On tonight’s show...Who has made his return to WCW? (technically on WCW Saturday Night, but he gets MENTIONED on Nitro!) Which douche of the week has a plan now? And which wrestler shows his bad table manners? (PUN!) Get the answers to all these questions and MORE WCW tomfoolery in this week’s episode of…

WCW Old School Recap of Complete Awesomeness!

Date: May 13th, 1996

Location: Nashville, TN

Very last Nitro before we go into Slamboree, and the second to last Nitro before we knock it up a notch (BAM!) and Nitro switches to 2 hours per week. Double the excitement, or double the headache? Only time will tell (although considering which way WCW ultimately ended up, I think it’s safe to assume that it’s gonna be more the latter....*sigh*). ANYWHO! We have a kickass show for you tonight...I think...don’t know which matches are on tonight yet, but luckily we have 3 capable announcers to tell us...okay, 1 capable announcer, 1 egocentric owner, and 1 man whose intelligence ranks about as high as a chimpanzee’s. Lex Luger will get ANOTHER title shot after no showing first at WCW Saturday Night, and then at the following Nitro last week...it’s amazing how easy it is to get title shots around here.

Random tool: Okay, so you didn’t show up the last 2 times, why was that?

Lex Luger: Meh, didn’t feel like it

Random tool: AWESOME! Here’s another title shot!

Luger did the sensible thing in order to make sure he didn’t miss the title shot as he CAMPED OUT in front of the freaking building. Don’t believe me? Here is an image of Lex Luger in his sleeping bag outside the arena. If Luger wins, he’ll be defending the title against Sting at Slamboree while Giant will take his place in the tournament...didn’t the Sting/Giant match get booked as nothing more than a grudge match at first? Why would Giant losing the title change that? I mean sure it doesn’t make sense for Luger to be in the tournament as champion, but neither did it for Flair when he had the title. Anyway, Dave Taylor will face Chris Benoit tonight, and we’ll kick off with The Steiner Brothers against Public Enemy.

The Steiner Brothers (Scott & Rick Steiner) Vs Public Enemy (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock)

Public Enemy is already in the ring as the Steiner Brothers enter...bodes well. We learn that Randy Savage has been barred from the arena and fined 50.000 dollars after what happened last week, talk about a slap on the wrist for committing assault. The Steiners dominate the early proceedings with various Suplexes and Powerslams. This more or less continues for a while until Scott Steiner is hit with an Electric Chair/Diving Headbutt combo after Rick for some reason manages to distract the referee...nice going douche. Scott gets isolated in the corner as Grunge and Rocco double team him. Rocco Rock almost gets a 3 count off a nice, assisted Springboard Senton Bomb, but Scott gets the hot tag to his brother after Rocco misses another Senton Bomb attempt, this time from the top rope. Rick Steiner cleans house but once the fight spills to the outside, he gets double teamed by Public Enemy. Rock accidentally hits Johnny Grunge with a Seated Plancha and this allows Rick Steiner to roll Rock into the ring where Scott hits a Frankensteiner for the win.

WINNERS: The Steiner Brothers

Yeah, not exactly a brilliant opener or anything, but all in all decent match and without further ado let’s get on with the show.

“Squire” David Taylor Vs Chris Benoit

Benoit apparently thinks that the 4 Horsemen are going in the toilet and apparently blames Kevin Sullivan for it (who he, surprise surprise, is teaming up with at Slamboree), and the announcers talk about Diamond Dallas Page having return to WCW last Saturday and apparently he has a rich benefactor behind him. YAY! DDP! *ahem* oh right, the match. Benoit gains control with an Enziguri and a Slingshot into the turnbuckle. Dave Taylor however fights back with a European Uppercut and after Benoit attempts to catch his breath on the outside, Taylor hits him with a Double Axehandle from the apron. We learn that apparently Bobby Walker was injured over the weekend resulting in DDP taking his place in the tournament (FUCK YEEEEAAAH!).Back in the ring, Taylor almost grabs a 3 count off a Fallaway Slam, but he then misses a Cross Body Block and instead Benoit hits a Bridging Dragon Suplex for the win.

WINNER: Chris Benoit

Bischoff informs that Macho Man is outside the building, and Mongo then leaves the announcing booth to go talk to him about something. We cut to commercials and return outside where “Mean” Gene is standing by a group of security people and Macho Man who definitely doesn’t seem happy with not being allowed entry. Mongo comes out and says that he sympathizes with Savage’s struggles and that Flair made a mistake going after Debra. He tells Savage not to worry, because he has a plan before entering the building again...let’s just hope for Savage’s sake that Mongo’s plan isn’t anything like The Booty Man’s. Okerlund tries to get Randy to talk and he eventually does say that he doesn’t care about the money, and that he isn’t crazy, just before talking about how he doesn’t mind having to drag a dead tag partner around the ring to win the Battle Bowl...pretty dark stuff. Macho Man repeatedly tries to get past the security people, sadly only by force and not with clever disguises or anything like that...that would’ve been awesome though, just picture Savage putting on a fake nose, glasses and a moustache to try and fool the security. We get another Glacier promo (THE SUSPENSE!) before returning to the “action”.

V.K. Wallstreet Vs Ric Flair w/ Woman & Miss Elizabeth

Mongo talks about Kevin Greene (random NFL player) being a part of his plan as well (funny how it’s only retarded people like Mongo and Booty Man that tell people how they have a brilliant plan on camera).

Decent bit of chain wrestling to open the match, but after exchanging chops, Wallstreet gains control until Flair escapes to the outside. Back in the ring and Wallstreet works over Flair’s leg as we go to commercials. As we come back, V.K.’s domination continues and he even comes close to picking up the win with a Samoan Drop of sorts, but Flair puts his foot on the bottom rope. Wallstreet gets close again with a Sunset Flip and a Backslide, but Flair again narrowly escapes. On the outside, Flair tries to escape and as he’s propped up against the ring post, Wallstreet attempts to hit him with a High Knee, only to crash into said post knee first. Flair capitalizes on this by first swinging Wallstreet’s leg into the ring post before he locks in the Figure-4 Leg Lock and as he gains some leverage by holding onto Woman, he gets the tap out victory.

WINNER: Ric Flair

Mongo says that every dog has his day as Pepé probably looked a little worried at his master (“Eesn’t eet enuff dat yoo dress me up like dis, señor?”. Flair and the women go over to the VIP table that’s propped up by ringside as Okerlund stands by to talk to him. Gene says that he doesn’t think Flair has endeared himself to the Nashville crowd and Flair responds that they haven’t since he made Dolly Parton ride Space Mountain. Gene gets on the subject of Savage and Flair says that he’s gonna knock WCW on its ass come Slamboree, before the subject falls on Debra. Flair says that while Mongo was rolling in the dirt being a defensive lineman, he was the quarterback (referring to himself as Joe Namath) staying up all night and throwing touchdowns, calling Woman and Liz his wide receivers. BAM!

The Giant (c) w/ Jimmy Hart Vs Lex Luger, WCW World Heavyweight Title Match

We cut to commercial and as we returns, both Giant and Luger are in the ring. This is the third time this match has been scheduled, although the first time Luger has bothered to show up in time. It’s hard to be punctual when you have to make sure your hair is just the right amount of feathered like it is now. Luger tries to run at The Giant but he bounces off him repeatedly and- FUCK the crowd is completely dead for this one...wow, actually kinda surprising...I mean sure they weren’t the best of wrestlers, but the match had sort of an interesting hook. Luger desperately tries to knock his opponent down but nothing seems to work as The Giant uses his size to dominate the early goings. Giant throws Luger under the bottom rope (wow, the first time I’ve seen anyone adhere to that damn “over the rope” rule) only to go out and Press Slam him back into the ring but Luger catches the opportunity as The Giant gets up on the apron and repeatedly drives his shoulders into the midsection, and punching him until he can finally bring him to the floor with a Flying Forearm...only for The Giant to keep on his feet, drag Luger out of the ring and, by his throat, drag him to Ric Flair’s VIP table which he Chokeslams him through for the DQ.

WINNER: Lex Luger by DQ

Jimmy Hart tries to keep The Giant off Luger as Sting comes out to tend to his partner. The announcers talk about how Luger has proven his intentions and integrity tonight...geez, and it only took getting absolutely demolished by The Giant for him to do so. “Mean” Gene bumbles out, trying to get an interview with Sting it seems, but Sting tells him to fuck off as he and the EMTs try get through to Luger as we watch a replay of what just happened. The announcers talk about Sting facing The Giant at Slamboree as we fade to black.

WCW – Aaaah, Good Times:  The ending made sense considering that they really need to build towards the World Title match and I would say that they have done so with some success on this show.

WCW – WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!!: Overall the wrestling was just bland...they didn’t really have any significant spots apart from the endings and it left the crowd completely dead for the ending which sort of killed the entire thing. Not exactly the best impression to leave just 6 days before your next Pay-Per-View. Mongo concocting plans doesn’t really impress that much either to be honest, I doubt that’s what Savage needs to get his career back on track.

RIGHT! As this was the last show before the Pay-Per-View, I will look at the card for WCW Slamboree 96, or at least the matches we have been told (which is granted, not a lot) and I will give my predictions based on what I’ve seen, not what I know:

WCW Slamboree 96 (the card so far):

Chris Benoit & Kevin Sullivan Vs Public Enemy – This is just one of quite a few Lethal Lottery matches in them that has enemies teaming up. Before finding out that Regal & Taylor would team up, I would probably have said Public Enemy since they need at least one “regular” tag team to go through, but I’m gonna say Benoit & Sullivan on this one.

PREDICTION: Chris Benoit & Kevin Sullivan

Hugh Morrus & Meng Vs DDP & The Barbarian – It looks like they might actually push DDP a little with his new found money and return to WCW, so I’m gonna go with my heart and say that he at least gets one round into this.

PREDICTION: DDP & The Barbarian

Alex Wright & Disco Inferno Vs “Earl” Robert Eaton & “Dirty” Dick Slater – I could see this being a comic relief with Disco being a dancing douche and the team of Eaton & Slater being an “odd couple” with the snobbish Eaton and the redneck Slater. In the end, who cares who goes through, I’m gonna say the Eaton & Slater.

PREDICTION: “Earl” Robert Eaton & “Dirty” Dick Slater

“Lord” Steven Regal & “Squire” Dave Taylor Vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet – I think this will be the match where the “established” tag team goes over, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see them get all the way to the Battle Bowl.

PREDICTION: “Lord” Steven Regal & “Squire” Dave Taylor

“Macho Man” Randy Savage & Ric Flair Vs Arn Anderson & Eddie Guerrero – Practically the only match besides the World Title bout that has anything resembling interest from a storyline perspective. The question is whether or not the two deadly enemies can have anything resembling an alliance. I think they might go through two the Battle Bowl actually, that match needs some star power and some interest, and it would give them an opportunity to fight each other.

PREDICTION: “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Ric Flair

WCW World Heavyweight Title Match – The Giant (c) Vs Sting – The Main Event and the other match of interest. I think they’ve done a pretty good job building towards this match over the past couple of weeks, good job WCW. Anyway, I think The Giant retains after some sort of misguided interference from Lex Luger, or maybe a full blown heel turn.

PREDICTION – The Giant

So there you have it, that’s my predictions. Of course I’m aware that there are gonna be quite a few more matches, but as far as I remember, those are the ones that have been mentioned in full on Nitro. Until next time (where I return with a super sweet Slamboree recap), I’m Esben Evans. Read the other stuff on the site and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (like brag to your friends that you’re banging Tiger Woods...he might be rich, but he’s a fucking golfer).