Sheamus Vs. Shelton Benjamin
Lauren Mayhew decided to go
into total valley girl mode when announcing Sheamus
for some inexplicable reason. It made me
chuckle. Before Shelton gets to come out, he
gets to have a quickie backstage interview with
Savannah. Man, this episode is pornolicious
tonight! Anyway, basic stuff, he's going to
teach Sheamus to respect the gold standard.
Well of course he's going to respect gold - he has a
whole pot of it! MATCH TIME GO.
Shelton is all over Sheamus
from the opening bell, with a very cool highlight
being when Sheamus is knocked to the outside.
Shelton proceeds to leap from the apron into a
split-legged moonsault off the rope to a standing
Sheamus on the outside. First time I ever seen
something like that. Why must Shelton balance
such skills with such an abyss of charisma?
It's perplexing, I tells ya.
Back from break, the new
announcer is pulling off his best "white person
impersonating a black person" impression, mixing
street slang with perfect news anchor inflection.
Sheamus finally turns it around after slinging
Benjamin into the post on the outside, and goes
right to hossin' it up with power slams and rest
holds. This goes for a little while, but
Shelton is able to battle back with his trademark
athleticness. It's all back and forth from here and
fast paced and exciting and...a bicycle kick
(preceded by Shelton getting hotshotted on the ropes
after missing a charge into Sheamus) ends it.
What Stood Out: Well I
guess they have to make the guy look threatening for
the A show, but still, he's using the bicycle kick
as a finisher now instead of the Irish Curse?
Who does he think he is, A-Train? WRONG,
MISTER. You need to grow so much body hair
that people mistake you for having a tan, damn it.
TO THE BACK now with Rosa
Mendez annoying the shit out of Gregory Helms.
So apparently that's her gimmick now, that no one
wants her around. Hey, wasn't the old adage
that the best gimmicks are just their natural
persona turned up to 11? Well in that case
Rosa's on the fast track to superstardom! Good
for her! The Burchills appear in order to tell
her to hit the bricks, and Paul tells Helms to get
Hurricane to meet Paul in the ring at some point
(probably next week) for a proposition. It
just does NOT end.
VIDEO RECAP TIME.
Bragging rights. Big Show SHOCKINGLY turns on
his team to give SmackDown the win and the trophy.
Kind of like how SHOCKINGLY I need to go to the
bathroom after drinking a gallon of water.
Knowing Jericho's hockey roots, I was a little
disappointed that he didn't drink champagne out of
that trophy after winning it.
TO THE BACK AGAIN where
Savannah interviews with Christian. He puts
over Yoshi, saying how seeing him gets him excited
about the future. You heard it here first -
Christian gets a boner watching Yoshi Tatsu wrestle.
He also takes the time to put down Regal, saying how
Yoshi has won matches recently. Yep, this main
event won't end in bullshit interference, no sir.
He concludes that one night it's going to be Yoshi's
turn to be champ, just not tonight.
I must comment on this
commercial highlighting Batista's heel turn on
Rey-Rey at the PPV. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY
FRIEND~! YOU KNOW, THE KIND OF FRIEND THAT
TOTALLY DOES WHATEVER I SAY NO QUESTIONS ASKED AND I
DO NOTHING BUT TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP. THE BEST
KIND OF FRIEND! Yeah, I didn't really see a
heel turn, all I saw was Batista being Batista.
Champion Christian w/ Championship Belt Vs. Yoshi
Tatsu w/ Black Belt
So, the new announcer follows
in Lillian's foot steps, as apparently Yoshi's from
Toki, Japan now. E-NUN-CIATE. Big match
announcements in the ring to start us off, then the
bell rings at about 10:45, so this one's going for a
while. You know, only to be totally raped by
Things start off slow with some
back and forth mat wrestling, which Christain wins
with a springboard sunset flip for two. Yoshi
answers back with a BAAAAAACK BODY DROP and a
standing senton for two, then a backslide for
another two count. Fancy pins aplenty get
close counts on the champ, and we go into commercial
with Christian retreating into the corner, showing
Back from break, Christian is
on top for a moment before getting knocked to the
outside. Yoshi tries to pescado all over him,
but Christian sidesteps him and Yoshi looks like he
breaks his ankle trying to land on his feet.
Christian answers with a springboard cross body and
rolls Yoshi back in. Apparently they don't
teach selling in Japan because Yoshi is running just
fine and hits a running cross body for two before
Christian comes back with some rest holds and a
reverse DDT. Yoshi is able to turn it around
when he tosses off a tornado DDT attempt, and hits
his spinning heel kick off the top for another close
count. Kicks run wild from here, finishing
with a discus elbow for a closer count.
Christian gets a Killswitch attempt in, but in the
end settles for standing on Yoshi in the ropes,
bitchslapping him, and missile dropkicking him.
Christian then goes immediately for another one,
which gets countered into a pin attempt, which get
closer and closer. Another reverse DDT gets
another close one, and the crowd is loving every
second of it. It's a counter-fest from here,
as Christian tries to counter a roundhouse into a
Killswitch, which is shrugged off. This turns
into that kick through the ropes he does, a
SHORYUKEN, and finally hits the Killswitch to pickup
What Stood Out: Yoshi's
definitely made it. On ECW, anyway. The
crowd totally ate up these two guys going at it, as
well they should have.
After the bell, Christian tries
to wake up Tatsu, but here come the ladies in red to
beat the everloving shit out of the two faces,
especially Christian. Regal casually strolls
in as they deliver a double chokeslam to the champ,
and Regal holds up the title to raucous chants of
"Regal sucks" as we're done for the week. Well
at least they were polite enough to wait until the
match was over. THE END.
Uppers: Main event was fine stuff,
as noted by the absence of jokes. Yes, THAT'S
how you know I'm into a match. The other match
was pretty good too, with the bonus of not seeing it
again for a LONG time. EVERYBODY WINS!
Except fans of Raw main event booking, but fuck
those guys. Finally, I'll give a gold star to
the Abraham Washington show opening up. What
can I say? GMGBT's music exposing her as a
huge whore and REGAL SMASH made me happy.
Downers: Eh, I guess the only fault
I can think of is that the matches were focused on
quality over quantity tonight. Only two
matches does qualify as a downer. Also, as a
minor gripe, they pretty much exposed that ECW has
been totally off the radar of WWE lately. I
mean they openly admitted ECW hasn't been on PPV for
the past few months, how guys can leave for other
shows whenever the hell they feel like, and how
GMGBT is probably the worst GM in the history of
man, giving ECW the shaft on a constant basis.
But, again, GMGBT, huge whore, so she likes the
shaft just fine.
Overall: Once again, dynamite main
event, which seems to be the pattern of these shows.
Great match with a lot of fluff preceding it.
Not that I mind...if I wanted shitty matches I'd be
And that'll do it. Have
to go get ready for the Phillies starting up the
World Series Repeat attempt tomorrow.
Depending on the outcome, next week I'm either going
to be really happy, really pissed, or just late with
the report because I decided baseball is more
important than wrestling for one night. Them's