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‘Does my butt look big in this?’

‘No your fat arse does that’

That, my friends, was a…


Yes it’s here again, the result of a back seat encounter between sarcasm and incoherent (possibly drunken) rage. Ladies and gentleman, the good times are truly rolling.

Anyway, it seems that in the light of the recent ‘success’ of the Diva Search/Boobs on Parade, WWE has decided to fund all sorts of other reality TV-type shows, from Manager Swap:


Joey Mercury: How the gay hell did we end up with this guy?
Paul Bearer: Oooh yeeeess!
Johnny Nitro: Well, at least he has bigger tits than our last one

Melina: So, you’re saying a ‘cement bath’ will make me look even younger?
Taker: uh, yeah, sure…


To ‘The Bachelor’:

Kane: yeah, I think Ashley and me hit it off really well. Who knows? She may be the one!
Ashley: Well he seems nice but creepy..I mean who keeps a dead fetus in their room?

But the most notable is the WWE’s attempt at a Big Brother style show. The Low Blow is proud to present the highlights of this program, so please, enjoy!


Day 1 – The housemates are looking around the house for the first time

Matt: What, no computer?

Christian: Well, so long as there’s a toilet I ain't complaining

Orton: Feh. Who needs those?


Day 5 – What started as a simple feud has escalated into a brawl between two of the housemates

Matt: Hey, Copeland, what you gonna do for a face when Godzilla wants his freaking ass back?

Edge: Screw you, redneck

*Security steps in*

Guard 1: ….Well I think it’s obvious what we gotta do here

*They grab Hassan*

Hassan: What the-! What the hell did I do?!

Guard 2: Sir, please calm down, you’re too dangerous for this show

Daivari: Excuse me sirs, I do not wish to tell you how to do your jobs, but I must question your motives as to why you are apprehending my associate, as he has committed no wrong so far.

Guard 1:…Mace him



Day 14 – The housemates are keeping themselves entertained

Jericho: So I says to Mabel I says….

*Edge and Matt are grappling in the background*

Matt: Hey guys, look! Edge and me are still fighting!

Christian: yeah, that’s...that’s wonderful

Edge: Look! It’s cool because it’s REAL

Jericho: yes, that’s swell…


Matt:….Dude I don’t wanna play no more

Edge: Me neither. Oh and dude, you can have her back. You can catch something just by LOOKING at her.

Matt: You serious? I'd rather go out with a leper. Got less chance of infection

Jericho: So anyway I says to Mabel I says…

Viscera: You guys talking about me?


Day 27 – Big Brother has assigned the housemates the completely pointless task of performing a karaoke

Kane: Oh Katie, Well you came and you lay without breathing… but I threw you away, oh Katie…
well I held you and kept you from moving…
I need you today, oh Katie

Jericho:…Wrong…on so many levels…

Orton: Well, it’s what’s paying for our weekly budget, and at least it can’t get much worse

Viscera: Hey everybody have ya seen mah balls they’re big and salty and brown!

Benoit: My ears are soiled…

HBK: In all my years, I’ve never seen ANYthing as horrifying as this…And I once tagged with Billy Gunn

Edge: Heh. Zing.

Christian: If ya ever need a quick, pick me up, just stick my balls…


Day 30 – To stir things up, a new housemate has been added into the house

Frankie Kazarian: Hey guys! I……Oh, well this won’t do. *Leaves*

RVD: ….Man, what a bitch


Day 36 – Eddie is in the Diary room to make a private announcement

Eddie: Just let me make it clear that I love my/Rey’s son Dominick! And I am going to win this, on behalf of every father who loves his son! For every man who has loved a child!

*Cut to Feinstein watching the TV*

Feinstein: Finally! My voice shall be heard!


Day 40 – It is now time to announce the winner of WWE Big Brother. The finalists are Christian and Orlando Jordan

*Christian and Jordan are waiting for the announcement*

Christian: So, uh….how about those ‘personalities’, huh? Great aren’t they? You got one?

Jordan: I don’t see the point in them

Christian: yeah, I gathered

Announcer: And the winner, of WWE Big Brother, and of the prize of a well deserved push, is……ORLANDO JORDAN!

The Entire Wrestling Fanbase: WHAT THE FUCK


Well, my friends, there you have it. One must credit WWE for trying something *cough* creative…and who knows? They may still have more such ideas up their sleeve.

Let's pray the fuck not.

See ya next time


Joe Merrick is NOT AN ANIMAL. So enough of the Elephant man business, and more about what he is: winner of the 2005 Satire Search, after defeating literally DOZENS of hopefuls to become TWF's top British writer. He also hunts emos for sport.


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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).