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This week has seen a tragedy like little or no other. We all feel the pain. We all feel the sorrow. Because of this, I won’t be parodying, and I won’t be ranting. Call me unoriginal, I just want to give my two cents on Eddie.


Vince McMahon recently said that Eddie’s goal every night was to steal the show. I disagree, Vince.


Eddie stole the show whether he meant to or not.


My first ever live show was a UK Smackdown tour two years ago. The atmosphere was electric, but for me, it was that little bit more surreal, in a sense, because it was my first. Fun fact, the first man out on that event was Chris Benoit, who a year later became Heavyweight champ. My second live show was a RAW one, and Batista was the first man out. A year later… Anyway, besides the Undertaker being the only guy I got to shake hands with, the highlight was undoubtedly Eddie. Back then he was in Los Guerreros, and I’ll never forget how Eddie kept that crowd alive throughout the entire match, and had us chanting his name long after he had left the ring.


That’s what I loved about Eddie. He was an emotion catalyst. Throughout his career, he made me laugh my ass off, hate his guts, and worship the ground he walked (and landed) on. Though, honestly speaking, he was not my personal favourite, I knew he was great. Anyone could tell, simply how unique he was. When he pulled the ‘threatened with a belt’ and ‘knocked on the floor’ spots at that live event, you couldn’t help but love this wrestler. And how many wrestlers’ personalities have the same effect? Everything he did in that ring made everyone want to run up and tell him how much they loved him. From getting us to chant for Chavo, to making the ref believe that Charlie Haas had given him a low blow (and it was a better one then I could ever do).


He defined the term ‘Superstar’ and personified wrestling. Sheer determination, incredible skill, and unparalleled charisma. That is precisely what wrestling is all about. He is someone you compare other wrestlers to. More than once have I said ‘Well, he’s no Benoit or Guerrero.’


Recently people have been bombarding me with conspiracy theories of this being a work. Well, it obviously doesn’t make sense, as their only evidence is ‘Chavo didn’t show a lot of emotion at the press conference’ and ‘Vince will do anything for money’.


Even taking this into account, I urge anyone to look at Benoit’s speech and tell me, honestly, that that is acting. That is a man who looked like he would (and more than likely could) cripple you in an instant if he so wanted. And we all saw him break.


Eddie’s death had a hard impact on me as well, but I’m determined not to let myself be completely negative. Some people are angry about WWE’s mistreatments of Eddie over the years. Considering this, I’ve decided that I really don’t care. No matter how much he was mistreated, I choose to remind myself that it’s a miracle that a wrestler like him existed In the first place. It’s made me look at the business very differently now, as I now realise just how precious these athletes are, and I intend to appreciate them a lot more now. At least if I do that, then Eddie won’t have died in vain for me personally.


 The one word that sums him up perfectly is Inspiration. Even in death, you were one to me, Eddie.


That’s the one thing you did better than lying, cheating and stealing.

Joe Merrick is NOT AN ANIMAL. So enough of the Elephant man business, and more about what he is: winner of the 2005 Satire Search, after defeating literally DOZENS of hopefuls to become TWF's top British writer. He also hunts emos for sport.


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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).