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JUDGMENT DAY
2006
(05/21/06)
 

Once in an eternity… Judgement shall be passed upon every living soul on earth. No mortal sin unaccounted for, no impure thought not reviewed. On this day, humanity shall not simply change – it will cease to be. This is Judgement day. And for the 8th straight time, we’re gonna actually try to come through on our promises. Really.

 

Hey there, kids. It’s your good buddy, James Walker here. Sean really was looking forward to doing this recap, but as it turns out, he wasn’t. So lo and behold, here I am to save the day, like a pilot on the Hindenburg. Except I don’t get paid.

 

Anywho! Let’s get to this nonsense, shall we?

 

MNM VS The Hooligans (Paul London & Brian Kendrick)

 

I wish the monikers of “Nitro” and “Mercury” actually had some significance. Maybe we’d see Mercury be as equally badass as the dude from Terminator 2, and Nitro begin a match by winning the Big Gold Belt, do some insane lucha spots, then lose the title to Scott Steiner, and finish it off with blowing the biggest feud in years in a subpar match. That’d be swell.

 

Oh, yeah, these guys are wrestling. Basic stuff from the start. You know what I’m talking about – side headlocks, shoulder blocks, taunting, fans trying to get a peek underneath Melina’s skirt – the norm. It’s worth noting that Kendrick & London looked very solid here as a team, offering us a few unique double team moves, such as a double hiptoss/elbow drop combo. As MNM tried to gather their wits, London back body dropped Kendrick onto the champions. If this were a TV match, we’d have an ad break now. But since it’s not, we get some pointless stalling! Thank goodness the WWE can change their style when needed!

 

Back in the ring, MNM take over on London, aiming at the midsection. London and Mercury stiffed each other on a double KO spot, and made the tags. Kendrick cleans house, unlike El Dandy, who probably literally cleans houses now. However, those tricky bite sized candies managed to land a Snapshot, but the pinfall was broken up by London falling on Nitro, which, taken out of context, sounds pretty devastating.

 

Kendrick got worked on some more, but all this lead to a small package that the ref didn’t see. More double team by MNM, and Mercury only gets 2 after a hanging vertical suplex. He tries the cover again.. and again. You know, for once, I’d like to see the “multiple covers” thing work. Imagine, if you will, Hogan and Warrior, Wrestlemania 6. Warrior kicks out of the leg drop! Oh my god, this is huge! Hogan is in shock! He covers again! And.. he.. gets it! … Oh. Ok then.

 

Oh, wrong match. Somewhere in there, London hit the dropsault on Nitro, sending him off the apron, and landed on Mercury, but Melina broke up the count with her screaming. I can think of a couple of better uses for her lungs, but whatever. Follow this up with Nitro helping Mercury get a near fall on London, and this match is just regurgitating years worth of false finishes in our general direction. Kendrick dives to the outside, but Melina pushes Nitro out of the way, and Kendrick eats it HARD. Nitro got a hold of London from the apron, and Mercury charged. You’d think after being the longest lasting tag team in the WWE, they’d know that never works. Of course, Mercury hits Nitro, who flies off into Melina, and London cradles Mercury up for the win. Nice hot opener.

 

Winner, and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: The ROHd Warriors

 

Post match, Melina yells at Mercury for costing the team the belts. Merucry is pissed off, but come on guy. You DID get pinned, so you did lose the titles. Anywho, Melina slaps him, and Mercury goes to retaliate, but Nitro jumps his partner. We get a pull apart brawl, including a referee nut shot. Great, split up your best tag team, WWE. THAT’LL REBUILD THE DIVISION!

 

We get some clips of Bret Hart winning the KOTR tournament over Bam Bam Bigelow. You know, with the ECW thing coming back up, I think Bam Bam might make a return. He could save EVERYONE from flaming table spots, by rubbing his body all over the fire. Oh, then he’d go bankrupt and disappear for a while. Hey, that last part sounds like ECW itself! Neat!

 

Chris Benoit VS Finlay, still w/o his leprechaun.

 

Man, when I heard that Finlay was gonna be on the Pay-Per-View, I immediately thought that it was gonna be the BOMB. I mean, he’s so FIERY in the ring, it seems he’ll do anything to BURN DOWN THE HOUSE!

 

Anyhooters, technical stuff from the outset. You know, typing that, I can think of some pretty nerdy computer code that would be hilarious to.. me. See.. technical.. computers.. ha… right? Ugh, forget it. I’m a lonely fellow.

 

Y’know, these two went a good solid 5 minutes of chain wrestling, and it had me smiling. But you don’t come to TWF to read about how the elevated spinning toe vice got transitioned into a bow and arrow key lock, do you? So, instead, I’ll offer this picture of Mike Awesome in his That 70’s Guy glory.

 

 

Ha ha. Classic!

 

Alrighty, back to the match! Chris goes for the crossface, but that doesn’t go. Fun fact: The “Crippler Crossface” got it’s name after Chris Benoit applied it to JR. Benoit lands the hat trick (not this) but the Swandive doesn’t connect. Finlay kicks at Benoit, but Benoit dragon screws him (not this )  but can’t get the sharpshooter locked in. On the outside, Finlay gets a chair, but Benoit lands a baseball slide, and Finlay miraculously doesn’t pull out some crazy ring apron trick. In the ring, Finlay eats the headbutt, but manages to kick out at two. When was the last time someone got pinned from that?

 

Finlay fights back, as Chris takes his patented sternum corner bump, and Finlay levels him hard with a lariat to the back of the head. Finlay begins to really work over Benoit’s chest/neck, with kicks and elbows and butt drops, setting up the Schwein. You know, all things considered, you’d think his finisher would be an exploder suplex. I’m just sayin’.

 

Finlay locks in a pretty nifty Dragon sleeper/hammerlock, but Benoit gets out of it. However, Fit lands a short arm clothesline, and locks in a DOUBLE nerve hold. This just goes to show that the Irish are twice as civilized as those filthy Samoans. Benoit reverses a body slam into a pair of germans (not these guys) Finlay blocked the third with some headbutts, but Benoit landed a stiff enziguri, sending the Irish man to the floor. Funny, normally it takes a few dozen shots of Jameson’s to do that…

 

On the outside, Finlay went for his whackin’ stick, but Benoit got to him before he could use it and landed a HUGE german (not this) on the outside Both men slowly got up, and with Finlay on the Apron, Benoit landed a suplex to the inside, and held on for the Three Drinkin’ Buddies, Eh? Benoit calls for the frog splash, but considering Canada doesn’t have many of those, I was thinking of renaming it The Flying Elk Press. I’d think a elk falling from the top rope would hurt a hell of a lot more than a frog, am I rite?!!? However, Finlay shoved him off the apron, into the barricade. Finlay follows Benoit out, shoving him into walls and poles, and then got him back in the ring. Going for a suplex, Finlay gets caught in a Benoit reversal into a fujiwara arm bar, and then Chris managed to convert it into the cross face for the tap out. It’s so effective because his tiny arms. If a normal man put it on someone, the elbows would clasp around the forehead, which doesn’t have nearly the torquing power. Excellent match.

 

Winner: Chris Benoit

 

Another great match, but now they’ve tapped out their two best match ups of the night, and we’ve got to sit through a Khali AND Henry match. This is like leaving a trail of bagels for the Jews, right into Auschwitz.

 

Jillian Hall VS Melina, with Nitro

 

Before the match even begins, the ref orders Nitro to the back. Well, that was a waste of camera time.

 

I wonder if Jillian Hall is related in anyway to Scott Hall. If so, it would mean she’s liable to show up to any match drunk, and who knows what may pop out. A man can dream. And that man is I, and that dream will happen tonight, as I fall asleep.

 

I’ll be damned; these girls are WRESTLING. A little futile if you think about it, and unexpected, to say the least. Here I am, one hand on a bottle or Jergens and another hand on, well… the point is, this isn’t what I expected!

 

Anyways, umm, I’m at a loss of words. You folks don’t know how hard it is to call a women’s match seriously. If someone lands a knee drop, I’d say “and that’s where they should be”. If someone takes a german, I’d say “I wonder if they accept Canadians, too.” This just isn’t fair!

 

Oh, fine, Jillian lands a sunset flip, and the ref doesn’t see that Melina is grabbing the ropes, and count the pinfall. … hey, look, titties.

 

Winner: Jillian Hall

 

After the match, Melina is all upset and such. This leads to Kristal coming to the ring to interview the… loser? Yeah, that makes sense. Kristal pokes fun at the fact that Melina isn’t having a good night, and Melina calls her a bitch, (RAWR! CONTROVERSY!), but Kristal sees the attack coming and gets the better of Melina. Wow. Say goodbye to your heat, Melina.

 

Backstage, JBL cuts another “rah rah rah, Mexicans do my laundry and don’t beat me” promo, when he sees none other than Chavo Guerrero walking by. Said confrontation leads to Chavo saying that JBL won’t leave with the title tonight. Confusing? P’haps. Useless? Probably. Filler? Definetly!

 

Clips from Austin’s KOTR victory is shown, including the “3:16” speech. Remember when wrestling was edgy? Yeah, me neither.

 

Shane Gregory Helms VS Super Crazy, Crusierweight Championship

 

He’s not just any type of Crazy… he’s SUPER Crazy! While some of those folk choose to rock back in forth in a padded room, SUPER CRAZY does backflips into the waiting arms other men! WHERE’S THE RITALIN!?!!

 

Match begins with a bunch of roll ups and inside cradles by Crazy, which infuriates the most stylish hick you’ll ever not meet. Crazy ends up on the apron, where he actually hiptosses Helms to the floor. Crazy wants to leap onto Helms from the inside but the Ref tells him not to, to which I wonder if Bill Banks is booking this match or something. But of course, it’s just a set up for Crazy to use the ref as a springboard into a senton, which gets the crowd going with an ECW chant. Just for that, watch Vince insist Crazy stay on Smackdown.

 

Anywho, Helms lands a couple of neck breakers for a 2 count. He then starts up with some rest holds, and it becomes all too obvious that heels rarely makes good Cruiserweight champs. I hate to digress, but the best way to promote this division would be to actually give us the high flying action we want, and with a guy like Helms, it’s not going to be abundant. But hey, what do I know, I only paid to see this…

 

Helms really slows the pace down with a sleeper, but Crazy gets a victory roll for a 2 count. Crazy rallies with a tilt a whirl, drop kick, and a standing moonsault, but it gets 2 again. Top rope dropkick by Crazy connects, but the moonsault doesn’t. Helms tries the Shining Wizard, but Crazy ducks and lands a quick spinning heel kick for 2. I fail to see how a Shining Wizard displays the tendencies of something shiny, or magical, but the Japanese are notoriously smarter than North Americans, so who am I to argue?

 

Back to it now, Helms hits another neckbreaker for 2. Helms goes for the Eye of The Hurricane/Nightmare on Helms Street/Final Cut, but Crazy fights out. Overcast/Blockbuster lands, but it gets 2 as well. Helms in the corner, and Crazy goes for a Rana, but eats a powerbomb. Helms puts his feet on the ropes, and gets the 3 count. Good match, but like Matt Hardy, Helms doesn’t suit the division. It’s too bad Helms doesn’t have a girlfriend on Raw.

 

Winner and STILL Cruiserweight Champion: Gregory Helms

 

Backstage, Nitro and Melina complain to Teddy Long. Melina ends up slapping Teddy, and he fires her. Nitro complains, and he gets fired too. Wow, might as well start smothering her with dirt, because Melina got buried tonight, badly. Though, I could think of better things to smother her with! Ahh, that felt good.

 

We get some clips of Angle winning the KOTR over Rikishi. Hey, remember when he was employed? How crazy was that?!

 

Oh, there’s a one legged wrestler not named Zach Gowen in the crowd. If I hadn’t had already tapped out all my jokes on the subject years ago, I’d make a few now. There’s only so much you can do with cripples…

 

Kurt Angle VS Mark Henry, w/a trail of persperation

 

Giving this duo an encore is akin to building the Titanic 2, which is way more a propos than you’d think. See, not only is Kurt destined to die way before his time, but Mark Henry will probably drown him in beard sweat.

 

As Henry gets to the ring, he angrily cleans the announce table. If only he’d channel that ferocious nature into his hygiene, we’d be a safer world. Anywho, he cuts a promo about injuring people, as I begin to think that cutting my wrists would be less painful.

 

Kurt makes his way to the ring, and he has the most hilarious mouthguard I’ve ever seen. (And I’ve seen some real funny ones!) Anyways, it is such:

 

 

Personalized mouthguards: For when your mouth just can’t say enough?

 

Angle attacks from the beginning, and works at Henry’s legs. Then Angle goes to the second rope, and hits a senton press? Dare I ask, what the fuck? Angle is soon unable to overcome the MIGHTY MIGHT OF MARK, and is backdropped. Angle goes for a sunset flip, and the crowd rolls their eyes. Did Angle learn nothing from Rikishi? Anywho, Angle ducks the sitdown butt drop, and kicks Mark in the spine.

 

Henry goes to the outside, and Angle tries to Angle slam him through the table, but Mark’s overpowering armpit stank prevents it. So, back inside, Angle settles for a leg lace. However, Mark kicks him off, and begins his offensive offence. Mark eventually cinches in a poorly executed camel clutch, and drops his ass on Kurt for good measure. Make him humble, Mark!

 

Back up, Angle kicks away at Henry. Kurt goes for a crossbody, but Henry catches him, but Kurt reverses the potential World’s Strongest Slam into a DDT. Angle then “landed” a german suplex, followed up with an Angle Slam. Is it just me, or when big men take the Angle slam, does it just look like they’re happily jumping onto a plushy mattress waiting below them? Anywho, Mark kicks out at two, thus disproving the whole “Bigger they are, the harder they fall” thing. Perhaps for Mark Henry, it’s “Bigger they are, the harder it is to job them out”? Sounds about right.

 

Kurt goes for another Slam, but Mark, umm, doesn’t really do anything to avoid it. But, Kurt still manages to lock in an Ankle Lock, but Mark powers out and sends Kurt to the floor below. Henry then slams Kurt into some barricades and such, and put Angle on the Spanish announce table, as Hugo has a “Sigh, ok” look in his eye. However, Kurt battles out, but Mark still ends up splashing him against the ring post. Mark rolls inside.. and Kurt is counted out. Wow.

 

Winner: Mark Henry

 

After the match, Mark Henry tried to attack Angle, but Angle fought back with eye pokes and chairs. He then locked in an ankle lock on the floor, and Mark taps out. I’ve never understood why wrestlers would bother tapping if it’ll do no good. Sorta like offering a hit of your crack pipe to the officer arresting you. Kurt then Angle Slammed Henry on the announce table, but it didn’t break. They improvised, and Kurt landed a chairshot on Henry, to which he hilariously flopped on the table, as it broke. Great, the feud continues.

 

Commercial for One Night Stand airs. However, this time, the name needs changing. Sloppy Seconds? Fuck Buddy? Friends with No Medical or Dental Benefits? You be the judge.

 

Backstage, Sharmell lists some other King of the Ring winners to Booker, and Booker decides he likes the idea of King Booker. Ironically, that’s also the name Triple H demands he be called.

 

Recently on WWE.com, it was reported that Booker & Batista got in a supposed legit fight at a Summerslam commercial shoot. Batista was later quoted as saying “I am not a prick!”, to which, I prodded Sean into creating the following:

 

 

Lashley VS Booker T w/Sharmell, King of the Ring Finals

 

In Lashley’s Titantron video, they literally have a graphic that says “Soft-spoken”. I think this is excellent, and I believe we should continue this trend. Therefore, I suggest the following changes:

 

-         In Matt Hardy’s Titantron, put a ”Cries himself to sleep” graphic

-         When RVD makes his way to the ring, have Lillian Garcia announce him as hailing from “Gaytown, USA”

-         When Big Show’s music hits, have the theme changed so it says “Weeeeeelllll…. Weeeeeeeelllll I’m sexually inadequate!”

           

These two start out with back and forth action, which is predominantly won by Lashley. Who’s the Alpha Male now, Monty? After a few minutes of that, Lashley tried for a spear in the corner, but Booker got out of the way, and Lashley ended up on the outside. Booker then followed him outside and slammed him on the steps, But Lashley made it back in before he could be counted out. Booker then pulled Lashley’s arm on the top rope. Booker works over the arm a little more, but summoning ancient voodoo powers from Africa, Lashley powered out.. only to be hit in the gut. That’ll learn him.

 

Booker then went for the Ax Kick, but Lashley recovered and landed a huge lariat, as Booker bumped awesomely for it. Lashely landed some more clotheslines and the like, but couldn’t get the dominator off as Sharmell provided the distraction. You know, it’s funny that a black man has a move named the “Dominator”. Think about it.

 

Back to the action, and Booker goes for the Bookend, but Lashely elbows out. Lashely gets ready for the spear, but Sharmell distracts again long enough for Booker to land the Bookend, but it only gets 2. Booker goes for the Jack Briscoe roll up, but Lashley caught it and landed a running powerslam. Since the British Bulldog use to do it, maybe we can rename Lashley the “Chocolate Lab”? No? Too far?

 

Booker regained control with a shuffle side kick, and landed the Ax kick, but Lashley still managed to kick out. Booker went for another side kick, but Lashely saw it coming, and channelling the spirit of Saba Simba, chucks a spear (tm Joe Merrick) at Booker. Sharmell provided distraction for Finlay to run in, nail Lashley with his stick, and then Booker follows with an Ax kick for the pinfall.

 

Winner, and your 2006 King of the Ring: Booker T

 

Post match, Booker celebrates by sitting on the throne with the gown and crown and no frown. Lashley then decides to have a little fun, and spears Booker while he’s in the throne. Looking at the throne, I wonder if it’s just a refurbished version of Triple H’s Wrestlemania chair. Hey, you never know.

 

Pity about the result, though. I was rooting for Lashley in this one, for if once Owen Hart won the crown, he was called the King of Harts, which would allow me to say that Lashley is the King of Spades. Oh well.

 

We get a shot of Daivari and Khali walking to the ring, and we get a hype video. You know, those hype videos can make me want to see just about any match…. JUST about any match. Not this one though.

 

While I’m doing this recap, I think it’s time I revealed who had the best “Khali Fact”, from a few weeks back, following my column. Written by Robert Winston, he gets my full respect.

 

“The Great Khali got kicked off the Harlem Globetrotters, because he thought that instead of using a basketball it’d be cool to spin the Earth on it’s axis.”

 

Now, I’ve joked about Khali a lot in the past, but I have to be serious for a bit. I ask the question… WHAT THE HELL IS THIS:

 

 

A few things have sprung to mind, such as:

 

-         Steroid-Port?

-         Clitoris?

-         Remnants of Jillian Hall’s facial blemish?

-         The 2nd generation Dusty Rhodes Splotch?

 

However, in the end, Sean figured it out for me:

 

-         They've been intravenously injecting Ricky Steamboat's blood into his body in an attempt to up his workrate.

 

The Undertaker VS The Great Khali (w/ Daivari)

 

You’d think that these two guys would be friends. I mean, Khali has provided much mortuary business for The Undertaker in the past…

 

These two do the chest-to-chest pose, and I’m reminded of Taker/Gonzales, in more ways than one. Taker punches away, but Khali throws him to through the ropes, to the floor. Taker tries it again, but Khali throws him over the ropes this time. Taker then gets caught on the apron, but Khali gets dropped on the top rope. Taker then kicks and punches some more, and goes Old School, but Khali somehow is able to ocunter that into… throwing Taker off. WOW! HE’S SO STRONG, HE CAN MOVE HIS ARM! *sigh*

 

Khali then starts punching and kicking Taker in the corner. This is slowly turning into the worst brawl I’ve ever seen, and I once saw a drunken kid in a wheelchair take it to a sofa. The fight ends up on the outside, where Khali dominates some more, and Daivari gets his licks in as well. In the ring, Khali slams Taker, but Taker sits up. However, Khali chops Taker in the head, and Taker sells like it like he’s be shot in the heart with an atomic bomb, but it only gets two.

 

Taker then rallies, and lands the Old School, but Khali doesn’t go down. A few clotheslines followed, and then Taker does the flying clothesline, and Khali gets tied up in the ropes. Daivari provided enough distraction to free Khali from the ropes, and I roll my eyes. You’re telling me the GREAT Khali couldn’t free himself? He was simply gracing the ropes with his presence. I should mention that Undertaker is really bumping his ass off for Khali, but it’s doing little to save this match. Anyways, Taker tries for a chokeslam, but Khali gets out. DEADLY chop to the head, and a boot to the head…. 1… 2…. 3. WTF.

 

Winner: The Great Khali.

 

The Undertaker has put over four guys clean in his career. Steve Austin, Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, and now… The Great Khali. “One of these things ain’t quite like the other”, indeed.

 

More “See No Evil” hype. I’m still in awe that Kane destroyed Rey & JBL on the Smackdown before they main evented a Pay-Per-View. That’d be like a week before an election, the Secretary of State saying “voting is for pussies and terrorists”.

 

Rey Mysterio VS JBL, World Heavyweight Championship

 

You know, having Rey come to the ring to POD just doesn’t fit. Personally I think something like Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” would be far more fitting, considering his current feud.

 

We get some Eddie & 619 chants to start off, as Rey kicks at JBL’s legs. JBL gets a side headlock, and plops Rey on the rope.. to trash talk him at his level. I know JBL is supposed to be the heel here, but he’s a little too funny for me to hate him. Rey unloads a CRAZY LUCHA slap (he calls it an el slapo, I hear) JBL pounds on Rey in the corner, But Rey comes back and trips JBL into 619 position. JBL, however, slips outside, to which Rey lands a seated senton from the apron.

 

Back in the ring, Rey takes over, with a springboard body press, drop kick, leg drop to the back of the head, and a baseball slide to the groin of a seated JBL in the corner. So, basically, what this match is saying, is that Rey is only fuelled to fight when the title is on the line. What a champion!

 

JBL is on the outside, and boots Rey down, and sends him to the steps. Rey gets slammed into the steps, but JBL can’t get the 3 count after rolling him back in the ring. JBL then lands the Three Amigos, or as he probably calls them, the Three Young Rookies Just Beggin’ For It. Rey is then placed on the top rope, and JBL boots Rey in the head, sending him to the floor below. Rey is busted open, as JBL does the Latino Heat dance. That dance looks kinda funny when JBL does it, for he has a considerable more amount of jiggle to his body… his flab stops moving about 10 seconds after he does.

 

JBL continues to punish Rey on the outside, with a fall-away slam in front of his family. You know, I wish I could grow up, watching my father fail at his job. Though, hearing him say “Well son, I just can’t figure out why these disc brakes seized” isn’t as entertaining it probably sounds. JBL lands 3 shortarm clotheslines, and the ref begins the 10 count. Huh? Since when is this a last man standing match? Continuity don’t mattuuuuh.

 

As Rey gets up, JBL boots him down, but only for a 2 count. JBL then locks in a sleeper, and I begin to fade away with Rey. However, JBL releases the hold after 2 limp arms, and goes for the cover, but Rey kicks out. JBL places Rey on the top, but Rey elbows JBL off, and lands a Moonsault press for 2. Rey rallies, and goes for the bronco buster, but JBL gets his boot right into his groin. Oh no, Rey can’t have any children now! Err…

 

JBL goes for a powerbomb, but Rey battles out and gets Bradhsaw in 619 position. It lands, but JBL gets the ref in the way of the West Coast Pop/Seated Senton/Drop the Dime/whatever the hell. Speaking of dropping the dime, considering that JBL has suggested that Rey become a drug dealer, maybe it should be re-christened the “dropping off the dimebag”? An oldie, but a goodie.

 

Anywho, JBL lands a stiff powerbomb, but the Ref is knocked out. A second ref scuttles in, but it only gets 2. JBL is irate, and punches him. I wish I could do that to the McDonalds employees who say I don’t have enough change for a Big Mac, I tells ya. JBL then goes for a chair, but Rey kicks it in his face, and lands a 619. Rey goes upstairs, and lands a frog splash, and gets the 3 count. Good match.

 

Winner: Rey Mysterio

 

Post match, Chavo Guerrero comes to the ring, and celebrates with a bloody Rey. Aww, isn’t that cute! Before the show, it’s worth noting that newz sites were wildly reporting that Chavo would cost Rey the belt tonight. And yet, here we are. Interesting.

 

Show highlight: Finlay/Benoit, by far. One of the best matches this year.

 

Show lowlight: I’m gonna call it a tie between Taker losing cleanly, and MNM splitting up. The former is obviously dumb, but the latter is one of the dumbest things this company has done this year. I mean, honestly, MNM is the best thing going in the tag scene in WRESTLING, not just the WWE. They’ve single handidly managed to keep the division (barely) alive for the last year, and now you break them up because Melina and Nitro are a pain in the ass behind the scenes? And now what for London & Kendrick… job them out to the Gymini? Punishing Nitro & Melina like this hurts the company more than it hurts them – it’s like not cooking supper for your family because your child sneaked a cookie before hand. Gah.

 

Overall show thoughts: This show wasn’t as bad as it should have been. This was largely in part by the last minute addition of Benoit/Finlay. However, the tag match came through, the cruiser match was pretty decent, and the Main Event delivered. However, the confusing booking of Henry/Angle, the undeniably embarrassing loss of the Undertaker, and ridiculously stupid split of MNM drags this show down. As is the case with just about every WWE show… the wrestling was good, the booking was shit. Thumbs slightly down.

 

 
James Walker is pretty much the best thing ever. I mean, sure, there's been Terminator, grilled cheese sandwiches, and naked women storms, but TWF's resident comic relief takes the cake. Seriously, he actually goes to children's birthday parties and grabs it just as it's being brought out. Never the less, a proud owner of a Golden Tenay and an incredibly large penis, James Walker strives for one thing in life: RACIAL EQUALITY, NIGGUH.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).