DON'T JUST WATCH IT - LIVE IT! That's what the half-human, half-digitized (ALL MARINE) John Cena tells me in the
commercial for Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 video game commercial (that I've seen about 73 times now and every time I hear Batista
say "I had to start at the bottom, and work my way up" I just want a stray RPG to hit his house). Personally, I've played
this game - and it's not bad. However, there are a few features that should have been implemented in order to make this gaming
experience more like the experience you receive while you're enjoying quality WWE television programming; to better help you
"live it", as they say....
Written
by ElGringo
When you're wrestling against John Cena, if you hit your finisher and
are about to win the match clean, no matter how bad you've kicked his ass, a cutscene will automatically play showing him
suddenly hitting the five moves of doom and making you tap to the STF-U (which I call the "Machine Gun Face").
After you get a stored special icon and gain another finisher, instead
of stealing your opponents finisher or hitting your "super dirty" move (depending on if you're fighting dirty or clean) you
instead can use the two specials to unleash a MIGHTY school boy rollup that is im-fucking-possible to kick out of (as seen
on TV). If you're fighting dirty when you do this, you'll pull the tights.
To win the General Manager Mode, instead of booking a quality show, you
just have to book the same matches each week to gain higher ratings th....wait, you say that's how you actually have to do
it in order to win? Well all be damned....
When playing season mode, if the wrestler you're playing as is on Smackdown
and is beating all opponents and rising to the top, that wrestler will suddenly be transferred to Raw.
When fighting a triple-threat match, if at any point a wrestler is thrown
to the outside, they must repeatedly tap buttons for at least two uninterrupted minutes before being allowed to return to
the ring and join the other two competitors.
If you select a tag-team match while playing as Shawn Michaels, you will
not be allowed to tag your partner in until you get a thorough ass kicking.
If playing as a heel wrestler on Smackdown during a season mode, you'd
better be ready to inevitably face the Unda-taka, playa!
You can't kick out of the Pedigree. No matter fucking what.
You can't kick out of the Atomic Legdrop. No matter fucking what.
One of the storylines on season mode has you rising to the top of the
WWE, but instead of getting a championship match, you get a match with Hulk Hogan that you can't win. Electro-Ego-Mania, brother!
When playing as Matt Hardy, you will not die. You'll probably just lose.
If you're playing GM Mode and you actually PLAY the main event on a Raw
or Smackdown, it automatically ends on a ref bump.
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
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