Jeff Jarrett: First of all, good news: We may have reached a TV deal with WGN and our first
3-hour PPV will talke place in mid-avril.
Mike Tenay: You mean it this time?
Jeff Jarrett: Yeah. Ok guys, I know we are not doing very good right now. We need solutions
to improve our product. Any suggestions?
Mike Tenay: Yeah, I have one, how about...
Jeff Jarrett: Let me remind you that if someone suggest "a new champion", that person will be
Bob Ryder: And he'll become the Velocity recapper for 1wrestling.
Mike Tenay: ....hum, nevermind.
Bob Ryder: For the record, I agree with all the ideas from Jeff Jarrett.
Vince Russo: And mine too?
Bob Ryder: Are you my boss?
Vince Russo: Kinda.
Bob Ryder: So I love all your ideas too! RAW was *not* porn! It was a symbol, not a cross!
Vince Russo: Hey! I swerved everyone and I admitted that it was a cross!
Bob Ryder: So it was a cross, not a symbol! I never thought sucking up could be so difficult.
Teddy Hart: You wanna fight Ryder, huh!? Let's go! Me and you! Right now! Come on punk! Want
me to do backflips?
Scott Hudson: Guys, I have something. I have to admit that I am not exactly the most charismatic
announcer in the business.
Jeff Jarrett: No kidding, we almost replaced you with Lee Marshall.
Scott Hudson: Anyway, I bought a book called "Stand-up comedy for dummies". I wrote some great
material, listen to this...ahem...Stop me if you heard this one before: A priest, a rabbi and Michael Jackson are in a bar.
The priest say: I'd give you a ride but I'm all out of screwdrivers! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
*silence in the room*
Jeff Jarrett: I just learned that negotiations with WGN are over and that our PPV is postponed.
So we'll try to have a deal with Fox Sports and our PPV will take place in mid-may. Speaking of the PPV, Dutch Mantel, did
you call Kevin Nash?
Dutch Mantel: Yeah I did. He wants more money to get injured in our ring.
Jeff Jarrett: Scott Hall?
Dutch Mantel: Yeah and I have this message from him: Hey you *burp* survey time...did you call
for Razor Ramon or for the baaaaaaad guys...I love you man, I am not saying that because I'm drunk, nah man.....you are special....you
are MY BEST friend". Then, he barfed.
Jeff Jarrett: Does that mean he'll wrestle for us?
Dutch Mantel: Highly unlikely.
Jeff Jarrett: Thank God Randy Savage showed up.
Randy Savage: Yo yo yo, this is for the homies who are into Macho Madness, booooyee! I know
that TNA is da shitzit with style but the M to the A the C to the H to the OOOOOOO! man, don't think that it is his flava,
Jeff Jarrett: What happened to you Randy?
Randy Savage: Yo yo yo, don't diss me, bro. Just sayin' just sayin' that R-Shizzle Fizzle needs
the bling-bling to do his thing.
Jeff Jarrett: So it's about money?
Randy Savage: Fo' Sho'..FOOL!
Jeff Jarrett: I just learned that things didn't work out with Fox Sports. So we'll try to have
a deal with the Life Network and our big PPV will take place in 2005. One thing is for sure though, we need to find more money.
Don West: HEY GUYS! I COULD SELL SOME BASEBALL CARDS FROM MY PERSONAL COLLECTION!
Jeff Jarrett: Why do you scream all the time Don?
Don West: IT'S A DISEASE, I CANNOT CONTROL MY VOICE!
Jeff Jarrett: Ok, I'm sorry. Don West: SUCKER! HE FELL FOR THAT.
Jeff Jarrett: I heard you.
Don West: OH NO. I REALLY HAVE THE DISEASE. I CAN'T WHISPER OR EVEN TALK IN MY HEAD.
Vince Russo: So, guys, now that I found God...
Don West: YEAH, BULLSHIT!.....OH DAMN!
Vince Russo: ...and that I am willing to give the young wrestlers a chance...
Don West: PFFFT, LYING SACK OF SHIT.......OH NO!
Vince Russo: ...I was thinking...
Don West: YOU WERE THINKING HOW I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE LAST NIGHT....DAMN! GUYS, I HAVE GOTTA
*Don West walks off*
Vince Russo: Anyway, I think that we should try to work with other wrestling promotions, just
like we are doing with AAA. I emailed every promotions but thus far only Ring Of Honor emailed me back.
Jeff Jarrett: So?
Vince Russo: They answered "u r hot. got more pix lol ?".
Hulk Hogan: Hey brothers!
Jeff Jarrett: Hulk! Finally! We thought you'd never come back.
Hulk Hogan: Let me tell you something, brother. Now that The Hulkster is sure that he won't
perform at WrestleMania XX, he can work with you.
Jeff Jarrett: That's great to hear.
Hulk Hogan: However, I have some demands. Here's the list...
1- I want to be paid more in a night than Raven is paid for a whole year.
2- I want AJ Styles to be fired, I don't want him to upstage me.
3- I want you to hire my friend Jim Duggan and give him the X Title.
4- I want to pin Sabin because he is small so he can't draw.
5- I want the promotion to be renamed "Total Non-Stop Hogan, Dude!".
6- I want you to hire my friend Honky Tonk Man and make him the director of authority
7- I want to become the mayor of Nashville.
8- I want Nashville to be renamed "HulkRulesVille, Dude!".
9- I want the planet Mars as a signing bonus.
10- I want Russo to be killed and buried. Then I want to bomb his casket, just in case.
Jeff Jarrett: Well, I am sure that there's one we could do.
Vince Russo: Don't turn on me, you can't swerve the swerve king.
Hulk Hogan: I also want Brutus Beefcake to be hired and give him...hum...a big supply of "anthrax".
HHH: Hey guys.
Jeff Jarrett: Wait a minute. What are you doing here, HHH?
HHH: Sorry to break the fourth wall but this is a parody in a wrestling website and not real
Jeff Jarrett: Wow.
HHH: Yeah and there's a rule saying that you can't have a parody on a wrestling website without
HHH jokes. I am sorry, that's the law. So do something! Call me fat.
Mike Tenay: But you are not fat.
HHH: Have you read the feedback section at PWTorch lately? Ok so don't you think I have a big
Jeff Jarrett: Yeah but that would be childish to mock you for that.
Mike Tenay: Isn't there a rule to have a Pro-Benoit comment in every column?
HHH: Pffft, Benoit can't draw hits. Sure he can wrestle, but can he sing?
If I may...
And now, WrestleMania is here
And I know I won't jerk the curtain
friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I won't lost to Benoit, that's bull
each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I'll win it my way
Losses, I've had a few
But then again,
too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each burials of midcarders,
each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
wrestled injured and I had it my way
Chris Benoit, losing, you know how it feels
Next sunday, there's no hope for
The record shows the title always come my way!
Yes, a sledgehamer and a pedigree......that's MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Pat McNeil: It sucked
Jeff Jarrett: Ok, the meeting is over. By the way, we are in negotiations with the weather channel
and our big PPV will finally take place in the year 2525.
Zager And Evans: In the year 2525...
Jeff Jarrett: Shut up guys. No more songs for today.
Aftermath: HHH lost, TNA is getting better and my computer sucks. That's why you get a second
teaser instead of a column. Sorry.