God damn work making
me late to this. As a result, I'm going to be
playing catch up all night. So, yeah, quick
and dirty version tonight.
And to start a shitty
night off worse, I tune right in the middle of the
Abraham Washington Show! Abe is busy ragging
on Virginians, leading to a decent amount of Boos.
Soon after, Washington brings out Zack Ryder and
Rosa Mendes, to ...cheers? Did I miss
something last week? Zack responds to being
questioned about Rosa by, uh, reading a poem to her.
Ah, there's them boos. He even quotes the Kix
motto! That's it, fan for life. Not
really. Rosa does a poem of her own too,
leading to Zack doing his best Tom Cruise couch
jumping situation. Painful. Something
tells me I didn't miss much, because I already lost
the will to live.
William Regal w/ Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov
Pretty basic stuff
here. Goldust gets the upper hand, ladies in
red distract, Regal takes over. Shattered
dreams gets teased, but damn it this is PG WWE!
So no running kick to the balls for Regal.
However, when it gets taken to the outside, UH OH,
PARTNERS DO NOT GET ALONG. Jackson and Kozlov
cause Regal to get rolled up like a bitch for the
loss. Well, have to say, I did NOT see that
What Stood Out:
YAWN. But apparently I missed the part where
Kozlov and Jackson were squabbling? Sheesh,
they're making it sound like last week's ECW was
important or something.
TO THE BACK now, where
the Burchills are begging for their jobs, but
General Manager Generic Blonde Tiffany is having
none of it. Unless....*cue porno sax* nope,
unfortunately real life is not like Naughty Office.
Just then as they're leaving, TWO WILD FCW CLONES
APPEAR! They make me a fan by referencing
Pirate Paul, but then immediately reveal their total
tween douchebag personas and wipe that right the
fuck out. So yeah, they didn't actually bother
to GIVE THEIR NAMES, so the nameless twins go and
have a match.
Brothers V.2 Vs. Two jobbers that look about as
credible as the guys debuting
So yeah, TAG TEAM!
IN ECW! They'll totally go places.
Pretty bland squash until they bust out their
finish, which I must admit was pretty sweet.
Basically it was a Hart Attack except it was a HARD
running leaping knee to the face instead of a
clothesline. I approve.
don't know their name...but those guys!
What Stood Out:
Their finisher, and the desperate trying by the
announcers to put them over.
focuses on Batista wailing on Undertaker with a
chair. Compelling stuff. Just let it be
known that 2009 was the year WWE beat every single
gimmick they have into the dirt. However it's
draining to complain, so here's hoping these matches
aren't as awful as they sound. Moving on,
Shelton's doing what he does best IN THE BACK.
Getting pushes cancelled? No silly, playing
Smackdown Vs. Raw! He's beating a computer
controlled Christian handily in a ladder match as
the actual Christian walks in the room. Again,
missed last week, so I just found out that
Christian's facing NOT REGAL at the PPV! I can
actually at least buy Shelton as a viable contender,
unlike Regal. Seriously, Eddie Guerrero's
recalling his feud with Rey Mysterio and saying
"damn, that feud is one-sided." Then he's
clawing his way out of his casket to feed on the
flesh of the living. Oh man, Zombie Eddie
Guerrero would rule. It'd be all like "hey
come outside I won't eat you" then you'd trust him
and step outside and he'd say "I LIEEEEED, ESSE~!"
*CHOMP* OK, went a little retarded there, I
apologize. You want serious commentary here at
TWF, obviously. So yeah, Christian peps up
Shelton for the tag match tonight, and turns the
game off. It was good, but I like my story
Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson w/ William Regal
Vs. Shelton Benjamin and Christian
Oh dear, where to
start. They gave this one decent amounts of
time, but like, how is this any different than
before? Because there's a black dude (Shelton)
instead of an Asian dude (Yoshi) on the good guy
side? Eh, good enough for me I guess.
However, the plot's pretty much the same. Like
every. SINGLE. MATCH. Yay variety!
So the faces get the upper hand early, then they
don't. The champ gets hossed on for about 10
minutes straight, then manages to escape with that
Canadian trickery they're all known for. Hot
tag to Shelton lets him clean house, and Kozlov is
not amused so he ANGRILY tags Ezekiel to try and
turn things around, but it doesn't happen.
What DOES happen instead is Ezekiel being a
saaaaaaaaaaaad panda, and he walks off when Kozlov
wants a tag. So, Kozlov gets stinger splashed
against the ropes and Paydirt'd for the loss.
For what it's worth, it was still compelling.
Christian and Shelton Benjamin
What Stood Out:
I'm interested to see how this turns out with
Ezekiel being all pissy. Now I know I
shouldn't, since the last time they teased a turn
wth Zeke he just decided to go back to being a dick,
so I'm a little more careful this time around.
I won't have my heart broken again!
Christian and Shelton
celebrate while chatting about their match at the
PPV as the heels stay in the ring feeling foolish.
Good for me summing up a quarter of the show in
about 30 seconds worth of reading. Like I
said, quick and dirty. THE END.
Uppers: Me, winging it.
Actually having little clue on what's going on kind
of made things a little more interesting. Also
that tag team finisher was pretty cool.
Thought I'd reiterate that.
Downers: As far as the matches go,
meh. Couldn't really hold my attention.
Also, that Ryder/Mendez pairing took a turn south
tonight. You know the phrase "so bad it's
good?" Yeah, that poetry was more like so bad
that it loops around past good and goes all the way
back to being bad.
Overall: I can barely remember
anything about the show so...yeah. Probably
not a good sign.
OK, that (very poorly)
does it for this week. But what of last week,
you say? Yes, how dare I miss a week ever!
Since I don't leave any week unfucked, here's my
recap of last week's ECW:
Sounds good to me.
Have a good night, you've been great!