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by Esben Evans

On tonight’s show...What do you do if you want a Tag Title shot and you’re scheduled to face a team of jobbers? Who is WCW’s first ever child worker? (Hint: It’s in the freaking name) and who is Scott Hall’s BIG surprise? (seriously, if this is still a surprise to you after almost 14 years, why are you reading this?). Get the answers to all these questions and MORE WCW tomfoolery in this week’s episode of…

WCW Old School Recap of Complete Awesomeness!

Date: June 10th, 1996

Location: Wheeling, VW

Hey y’all! WCW have at this point only gotten 6 days until The Great American Bash 1996 so tonight should be the hard sell...and when I say “should” I really meant to follow that up with “probably not”. I must say though, for the first time recapping WCW I’m actually sort of looking forward to a Pay-Per-View...let’s see if they end up disappointing me yet again. I’ll of course serve up my thoughts and predictions for the whole spectacle at the end of this recap. On tonight’s show, we’re gonna have Arn Anderson & Ric Flair taking on...Joe Gomez & The Renegade??...okay, well we also have The Giant Vs...Scott Norton??...*sigh* well they really know how to create interest for a show. Ah, I kid, I actually like Scott Norton, but it’s not like he screams “credible challenger” for The Giant...it would actually be quite weird if anyone screamed that, but I digress. We get a replay of Scott Hall being his usual dick self at the end of last week’s Nitro where he claimed to have a “big” surprise next week and as Schiavone cleverly deduces that means THIS week...no shit, Sherlock.

Booker T Vs Scott Steiner

It’s sorta funny to think that roughly 4 years later these two would be feuding for the World Title. Brilliant exchange of counter moves in the opening minutes from both men until Scott finally manages to hit a Double Underhook Powerbomb. The announcers talk about Macho Man and how he might coach McMichael & Greene at the Pay-Per-View...personally I predict that it will feature a lot of unintelligible yelling and twirling on the spot, but hey he might surprise us and actually make a playbook or something...a playbook that undoubtedly will feature the words “OH YEAH!” and “DIG IT!” on every page, but it’s a start I suppose. Back to the match where Booker T gains control with a kick out of nowhere and an Axe Kick for 2, he then hits a nice Top Rope Turning Cross Body Block for another 2. Steiner regains control as he counters a Vertical Suplex into an Inverted DDT or as Tony likes to say “almost an Inverted DDT”...no Tony, EXACTLY like an Inverted DDT. Steiner hits a Belly-to-Belly Suplex and motions for the Frankensteiner, but Booker T holds onto the rope and makes Scott miss, followed by Booker nailing a Harlem Sidekick for a 2 count. He then goes for a Top Rope Splash but doesn’t connect and Steiner instead throws him into the ropes and hits an Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex for the 3 count.

WINNER: Scott Steiner

Not a bad opener at all, it wasn’t super long but it was nice and even and showcased that both of these guys could get big as single wrestlers. We go to “Mean” Gene who is standing by with Scott Steiner after a short commercial break. Gene asks Scott about facing Fire & Ice at The Great American Bash, and Scott starts to rant about him and Rick being the best tag team in the world and about proving it on Sunday when Debra McMichael all of a sudden interrupts him. Debra says that she needs to talk to Okerlund about her husband right now and Scott, instead of beating her up right then and there for interrupting him, lets her talk because she looks upset...wow, that’s not the misogynistic psychopath that we all came to know and love...I guess the ‘roid rage hadn’t taken effect yet. Debra tells Gene that she’s worried that Mongo will permanently injure someone on Sunday (MONGO KILLL!) and that she’s upset because it’s all her fault. “Mean” Gene goes all chivalrous on us and says that it’s most certainly not her fault but that it was Flair’s fault instead for being...like...Ric Flair...you know? Debra asks Gene if he can set up a meeting with the Horsemen and he tells her that he’ll try to get a hold of them later. Well it does create some interest for later I must admit.

Jim Powers Vs Diamond Dallas Page, Battle Bowl Ring Match

Apparently DDP will put his Battle Bowl Ring on the line in this match...which doesn’t really make sense since it means absolutely nothing, but okay. A small DDP chant to start the match off as Page isolates Powers in the corner, but Powers almost steals a victory twice with Schoolboy Roll Ups. Powers gets in a little more offence until DDP counters with a Neckbreaker variation enabling Page to take control, but only for a little while as Powers gets an unusual amount of attacks in with a kick to the face and 10 smashes into the turnbuckle. Powers continues to dominate until DDP hits a Back Elbow followed up by a Diamond Cutter for the win.

WINNER: Diamond Dallas Page

We learn that for some reason, Diamond Dallas Page will face Marcus Bagwell at the Pay-Per-View...why? I don’t know...presumably due to something that happened on WCW Saturday Night. We get a video package of Kevin Sullivan & Chris Benoit which does a nice job of building up that match and the aspect of whether or not The Horsemen are really behind Benoit or Sullivan. We get another video package showcasing Konan before we go backstage where Okerlund is standing by to talk to him. Konan will face a South American legend, El Gato, at The Great American Bash...I’m really trying to think of any other South American wrestler but yeah...nothing...I guess being a legend isn’t that hard when you’re the only wrestler on an entire continent.

Meng Vs Sting

We learn that Dean Malenko will defend his Cruiserweight Title at the Pay-Per-View against Rey Mysterio, Jr., that should be freaking awesome. Meng dominates Sting with hard punches from the get go, but Sting gets back into with a Cross Body Block and a Facebuster. Both men trade 2 counts before Meng hits a Shoulderbreaker and climbs up top only to get crotched on the top rope and Sting applies the Scorpion Deathlock for the victory.


Well that was short and to the point I suppose. Still to come tonight, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan will apparently face “Squire” David Taylor on the heels of last week’s interference in Duggan’s match with “Lord” Steven Regal...oh goody, I can hardly wait. Backstage we’re standing by with “Mean” Gene who looks ready to mediate between Debra McMichael & Bobby Heenan. Gene tells Heenan that all Debra wants is to stop the carnage before it starts, Heenan wonders why she wants to talk to Flair after she had already “talked” to him all night long, but eventually agrees to let her see him. Debra is led into a locker room but before Okerlund and the camera can follow, Heenan slams the door shut and just a few seconds later, Debra leaves the room looking upset. Flair & Arn follows her out and...jumps The Renegade & Joe Gomez?? Okay, why not. They beat them up for a bit and leaves them rolling around in pain, take THAT for drinking coffee outside MY locker room bitches! (or something)

“Squire” David Taylor w/ Jeeves Vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

We learn that apparently Flair & Arn will face Lex Luger & Sting instead of Team Job-tastic tonight...talk about an upgrade. It appears that we have a Main Event that can last longer than 2 minutes, hooray! The Tag Team Titles will be on the line which just goes to prove that it’s super easy to get a title shot, just beat up random people backstage until someone gives you one. Anyway, Duggan looks dominant as he hits a Three Point Stance Clothesline just a few moments into the match, but Taylor manages to get his foot on the bottom rope. Taylor afterwards gets a little offence in but stops to pose for too long after thinking that Duggan is down and Duggan tapes his fist up and nails Taylor for the win...right in front of the referee...is the tape even illegal?

WINNER: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

We get a video package of Dean Malenko Vs Rey Mysterio Jr. showcasing both men nicely, although how many freaking videos do they have on this show, we haven’t even seen the obligatory Hogan one yet. We’re standing by backstage with Okerlund who is ready to talk to Jimmy Hart and Big Bubba who for some reason is still keeping John Tenta’s hair...a little freaky, no? Okerlund mentions it being something he would’ve like to have wanted at one point which just ups the freakiness to a whole new level. WHY WOULD YOU WANT JOHN TENTA’S HAIR YOU SICK, SICK BASTARD! We get a recap of the last couple of week’s exploits with Gene hilariously saying “and then last week we got this statement...he is not a fish, he is a MAN!”, yeah we sort of figured that out when he didn’t just lay and flop around on the mat. Hart & Bubba talk about Tenta getting what was coming to him and kicking his ass again at The Bash.

We go to a commercial break and we come back to the omnipresent “Mean” Gene as he stands on the ramp and calls out tonight’s World Title challenger, Scott Norton, to a roaring silence of indifference. Norton says, as we see footage of him getting Chokeslammed last week, that he’s back because he’s not afraid.

The Giant (c) w/ Jimmy Hart Vs Scott Norton, WCW World Heavyweight Title Match

Just before the match begins we go to the second hour with Eric Bischoff & Bobby Heenan. Norton does get a little offence in with a few punches and some Body Avalanches, with The Giant hitting a Powerslam in between. The two men find themselves on the outside of the ring and Norton goes to Avalanche The Giant up against the ring post, but The Giant moves and hits a Chokeslam on the outside before rolling him in and covering him.

WINNER: The Giant

After the match, The Giant goes to lift Norton up but Lex Luger comes out and starts to pummel him. The Giant however throws him out of the ring and sets up Luger for a Chokeslam through the VIP table, Luger however counters with a good old fashioned kick to the gonads. Luger instead clubbers The Giant with an Ice Bucket and...leaves?...okay...The Dungeon of Doom comes out to check on their man but The Giant shrugs the off and heads backstage to look for Luger...who pops up by the announcer’s table and says that The Giant does feel pain and he’ll show him just how much pain he can put him though this Sunday (and everyone else as well, although that’s mainly people’s eyes beginning to bleed from watching the match). We get a video showing the Nasty Boys making Dennis Rodman an official member of their team on some random show, and then a video of Kevin Greene on the Tonight Show hyping up his tag match, his nickname is apparently gonna be Kevin “Shallow Grave” Greene...for some reason...

Billy Kidman Vs “Lord” Steven Regal

Ahahahahaha, Kidman is sporting a mega douche haircut making him look roughly 12 years old (hehe, KIDman). Regal opens up by destroying his opponent, until Kidman suddenly gets a string of nice moves in before missing a 450 Splash allowing Regal to hit a Trapping Suplex and a Boston Crab with his foot on Kidman’s neck for the win.

WINNER: “Lord” Steven Regal

After the match, Regal refuses to let go until Sting runs down and backhand slaps Regal leaving him wobbling around the ring. Damn, we’ve had a LOT of build towards the Pay-Per-View tonight *checks* that’s strange, it IS Nitro I’m watching and not WCW Saturday Night.

The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs & Jerry Sags) Vs Public Enemy (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock)

Public Enemy do what the Nasty Boys did the last time these two teams faced each other as they jump The Nasty Boys during their entrance. I don’t really know what the rules are or if there are any at all, they seemingly forgot to tell us. All 4 men waddle around a bit and fights each other until we finally get some order in the match with The Nasty Boys taking control and isolating Johnny Grunge in their corner. Grunge eventually fights back and both team trades back and forth, as we go to commercials. GLACIER IS COMING TO WCW!!! (yes, I know his promo videos have been running for months, but still). When we come back, stuff happens...seriously, The Nasty Boys should just GO AWAY! I like Public Enemy sometimes, but these endless matches between these two teams are horrible! Anyway, Rocco Rock seemingly leaves his partner, only to return with a trashcan...which ends up not getting used as Knobbs disarms him. Back in the ring, Jerry Sags downs Rocco and Brian Knobbs goes to the top, but Johnny Grunge hits him with his bandaged arm (it’s apparently broken), but Rocco can only get a 2 count. Rocco goes to the top rope, but Jerry Sags hits him with the trashcan to draw a DQ.

WINNERS: Public Enemy by DQ

*sigh* here it is...the video we’ve all been waiting for, another Hulk Hogan appraisal video, WE KNOW HE’S AMERICAN MADE GOD DAMN IT! We get another video showcasing the latest developments of the Horsemen Vs NFL feud which does a fantastic job in showcasing Mongo &...*ahem*...Shallow Grave as bumbling idiots. Seriously, not once have they been portrayed as a threat to the Horsemen even if Randy Savage adds a little spice to the team. CRAZY spice (wait...wasn’t that one of the Spice Girls? >_>)

Sting & Lex Luger (c) Vs Ric Flair Vs Arn Anderson w/ Woman & Miss Elizabeth, WCW World Tag Team Title Match

Flair plays cocky as he playfully shoves Sting, only for Sting to push him to the mat. Luger & Flair starts off and Luger takes out not only Flair but also Arn as he tries to interfere. Flair takes a breather on the outside, only to come back in and get his ass handed to him one more time until Luger misses an Elbow Drop which allows Flair to tag in Arn. Luger however quickly dodges Double A’s offence and tags in Sting who in turn dominates both Arn and Flair as we go to a commercial break. When we come back we yet again see Sting dominates...seriously, what the hell!? They could allow the Horsemen a little offence!...and BAM! Sting misses a Stinger Splash which allows Ric Flair to take con...DAMN IT! He climbed the turnbuckle. Sting throws him off and hits a Flying Clothesline from the top rope for a 2 count, only for Arn to pull him off. Sting hits a Superplex but Flair manages to get a tag to Arn and holds Sting’s leg long enough for Arn to take him down. Arn plants Sting with a nice Spinebuster but he only gets a two count. Arn tries some sort of seated Splash or something only for Sting to neatly lift his knees and plant them in his groin, leaving Arn to tag in Flair. Flair feigns a back injury which enables Arn to snap Sting’s neck down on the top rope as the ref gets distracted by Flair & Luger, who tries to enter the ring. Sting gets an Inside Cradle on Flair, but for some reason the referee seems more interested in Luger and he fails to count the pin in time as we go to a commercial break.

As we return, Flair is beating up Sting on the outside, before they back in the ring goes for a classic Flair/Sting pin duel only for Arn to intervene. He tags in as well and goes for a Vader Bomb but Sting again lifts his knees which enables him to get the hot tag. Luger destroys both Flair & Arn and sends them over the top rope with a Clothesline to each as The Giant & Jimmy Hart make their way out. Luger immediately jumps on The Giant as the referee calls for the bell.

WINNERS: No contest

The Giant hits a charging Luger with a back elbow that sends him to the mat, but before he can do more to him, Scott Steiner comes out with a wooden chair and Sting returns to the ring to help Luger fend him off. Jimmy Hart manages to make The Giant leave as Okerlund stands by on the ramp to get a comment from him. Giant says that Luger is a dead man and it sounds like he makes the match at The Bash a no DQ match...although who really knows, it’s WCW. As the announcers wrap up the show, Heenan goes on a rant about not wanting to have any problems with Macho Man until he spots something and immediately leaves the booth. That something is of course Scott Hall who is back and Bischoff immediately points out that he doesn’t see Hall’s big surprise anywhere...that’s of course due to Kevin Nash standing right behind him...wow, he would NOT fare well in a horror film. Nash points out that they aren’t here to play and that the only reason Bischoff doesn’t have 3 men to face them is that no one is brave enough to do so. Nash says that Nitro is about as interesting as Mark Shod (or something) reading excerpts from Mein Kampf...nothing to lighten the mood more than a little Hitler humour. Nash talks about WCW not having enough palaeontologists to dig up three fossils to face them before asking where Hogan & Macho Man is before asking Bischoff if he has anything to say. Bischoff says that he’s gonna do his best to give them their fight and if they want to show up on Sunday, he’ll try to get them one (not like WCW ever did bait & switches *cough*). Nash & Hall seems keen on that idea as we fade to black with them posing to the crowd.

WCW – Aaaah, Good Times:We got plenty of build towards the Pay-Per-View for once and the “invasion” storyline is being build absolutely perfect so far. The wrestling lacked a bit tonight although Booker T Vs Scott Steiner was entertaining enough.

WCW – WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!!: Most of the matches were glorified squashes and the ones that weren’t were pretty bad, even the main event was sub-par. But overall it was forgivable due to the storylines building nicely...good job WCW...for once.

Well here is my predictions towards the first WCW Pay-Per-View that I’ve looked forward to during my tenure at TWF.

WCW The Great American Bash ’96 (the card so far):

Fire & Ice (Scott Norton & Ice Train) Vs Steiner Brothers (Scott & Rick Steiner) – Well, I would be very surprised to see Fire & Ice win this after they BOTH got squashed on subsequent weeks by The Giant...nice job in building these guys up.

Prediction: Steiner Brothers

Konan (c) Vs El Gato, WCW United States Title Match – Konan didn’t lose to one of the best Japanese wrestlers in Jushin Liger, he’s damn well not gonna lose to a SOUTH AMERICAN legend who’s only opponents so far probably have been farmers and drug lords.

Prediction: Konan

Diamond Dallas Page Vs Marcus Bagwell, Battle Bowl Ring Match – I still have absolutely no idea why a piece of random jewellery like this ring is supposed to be a big deal, but DDP better go over here or so help me god! I don’t even know why they’re wrestling!

Prediction: Diamond Dallas Page

Dean Malenko (c) Vs Rey Mysterio Jr., WCW World Cruiserweight Title Match – No doubt that Rey will go on to win this title, but I can’t see him win it tonight. Malenko needs to defend it to gain some credibility as champion...then again, that’s not usually something that WCW care much about.

Prediction: Dean Malenko

Big Bubba Vs John Tenta – Match of the night?...well I know you’re supposed to give people the benefit of the doubt, but...HELL NO! Tenta should gain some measure of revenge, unless they for some reason wants to extend the feud...let’s hope not.

Prediction: John Tenta

Kevin Sullivan Vs Chris Benoit, Falls Count Anywhere Match – This one is tough to call but I think they’re gonna give it to Sullivan and then extend the feud. I think it all depends on what they’re gonna do with the Horsemen and whether they’re gonna turn on Benoit.

Prediction: Kevin Sullivan

“Lord” Steven Regal Vs Sting – There’s no way that Regal will win...sorry.

Prediction: Sting

Ric Flair & Arn Anderson w/Bobby Heenan Vs Steve McMichael & Kevin Green w/Randy Savage – As much as I hate to say this, they must give it to Team NFL. Savage needs some sort of revenge soon and coaching these two rookies to victory might just be it.

Prediction: Steve McMichael & Kevin Greene

The Giant (c) Vs Lex Luger – WCW World Heavyweight Title Match – The Giant probably retains, anything else would really surprise me to be honest. The only thing is, who’s next for The Giant to face, unless it ends with a dirty finish and Luger gets a rematch at The Bash at the Beach.

Prediction: The Giant

Well overall the card looks pretty solid and the fact that they’ve at least mentioned all these matches on Nitro is awesome, good job you guys...although of course knowing WCW they’ll forget to keep doing that...oh well...until next time (where I’ll return with The Great American Bash ’96), I’m Esben Evans and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).