Between the Phillies going down like bitches and
also assorted personal bullshit, I am in a totally
shitty mood right now. That being said, let's
get right to it.
Still standing here in
Sheffield, England! And man the audio is
pretty awful tonight. Everything sounds
ridiculously muffled. Abraham Washington come
to start us off, and it's of course, met with
resounding apathy. Man that hair is shiny.
So after some pre-requisite Brit bashing (which
actually gets some good heat), Washington goes ahead
and hypes up the main event, and brings out Yoshi
Tatsu. Yoshi looks like, well, a Japanese
businessman, minus the combover and sniffing of
preteen panties while doing drunken karaoke.
Yay for stereotyping! This turns into a quick
rehash of Rush Hour, as they do that whole "Do you
understand the words that are coming out of my
mouth" bit that totally wasn't old a decade ago.
Add in that already so very tired thank you bit with
some gratuitious bowing, and this is getting really
bad really fast. But, Yoshi does call Abe
Chris Tucker. SICK BURN. Eventually,
Washington goes "fuck this shit" and ends the
segment, to take a hike with Atlas to the backstage
as Yoshi bows repeatedly. Oh you lovable
foreigner, what ever will we do with you? To
sum up, not a great start to the evening.
However, I've got no problem with putting this on
first. Get the shit over with early, right?
Oh I hope so.
Burchill w/ Katie Lea Burchill Vs. Goldust
Just thought I'd
mention this, I've seen the top Katie Lea is
wearing. In a Paintball/outdoors store.
So, it's pretty much the pinnacle of Trailer Park
Trash. Also, uh oh, Goldust is deciding to be
in character tonight!
Goldust is working
over Burchill with ease from the get go, until a
snap kick to the back of Goldy let's Paul take over.
Rib attacking galore follows, and I'm losing
interest in a hurry. I'm sorry, Goldust just
doesn't do it for me. He eventually makes a
comeback, but Burchill shrugs off a bulldog from the
corner and hits a running punt to the ribs.
Orton's filing a lawsuit for gimmick infringement as
we speak. Hurricane comes down to keep
Burchill from having any credibility, as Goldust
uses the distraction to land a Final Cut to pick up
What Stood Out:
Nothing like building some momentum for his big
match next week! Hometown (or country) rule is
full in effect here apparently.
TO THE BACK as Ryder
encounters Rosa to compliment her on her being
barely above useless last week. He then humbly
asks her to come with him to the ring sometime, and
she says maybe. Awwwwwww. He then has
another daydream of them skipping down the hall
holding hands. AWWWWW. Ok, I'll even
admit that was pretty funny. I would also
recommend this site to him, www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. This story seems tailor made
for that site.
ALSO IN THE BACK,
General Manager Generic Blonde Tiffany is having a
chat with William Regal. I for one am proud of
her. She didn't give into her natural
inclination to rip his pants off! Baby steps.
So GMGBT and Regal take turns making nice nice,
before she tries to plant the seed of doubt that
Regal might not win the title tonight. All
while smiling the whole time. She has missed
her calling as a Barker's Beauty. And with the
sluttiness, she'd be right up that ball-chopping
wacko Bob Barker's alley!
Archer Vs. British Jobber
Mr. Tramp Stamp gets a
quick in-box promo before the match start. I
shall now transcribe the whole promo for you.
Thank me later:
"Who's Vance Archer?
My opponent's about to find out."
So yeah, suplexes,
hits, Reverse DDT, done. I must re-iterate,
What Stood Out:
I get the whole point is to make him seem intense,
but it's less intense and more bland as vanilla ice
William Regal Vs. ECW Champion Christian
Regal opts to go it
alone, and both guys are in the ring before 10:40.
So, they're giving this one loads of time, which is
usually a good sign. After the formal in-ring
intros, we are ready to go! For the record,
crowd's decidedly down the middle for both guys, so
I'm expecting some dueling chants, damn it.
Though this isn't TNA, so I guess I shouldn't hope
for such a ridiculous reaction at the drop of a hat.
Guys do a few tie-ups,
and that's pretty much it for the opening minutes.
There's starting up slow, and there's this.
Oh, and let's not forget that this goes to
commercial like one minute in. Way to break up
the pace, fellas.
Back from break, Regal
is slugging away on Christian. No explanation,
he's just winning all of a sudden. After
wailing on him in the corner, Christian is able to
punch Regal off the top and hit a nice cross body
for a near fall. Now it's all Christian, as he
pounds away. However, he decides to go high
once too often, and Regal catches him on the top.
The two slug away with BOO YAY chants (BOO for
Christian for the record), my favorite kind of
generic chant. Regal eventually wins out and
hits a nice butterfly superplex to take over.
Regal locks in a chinlock going into the next
Back from the last
break, Regal hits an exploder suplex on the outside
and brings Christian back into the ring for a slew
of more rest holds. Despite working heel,
Regal's clearly the fan favorite here. As well
he should be. However, this match isn't
getting too many cheers as the pace has slowed to a
CRAWL. Christian eventually evens things up,
but Regal tries a roll-up with the ropes that gets
caught. Surprise roll-up by the champ gets a
close two, and Regal answers with another big suplex
to take back over. Christian then Canadians
up, and the two go back and forth before Christian
hits a sudden Killswitch. However, Christian
isn't able to capitalize right away, so this only
gets a two. Back and forth we go again, with a
SLOPPY roll-up getting a close two count on the
champ. Christian recovers and goes up top
AGAIN, but Regal just pitches him to the floor to
begin a SLOW count. Christian gets back in,
lands some hits, and two Missile Dropkicks get a
close count. Regal answers with a missed knee
trembler but not really, which gets close as well.
back and forth some more until Regal locks in the
Regal Stretch, which again gets very little from the
crowd. Stretch gets battled out of and it's a
total counter-fest from here. Eventually Regal
misses on his third knee trembler attempt, and
Christian finally scores with the Killswitch (after
like his fourth attempt) to pick up the win.
What Stood Out:
Good enough match, if a little slow. And by a
little, I mean HOLY CRAP END THE PAIN. A dead
crowd didn't help things either.
Christian stands tall
with the title. I'd expect to see another
rematch between the two before the year's over.
Or 10. THE END.
Uppers: When the main event was
actually going at a decent pace, it was good stuff.
Yep, that's all I got. Oh wait, Ryder and Rosa
skipping. There we go.
Downers: Outside of flashes of
brilliance in the main event, the wrestling tonight
was pretty blah as a whole. Seems like the
crowd agreed, as they were no-selling pretty much
everything tonight. Or it was the shit audio.
I can't decide which. Abraham Washington and
Yoshi Tatsu was extremely blah, Vance Archer
continues to unimpress, and Buchill looking like a
joke into likely being booted out of ECW next week
into the unemployment line are all big minuses on
Overall: Have to say, very much not
a fan of tonight's show. Maybe it's my mood,
but just wasn't feeling anything from tonight.
Oh well. I press on. Though next week
definitely needs to deliver.
And that'll do it.
Short report tonight, but again, not really feeling
it. What can you do? Enjoy the show?
Surely you jest.