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ROH RESPECT IS EARNED

By STEPHEN BAILEY

 

Hey there all, it came to my notice that there was an unrecapped PPV as of late. Notably ROH's Respect is Earned live (or taped several months in advance) from New York. So with unrecapped material lying around, like a desperate dog to a scrap of meat I flung myself on it, hoping for a pittance of attention, and possibly the concession that at one time or another I made a funny.

 

So we open up with the crowd collectively wetting themselves whilst screaming 'ROH' origninal eh? And we have BJ Whitmer!

 

Who?

 

Oh come one, BJ Whitmer, he has umm, well urr, he's done stuff.

 

 

Who?

 

OK I'm not supplying bios, instead here's a link to wikipedia (so it'll all be wrong probably).

 

Anyway, BJ Whitmer and he's talking to us saying they wrestle, not talk, so why are you talking? And nobody's even introduced the guy in full yet.

 

And opening credits, well that's random, anyway who better to answer the challenge than Morishima Basically a fatter nastier looking Samoa Joe (TNA! You jack our fat guy, well we've got a new one and he is bigger) and well he also has a title, unlike Joe. Anyway off we go, title on the line? Random.

 

 

ROH World Title Match

 

Takeshi Morishima ( c ) vs B.J. Whitmer

 

Punching, punching, kick by Morishima, Whitmer counters a backdrop driver and hits suplexes dropkicks and lariats (ROH: we don't do clotheslines, lariats sound cooler) Frogsplash, Mori kicks out, Morishima blocks an exploder, and then no sells two lariats and a big boot, before administering a lariat and boot of his own. Lariat!...again. Backdrop driver, 123. Squash(ish)

 

Not bad but nothing awesome, good match to initiate champ's dominance, even though we have no idea who Whitmer was. (There are no storylines really here, it's kept simple as it's advertised for new fans)

 

Winner and still champion: Takeshi Morishima

 

In honour of the company's founder the matches will be rated in defenceless children, therefore


 

Nigel Mcguiness comes out, and talks some more, so are we all about wrestling or what? Anyway he's English and has an appalling (if natural) cockney accent. He wants a title shot blah, blah. Now we get Bryan Danielson , Christ I always forget how short he is. Anyway he's held the belt, and he wants it again, enough with the talking! We don't talk, you lied Whitmer! He talks about the legends he's beaten, Lance Storm is now a top tier competitor? (It was a good match though) but whatever, he's good give him title etc.

 

Nigel tells Danielson to stop poking him, Morishima is just standing there confused. Bryan and Takeshi start beating on Nigel for uh some reason. Bryan stops to orgasm over the championship, but Morishima snatches it! And leaves... wow intense, and Danielson runs from Mcguiness. Would it kill one of these guys to have a short name!? Anyway the intenseness is over as everyone runs away from Nigel.

 

Brent Albright package! He's awesome, dominant, and he'll kill you. Forget that the last time you probably saw him he was getting beaten up by the Great Khali, he's good here!

 

Rocky Romero w/o NRC (His stable) vs Naomichi Marufuji

 

Bit of background Marufuji is an ex-NOAH (Japanese company) champion, Romero is a member of the NRC a young guy stable. And we're off, crowd is behind the jap (I am not typing his name again) Chain wrestling start, the commentators babbling away trying to explain everything, undrestandable, but its verging on TNA levels at times throughout the PPV. Abdominal stretch by Romero, quick cover. Abdominal stretch on Romero now. Marufuji's pants are really shiny. Mat wrestling, well done too. Generic whip sequence, Romero uses his educated feet, seriously that metaphor is getting old.

 


 

Chops, by shiny pants, but Romero locks in an armbar, which apparently is lethal on the indys and not just a rest hold. Kicks on the same arm, and a knee. Rocky (not Balboa) continues to work the arm and he then gets the mount and starts pounding, knee drop and a two. Sweet dropkick off the apron by shiny-man to Romero, he comes to the outside, and hits a kneebreaker using the ringpost, ow! Romero staggers back in and gets a dragonscrew to the leg. Locks on a leg lock, and there is great psychology and selling here. Dropkick and legscrew off the top. Figure 4 with a massive Ric Flair ovation applied to Romero. Stiff kicks to the leg, but Romero counters  into his own flurry, and a sick tilt-a-whirl DDT, but his knee is too hurt to cover. Shiny counters dropkick but gets an enziguri, blocks the tiger suplex but gets another DDT, 2 count, Marufuji flips out of a second tiger and hits a face-breaker. Chop and kick fest, and Romero gets powerbombed but a kick out, top rope armbar counter by the NRC member, 'Please don't tap' chants the crowd. Yet more kicks to the arm and then the head of Naomichi, powerbomb into the turnbuckle now by Marufuji, and a sick coast to coast on Romero. Shiranui blocked by tiger suplex, stiff kick, 1...2...kickout! Sick kick exchange, shiranui by Marufuji, 1..2..3!

 

 

Winner: Naomichi Marufuji

 

Very good match with good selling and pace..

 


 

We now go to the back (Hiyo?) with Larry Sweeney, check this guy out, he is hilarious. He's with the 'all-natural' (bullshit) Tank Toland (known to you and me as James Dick) and apparently Sweeney's signed Sara Del Ray (women's wrestler) , and Toland is umm surprised. Tank is a good trainer apparenlty, he's going to shape Bobby Dempsey (fat guy) w/o wikipedia article into a muscle man, starts off with squats, Sara challenges Tank Toland (the squat master?) to a squat-off, and Dempsey collapses in the mean-time.

 

Back to the ring and the three from earlier (the ones with long names) are brawling again but here comes KENTA and cleans house, lariat to Mori from Nigel, apparently they'll have a tag match later on.

 

 

ROH Tag Team Championship Match

 

Matt Sydal and Claudio Castignoli vs The Briscoe Brothers ( c )

 

Anyway Claudio has cut his hair and looks odd (This is a guy WWE tried to sign btw) Sydal  is umm a random partner really. Anyway Claudio starts out with Mark Briscoe (crazy guy whilst Jay (angry guy is on the apron. Actually now, I think about it it's good Claudio didn't sign with the Dub, besides losing any city of origin, you know his gimmick would have been this

 


He'd come out to “High on the hills was a lonely goatherd” would have a goat mascot and would only yodel in his promos, don't tell me that wouldn't get over!

 

Anyway, off we go with some chain wrestling, mostly ARMBARS all round, Northern Lights suplex to the Swiss man. Sydal comes in and goes to a chinlock (damn you Orton! What it's probably his fault) Would you believe it, the Briscoe BROTHERS know each other well, well thanks useless commentators. Anyway Jay is in and we're off with more chain wrestling, headscissors by both Sydal and Jay on each other. Heel-kick from Sy and here comes Claudio with a few roll-ups. In comes Mark with a crazy flip dropkick and Jay hits a big-boot, but Sydal is in and they're “Wrenching the groin” of Mark, leg-drop from Sydal, but a kickout and Jay is in, double-team sequence culminating in a STO clothesline combo. Sydal is now getting worked over and an amazing double team throw which sent Sydal over 6 foot into the air. Chop-fest, gut-wrench to Sydal, double 3-point stance tackle (take notes Duggan! This looked credible!) Abdominal stretch applied and a backbreaker, twisty legdrop combo, Mark with a belly to belly. Sydal now fights back, backdrop to the outside for Mark who cracks his head on the barricade, probably getting another concussion, sweet leaping hurrcarana on Jay and Claudio is in with EUs, no not this I mean European uppercuts, but I'm not typing that everytime he uses them. Elbow drop from Claudio, but Mark hits a kick and a stomp to save Jay as the Briscoes apparently don't need to tag in and out. Double hiptosses to Sydio (Sy(dal)(Clau)dio) Springboard EU from CC, enziguri by Sydal, fisherman used on Jay as an isolation starts by the challengers. Yet another abdominal stretch locked in (sixth of the PPV) rolling EU by Claudio and several charges by Sydal, Claudio actually hits a legit looking giant swing and tags in Sydal who hits a springboard bulldog and a sweet moonsault, elbow by Claudio, double superplex blocked into a flip neckbreaker and a stunner and Mark is in, screaming crazily and jumping around kicking people. Claudio is monkey flipped to the floor and sentoned by Jay as this is getting really hard to keep up with, Mark hits a ridiculously complex sunsetflip, and corner powerbomb but Sydal still kicks out! Another legdrop/slam combo to Sydal. Claudio is back and hits a urr slammy thing? Matchkiller apparently. Modified burning hammer is broken up by umm a Briscoe? Claudio hits a sweet headscissors and a bicycle kick, Sydal hits Melina's legs wide shut (tm Cameron) and a awesome standing moonsault. But Mark struggles out and tags in Jay, crossbody on the Swiss guy! Inverted falcon arrow, Mark hits a flying kick but is then slammed into the barricade, Claudio goes back to the well with some more EUs and an alley-oop double knee strike to both Briscoes by Sydal; who needs planchas eh? Ricola bomb (cross armed powerbomb) broken up by Mark, another EU, Sydal hits a SSP! But Mark breaks it up and gets Europed out of his mind but superkicks both of Sydio. Mark planchas Castignoli while Sydal kicks out of a DVD, sweet Frankensteiner by Sydal kicked out of. Mark's in! Springdoard Doomsday device, Mark stops Claudio, Jay covers Sydal for the one two three.

 

Winners and still Champions: The Briscoe Brothers

 

Holy shit that was a great action match, a tad botchy now and again but really good

 

 


 

Commentators scream into the camera and I don't care. But here comes Kevin Steen and El Generico (Ole! Chants the crowd) They want a title shot, you know one day they'll say something like “I want to go on a date” but normally it's all title shots, take take take I don't know. Oh we're brawling...again what is this TNA? Mark Planchas everybody as everyone tries to break this up. Steenerico demolish a few jobbers with brainbustahs! And powerbombs. And Generico planchas everbody, more brawling, Mark goes backstage and Steen owns him with a chair, they back off as Steen (who looks like a fat AJ Styles) laughs evilly.

 

Video package of Delirious  getting dismantled by Roderick Strong, and his subsequnet return, storyline well covered here.

 

Delirious vs Roderick Strong

 

Bell goes, Delirious goes crazy and now we brawl on the floor, Strong catches Delirious entering the ring. Slam to Strong, but Delirious misses a kick but settles for a roll-up, crossbody blocked, but Strong gets kicked in the back, the crowd starts chanting “Rodeeeerick” apparently this offends him, I sympathise, I mean if someone chants Stephen that sumbitch is going down!! Delirious weathers some offense and hits a lariat and suplex. He now bites away at Roddy, but gets caught with a backbreaker. Delirious comes back again who gets his power from his mask, now I understand why he's crazy!

 


 

A ton of lariats by Delirious, and a knee strike, but misses his splash but he still hits a fisherman's driver, tries a cobra-clutch but is shoved off. However Roddy still gets a hangman's neckbreaker for his troubles. Roderick now makes his comeback, jawbreaker, backbreaker from the shoulders, military press too turnbuckle and a BIG fall-away slam but it doesn't get three. Delirious tries a crucifix but Strong's no vampire [/badjokes] Superplex countered to a splash to the back by Delirious, cobra-stretch semi-applied but countered to roll-up sequence which is ended by Roddy with a powerbomb-backbreaker, we spill to the outside after the cover and Delirious hits a suicide senton and knee-strike into the barricade, but Roderick hits a backbreaker on the apron which looked painful. Powerbomb blocked, punchfest, gutbuster on Delirious and Roddy then locks in a Boston crab, Delirious escapes, hits an inverted powerbomb. He can't get the cobra-stretch, so hits a cobra-clutch suplex instead, but Roddy escapes the pin with the ropes. Roddy now dodges a charge, hits a half-nelson backbreaker and then the gibson-driver (tiger-driver) Which gets our three.

 

Good match but the the prior two were better, it had some intensity but it wasn't awesome, that said it was a good match.

 

Winner-Roderick Strong

 


 

 

And here come Davey Richards and Romero (the rest of the NRC) and we have a good old-fashioned heel beatdown. Ring barrier set up and a gibson driver through it, but here comes Erik Stevens (no page) who beats up all three with slams and TKOs.

 

Now we have an Adam Pearce vignette, slight problem, I have no idea who he is. He boasts that we're on PPV, and talks about how people need to step-up and improve, and he says how BJ Whitmer will forever be in shame as he lost the first ever PPV match  and his last big feud despite his sacrifices. He's imprisoned in his body or whatever, this guy sounds like a more hardcore Sting, oh he just squashed Daniels, yep he's Sting (yes Daniels isn't in the company but I'm getting bored) shut up Scrappy!...Scrappy eh?

 


 

Main Event time!

 

KENTA (w00t a short japanese name) and Nigel Mcguiness vs 'American Dragon' Bryan Danielson and Takeshi Morishima (ROH World champion)

 

Disappointingly Takeshi is not wearing his pimping gear, as it is the greatest ring gear ever, even for a pudgy, girly haired guy.  Apparently Mark has another concussion, but that could be kayfabe, and ROH is so poor they can't afford a medical facility.

 


 

Anyway KENTA and Bryan chain wrestle to start us off, but KENTA kicks Danielson in the gut. Now the other two are in, shoulderblocks yield nothing until the fatty actually moves and then Mcguiness just dies. Now Danielson and Nigel roll around together, fine wrestle, whatever. ARMBAR! Flying EU (not this) Weak headbutt and the japs are in (it's quicker to type!) we're at a stalemate, back to wrestling and Morishima shoves his butt in Nigel's face, whatever and the heels stand on Nigel's neck and the announcers have a dig at Punk for no real reason. Rest-hold in the from of an interesting chin-lock. And I know where I've heard Takeshi's name before!


 

Yeah that's right, anyway Morishima sticks his butt in Nigel's face again and then pins him by standing on him, but only for two. Heel tag work on Nigel, and now a camel clutch to Nigel. Surfboard leg break by Danielson. Nigel hulks (Englishes?) up and hits a lariat after botching his rebound lariat, KENTA is in and kicks Danielson to death, leg lariat gets 2 and now a running boot, but Danielson evades into a backbreaker. Morishima hits a friggin' cratwheel avalanche and then a missile dropkick which sends KENTA flying, KENTA's defence is stopped by a sideslam, but KENTA manages to powerslam the fatty. EUs, throat shots, slaps and of course a lariat by Nigel, Morishima counters a lariat to a boot and springboard dropkicks Nigel, who no sells and lariats Takeshi anyway. Cartwheel avalanche countered to no surprise a lariat. Nigel gets stuck up top and KENTA is smashed into the barrier, sunset-flip countered to a banzai drop on Mcguiness, KENTA smashes the dragon into a barricade, Nigel botches his rebound lariat again and then gets hit by the backdrop-driver. But KENTA makes the save. Now Mori is stuck up top and gets hit by the Tower of London (elevated cutter) but Nigel is too tired to cover. KENTA comes in and kicks Danielson to death again, chop-fest, bends Danielson over the ropes and hits a flying knee-drop. Bryan blocks a combo, dragon suplex and locks in the crossface chicken-wing as Backlund waits for Bryan to come job to him in TNA for using his move well, KENTA flips out. Top rope superplex on KENTA is stopped by a powerbomb by Nigel, Whilst Morishima is in and belly to belly's KENTA. Nigel sets Bryan on the ropes and hits his umpteenth lariat as Morishima just sits there watching, he throws Nigel out finally, but gets another lariat for his trouble. Mori thrown into the crowd as Nigel suicides all the way out there. We're in the ring with KENTA and Danielson, EU and snap suplex. Nigel is back in and an EU-fest starts, KENTA stands up, realises he wasn't supposed to and just fucking lies back down again. A British lariat is blocked, Nigel gets chucked and Danielson's headbutt is countered, flying knee is kicked out of, GTS is initiated and KENTA fucks that up and hits Danielson in the gut with it (as the announcers again have a dig at Punk) Morishima breaks up the cover. Uranage suplex and diving headbutt from the heels as Nigel wraps tape round his arm (I believe this was in kayfabe but Nigel was legit injured during the match) KENTA just gets beaten in the mean time. Mcguiness stops a double team, grabs Danielson and hits

 

a) A lariat

b) a 450 headscissors

c)a realistic move other than a lariat

 

You work it out

 

He is attacked by Mori, botches another rebound (third time is not the charm), and lariats Morishima (originality ftw!) Whilst Kenta spider-runs the turnbuckle and hits a top-rope falcon arrow to Bryan! Dragon and KENTA, forearms, Danielson discuses and locks in the crossface chicken wing, and transfers into an awesome superplex, then he locks in cattle mutilation, KENTA escapes but Danielson instead starts of with trapped elbows to the head. KENTA  counters to the Go 2 Sleep and hits him in the gut again, but Danielson  apparently counters and tiger suplexes KENTA instead. Cattle Mutilation locked in again, Morishima beats on Nigel and KENTA has to tap. One American in the match and he stills win, damn racist wrestling or whatever.

 

Good match but a bit botch happy and confused in parts, second best on the card but still lacking a bit. Still had great moments though.

 

Winners: 'American Dragon' Bryan Danielson and ROH World Champion Takeshi Morishima

 

 


 

Danielson grabs the belt and gets backdrop-drivered, Mcguiness hands Morishima the belt and gets a lariat anyway, taste of your own medicine bitch! Morishima eats the title belt and then starts swinging it like he's doing a striptease, and we're done.

 

Well well ROH's debut PPV is done. Whilst nowhere near their greatest show ever, they did a great job of introducing the product to a new viewer which was the aim here so a definite thumbs up for that. A few too many lariats (Mcguiness), Eus and Big Boots, even for a normal ROH show but all matches would be of a good quality for a standard PPV. No awesome matches, but no bad ones and some damn decent ones. Thus no good and bad bit as it was an even card, better in terms of pure wrestling that most TNA and WWE cars up till now, I rated the matches in ROH terms as they style is so different in places.

 

Overall: 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).