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DVD Review: The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior

By: The Unknown Wrestling Fan

 

I’m The Unknown Wrestling Fan here to review the latest release of WWE home video. A little about myself, I was a runner up at the thrilling (yawn) Satire Search here at The Wrestling Fan. Just because I didn’t win doesn’t mean I can’t still contribute, just ask Candice, Maria, Michelle Mc Cool… better yet don’t compare me to them. Unlike those “runner ups” to WWE’s diva search (which was kind of a satire search in of itself) I did not receive a lucrative contract but Sean did give me a hummer in the bathroom so I’m good to go.

 

Now reviews are not necessarily my forte but I felt compelled to write about this particular release from WWE which show beyond a shadow of a doubt that history is written by the winners. I did not intend to buy this DVD at first but I read a little about it and thought, what the hell? it is nice to hear actual insiders not named Canadian Bacon speak about their peers. The funniest thing I heard about this chronicle of TWF’s favorite nut job/punching bag was that only one disc concentrated on burying the Warrior, having this very thought in mind when I opened the case I let out a little chuckle when I see there is you guessed it… one disc!

 

 Most of the beginning is straight forward of what you might expect, his beginnings tagging with Sting (no shit they actually mentioned his name?) as the Blade Runners, him going under the name Dingo Warrior (Why? Why? Why? Oh yeah a Von Erich was involved). The way he got the name Ultimate Warrior was nearly interesting however, with the Road Warriors being big stars, “The Modern Day Warrior” Kerry Von Erich still running (hobbling) strong Vince wanted to put emphasis on how great he was, he was, he was the Ulllltiiimaaate Warriorrrrr. Any one of us who have heard Vince do play by play can just hear that meeting in our heads. After that everybody agrees the guy had fucking cool music and ran really fast (estimated time of viewing for this segment 4 days). People go on to comment they have never seen someone have so much success based on charisma and look yet have shitty in ring ability (in that case join me 15 years from now for the Self Destruction of The Legend Killer Randy Orton).

 

About 15 minutes into this retrospective into Warrior’s career you realize there are two classes that people being interviewed fall into a) over 50 b) Canadian. Edge, Christian and Jericho are the only ones it seems on this program to have both original hips and not talk like their mouth is full of gauze (sorry Bobby Heenan). Heenan had a lot to say about ol’ looney Mr. Helwig particularly when it came to the feud with Andre the Giant, there is a funny story here about what happens to green guys that do not listen to veterans that I do not want to spoil.

 

Many of Warrior’s feud’s were covered such as Andre, Ravishing Rick Rude, Hercules Hernandez, Savage and Hogan. However some good feuds were left such as Undertaker and Jake Roberts (who was originally suppose appear on the disc but refused when he was only offered one measly 8-ball of coke) were forgotten. When each feud was spoken of everyone made it a point to bash Warrior’s in-ring ability. Well it was never any fucking secret that Warrior thought an atomic drop was what happened after he ate his daily dose of two dozen hard boiled eggs, what the fuck did they expect the guy to do? Today guys who are inadequate in the ring have been given men to carry them to decent matches (see Angle/Cena, Jericho/Cena, and cocming soon Bishoff/Cena). Half way through here you can tell that while much of this might be true, but it’s not exactly fair. People keep repeating themselves, “his promos didn’t make sense” “his matches sucked” “all sizzle no steak” blah blah blah.

 

Some parts you can completely call bullshit on, particularly the parts involving Hulk Hogan. When speaking of Warrior’s first appearance in WCW Hogan expressed his anger that Warrior mentioned their match at WM VI and that he wanted to off and deck Warrior (just a little note Diamond Dallas Page mentioned it that night prior to the promo with Warrior and Hogan). Everyone seemed to give a shit load of credit to Hogan for carrying Warrior to the best match of his career at WM VI (you know since Vince and Hogan are like peas and carrots again) even going out of their way to point out that Warrior sucked in the ring while Hogan merely needed someone who “complimented his style” (time to stop and laugh).

 

The DVD does do some service by clearing up rumors that, yes there has always only been one Ultimate Warrior, that there was no planned feud with Nailz, and that changing his name did not give him legal right to the character. Some new issues were raised such as Warrior being fired for “drug use” (this part was covered quickly and with a little class and by little I mean very little) and that Warrior held up Vince for more cash at Summerslam ‘91. I’ll let you make your own decision about these instances because it seems there must be more to them.

 

In the end this is exactly what we expected a burial of the Warrior and a flexing of WWE’s monopoly muscles by showing that they fucking own everything to do with wrestling and can destroy any bit of positive legacy that anyone might have had left. It is interesting to the end that you get at least one side of the story. I would recommend it to someone who is a long time fan.

 

Final comments (I promise): points to Jericho for saying that Warrior was underrated in the ring (and keeping a straight face at the same time). Thumbs up to Ted Dibiase for being the most neutral of everyone involved. A kick in the groin to Hogan… just for being Hogan. Dishonorable mention to Triple-H for bitching about a job 4 years after the fact.

 

That’s it for now drop me a line I_like_pie@dcemail.com      

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).