That's right, with the
*official* announcement of ECW on the Sci-Fi network yesterday, I thought it
time we plan ahead, and as such, we're officially in the market for a full-time
recapper for all things ECW. What we'd need is a recap done following the
one-hour ECW broadcast (which to my understanding is on a Tuesday
So, with that said, here's *officially*
what would be expected from you:
-A knowledge of ECW and its history. If
you find yourself not knowing the names of the talent or any of its history,
this gig isn't for you. And if you don't, come on! Go watch some videos and
catch up you fucking mouth-breather!
-Your own personalized name for your
recap. And if you feel like it, your own unique rating system or gimmicks.
(although it's not mandatory). Just something that will make YOUR recap more
appealing to John Q. Fucky who’d sooner read the recaps on huge sites like 411
and Inside Pulse.
-Although I don't necessarily require blow by blow
recapping, telling the basic story of the match, the finish, high spots, etc. is
very important. Just writing a sentence and “New Jack pinned Ballz Mahoney. The
match sucked." is unacceptable. Keep in mind that your job is basically that of
a storyteller. Look at it the same way as if a friend asked you to explain a
movie that you've seen that they have not.
-Humor, or at least
humorous scrutiny. We are a satire site after all, and our style of recapping is
what sets us apart from the other sites. Be unique. You don't have to be a
comedian per se, but try to be entertaining. For examples of *ahem* "TWF style"
check out all four of our current recaps (RAW, SD, TNA & WWE
-Commitment. TWF recaps have proven to be our biggest
time-tested hit getters, so we need someone who is dedicated. If you have no
intention of being in this thing for the long haul, please don’t apply.
Remember, if our readers don’t get the recap from us, they’ll likely go
somewhere else for it. And that hurts the site. If by chance you just can’t make
your deadline for whatever reason, 24 hours notice is needed so that a
replacement can be found. Blatant no-showing will be dealt with immediate
termination of your services. It’s a policy we are forced to adhere to now that
we have a large following and count on timely updates to remain
-Team player. We pride ourselves at www.thewrestlingfan.com on the fact that we all get along. No feuding with
other staff members, starting drama or being a prima donna is accepted. You’ll
find that our working environment is far more comfortable than virtually any
other site online, mainly because of our ability to work and respect one
another. This ain’t high school, chief, so check your shit-disturbing at the
door if that’s your inclination. Save your venom for your column.
have to give me a complimentary “how’s your father” handjob. Ok, maybe not.
We’ve since suspended this practice since Renee wore a coal miner’s
And that’s it. If you’re still interested, drop me a line at
email@example.com and I’ll get back to you. (unless you suck.
In that case you’ll be ridiculed and we’ll take turns urinating on your recap
before lighting it on fire. Just Kidding. Or am i? ;)),
That’s it. Fuck
off. Err, I mean, good luck!
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).