Welcome to the first draft of the vaunted "FAN LAWS". Just what are "Fan Laws", you ask? Well, they're a collection of wrestling clichés, rules and observations one finds only in the wonderful world of pro wrestling! TWF's FAN LAWS were of course patterned after Miller Lite's "Man Laws"... only rather than debate 'manly issues', we instead ponder the absurdities that can only be found in a sport where dudes roll around in their underwear.
 
 The following are the first 300+ or so of these "LAWS". First up, my *original* entries followed by the ones inducted by YOU the readers of The Wrestling Fan.com! So, keep in mind, the entries after my own are supplied by the many Readers of TWF, and do not necessarily represent my views and yada, yada, yada. So take them with a grain of salt. Or heavy alcohol as it were.
 
Anyway, the following is an ongoing project, so check back often, as new entries will be amended regularly! Or not. Whatever. And if by chance you wanted to add your own LAWS to the list, you can do so by sending them here. You'll of course be credited accordingly~! So, with that said, let's get to the first draft of TWF's FAN LAWS! *Unofficial* Official Rules for the nerdish over-scrutiny of wrestling!
 
ORIGINAL LAWS AS DECREED BY YOURS ME'LY, SEAN CARLESS:
 
-Wearing jeans in a street fight in lieu of tights obviously makes you that much more effective. Add cowboy boots to the equasion, too, and holy shit, watch out!
 
-Despite tag team wrestling being over 80+ years old, your partner still doesn't realize that getting into the ring while you're being double-teamed is going to cause you more harm than good...
 
-When you're an evil authority figure in wrestling who appoints yourself a special referee, it's always more practical to try and count actual pinfalls rather than just say, ring the bell for a submission the first chance you get.
 
-In a no DQ match, chairs are relatively ineffective, but if they're used during a non-wrestling attack, THEY'RE DEVASTATING and potentially career ending.
 
-It's always a good idea to pantomime to the crowd or audibly yell out that you're going for your finisher. Your opponent still won't see it coming. What's that stomping on the mat? Better turn around and find out! Ahem.
 
-If you're in a Royal Rumble, go ahead and just drop that guy you're press slamming in the middle of the ring. You have plenty of time to eliminate him later...
 
-It might be a good idea to check under that table during a contract signing....
 
-If you're big and muscley, and your opponent is fat, your night cannot end until you pick him up and slam him.
 
-The women of wrestling are always inexplicably attracted to the company owners. Just because.
 
-The blond chick is more than likely going to win the Bikini contest.
 
-No worries, the winner of a Bra & Panties match will take her clothes off anyway, despite so feverishly avoiding just that for 5 minutes beforehand.
 
-Even if you get pinned in the Survivor Series, no worries, you're still undefeated!
 
-Losing your title twice in triple threat matches doesn't count as a loss on your record.
 
-When feuding with Undertaker or Kane, 1940's style gasoline canisters are always readily available under a ring.
 
-Getting hit with a move in a three way match may cause you to blackout on the arena floor for upwards of 5 -10 minutes at a time. You'll then wake up, and switch places with someone else who'll now take a nap.
 
-The Spanish Announce Team have never even thought of moving their commentators desk.
 
-Upon turning heel, you no longer possess any of your previous wrestling ability and are now much easier to defeat.
 
-If you're over seven feet tall, your limbs are best comparable to kitchen appliances.
 
-If you have issues with Teddy Long on Smackdown, best be ready to wrestle The Undertaker.
 
-Despite being dead, you obviously would have wanted the show to go on. Despite the fact this can never be verified.
 
-Diving off 15 foot ladders or going through flaming tables is SAFE, but executing a piledriver is CAREER THREATENING~! and thus is forbidden.
 
-Your first promo on TNA TV must include at least one slam against Vince McMahon and his company.
 
-Being drop toe-held into the ropes is more than enough damage to render you immobile enough for the impending 15 seconds before a swinging kick to the face.
 
-It might not be a good idea to duck when HHH throws you into the ropes.
 
-It's also equally stupid to catch a steel chair Rob Van Dam just threw to you.
 
-Your best bet for success in ECW is to have never wrestled there.
 
-Sound guys in the back always have your theme music pre-cued in the case you decide to make a completely spontaneous and unexpected appearance/ run-in.
 
-You can blow up your boss's car, dump shit on him, kick his ass, and marry his daughter after immobilizing her with a date rape drug, and he still won't fire you. He'll just cost you lots of matches.
 
-2/3rds of the nation's police budget goes to flanking a wrestler and/or owner, then in turn incarcerating the wrestler who dare stand up to them. This is clearly more important than fighting non-wrestling crime.
 
-When women have issues with one another, they'd really much prefer to settle them by trying to rip each other's clothes off.
 
-Being ran over by a car, dropped from a building, set on fire, and having your head crushed with a cinderblock/sledgehammer or any large blunt object will only put you out of action for *maybe* a week, but walking across the ring and tearing your quads puts you on the shelf for a YEAR.
 
-Most women don't have last names. They simply are referred to by their first names in all walks of life.
 
-All professions, vocations and trades secretly have the ability to wrestle. Garbage man? Natural catch-as-catch-can ability. Plumber? Dropkicks are really your business. It just comes naturally. And we're foolish to assume someone who trained in an entirely unrelated profession wouldn't have ring skills. Clearly.
 
-Everyone who works in the mortuary business is impervious to pain and cannot be killed.
 
-Everything hurts more when you bounce off the ropes first.
 
-It's not unusual to see a guy go from revolutionist to runway model to travel agent inside one year.
 
-Putting tape on your thumb makes a normally brittle limb LETHAL.
 
-Silliness like strangling the breath from your opponent with a sleeper or chinlock can't FINISH anyone, but doing a karate chop to the stomach after dancing is unbeatable.
 
-No one learns how to fall. They just naturally land in a manner that doesn't cause permanent injury.
 
-Other countries outside the U.S. don't have cities. Non-Americans are represented only by their nation's name.
 
-Referees suffer from the same medical calamity as Mr. Glass in Unbreakable.
 
-If you're over 6'5", and are practically unstoppable, chances are you *really* have a nonsensical fear of caskets or snakes.
 
-Publicly traded companies encourage their C.E.O.'s to ram people's faces into their ass and have on-camera kinky sex with female employees.
 
-If you really hate a guy, you give him an airplane spin or bodyslam. Guns & knives never taught anyone a lesson.
 
-Black people, Samoans and the mentally handicapped cannot be harmed in the head area. So don't even bother trying. And if Rock ever gets brain damage? Well, they'll be no stopping him!
 
-It's always better to let a guy full on punch you in the face two times before you even try blocking the blow, then subsequently go back on offense.
 
-Savages may not understand English, customs or etiquette due to their "primitive ways", but they always instinctually possess the knowledge to lay on top of a guy for three seconds after beating him down.
 
-Prisons in India are made of bamboo and don't have roofs on them. Yet, no one escapes. Go figure.
 
-Inflicting grievous bodily harm or destroying property is only deplorable if someone unpopular is doing it.
-Sean Carless.
 

TWF READER AMENDMENTS AND ADDITIONS!
 
-When wrestling in your hometown the chances of being humiliated increase with every reference to that fact.
 
-If you?re over 7 feet tall and/or weigh over 400 pounds don't even bother entering a battle royale or the Royal Rumble.  Everybody will unite against you.  Unless your name includes the word "Giant" or "Yoko".
 
-If you're an evil foreigner, every crowd will chant USA in an attempt to bother you.  Even if you're wrestling another non-American.
 
-Any tag team with an attractive diva valet will break up.
 
-When wrestling Finlay, stay away from the ring apron.
 
-If Shawn Michaels or one of the Hardy's is wrestling, there will automatically be a ladder beneath the ring.
 
-If Hogan starts shaking his fists, don't hit him again, just walk away.
 
-All refs will allow heel teams to tag in and out without seeing the tag as long as one of them claps his hands loud enough for the ref to hear.(Think about it.  You see this in every tag match and never think about it, but it?s done all the time.)
 
-Any referee that is knocked down during a title match will disagree with the decision of the replacement official.
 
-When wrestling in a cage match against an opponent with a manager, tag partner, or valet at ringside, never stick your head out of the cage door.
 
-Every wrestler that is non-white will be involved in some sort of racially motivated feud at some point in their career.
 
-Kyle.  (TWF reader for almost three years.)
 
 
-Everybody appears taller and heavier in the Wrestling Arenas. 6 foot five is the new 7 foot!
 
-It is not possible to break someone's grip on your throat until you are almost out of air.
 
-Certain moves simply designated as "finishers" are devastating, no matter how commonplace. Also, if said moves aren't officially defined as such, they lose their power.
 
-If history and statistics are inconvenient for an angle, they never happened.
 
-Attempted murder is not a crime inside arenas.
 
-Being brutally betrayed and pounded to oblivion several times with sledgehammers is easily forgivable if your friend has since become popular.
 
-Age has no bearing on toughness or strength. (cough*VINCE*cough)
 
-Tables are only good for breaking on people.
 
-One's strength will increase depending on how important they are.
 
-Attacking someone going for a pinfall is all that is needed to break it up, no matter if the person is still covering his opponent.

-The the phrase "depths of hell" is often used to describe the floor.

-It's still cool to rag on people a thousand times more talented than you if they work for another company.

-Tag team matches cannot possibly end without two people on floor reaching slowly and desperately for each other and find their partner's outstretched had at exactly the same moment. After which, no matter how many times it has happened before both members of the unpopular team will both extremely unsuccessfully try to stop the newly tagged in partner.
 
-Sev
 
-Don't try to kill Deadmen. They just keep coming back... until they retire, that is.
 
-If you have wrestled in any league before WWE, your name must be changed. Soap Opera sounding names are always good...
 
-Celebrity Wrestling = ratings. Just look at Celebrity Deathmatch... what do you mean that isn't around anymore?!
 
-In wrestling, people can live in National Parks like Death Valley.
 
-A gimmick that didn't work in 1997 will DEFINITELY work in present day
 
-Cartoon's about asses are funny.
 
-Never keep your deepest, darkest secrets that you don't want anybody to know, on DVD's.
 
-Exhibitionists never take their clothes off in Pro Wrestling.
 
-If you get kicked in the stomach, you must wait ten seconds, in case somebody decides to Scissor Kick you.
 
-No matter what you've seen or been told, WWE is not aware that there is a Cruiserweight Title, even if the same guy has tried to convince everyone he's had it for a year.
 
-duel.
 

-If you lock up with a guy and he throws you to the mat so hard that you flip over, there's always that chance that the next time you'll be able to get the advantage.
 
-In addition, if a heel wants a test of strength, go for it. It won't be like the other twenty times he's kicked you in the leg.
 
-If you're winning against Kane or Undertaker, never knock them down face-up. They'll just get right up again.
 
-If your opponent's partner gets the hot tag, be sure to rush him.
 
-If you're a babyface and under 230 pounds, don't accept a match against another light babyface. About a minute in you'll both be destroyed by someone who wants a World title shot.
 
-Hitting someone in the head with a cookie sheet is MUCH more effective than any move in your arsenal.
 
-Referees are almost deaf and cannot hear the sound of a metal chair hitting someone in the head if their back is turned.
 
-Guest commentators never stay guest commentators.
 
-SMC
 

-If you're a cruiserweight, and a wrestler at least twice your size interrupts your match, instead of leaving the ring, you must immediately jump straight into his arms.
 
-If awarded a trophy, don't bother making a space for it on your shelf, for it will never make it home in one piece.
 
-Now matter how devastating a cruiserweight's finisher is, it will not be enough to put away a heavyweight.
 
-If a gimmick doesn't work the first time, try, try again.  With somebody else.  (Examples: Bodydonnas/Simon Dean, Papa Shango/Boogeyman, Dean Douglas/Matt Striker, Gangrel/Kevin Thorn, Rhythm 'n' Blues/Deuce and Domino, Razor Ramon/Fake Razor Ramon/Carlito.)
 
-Only a face will lose a championship in a match that allows championships to change on a disqualification/count-out.
 
-All Native American wrestlers will be required to wear a headdress, war paint, and do a war dance like its still the 1700's. Just because.
 
-In tag team matches, all tags must be observed by the referee to be legal, except in the case of heel teams.
 
-If your gimmick is your ethnicity, it must fall somewhere between "STEREOTYPE" and "OFFENSIVE" to be considered valid.
 
-No matter how many times you've seen your opponent execute an enzurguri after an opponent blocks a kick by catching their foot, you're positive they're not going to be able to do it to you.
 
-Any heel befriending a face for no apparent reason must be trusted implicitly.
 
-Despite the proliferation of low-blows in wrestling, it must never occur to you to wear a cup.
 
-Any wrestler/tag team/stable/personality referring to themselves as the "New" version of a previous wrestler/tag team/stable/personality will automatically fail.
 
-No wedding will take place without at least one interruption.
 
-Any child conceived via a wrestling storyline will never be born.
 
-No matter how out of position the wrestler lands, the bodyslam proceeding a top rope maneuver will have enough force to put him in perfect position for said top rope maneuver. (a.k.a. The Randy Savage Principle.)
 
-In an Inferno Match, the wrestler with the most clothing is going to lose.
 
-E.P. Brown
 

-Executing any top rope manuver is perfectly safe when you land on your opponent's hard muscles and bones, but absolutely lethal when you miss and land on a padded ring.
 
-Using a tombstone piledriver on The Undertaker is ALWAYS a good idea...
 
-Neil (route70 on the forums)
 

-The best way to put over a black champion is to have him act like whiter-than-white royalty, while the best way to put over a white champion is to have him act like a black rapper.
 
-Midgets, gay people and old ladies doing anything remotely youthful is FUNNY!
 
-The best place for a frigid diva to air her grievances is in the middle of a bikini contest.
 
-When you need to talk to someone 'in private', just ignore the camera crew filming the whole thing.
 
-When your 18-34 male demographic gets sick of the generic, scantily-clad cock-teases you throw at them, a fat male stripper covered in baby oil is set to do the trick.
 
-Always wear your wrestling gear - even if you're backstage and not scheduled to wrestle.
 
-If a female wrestler shows an ounce of self-respect (ie, being there to WRESTLE rather than *insert this week's novel idea from the writers*), she's most likely evil.
 
-Despite being called WORLD Wrestling Entertainment, brandishing anything but stars and stripes is frowned upon. (Unless it's in bikini form, see above).
 
-For divas, wearing a quarter-inch skirt and a tank-top is fine. But is they're torn off to reveal... quarter inch-panties and a bra just as revealing as said tank-top, they must run away screaming while trying to cover themselves up.
 
-Dress-code during public conferences is important - especially when that same public watches you every week while you fight dressed as a voodoo witchdoctor / power ranger.
 
-Matches which state the loser leaves their brand 'forever' has a clause in the contract saying they'll be back when their vacation time runs out / rehab is due to end.
 
-Whatever happens in a wrestler's personal life has bearing on the storyline - even if it's colon surgery.
 
-Despite the fact the women's roster has 3 names on it, it's still classified as a 'division'.
 
-Manny T.
 

-"The Wellness program is really to make sure the fans get their money's worth at shows - look at the 2006 great American Bash"
 
-"Diva matches have a dual purpose - food and drinks"
 
-"foreign talent hold a mystic power to both suck and blow at the same time" - Khali, Tiger Ali Singh, Kenzo Suzuki - take ya pick...
 
-Tim Poultney
 
-The more evil you get, the slower your theme music becomes...
 
-even though you have picked up big show over your shoulders in exhibition matches before when you're involved in a title feud with him, everyone will tell you how impossible it is to lift him again.
 
-If your Canadian you probably trained under Stu Hart at some point in your career. Even if you didn't.
 
-If you're a  Japanese wrestler, you will not know a word of English and will only smile and nod to communicate
 
-Jorge U.
 

-Upon turning face, you no longer possess any flashes of your previous wrestling arrogance that made you great in the first place.
 
-The one with fake boobs is more than likely going to win the Bikini contest. Ahem.
 
-tool26
 

-If an opponent repeatedly threatens the well being of your wife/girlfriend, you will still find it sensible to bring her to every TV taping and house show.
 
-When a wrestler delivers a chop, it hurts. When an Asian, Aboriginal or otherwise ethnic wrestler delivers a chop, it ends matches.
 
-It is perfectly sensible for a large Indian wrestler managed by a short Iranian to feud with an undead mortician, vanish, then appear some months later with a Samoan and a Cuban manager on a separate brand.
 
-When doing color commentary, it is always a good idea to plug the upcoming pay-per-view, talk about how big the wrestlers are, or how much that last move hurt. Failing these strategies, I recommend ignoring the match entirely.
 
-If you're over six foot four with no promo skills, your finisher will be a kick to the head. You will also receive your title push within the first two months of your debut.
 
-Winning a #1 contender match is no longer the same as winning a title shot. Inversely, a wrestler can be off TV for months and absent from the entire evening's card, but will earn a title shot simply by shooting lightning into the ring and gesturing ominously.
-Andrew Kannegiesser
 
-Apparently, cruiserweight championships cannot change hands when you are involved in a 'best of infinity' series against Matt Hardy
 
-Hulk Hogan's "YOU!" trademark move is actually a short version of "You.. better sell  my moves and job to me or else I will bury your career .. bruther!"
 
-Taking "vitamins" and saying your prayers regularly will result in your skin having a healthy orange glow.
 
-A sledgehammer is more destructive if you hit the opponent using the handle instead of the head.
 
-Leprechauns live under the ring. They do not hide pots of gold. Rob Van Dam used pot and lost the gold.
 
-Foreigners are evil by default. Not born in the U.S.A? HOW DARE YOU.
 
-There are a thousand variations of the chinlock. Most were created by Randy Orton. And all are used for 14 minutes of a i5 minute match.
 
-Richard N.
 

-Apparently, despite working for years in the business, the commentators have NEVER seen ANYTHING like... anything. EVER.
 
-The grabbing of one's tights always prevents them from raising their shoulders before a count of 3 is made.
 
-No one knows why, but a double-suplex will always hurt twice as much as a regular suplex.
 
-If your manager gets on the apron, you're going to accidentally hit them, and lose your match!
 
-Being thrown to the ropes will cause you to run infinitely while your opponent flips over you, ducks under you, until you make contact with them.
 
-Amit
 
-When submitting match results to a website from a WWE show that you attended in person, it's important to express your utter disdain for everyone else in attendance  because they were actually trying to have a good time and were doing such inappropriate things as cheering for Cena and HHH while booing people like Shelton Benjamin (y'know, the bad guys).  It's also important to express complete hatred for the current product, but only after bragging about how good your seats were, how much they cost, and when people might be able to see you talking on your cell phone during the actual broadcast.
 
-Commentators must always express disbelief when a wrestler's non-finisher signature move fails to win them the match, especially when it's NEVER won them a match ever.
 
-Wrestling has proved that if you fall from a high place and manage to land on a table or another person, you'll be just fine EVERY time.
 
-Ladders must be stored under the ring at all times, despite the fact that they can't possibly be used to reach ANYTHING in or around the ringside area.
 
-No matter how many times you see the Big Show on TV, you can't, just absolutely CAN'T, realize just how large of a human being he is until you see him in person...because a seven footer looks that much more impressive than a guy a half a foot shorter when you're up in the nosebleeds.
 
-When getting ready to put your opponent through the announcers table, remember to remove the monitors first.  You wouldn't want to HURT the guy or anything.
 
-Usually, the guy with the Japanese name that's wearing a mask isn't going to be Japanese...or any Asian nationality for that matter.
 
-Despite differences in height, weight, body type, or ethnicity, heel tag teams that wear identical masks or make-up will always be able to fool the refs with their otherwise remarkable similarities.
 
-When fighting the Big Show inside of a steel cage, look for loose cage panels or weak spots in the mat, as you'll just be saving yourself the beating you'd take before being launched through one of them anyway.
 
-If you've been knocked into a dizzy state while fighting Shawn Michaels and you hear him stomping the mat behind you, do NOT turn around.
 
-Even if you've passed out and both your legs are broken, you will be able to run back and forth across the ring if your opponent throws you at the ropes.
 
-The sheer power of the audience's applause can bring a wrestler back from the brink of unconsciousness.
 
-In the old days (and it might still happen in Memphis), for referees, it wasn't unusual at all for about 10 bucks in quarters to mysteriously appear next to a downed opponent even though the guy was up and about and kickin' all sorts of ass before the ref was distracted by the heel manager a few seconds ago. 
 
-As a referee, it's your job to count to 3 first, and then ask questions later...or never, it's really up to you.  You're the ref.
 
-Even though they dress in the same locker room, one wrestler will ALWAYS be surprised when a recently turned partner or stable mate tears off their t-shirt or jacket to reveal the t-shirt of the OPPOSING team or stable!
 
-It's OK to ram your opponent's skull into steel posts and to put a fellow wrestler through any and all
types of furniture and barricades at ringside, but if you hit him in the nuts from behind when he's not looking or use a closed fist? -- Disqualification.
 
-Rob Brown
 
-A sneak attack is entirely justified if the crowd likes you... otherwise you're a cowardly dick.
 
-Samoans speak unintelligible gibberish, have heads like cinder-blocks and thumbs capable of extreme devastation.
 
-No matter how many times somebody escapes your full nelson, it still has never been broken.
-A sledgehammer is a very common tool often found under a wrestling ring.
 
-Defending your title only once every 5 months makes you "Smackdown's best kept secret".
 
-The "toughest man wearing a dress" is actually a term of endearment.
 
-Despite there being a giant screen, the referee cannot see it and therefore cannot tell that someone is cheating behind his back.
 
-All referees suffer from a rare disease that makes them fall asleep on the mat till its time to count a pinfall.
 
-No matter how many crimes you commit in front of national cameras, you can only get arrested if you attack the company's owner.
 
-The guy guest speaking at the announcer table will be complacent and stay there, doing nothing to interfere in the match....
 
-It is clearly impossible for every person in to get into the ring at the same time during a reverse battle royal.
 
-No matter how many people you have defeated with your finishing move, it is still not powerful enough to stop Hulk Hogan.
 
-An epidemic of elevated liver enzymes is sweeping the nation!
 
-Vampires do exist; they are just regulated to wrestling on shitty shows.
 
-Putting "great" in the name of an obviously shitty wrestler makes them just that much better.
 
-Mexican wrestlers must travel to the ring on lawn mowers, because that's all they do for a living down there? Mexican lawyers & doctors? Ya, right.
 
-Being an "Exhibitionist" does not guarantee the ability to undo a bra.
 
-No matter how big the hype is and how faithful his tag partner is, GOD will still no show your ppv.
 
-Goose stepping in Germany may get you fired from CNBC News, but it does get you the WWE championship.
 
-Kyle Lindekugel
 

-Good women love to take off their clothes; evil women fear it, and will run in shame when exposed.  It doesn't matter how scantily clad they are to begin with.
 
-Do not punch Hogan in the head when he's hulking up.  Just don't do it.
 
-Daniel F.
 
 
 
-Hulk Hogan can stagger a man by simply pointing and yelling "Yooou"!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
-Merl
 

-Wrestling Fan Law #316: A finisher move is not powerful unless you or JR can say it?s name three times in succession (i.e. Stunner! Stunner!  Oh My GOD! STUNNER!)
 
-Brian Brown
 

-Although wrestlers who drink beer are cool, most of the beer ends up on the floor or on fans and is never actually drank.
 
-The less moves you have, the more successful you'll be!
 
-Shaun Johnson
 

-Laws against assault, sexual harassment, destruction of personal property, attempted murder, vandalism, and grand theft auto do not apply inside a wrestling arena. Trespassing laws however are still in full effect.
 
-Drawing number 1 gives you a better chance of winning the Royal Rumble than drawing number 30.
 
-When in a Hell in a Cell match, it's always a good defensive strategy to climb to the top of the cell.
 
-When in a cage match, it's always much faster and easier to climb over the cage than to exit through the door.
 
-Always argue with a referee about a two count. Sometimes he'll change his mind and make it a three count...
 
-William C.
 

-It should never cross your mind to bite the sock-clad
hand in your mouth.
 
-If you win the Royal Rumble, HHH will still main event Wrestlemania anyways.
 
-While getting pinned, beware the referee's occasional bouts of blindness while your feet are on the ropes.
 
-No matter how fresh you are, you will still somehow crawl up steel cages and ladders with the speed of a glacier.
 
-If you are the guest on a talk show segment, prepare to take the host's (or run-in)'s finishing maneuver and/or weapon shot.
 
-Every object, no matter how smooth and flat the surface, leaves long horizontal slices across the forehead.
 
-Bradley Slater
 

-No matter how badly battered you are with weapons to the body, it is impossible to make you bleed, however a much less hard blow to the head is likely to bring forth a tidal wave of blood.
 
-Crashing 15ft through a table to the ring below is far more damaging than if the table wasn't there to break your fall.
 
-If you set up a table outside the ring for seemingly no reason, it is safe to assume you will be the one going through it.
 
-If a wrestling promoter still has 1000's of glow sticks to sell, it is possible to have a stable that contains only one member.
 
-John
 
 

-If you hear a song that a wrestler used as his or her theme song played on T.V. or in a movie preview, you must immediately send this pertinent info to a wrestling news site.
 
-If you're a wrestler who believes that you're being held down in WWE, don't worry, you can go to TNA and be champion for a week or maybe even a month before someone else who wrestled in WCW and hasn't wrestled since comes along and takes the title from you...
 
-If your name is 'Goldberg' or 'Lesnar' you will claim wrestling was only slightly responsible for your fame even though you're not known anywhere else for anything else.
 
-If you're considered a monster you will find your human side by teaming up with a underdog wrestler half your size.
 
-If you're a cruiserweight heel and try power-moves they won't work until you turn face.
 
-If you're a cruiserweight and you're in the royal rumble, if you're a face you will be knocked out cold by a heavyweight not in the rumble and he will take your spot; or if you're a heel, you will be eliminated in a very very fast and comedic fashion.
 
-Captain Marvelous
 

-If history really tends to repeat itself, Abyss will soon be bald,  maskless and job like there's no tomorrow. Also Sting will rape a mannequin.
 
-Holding two world titles at once solidifies your status as main eventer. Just ask RVD and Chris Jericho....
 
-The best way to mock WWE's terrible acts - fat oily naked guy for  example - is to do exactly the same thing. Now that's what I call  satire!
 
-Sting is able to nullify all damage done to him by pounding his chest and screaming like a maniac. Yet he only does this once per match,  even if he could win the match by using it every time the opponent  comes up with a high impact move. Just because.
 
-When Batista, a bulky, strong, 300 lb guy punches, kicks and  manhandles you for a good ten minutes, it actually inflicts very little damage. But when you rake him in the eyes or force him to collide with  steel steps, it handicaps the guy for rest of the match.
 
-Coach mistreats guys like John Cena, DX and Jeff Hardy. He's a prick.  Teddy Long mistreats guys like MVP, Kennedy and King Booker. He's considered a really nice guy. Go figure.
 
-When you're athletic, charismatic, experienced and you gain the  biggest pops in one of your promotions most important PPV, prepare to  pay some dues. You're not thinking you are better than everyone else,  are you?
 
-Having God as your tag partner might sound awesome, but the guy has a  bad habit to no show when needed. Just look what happened to Jesus.
 
-Two guys randomly thrown together can easily beat any legit tag team for their championship titles.
 
-Bob Holly is made of diamond and excellent. 17 years as pro can't be for nothing, can it?
 
-Jarno of Finland

-In a Bra-and-Panties Match, it's clearly illogical to wear multiple layers of clothing.
 
-Inanimate steel cages are carnivorous, and will try to eat you.
 
-It is actually possible to be chokeslammed TO HELL, despite your religious background. Go figure.
 
-Never accept Vince's offer to join an "exclusive" club, no matter how cool it may sound. Just don't do it.
 
- Just having an Olympic gold metal is a guarantee that you'll have the magical ability to beat any Mixed Martial Arts fighter within a 10 miles radius.
 
-No matter how close you are to your manager, they will, inevitably, betray you one day. So be on the look out. Or kill them first. Either/ or.
 
-If you challenge someone and they ignore you, clearly that makes them a bunch of cowardly pussies, and makes you the WINNER! *coughVoodooKinMafiacough*.
 
-Lucinda.
 

-No one will ever notice a camera crew during a backstage vignette, no matter how much panning, zooming and moving around the wrestlers they do.
 
-Every referee, including wrestlers who are "Special Guest Referees", will be knocked out cold for 10-15 minutes at a time by even the slightest blow to the head/body.
 
-Every Canadian wrestler MUST know how to execute a Sharpshooter. It's the law.
 
-When missing your signature move (because it's not the end of the match), you must miss the move by a HUGE margin.
 
-Despite having about fifty cameras in the arena, and a HUGE fuckin' screen over the entrance ramp, the referee never asks for instant replay when a face (who was just fine five seconds ago) is suddenly knocked out.
 
-Despite blatant choke holds (with and without the ropes) is grounds for disqualification, the referee will count to five, try to pry the offending wrestler off their opponent, count to five again, try to pry the offending wrestler off their opponent again...rinse, repeat. The ref will never, ever call for the disqualification.
 
-Tony S.
 

Royal Rumble laws
 -If you belong to a tag team, your partner will enter one or two spots after you
 -If you're feuding with someone they will enter one or two spots after you
 -even if you've been in the rumble for more than 30 minutes the most popular guy in the rumble will eliminate you seconds after he comes in
 -a move which would normally put you on your back will cause you to jump up and eliminate yourself (i.e. rock bottom,stunner,RVD kick to the face)
 -if you want to perform a move that involves running to the ropes go ahead everyone will clear the way for you.
 
Monday night Raw laws
 -Always trust the guy with the nickname "the dirtiest player in the game" he won't betray you like he did all those other guys
 -If you're a wrestler in your 20's with about 240 lbs. of pure muscle you still wont be able to beat the 53 year old with the bum knees you'll be facing that night
 -J.R. will call you by the wrong name during a match no matter how long you've been with the company
 -you can set J.R. on fire,break his arm,and humiliate him in front of his family all you want, he won't remember in 3 months anyway
 -the title shot for the tag team titles will always go to the team that is made up of 2 bitter rivals or 2 wrestlers who have a match against each other at the upcoming PPV
 -If you're a sex addict, you will wind up wrestling on Raw
-Raw superstars will always arrive at the arena late
 -If Vince McMahon bans a wrestler from the arena or gives him the night off, it's a guarantee that you will see his ass again that night.
 
Smackdown! laws
 -when talking to Teddy Long never ever say anything that can be used to describe a match
Long: Hey playah
M.V.P.: hold on Teddy my cell phone is ringing
Long:Cell phone huh?I'll tell you what, tonight its you one on one In a hell in a CELL against THE UNDERTAKER!!!!!!!!!
 - never ever say you have beaten everyone on the roster unless you really really wanna fight undertaker
 -If you see Scotty 2 Hotty in the ring, it means a new wrestler is making his debut
 -if you're part of Tough Enough, you better lose the contest in order to be employed for more than 3 months (same for the diva search)
 
Diva laws
 -the best way to break into the business is to be a bi-sexual stalker
 -all the blonde divas are interchangeable in terms of storyline characters
 -a 5'4" 140 lbs. woman is considered fat
 -in every bikini contest a diva will refuse to disrobe even though she did so willingly a couple of weeks ago
 -a diva will always fall in love with the wrestler who's been sexually harassing her for the last few months.
 
-Captain Marvelous.
 

-Random, incoherent acts and/or utterances of complete insanity are guaranteed ways to make you seem like a credible and dangerous foe. Just ask the Warrior, Lex Luger or Delirious, for example.

If you lose a Loser Leaves - match, put on a mask and attack your opponent on the next show. No one will ever notice. If you're already wearing a mask, take it off.
 
-The quickest way to win a World Title is to bang the bosses' daughter. Failing that, put on additional 50 pounds of muscle mass.
 
-If Tony Schiavone is calling the matches, the night will always be the greatest night in Wrestling ever, regardless of it's actual content.
 
-If the show's GM/Owner/Whatever informs the crowd that a wrestler is not in the arena tonight for any reason, that said wrestler always magically shows up at the end of the show, despite the distance between the arena and his supposed location.
 
-When Shawn Michaels is coming back from a beating, he always flips up from the floor instead of getting up normally, even if his back is broken.
 
-If Kurt Angle starts to hump your leg, it's the most painful thing in the universe, regardless of your legs condition.
 
-When a smart, cocky heel wins a World Title, there's a 50% chance he'll turn into a retarded face next night, and vice-versa.
 
-Mikko from Finland.
 

-A C-list celebrity can beat your company's Champion, but an Olympic Gold Medalist cannot...
 
- If you have a handicap-related gimmick, prepare to be pushed to the main event within a month and then forgotten about after an unfortunate series of matches with key members of the McMahon family...
 
-A limousine pulling into the parking lot will automatically finish the match currently going on in the ring.
 
If you're Mick Foley, I'd suggest not going on top of the cage. It'll always end badly for you...
 
-John L.
 
-"You've never heard of this "Monty Brown". Ever."
-Jarno of Finland
 
-Before dropping an elbow, patting it makes it harder or sharper and makes it hurt more.
 
-Every heel manager needs a cane.
 
-The following are typical weapons commonly used in fights: megaphones, nightsticks, branding irons, cattle prods, tennis rackets, perfume sprayers, guitars, metal briefcases, salt, bullwhips, spurs, swords, hedge clippers, shillelaghs, and royal scepters.
 
-Timekeepers are not allowed to sit on padded chairs.
 
-In lumberjack matches, when a face is thrown out of the ring he is to be pummeled by every heel lumberjack. Conversely,  when a heel is thrown out of the ring, the face lumberjacks must all stand around him with their hands in the air to show the ref they're not interfering.
 
-In ladder matches, you must swat at the title belt before reaching for it, making it swing, and thereby harder to grab.
 
-Fat men are evil.
 
-Getting fat while having a book out detailing your personal fitness regimen is not at all hypocritical.
 
-If you are intelligent, you are evil (e.g. the Genius, Chris Harvard, Matt Stryker). If you are so dumb that you are borderline mentally retarded, you are an American hero (e.g. Hacksaw Jim Duggan).
 
-Arguing with your foe over who has a better body is a legitimate reason to feud with someone over a Title. Having a posedown is clearly the only way to settle such a blood feud!
 
-Genitals are always named after desserts.
 
-Every immigrant detests America and is only here to sing their national anthem and compete in flag matches.
 
-The guy who's balding always conveniently loses a hair vs. hair match.
 
-The wrestling lifestyle does not require or enable drug use. Most professions' employees have a life expectancy of 50 years of age!
 
-Chad
 

-According to JR, if a heel uses a weapon, it's dirty and uncalled for. But, if a face uses a weapon, it's justified.
 
-Former teachers can always find a job in WWE (i.e. Maven, Dean Douglas, Matt Striker, Michelle McCool)
 
-If TNA wants to promote a movie, they mimic it. If WWE wants to promote a movie, they beat the shit out of the cast.
 
-The oranger you are, the better chance of a Title run in your future.
 
-Justin Oberholtzer
 
-Triple H cannot be defeated by mortal men. He can only lose if he:
    a) Gets disqualified intentionally
    b) Is momentarily distracted by how great he is, allowing his inferior opposition to get lucky.
    c) Gets screwed over by "The Man."
    d) Is facing someone who is or was at one point his "best friend"
    e) Leaves Shawn in the ring by himself for like, five minutes. Come on, Shawn!
 
 -The likelihood that a Big Guy will lose increases exponentially with every inch of height he has over his opposition. Examples include Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio, Kane vs. X-Pac, and Anyone vs. Spike Dudley.
 
-If they were at the peak of physical fitness 20 years ago, we can expect returning legends to be treated as though they never aged and are still at the peak of conditioning.
 
-If Hulk Hogan is on bad terms with the company, his name and image will be denigrated until such time as we need to increase a buy rate.
 
-Hypocrite
 

-Batista can walk a mile through a pit of danger and emerge unharmed, but Kevin Nash can't walk through an arena without blowing out his quad.
 
-It never occurs to the people who hate Vince McMahon to not buy tickets to the product that he sells.
 
-You can still call yourself the World's Strongest Man if a bunch of people beat you in the Olympics.
 
-When a face uses the Three Amigos, it's a tribute to Eddie. When a heel uses it, it's disrespectful even if the heel using them is Eddie's nephew.
 
-Motorhead doesn't know how to sing HHH's entrance music when asked to live. They forget it after they record it, because they know they'll need to record a new track for HHH within about a year.
 
-The Canadian will DEFINITELY make a better United States Champion than the American. Just make him live in Atlanta instead.
 
-Nobody will ever know what Sabu is pointing at.
 
-By Robert Browne.
 

-If you ever find yourself in a cage or ladder match, and your opponent is unconscious, and will remain so for the next 7 minutes, it is probably a good idea to perform an aerial attack that has little chance of making contact. Why bother just reaching up or swinging your leg over the side and winning the match, when you can do a flipping belly flop onto a table?
 
-Also, if you are the boss of a company, and an employee hits you in the face with a chair/hammer/briefcase, you cannot fire him until you book him in a series of increasingly complicated matches over a period of months.
 
-In a world where the goal is to knock your opponent out for 3 seconds,there is still such a thing as "referee stoppage" and concussions are sold as career-ending.  If an opponent is "unable to continue the match," why doesn't the other guy just huck him down and cover him?
 
-Also, REAL injuries are hidden, and FAKE injuries are reported on after every commercial break.
 
-ANYone from a better show can beat EVERYone from a lower-graded show and win their title on their first night. 
 
-Thorn
 
-If you are a heel and get booed, you're an evil asshole. If you are a face who has held the company championship for 20 of the last 24 months and get booed out of the building, you are controversial.
 
-Another Guy from Finland
 
-Spanish announcers' tables must always be made out of balsa wood.

-Revised: "If you're over 6'5", and are practically unstoppable, chances are you *really* have a nonsensical fear of caskets or snakes." However, once you have competed in a match involving the fear, your phobia will disappear and will never be mentioned ever again.

-If you're non-white, prepare yourself for your 'this company is racist' angle.

-TNA will find a way to make a match type out of one of your traits.

-Having a pinky finger on your opponent's tights when you roll them up will make it a hundred times harder for them to kick out.

-No matter how hard you beat someone up, the only two things that can win a normal match for you are your finisher and, of course, the deadly roll up.

-If you put a heavyweight title for some reason on a cruiserweight, quickly drop the 'Heavyweight' before someone notices. If it's too late, who cares? You're Vince McMahon, dammit!
 
-Undercard storylines in TNA must be pushed via a six-man tag with no less than two run-ins.
 
-Based on how long a match has been going on, the fraction that the commentatiors will use to describe a near fall will become closer and closer to three, usually starting at "a half" and ending normally around "fifteen sixteenths".
 
-The perfect way to shut up the IWC for a while is to lose the title to one of their favorites....who'll then by proxy become one of their enemies soon thereafter!
 
-People who paid to see wrestling don't mind half an hour of uninterrupted talking. Trust me.
 
-J.R.'s voice must go up by 50 decibels any time Stone Cold walks through the curtain.
 
-Announcers must refer to any botch as "a modified (whatever it was supposed to be)".
 
-SMC
 
*****CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 RIGHT HERE.

 

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