RAW RECAP TIME. And
boy do they edit the crap out of it. Why,
looking at this I'd almost think this show was good!
Haha, I know better. Piped in laughs for
Dennis Miller, CONVENIENTLY leaving out HHH
admitting his WM 25 match sucked ass, no Batista
with the popped collar interrupting Maria, you name
it, it's not here. Instead they focus on
mainly the winners only, Jericho getting screwed and
kicked off Raw, and Supercena rising to the top once
again. WWE: Yesterday's PPV matches at
tomorrow's prices! One of these days this
hamster wheel of bullshit is going to bite them in
the ass so hard, and when that happens, I will
laugh. Laugh a hearty laugh. Then
they'll go out of business, and I will laugh some
more. And on that day, I will be free. I
will cheer accordingly.
TO THE BACK with the
Burchills doing the walk of shame when Helms comes
up to interview them. Burchill just responds
with screaming as loudly as he can and storming off.
I have to say, Helms came off as quite the dick
here. What a hero.
TO THE FRONT, and now it's time
for the Abraham Washington show. Just keeps
getting better and better. Abe, after cracking
jokes about the town and how he got robbed last
night of a Slammy, he brings out Maria for the
COMPELLING interview. Things go from
interesting (recapping Batista's interruption) to
downright painful when apparently Maria goes into
full on bitch mode teasing Abe about not winning
last night. I imagine it was supposed to be in
a joking tone, but DAMN she sounded like a bitch.
Like, I wouldn't have been surprised if Abe went Ike
Turner on that woman. Atlas joins in on
goofing on Abe, so Abraham just ends the show.
Well that was pointless. Again, I must
stress...Maria. What a bitch. Isn't she
supposed to be a face?
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match
#1: Vladimir Kozlov Vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Holy hell that asian chick has
a husky voice. Oh and apparently Ezekiel has
relocated from Harlem to South America. So,
technically he's still African-American, just not in
the way you'd think.
Match starts off with
LOUDDDDDDD NOISES! And Ezekiel does scoop
slams over and over. Zeke tries to show off in
front of Regal which earns headbutts a plenty to
total silence. Kozlov has the upperhand when
he tries to run the ropes, and...DUN DUN DUN, Regal
trips Kozlov up on purpose. Jackson follows up
with the negronage for the win.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
What Stood Out:
MERCIFULLY short. Also, STORY DEVELOPMENT.
After the bell, Regal goes to
get his jacket, but MAD RUSSKIE APPEARS.
Jackson saves the day by clubbing Kozlov from
behind, and Regal joins in on tossing Vlad into the
announce table. So I would guess Vladimir
isn't getting invited to the Christmas party.
TO THE BACK again, where THOSE
GUYS are playing as themselves against DX in
Smackdown Vs. Raw 2010. THEY handily beat DX,
making it the one and only time THEY'RE beating
Shawn Michaels and HHH in the ring. Shame it
wasn't in reality. THEY celebrate and head on
to the ring.
THOSE GUYS Vs. Jobbers
Hey, would you look at that -
THOSE GUYS got new music. And it's not gay!
Good for them.
Jobber #1 gets the upper hand
for a bit, but THE ONE GUY clips the back of the
knee when THAT OTHER GUY provides the distraction.
More stuff happens, and Jobber #2 does nothing but
get punched off the apron. Apparently THEY
decided on a new finisher too, as Jobber #1 falls
victim to a neckbreaker/power bomb combo, that
admittedly looks pretty sweet too. I christen
thee...THAT MOVE #2.
Winner: THOSE GUYS
What Stood Out: So is
their gimmick to have a complete overhaul every
couple of weeks?
After they're announced as the
winners, THE ONE GUY grabs the microphone to
announce them as the tag team of the year 2010.
Eh, stranger things have happened.
TO THE BACK ONCE AGAIN GOD
MAKE IT STOP where Kane runs into Yoshi Tatsu and
Goldust talking about Raw last night. Yoshi
says some japanesey stuff, Kane doesn't understand,
so he asks Goldust for a translation. Goldust
tourette's out. Kane says "and they say I'm
the freak." I'm sure someone laughed,
somewhere. Just not me.
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match #2: Kane Vs.
Considering it's past 11 and
this match hasn't even STARTED yet, I get the funny
feeling this one isn't going to be a 30 minute
Zack tries to speed around
Kane, but he's having none of it. Zack
retreats to the rope after a quickie chokeslam
attempt, and Kane goes for a big boot but gets hung
up on the top rope. This turns into Zack
attacking the leg repeatedly for a few minutes, and
manages to look convincing taking down the big guy.
After a few close counts, Zack tries going for his
leg lariat, but Kane shrugs him over so that he can
turn around into a chokeslam for the victory.
What Stood Out: Eh, for
the time given (that is, not much at all), it was at
least somewhat convincing that Kane could've lost.
But yeah, doesn't exactly take a genius to figure
out how this one was ending.
After the bell, Zack gets some
consolation with Rosa, Kane does his flames thing,
and we're done here. THE END.
Uppers: Well, you certainly can't
say this show was lacking in content...
Downers: If there's something you
were supposed to take from last night's show, it's
NOT THE 2 MINUTE MATCHES.
Overall: Still a better show than
Raw last night. Also, the tournament opens up
some nice possibilities, as it gives guys on the
other brands something to do, and something fresh.
HOLY SHIT SOMETHING NEW-ISH IN WWE.
And that'll do it for this
week. Quick and filthy, like my love making.