wrote to an e-petition trying to get Daniel Bryan rehired asking to sign. Dude, when the face of your company speaks out against ya, you know you screwed up. At any rate, they say the door is open for a return once the heat is down... so we’ll see.

 

            Everyone as of late has been giving their opinions on the NXT invasion angle. A lot has been negative as of late, so I want to insert my opinion. This is a good angle. Is it the greatest angle that ever? As of now, no, but let’s give it a chance here. With the WWE being how it is now (being rated PG) this is really the best they can do. Heck, a guy got fired because of how close they’re cutting it! Plus admit it, this angle caught you off guard. Storyline-wise, 8 (or 7 now) guys who were embarrassed as part of a stupid joining up against the company who made fun of them, is a great story and it makes sense.  And yes the guys in the group aren’t famous, but is that what we want? You telling me if the group consisted of Cena, Orton, HHH, etc that we’d be happy and wouldn’t be sayin it’s the same old $hit? This angle, potentially, could make 8 careers IF its done right. So you know what? Good for WWE for trying.

 

            I’m not sayin it’ll succeed. WWE has a record of dropping the ball; go look up Wrestlecrap.com if you don’t believe me. And to be honest, I didn’t think I’d care about this angle after Daniel Bryan was fired, but last RAW changed my mind. I say, give the angle a shot. Cause really, if you don’t think WWE will ever get better, why do you still watch?

 

            Wow sorry. I forgot people read this to see NXT Results!

 

            Coming to you live from Raleigh, NC; and still ticked off they’re calling that beatdown an initiation.  Never let a WWE employee run your frat house is all I’m saying. Striker in the ring and says there is a whole bunch of questions and now is the time to provide the answers apparently. He invites first the NXT 2 Rookies, who come on out one at a time. Only real thing to note is that Lucky Cannon is wearing a shirt that says “I got Lucky” and I can’t help but chuckle at the idea of how funny it would’ve been if he wore that last week.

 

            NXT 2 Pros come out next to a loud ovation, despite jumping a group of innocent people last week. Striker gathers the two sides, and lets the Pro’s say their case… or rather just MVP. He tells the rookies to relax and that they have good reason to be upset. He says last week was simply an initiation, though there was a message in that attack. He tells them they paid for the attack lead by Barrett whether they like it or not. He promises them they will all work hard to get them the contract if they let this go, and that NXT will be run the right way this season. Well you had a hell of start there Montel. Say what you will about last season’s Pros, but they didn’t kill them in the ring!

 

            The Rookies… don’t even say anything and just shake hands with and let the beating go… Wow, feuds with these guys are going to be so boring. While I appreciate the fact that they acknowledged the attack… eight guys have no problems by the fact that they were beat up… really?

 

            Anyway, Striker announces the time to impress is now as it will be Kaval vs. Alex Riley…. Which is actually a fairly awesome match to start off with!

 

            But first!

 

Commercial Thoughts: Hey Mattel: I recall back two Wrestlemanias ago, Triple H burst into Orton’s house, destroyed it, terrorized his “wife”, and threw him through a window. You know, if kids saw that, they could potentially try to throw their friends through windows to. You should probably ask WWE to fire Triple H.

 

            Laycool is in the ring to re-introduce their Rookie… the cute and cuddley Kaval. Wow, I can actually hear the sounds of a million angry smarks writing their blogs as we speak.

 

           

            The package is basically an extended package of the one shown last week. They even mention his tme in Japan, so it builds up Kaval really nicely. So we come back… to a match!

 

KAVAL VS. ALEX RIELLY

 

Some things I have to mention about this match, first of which is that these two are actually really good. Kaval’s kicks are definitely on par with Taijiri, they really sound like they hurt bad. If I could fault Kaval for anything is that all of his moves are kicks! Don’t get me wrong, he does it really well, but come on.

 

Alex really ends up getting beat up throughout this match more than anything. However, the moves he did do were really nice moves when he got a chance to do them. I seriously wouldn’t be shocked if both of them made it to the finals.

 

Oh hold on, commercials!

 

Commercial Thoughts: Hey Mattel: I recall once Hornswoggle painted a hole in the wall and ran through it to escape danger. You know, young stupid children could see that and try doing that too. This would lead to them to become brain damaged and not being smart enough to buy your products. You should probably ask WWE to fire Hornswoggle.

 

Where was I? Oh yes, Laycool…. I have to applaud. Not only did I think their whole Valley Girl gimmick was funny, but they seemed concerned for Kaval! Finally, someone goes for the teacher student relantionship! I really dig the fact that they do nothing but compliment Kaval on commentary, and even get concern when he gets attacked! Bravo!

 

Oh, Kaval misses with the Warrior’s Way and Alex counters with a TKO for the win.

 

WINNER: Alex Riley

 

Riley is now 1-0

Kaval is now 0-1

 

Boy I hope Kaval isn’t get the Daniel Bryan losing streak here. However, while he did lose, he really looked good in that match.

 

            Striker in to get some comments. Talks to Alex Riley and says its impressive he was able to win without his Pro there with him… okay Striker, have you seen the Pros when they are at ringside? Sides, its not like they teach them anything. Riley explains that the Miz is partying in LA celebrating his US Title win. He said it was fine because he can handle things just fine all by himself.

 

            Striker then talks to LayCool, who actually applaud Kaval, saying he really looked amazing. They promise with their tutelage, he’ll be flawless. Hmmm… Pros actually caring that their Rookie gets better and even win? I like this LayCool-Kaval pairing more and more.

 

            Striker then asks Morrison what he thinks for the two rookies. Morrison backs up that Miz is in LA for a lipo consult. Kofi, with the straightest face I’ve ever seen, says that this is correct… cause he was at the same consult, I guess? After a very awkward promo, says that both guys were impressive. Morrison! What are you doing?! You used to be one of my favorite guys, and now you’re stumbling through all your promos!

 

            They ask Ryder what he thinks, and he admits that he only cares about his Rookie, but will say that the new ring announcer is hot; and tells her to call him later. Okay, that was pretty funny.

 

            We then cut to an Eli Cottonwood extended package. I’m really not impressed thus far with this guy. He still looks like an anorexic Festus to me, and now after seeing him talk for awhile, the whole “I’m here to hurt my opponents” shtick seems forced. I don’t like his odds.

 

            Later tonight, its announced that it’ll be Mark Henry and Lucky Cannon vs. Kofi and Micheal McGuillicutty… it’s okay I guess.           

 

Commercial Thoughts:  I recall once Undertaker once kidnapped Teddy Long and beat him up to get a title shot. You don’t want kids growing up to think all they need to do to get something is beat up someone, do you? You should probably ask WWE to fire the Undertaker.

 

            RAW Rebound shown upon return. As I said, going into this RAW I had a low expectations for the NXT angle. However, in a sense Daniel being released helps the faction in a way, as now there is no question who the leader is. And I have to say Barrett is really good on the mic, and I think he will be a great leader for the group.  That angle was great and well written too, so I’m giving this angle another chance.

 

            I was annoyed with Cena coming out and spoiling the whole “even though they’re fired, they’ll still show up” angle, but then again its not like any of us thought they were gone. This angle also shows me how things have changed in the WWE. In WCW, you’d see Scott Hall show up every other week leading to the formation of the New World Order. Here we this group already made 3 attacks on WWE, and heading into a PPV. That’s the era of instant gratification for ya.

 

            I will say this though; this group needs a name ASAP. Calling them NXT Season 1 Rookies is just garbage.

 

            They do a rundown of Fatal Fourway, a PPV with really only two matches. Sure they’re three other matches but the focus has been primarily on the two main events. I’ll still watch… only because I have a really nice neighbor.

 

            We then get a very short “hidden video” that I’m sure most will label as stupid, but I like this too.  In it, you see Titus O’Neil in his lockerroom approached by his Pro Zack Ryder. Zack says they both made mistakes last week (Which is true, Titus did threaten Zack last week) and he promises his focus now is making him the next WWE superstar. Awesome. This new initiative of Pro’s treating their Rookies like human beings is winning me over. Very cool. 

 

            We then cut to a Husky Harris extended package.  Long story short, I went into this not caring about him… and I still don’t.

 

            We’re back and thrown violently into the next match.

 

        KOFI KINGSTON & MICHAEL McGILLICUTTY VS. MARK HENRY & LUCKY CANNON

 

            This match starts off weird. Henry and Kofi start off, but before they do anything, Henry asks Kofi to tag in Henning’s Kid. He does, and Henning’s kid (Sorry but I hate spelling McGillicutty) gets overpowered (of course) because when you wrestle someone whose moniker is “The World’s Strongest Man”, you want to try and overpower him.

 

    However, then the commentators start making fun of him for wanting to get tagged in… despite the fact it was Henry who told Kofi to tag him in. And this goes on for a while, before someone I guess yells in Josh’s ear that they’re idiots.            

 

    Cole then tells the story about how Lucky Cannon got his name. When he was twenty-two, someone hit his head with a baseball bat. He was in a coma for a long time, even lost 45 pounds. They said he was going to die, but he came back to life… Wow, this guy really isn’t that lucky.

 

Commercials!

         

Commercial Thoughts:  Hey Mattel: I recall seeing John Cena in a movie once where he shot and killed someone with a gun. You don’t want kids shooting guns, do you?  You should probably ask WWE to fire John Cena.

 

            Also, once I saw Vince McMahon kick the crutch away from Bret Hart when his leg was injured and he fell. You don’t want kids to think its okay to attack disabled people, do you? You should probably ask WWE to fire Vince McMahon.

 

            We’re back, and these guys are really good. I haven’t seen too much of McGuillicutty being a mirror image of Curt, but he’s good. Cannon isn’t too bad either, just needs more of a personality.

 

            They also explain why Joe Henning took the last name McGuillicutty, as it was his mother’s maiden name. So he took it as a way to honor both parents. Which I suppose was pretty nice on his part… though I still prefer Joe Henning.

 

            BTW, despite the move name having a ring to it, Joe Henning’s finisher isn’t the McGuillicutty-Plex. One missed crossbody by Lucky; McGuillicutty hits a weird Twisting Neckbreaker and wins for his team.

 

WINNERS: Kofi and McGuillicutty

 

McGuillicutty is now 1-0

Lucky is now 0-1

 

            Striker comes in to interview Kofi, because god forbid they let the Rookies show some kind of a personality. Kofi is generic, and says his Rookie was awesome and took the right step towards becoming a WWE Star… you the fact that he won? Yeah, that’s great strategy on his part.

 

            Henry is up next, and says that Lucky definitely has a lot of potential and that he feels lucky that he got him. Awww….

 

            Striker asks what he thinks, and Cody I guess didn’t get the “Don’t treat the Rookies like shit” memo, and basically tells Cannon that he’s a loser. Henry tells him to back off, and says if he thinks he’s better than Lucky, that he can prove it in the ring.

 

            Striker likes that idea and runs out to get Cody to comment… despite the fact Cody already had a mic. Cody begrudgingly says sure, but it’ll be next week. Striker then asks Cody what should we expect next week from Cody Rhodes… so Cody clubs Striker in the back of the head and knocks him out. Best ending to NXT ever.

 

BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD”:  I’ll give it to the fact that the Pros actually seem to care about the Rookies this season.  Now if they would only show us the Pros, oh I dunno, teaching them something I will be fully satisfied.

 

Honorable mention goes to Striker getting knocked the f*** out.

 

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE AWARD”:  A group of 8 guys are destroyed for no reason… and no one has a problem with it and lets it go? Really?

 

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: Lucky Cannon gets put into a coma due to some guy with a baseball bat, gets jumped his first day on NXT, and loses his first match… So how is he lucky again?

 

 SEND FEEDBACK TO MALCOLM NOT IN THE MIDDLE.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).