Home | Columns & Rants | Satire | Entertainment | Media | Archives | Forum

CLUSTERSHMAZZ!

CLASSICSHMAZZ:
"THE COMPLETELY TRUE STORY BEHIND NWO NITRO"

Now it can be told. To the average wrestling fan, the angle that ended the 12/22/97 edition of WCW Monday Nitro was nothing more than the spectacle of Hollywood Hulk Hogan opening a mysterious gift box to find a dummy head made up to resemble his own likeness. In reality, it was the payoff of months of secret negotiations. You see, that was not just any head. It was, in fact, the famous Head that has accompanied Al Snow over the past several weeks in ECW.

The story is a sordid one, indeed. It has been well documented that Tod Gordon left ECW months ago after an unsuccessful attempt to have a mass exodus of ECW talent jump ship and sign with WCW. The plan was a complete failure...or so it seemed. For an unspecified, yet undoubtedly hefty finder's fee, Gordon informed WCW that ECW owner Paul Heyman neglected to sign Head to a long-term ECW contract. WCW promptly opened talks with Head.

But of course, nothing in this business stays a secret for long, and the WWF soon got wind that Head was a free agent. (It is rumored that Head's people actually leaked the news to the WWF in an attempt to play both sides against the middle, a la Bret Hart last year.) A bidding war ensued. At one point, the WWF assumed it to be a lock that Head was coming in, and booked Head to win the '98 Royal Rumble. The WWF wanted Head to join Degeneration X, but Shawn Michaels nixed the idea, as Michaels has major heat with Head (Head has never had anything good to say about Michaels).

However, WCW responded with a huge offer on 12/17 (rumored to be in the high six-figure range), and Head officially signed with WCW on 12/19. Hoping to get a return on their investment immediately, WCW hotshotted Head's debut as the closing angle for the 12/22 Nitro. Hogan opened the box to see Head as Bret Hart and Sting advanced on the ring (the ego clash backstage what with all that star power on at the same time is a story in and of itself, as each one fought with the other three all weekend). It has not yet been decided whether Head will join the NWO or side with WCW. Head's storyline should be furthered at Starrcade this Sunday.

The morale of the ECW locker room has been reported to us as everything from "shaken" to "devastated." "When he heard the news, Taz cried for days," said our source. Head had become disenchanted with ECW over recent weeks. At least one source reports that Head was personally hurt by Stevie Richards working the internet with a story of going to Italy when Stevie was actually laying low to make a surprise return at ECW's November To Remember PPV. Head and Snow had not been getting along as of late, either, as they were on opposite sides of the fence in the Bret Hart-Vince McMahon double-cross controversy.

But the real story may be that the "pie" that is the power base of WCW has now been cut into even thinner "slices." With Head, Hogan, Bret, Sting, Flair, Piper, Savage, Hall, Nash, Raven, and Joey Maggs all struggling for control, experts insist that a backstage blow-up is inevitable. Only time will tell if, to quote Jeff Jarrett, "the investment is worth the 'Head'-aches."

 Harry Simon is a trivia-fueled wisenheimer who has been writing about pro wrestling off and on for 16 years and counting. Harry has written trivia pieces for both the Wrestling Observer and Live Audio Wrestling websites, and contributed a ton of research to his fellow Las Vegan Mike Tenay in preparation for the first NWA TNA PPV in 2002. Harry has also done play-by-play, color commentary, and ring announcing for indy promotions. Harry invented the Von Erich Match Rating System, which you can learn about HERE.
 
 
Send Feedback to Harry Simon

*All Pics and Logos created by Sean Carless

Bookmark and Share

TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).