THE LOST RECAPS
BY ESBEN EVANS
On tonight’s show...Who defies the odds (and any crowd interest) to win the Battle Bowl? Which two titles did WCW fucking forget to mention was defended tonight? (wow, do we have those?) AND who accidentally fucks up again? (seriously, how “accident” prone can anyone be? Get the answers to all these questions and MORE WCW tomfoolery in this week’s SPECIAL PAY-PER-VIEW episode of…
WCW Old School Recap of Complete Awesomeness!
Date: May 19th, 1996
Baton Rouge, LA
IT’S HERE! What you’ve ALL been waiting for! MY WCW SLAMBOREE 96 RECAP! And what’s not to look forward to?...I mean maybe apart from the flood of bad tag team matches that this show mainly seem to consist off...happy times? I fear not. We open up with Bischoff and Dusty Rhodes talking about the Lethal Lottery and the Battle Bowl match that it’ll end up with. Oh wait! This is actually the pre-show, and I’ll just quickly run through what happened.
American Males defeated Maxx Muscle & The Shark from The Dungeon of Doom. Huh, who knew that Maxx Muscle was in the DOD...then again, who knew who Maxx Muscle was, I can just barely remember seeing his name somewhere. No word on whether or not this was a Lethal Lottery match or not, if it was I suppose he might not have been in the DOD after all (I can almost hear a collectible “WHO CARES!?” from everyone reading this). Bischoff claims that Kevin Greene and Mongo will be here tonight. DAMMIT! This is supposed to be my Mongo free zone! After the match, The Shark grabs hold of Jimmy Hart but The Giant comes out and Chokeslams him. So apparently The Shark is out of the Dungeon of Doom. Okerlund talks with Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan. Sullivan says that they’ll prove tonight they can co-exist and Benoit backs him up by saying that fate has brought them together and despite him not liking or trusting Sullivan, he’s willing to put their differences aside for tonight. Lee Marshall (moustachioed douche) is standing by with Public Enemy in the dressing room, they basically goof around a lot and say they’ll win. Pretty entertaining guys, sadly we don’t really see that on Nitro. Video package of Road Warriors complete with random idiotic quotes about washing machines and beating up animals in the zoo. Okerlund stands by with them afterwards and they seem unsure of whether or not they can fight each other as they are on opposite tag teams in the first round tonight. Video package of The Steiners and Gene talks to them afterwards, this seems more interesting as Rick seems hesitant to fight his brother while Scott talks about proving that he’s the better man. Lee Marshall stands by with V.K. Wallstreet & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan...basically they don’t like each other. We get a video package running down the World Title feud, nicely done considering it was made in 96. Okerlund stands by with Luger & Sting, and apparently Luger will be handcuffed to Jimmy Hart during the match. Why? I DON’T KNOOOW. Well apparently it’s to keep Hart from interfering. The Giant comes up on the jumbotron and he tells Sting that he better be fired up tonight. Well, duh!
Finally, the intro video to the actual Pay-Per-View, which is just a boring rundown of what’s gonna happen. Apparently both the Cruiserweight Title and the US Title will also be on the line tonight, although they didn’t bother telling us who is in those matches, but hey...it’s WCW. Rhodes, Heenan and Schiavone are standing by to announce the event as they briefly talk about the event before we FINALLY get underway.
Road Warrior Animal & Booker T Vs Road Warrior Hawk & Lex Luger – Battle Bowl First Round Match
These 4 men have quite the history together, all having been part of the Tag Team Title picture around Superbrawl and Uncensored. The biggest conflict of course being whether or not Hawk and Animal will come to blows tonight as all four men seem unable to decide who starts off this match. Schiavone talks about the tournament and it just struck me how many matches we’re going to have tonight. 13 matches in the Battle Bowl tournament, plus 3 title matches outside of that, in the span of 3 hours. GET ON WITH IT GUYS! Finally, Lex Luger & Animal starts off the match. Luger gets the best of the early exchange but Animal soon after takes control with a Powerslam and a Shoulderblock. Luger manages to hit a Vertical Suplex, but Animal no sells it and instead hits a Dropkick and tags in Booker T. Booker T dominates until missing a charge in the corner, but he regain controls soon after as Luger misses an Elbow Drop, so does Booker T right after but he immediately Spin-a-Roonies back to his feet and hits a Harlem Sidekick for a 2 count. Booker T locks in a Chinlock and just as Luger looks like he’ll get out of it, Booker hits an Axe Kick but Hawk breaks up the ensuing pin. This for some reason infuriates Luger and suddenly all 4 men are just randomly pummelling each other...yeah, that’s the way to win a tag match. It all ends up with everyone getting counted out without the Road Warriors ever squaring off...weak...
WINNERS: Draw by count out
We go immediately to the next match. I have a feeling we won’t have much time for promo shenanigans tonight.
Public Enemy (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock) Vs “Taskmaster“ Kevin Sullivan & Chris Benoit w/ Jimmy Hart – Battle Bowl First Round Match
On paper Public Enemy are the favourites because they’re a regular tag team...then again they’re Public Enemy so I would say it pretty much evens out. Rocco Rock and Benoit starts off in the ring and Rock gets the early advantage as he even manages to hit a Flying Head Scissors, and a Hurricanrana. Rocco goes for another Hurricanrana but Benoit blocks it and hits a Powerbomb instead before tagging in Sullivan. Everyone spills to the outside where Sullivan manages to use a chair without getting disqualified (well it was a random plastic chair, but I didn’t know that was okay) before Rocco puts him on a table as Benoit and Grunge fight on the opposite side of the ring. Grunge eventually comes over and Rocco gets in the ring, looking to dive over the ropes and put Taskmaster through it, but Benoit cuts him off with a Clothesline. Benoit tries to Suplex Rocco back into the ring from the apron, but he instead ends up getting suplexed to the floor and placed on the table. Grunge places Sullivan on top of him and it appears that Sullivan holds Benoit down before moving just in time for Rocco Rock to solely put Benoit through it instead. Sullivan walks out on his partner, talking about his knee being hurt as Rocco Rock picks up the win.
WINNERS: Public Enemy
Sullivan appears to want to return to the ring, but Jimmy Hart doesn’t want him to. Decent way to continue the angle between Kevin Sullivan & Chris Benoit, as long as we don’t get another long Luger like “did he screw him on purpose” angle that is.
Sgt. Craig Pittman & Scott Steiner w/ Teddy Long Vs The Booty Man & Rick Steiner w/ Kimberly – Battle Bowl First Round Match
...wow...I actually don’t know which Steiner brother I feel most sorry for in this match. Booty Man and Pittman starts the match and waddles around a bit occasionally hitting each other...exciting...Pittman eventually tags in Scott Steiner and the match picks up a little pace and then he of course tags back out to Pittman...damn it...Rick tags in and hits a nice looking T-Bone Suplex counter before Pittman drops him on his head with a botched German Suplex. Rick eventually hits a Steiner Line leaving Pittman to crawl over towards Scott and try to get a tag, Scott looks hesitant at first but eventually does so. This is apparently the first time the two brothers has faced each other. Neither man seems able to get a definite advantage over the other as they trade chain wrestling moves and power moves for a few minutes until Scott hits a Top Rope T-Bone Suplex and The Booty Man cold tags himself into the match. Scott gains the advantage over him as well (although how hard is that anyway) before tagging in Pittman who hilariously doesn’t appear capable of doing anything so Scott tags in to hit ONE MOVE and then tag out again so Pittman can apply his Code Red (Armbar)...wow, Scott Steiner is like a dad trying to do all the work and then let his son pick up the scraps...or his inept tag team partner. Booty Man eventually squirms his way over and gets the tag to Rick Steiner who simply hits a Bridging German Suplex on a completely baffled Craig Pittman for the win.
WINNER: The Booty Man & Rick Steiner
Okay, so I definitely ended up feeling worse for Scott Steiner. Pittman must be the most inept wrestler I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t come as a surprise, I remember is hunt for a manager to make him a champion, at this point I would buy Maxx Muscle more than Pittman as a champion.
The Blue Bloods (“Lord” Steven Regal & “Squire” Dave Taylor) w/ Jeeves Vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet – Battle Bowl First Round Match
Regal really lays it into Jeeves before the match for some reason and I really like that he called a fan “sunshine” despite supposedly being a nobleman. Jim Duggan and V.K. Wallstreet are supposedly arch-enemies...why? Who knows...probably something to do with WCW Saturday Night. Duggan starts off best against Regal but when he goes to tag out, Wallstreet refuses to do so. It doesn’t derail Duggan much though as he simply hits Regal with a few Clotheslines before surprise tagging himself out of the match. Wallstreet gets worked over by both members of The Blue Bloods before he himself can make a surprise tag to Duggan. This leads to a shoving match between the two, allowing Regal to sneak up and isolate Duggan in their corner. Duggan eventually explodes and punches everyone including his own partner before taping up his fist and nailing Regal for the three count.
WINNERS: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet
The obliviousness of the referees in WCW continue as Nick Patrick lifts the arm THAT IS STILL TAPED of Hacksaw after the match . To be honest, I doubt a hastily taped hand can do that much more damage than a regular fist (ONLY in WCW!)
“Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton w/ Col. Parker & Jeeves Vs Alex Wright & Disco Inferno – Battle Bowl First Round Match
Heenan and Dusty amusingly gets on the same page as they talk about how Schiavone went out and disco danced last night, Heenan quipping “I still can’t believe he was able to lift that big girl”. Dick Slater makes quick work out of Disco Inferno, but has more problems once Alex Wright gets in. Eaton tags in, but he can’t stop Wright dominating either, even Disco gets a spell of dominance after getting tagged in. But Col. Parker eventually distracts the referee long enough for Dick Slater to nail Disco in the back of his head with one of his cowboy boots for the win.
WINNERS: “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton
Not as much comedy as I predicted, although Col. Parker amusingly does smuggle the boot away from the ring under his jacket as the referee is puzzled by Dick Slater only wearing one. We watch a replay of Jeeves handing a cigar to Col. Parker who pats him on the head as a thank you, as Heenan refers to the old Nancy Sinatra classic “These boots are made for clubbing”...I love that guy, and speaking of guys I love.
Diamond Dallas Page & The Barbarian Vs Hugh Morrus & Meng – Battle Bowl First Round Match
DDP has finally gotten his classic “Self High Five” theme upon his return and he starts off this match against Hugh Morrus and more or less dominates for once. Both men tags out leaving the Faces of Fear to go against each other. It takes a while, and a whooole lot of no selling, but eventually Barbarian does bring Meng down with a Mafia Kick and then slams DDP onto him. Barbarian however misses an Elbow Drop and thus loses the dominance as Meng tags in Hugh Morrus who nails him with a big Flying Elbow Drop. Morrus goes for the pin but gets off of him after a 1 count as he signals he wants to hit one more. This allows DDP to shake the ropes and crotch him on the turnbuckle allowing Barbarian to hit a Top Rope Belly to Belly Suplex, but Meng gets the save in time. Meng and Hugh Morrus double team Barbarian and Morrus hits a No Laughing Matter but DDP gets the save this time. Ultimately Meng hits DDP with a Mafia Kick, and Barbarian nails Morrus, as they both go for the pin and get the 3 count, but DDP’s foot was under the bottom rope...nevermind the fact that neither Meng nor DDP were the legal men, that was a ridiculous finish to an otherwise decent match.
WINNERS: Diamond Dallas Page & The Barbarian
Big Bubba & Stevie Ray Vs Fire & Ice (Scott Norton & Ice Train) – Battle Bowl First Round Match
Stevie Ray & Big Bubba dominates Scott Norton, but no one really seems to care, and this being the 7th match in about an hour, I can’t blame them. The match shifts momentum for a little while as Ice Train comes in, and that continues after Norton gets back in and Fire & Ice ultimately picks up the win after a Double Shoulderblock.
WINNERS: Fire & Ice
Eddie Guerrero & Arn Anderson Vs Ric Flair & “Macho Man” Randy Savage – Battle Bowl First Round Match
Finally something with a bit of story behind it! This being the big match of the first round, but Flair doesn’t come out as his music plays. Randy Savage does however as it appears he might have to go alone, but then Flair’s music plays and as he runs out, Arn attacks Savage in the ring. Eddie eventually pulls his partner off, but Flair just continues the beating until Eddie attacks him and the match apparently starts. Woman & Miss Elizabeth sneaks out but keeps their distance to the ring as they surveys the situation. Flair eventually blind tags Savage in and then forces Eddie to tag in Arn to keep Savage down, but Macho Man does eventually fight back as the crowd wakes up and gets solidly behind him, only for Arn to nail him with a Spinebuster but Savage kicks out at 2. Flair tags himself in and starts wailing on his partner, but Eddie tags in as well and he dominates Flair until Savage suddenly comes to life and starts beating on Flair as well. This results in Arn apparently thinking “fuck it!” as he DDT’s Eddie and beats Savage up long enough on the outside for Flair to cover a prone Guerrero.
WINNERS: Ric Flair & “Macho Man” Randy Savage
After the match, they beat Savage up a little more and Elizabeth slaps him before the Horsemen leave triumphantly. That was actually very well executed and it’s gonna be interesting to see what they do later on tonight with this. They show a commercial for The Great American Bash which had a pretty funny image of a family with the “kids” being the Steiner Brothers, couldn’t help but chuckle at the pure doucheness of a gleeful Scott Steiner.
“Mean” Gene stands by with 3 Hooters waitresses, looking like a dirty old granddad as he stares at their “nametags”. He then proceeds to grab their asses and do the motorboat...or not...He’s here to make the second round drawing, but first one team will get a bye to the ending Battle Royal and that team is...DUM DUM DUUUM!...Fire & Ice! (okay, I would’ve thought it would make more sense to have it be Flair & Savage, but THAT’S the COMPLETELY RANDOM drawing for you). “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton will face “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet. Apparently that’s the only match we’ll get drawn now as we go to the ring.
Dean Malenko (c) Vs Brad Armstrong, WCW World Cruiserweight Title Match
Apparently Malenko defeated Ohtani for the belt at a Saturday Night or something, and obviously Brad Armstrong will get the first shot because...he...err...he...hey look, a match!
Armstrong and his glorious mullet dominates in the beginning as the crowd is as dead as at a Carrot Top show. Malenko however starts to work over Armstrong’s leg but nothing seems to really wake the crowd up despite it not being that bad a match. Armstrong gets a Sunset Flip out of nowhere for 2 and as Schiavone points out how close he was, Dusty Rhodes responds simply by saying “but can he walk?”, which is something I usually say when anyone praises Stephen Hawkings intelligence...of course he can’t talk either so...I digress. The next Nitro is apparently gonna be 90 minutes, sort of easing the transition to a complete 2 hours I suppose. Armstrong makes his big comeback with punches...and punches...and kicks...he follows up a Powerslam and a Missile Dropkick by locking in Malenko’s own Texas Cloverleaf, but Malenko is right by the ropes. Heenan talks about how amazing it is that Armstrong is still going as most people would’ve given up 20 minutes ago...of course that would’ve meant him giving up before the match even started...but amazing none the less. Malenko gets Armstrong up on the turnbuckle and hits his Top Rope Gutbuster for the 3 count.
WINNER: Dean Malenko
We get another Blood Runs Cold promo to hype the much awaited debut of Glacier, before Gene returns with his ho train, and those kooky girls have switched out their nametags confusing the poor bastard before he resumes drawing matches. He hilariously says “Oh my goodness! Public Enemy will be in one of the matches!” mirroring the surprise of...someone who wasn’t watching. They will face Macho Man and Flair. This of course leaves DDP & The Barbarian Vs The Booty Man & Rick Steiner, before Gene asks the girls what they’ll do after the show, and in the true Hooters spirit, they rope him in to paying for beer and chicken wings at Hooters afterwards.
“Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton w/ Col. Parker Vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet – Battle Bowl Second Round Match
Duggan & Wallstreet opens up the match by beating up each other, but they do co-operate long enough to send their opponents flying when they try to jump them. They appear to agree to put their differences aside only for Wallstreet to send Hacksaw to the outside as soon as he turns his back. This leads to a double team from Slater and Eaton on Wallstreet as Slater almost gets a 3 count from a Russian Leg Sweep. Wallstreet eventually fights back and locks in an Abdominal Stretch but Duggan refuses to tag in...but then as soon as Slater and Eaton double teams Wallstreet, he comes in to help out...ridiculous...Wallstreet eventually cold tags Duggan in and he clears house until him and Slater accidentally bumps heads, and both men gets the tag. Finish comes when Wallstreet “accidentally” hits Duggan (twice) and Duggan retaliates leaving Eaton to roll him up for the win...a mess of a match.
WINNERS: “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton
Duggan and Wallstreet brawl after the match, but Wallstreet retreats once Hacksaw picks up his 2x4.
Public Enemy (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock) Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Ric Flair – Battle Bowl Second Round Match
Randy Savage’s music plays but no one comes, but Flair makes his way out with the women as they throw Savage’s money out to the fans. Suddenly Macho Man sprints out and jumps Flair from behind, but he ends up getting restrained fairly quickly by security, police and several wrestlers.
WINNERS: Public Enemy by Count Out
Well I suppose it’s a logical choice, although I would’ve rather seen them get the bye and face off in the Battle Royal, which is shaping up to be one of the most random heat-less matches ever on Pay-Per-View.
Diamond Dallas Page & The Barbarian Vs The Booty Man & Rick Steiner w/ Kimberly – Battle Bowl Second Round Match
The Booty Man was of course the man responsible for ousting DDP from WCW at Uncensored when he defeated him, so a bit of history to this match which is definitely a good thing considering how pointless the majority of the card has been. DDP was apparently re-instated because the TV Title wasn’t on the line as originally scheduled (I suppose he was to have faced Johnny B. Badd) so DDP had nothing to lose, and therefore he got re-instated...well, it may be flimsy as hell, but at least it’s an excuse...a random...confusing excuse...did it really take that long for them to figure that out?...oh, right, the match. DDP is dominated until he counters Steiner by hitting a Snake Eyes variation and tagging in The Barbarian. These two goes back and forth as we learn that Mike Tenay will be joining on commentary for the US Title Match which will be between Konnan and Jushin “Thunder” Liger...for some reason, but hey it could be worse. The Barbarian locks in a Front Facelock but as Steiner makes his way towards his partner to get the hot tag, DDP distracts the referee long enough for him not to see it. Steiner eventually hotshots Barbarian on the top rope and gets the hot (luke warm?) tag to The Booty Man who hits his High Knee (hiney?...never really thought about that before...wow that is lame) but DDP makes the save. The Booty Man rolls up The Barbarian but DDP drops an elbow on him and that’s apparently enough for The Barbarian to pick up the win.
WINNERS: Diamond Dallas Page & The Barbarian
Okay, so the Battle Bowl will consist of Ice Train, Scott Norton, Dick Slater, Robert Eaton, Johnny Grunge, Rocco Rock, Diamond Dallas Page & The Barbarian, and keep in mind that one of these men will apparently get a World Title shot at The Great American Bash...wow...apart from DDP who became a Main Event wrestler later on, that is an underwhelming group of wrestlers...but hey, DDP looks to have a good chance so I’m good.
Konan (c) Vs Jushin “Thunder” Liger w/ Sonny Ono’o, WCW United States Heavyweight Title
I’ve never really been high on Konan, but considering the other matches we’ve been exposed to tonight, this can practically only be better. This was back when Mike Tenay actually was good on commentary as his job mainly consisted of providing info about the workers and moves...instead of the annoying, whiny guy on TNA.
Nice bit of chain wrestling to begin the match, both men keeping up nicely with each other. Liger gains the advantage after Sonny Ono’s “distracts” Konan on the outside and by “distract” I of course mean by kicking him a couple of times in the gut, allowing Liger to catch Konan off guard with a Baseball Slide. Tenay talks about Konan being on Mexican television as I picture him being the first lover in a telenovela style tv show, he just lacks the handlebar moustache and it would fit perfectly. A brilliant, long and slow exchange of submission holds between the two that actually transitions brilliantly into each other this continues until the match suddenly disintegrates into both men pummelling each other with rapid palm thrusts ending with Liger getting the advantage. Liger hits a Superplex and a Splash from the top rope and almost gets the 3 count. Konan gets dropkicked to the floor and Liger tries to nail him with a Plancha from the top rope, only to get countered and dropkicked in the gut as he came down. Konan tries to Suplex Liger back into the ring, but Liger counters and hits a Belly-to-Back Suplex followed by a Fisherman’s Buster for a close count. Konan counters an attempted Headscissors in the corner with an Alabama Slam and gets a close count himself as Tony gets convinced that the match is over...it’s kinda like listening to 2 wrestling fans and then 1 guy who’s never seen it before and is just really starting to get into it. He even marvels over how funny the name Fisherman’s Buster sounds...I like you Tony, but pull yourself together man. Konan apparently goes for his finisher “The Power Drop” but Liger counters and almost gets 3 from a roll up. Liger hits a Liger Bomb but only gets 2, and when Konan counters Liger coming off the top rope with a boot to the face, he follows it up with a Power Drop (Splash Mountain/Sit-out Crucifix Powerbomb) for the win. Good match.
“Mean” Gene gets ready for the first actual non wrestling segment apart from those damn drawings, and for everyone talking about not having enough wrestling on shows, the alternative isn’t much better I would say. Talk about getting burned out, 12 actual matches and little else leaves a lot to desire. Anyway, Okerlund brings out Ric Flair who gets accompanied by Woman, Elizabeth and Arn Anderson. Flair offers Gene to give a synopsis of what has happened tonight as he talks about Savage having been locked up downtown and will get a psych evaluation tomorrow. I wonder how much a psychiatrist will get out of unintelligible mumbling and the occasional “OOOOOH YEEEAAAHH!”. Flair talks about having one tiny matter he needs to address as he mentions Mongo and how he told Flair to back off. Flair says that he can’t back off when he hasn’t got his wife resulting in Mongo coming out. Flair basically challenges Mongo to a tag match where he’s allowed to pick any partner he wants to face him and Arn. He brings out Kevin Greene who was apparently a big deal back then...I dunno...the two teams stare off as security seperates them.
Scott Norton Vs Ice Train Vs “Dirty” Dick Slater w/ Col. Parker Vs “Earl” Robert Eaton Vs Johnny Grunge Vs Rocco Rock Vs Diamond Dallas Page Vs The Barbarian – 8 Man Battle Royal Battle Bowl Final
Over the top rope Battle Royal for a shot for the World Title, and people don’t really care cause they haven’t built up any of these guys. DDP goes over an touches the floor but the referee doesn’t see it...it appears like they don’t have to touch with both feet to get eliminated. Rocco Rock is the first man to get eliminated and Robert Eaton follows right after as Dick Slater accidentally nails him with his boot. Col. Parker smacks Eaton over the head with his hat only to get decked with a right hand resulting in Slater coming out to fight him. Slater is apparently also eliminated even though it appeared he went under the rope, and Scott Norton quickly follows. Ice Train dominates in the ring as he Powerslams all three of his opponents. DDP follows that up by Diamond Cutting all 3 of HIS opponents and follows that up by...pinning Ice Train and Johnny Grunge!?...okay so apparently it’s not JUST an over the top rope Battle Royal...they just forgot to mention that...or everyone just sorta forgot the rules...either or. Anyway, this only leaves DDP and The Barbarian who of course had teamed up to get here. Both men gets a few 2 counts in quick succession and The Barbarian almost gets it from a Tombstone Piledriver, but DDP kicks out just in time. Barbarian locks in a Sleeper Hold but DDP mule kicks him in the groin. DDP tries to Irish Whip The Barbarian, but he counters and Powerbombs DDP for another close count. The Barbarian goes for a Flying Headbutt, but DDP rolls out of the way and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win, and complete apathy from the crowd, but plenty of cheers from me. YAY!
WINNER: Diamond Dallas Page
So this apparently means that DDP will get a World Title Shot out of nowhere at The Great American Bash. Based on the 8 men in the final, it was pretty logical, but yeah...people didn’t really care once all the upper card wrestlers went out of the tourney. “Mean” Gene is standing by with The Giant & Jimmy Hart in the locker room. Hart seems upset because he has to be handcuffed to Luger, while The Giant says that he’s on top of the mountain and that he’ll crush everyone in his way. He finishes up by giving a warning to DDP and urging him to think about what’s gonna happen to him...I’m sorry, I love DDP, but how on earth can anyone take him seriously as a challenger at this point? Come on!
The Giant (c) w/ Jimmy Hart Vs Sting w/ Lex Luger, WCW World Heavyweight Title Match
Finally! The last match on a card that has been bland, and without much storyline and god I hope these Pay-Per-View gets just a tad more build from now on! As I mentioned just before, Luger and Hart will get handcuffed together...although with Luger’s history of blundering in and screwing things up for Sting, the odds are firmly stacked against him in this one. The Jumbotron claims that it’s for the US Title, and who knows...maybe Konan does come out in a minute. Michael Buffer does the introductions as usual, I really liked this touch of his in ring introductions...I mean, when he got the names right and such...but hey, he did this time.
Sting tries to open up with a Cross Body Block, but he just bounces off. Sting gets right up in The Giants face (chin?) and then tries a few times to knock The Giant down, but to no avail and Sting slides out of the ring and almost looks scared (patience young grasshopper, it takes time). Sting tries his best one more time, but as he tries to pick him up for a Scoop Slam, The Giant just falls on top of him. COME ON STING! Who do you think you are? Hulk Hogan? The Giant takes control as the crowd starts to wake up...I think they’ve been asleep since Savage and Flair went out of the tournament. Giant locks in a Body Scissors as Jimmy Hart screams in Luger’s ear trying to get him to his senses...could’ve been awesome if Hart had his megaphone and used that, “COME ON BABY! TURN ON STING! TURN ON HIM!”, hey in WCW they don’t hide their plans. Sting tries to fight back but The Giant thows him out onto the floor. He hoists him up for The Chokeslam but as he goes to slam him through a table, Lex Luger has Jimmy Hart placed across it and The Giant drops that plan, pushes Sting down and returns to the ring. The Giant pulls Sting up on the apron and goes to Dropkick him off it, but Luger pulls Sting down and The Giant hits nothing but air. Sting accidentally nails the referee with a Back Elbow, knocking him out of the ring, but back inside he gets some momentum as he dodges a Corner Splash and kicks the hell out of The Giant who ends up lying on the top ropes ending it up with Stinger Splash...aaaand here comes the bumbling idiot known as Lex Luger as he for some reasons gets up on the apron allowing The Giant to put him in a Chokehold. Sting however largely ignores it and repeatedly Stinger Splashes him before he finally wedges him off and knocks Giant down. Luger drops to the floor causing Jimmy Hart to end up on the top ropes, but as Sting for some god forsaken reason decides to go for the Stinger Splash, Hart falls down OR MAYBE LUGER PULLED HIM (intrigue...or something) causing Sting to miss, knock his head and accidentally Headbutt The Giant in the groin. Sting still gets up first and hits a Splash from the top rope, but The Giant kicks out powerfully of the ensuing pin and Sting lands on top of the referee who actually gets up before remembering he wasn’t supposed to and then falls back down again. Slapstick comedy FTW! Sting hits another Splash but as there is no referee he instead decides to lock in the Scorpion Deathlock. Luger and Hart are tussling on the apron over the megaphone that Hart tried to use on Sting, but Luger accidentally (or on purpose, hard to see) blasts Sting with it enabling The Giant to get up and Chokeslam him for the win.
WINNER: The Giant
The announcers argue over whether or not it was on purpose that Luger nailed Sting, Dusty thinks it was on purpose with Heenan and Schiavone (surprisingly) thinking it was inadvertent, and that’s it...yeah...
WCW – Aaaah, Good Times: The US and World Title matches were good although the crowd was really only into the last one, and the first round match with Flair and Savage was perfectly booked.
WCW – WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!!: The rest of the Pay-Per-View didn’t matter...the tournament was a complete waste of time, as much as I love DDP, it was crap. The crowd didn’t care, and neither did I really. I prefer it when every match means something, and almost every match on this card didn’t...plus the lack of star power in the final not only hurt the match in terms of crowd interaction, but who seriously buys DDP as a challenger after defeating 7 random lower card or tag team wrestlers? A big (battle) bowl of bland tonight.
Yeah...pointless 3 hours and I can only hope that The Great American Bash will be better, but considering that it’s 4 Pay-Per-Views in a row that ended up being bland and pointless. I’m not holding my breath. Until next time, I’m Esben Evans, read the rest of the site pronto, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (like believe wrestlers when they say “THIS is my last match”...Flair you whore!).
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).