Welcome Back. Quick
question - would you consider a white guy like me
wearing a poncho and giant sombrero with the words
"VIVA MEXICO" written on it offensive? Just
curious, as I'm thinking of dressing up for
Halloween for work, and I'd kinda like to not be
fired. Oh, I'm thinking of bringing some
tequila with me too.
Didn't watch too much
of Raw last night - Too busy watching the Phillies
give me an early heart attack, along with making me
shred my vocal cords screaming at the TV (for both
good and bad). But you don't want to hear
about that I imagine. You want to hear about
WRESTLING NEWS! And right now, the biggest of
the big news is Shane McMahon, who is GONE when the
new year starts. Considering that it's just
out of nowhere, it's pretty shocking stuff.
So, let's get to wildly speculating! I'll
chalk it up to Shane basically growing up in the
business, and wants to see what else is out there as
part of some mid-life crisis or something.
Well, either that or Trips and Steph are making a
power play for Vince's throne finally in a seismic
shift of control of WWE not seen since the French
Revolution. Sure, it's one of those. In
all seriousness, for a spoiled brat, Shane seemed
like a stand-up guy, so good luck to him in whatever
he does. Just put that out there, because
OBVIOUSLY he reads this report. I mean, who
doesn't? Everyone? Let's get to it.
Still standing here in
the University of South Carolina! GO
GAMECOCKS! Abraham Washington tries to open
the show before the credits when CHRIS JERICHO
strolls in to immediately make things interesting.
Apparently he's looking for General Manager Generic
Blonde Tiffany's office. He then promptly puts
down being on Abe's show. Jericho? On MY
show? This, I can approve of.
After the credits, we
get the formal introduction of Lillian Garcia's
mysterious replacement, looking fine. Lauren
Mayhew's her name, giving me wood's her game.
Too subtle? Though I probably wouldn't hit on
her - big brother Chewbacca's probably lurking
around the corner.
Tatsu Vs. Zack Ryder
Things are pretty even
keel for the first few minutes. Zack gets the
upper hand and says bro a lot, then Yoshi goes all
Japanesey on him to put him on his back.
Ryder's eventually able to hang up Yoshi on the
ropes, and it's pretty much all him for now.
And what do heels do when they have the advantage,
class? That's right, REST HOLDS. Today's
hold is the body scissors, since Yoshi landed on his
gut on the ropes to get the advantage. Yoshi
battles back eventually with a discus elbow and
kicks galore, but gets caught when he goes up top.
Both guys then proceed to fall right the fuck off
the turnbuckle and to the floor. Planned
enough to not paralyze them, but sloppy enough to
make me think it was real. Good job.
Back from commercials,
Ryder locks in a kneeling abdominal stretch (the
deadliest submission in the THQ Nintendo 64 games),
but Yoshi slips out and spins around kicking Zack
behind the knee. And...yeah, they both stand
up and do some more hits, but Yoshi goes over the
ropes on a charge. He hangs on though, and
when Zack tries to follow up, he catches a
roundhouse to the face.
What Stood Out:
This match ending like 90 seconds out of the break.
TO THE BACK now,
with Rosa Mendes trying desperately to sell herself
to GMGBT. She says she's multi-talented
(LIES), she can wrestle (MORE LIES), and can speak
Spanish (EVEN MORE LI...ok that one's probably
true). Jericho barges in to send the waste of
space packing (not GMGBT). Apparently the
reason for the visit to ECW was to scout talent for
his team for Sunday. GMGBT is like "nuh uh
bitch" and does not allow it. Because it's not
like the wrestlers have free will or anything like
that, nope. They're her property. Well,
that's a little depressing. Anyway she
proposes that he just sit back and watch the rest of
the show, and Jericho walks off in disgust. Oh
the hidden meanings are positively delightful.
ONCE AGAIN IN THE
BACK, Jericho has a quick meet and greet with Regal,
Kozlov, and Jackson. He tries to scout the
ladies in red, but GMGBT swoops in to ruin
everyone's fun. Because Regal and Jericho were
saying how GMGBT's in over her head and doesn't have
any real power before she popped into frame, she
reiterates how Regal's not getting a shot at the ECW
Championship, and tries to over-enunciate Jericho
right out of the building. Jericho then says
nay to her, because he's Chris Jericho. Or
because he's part of the unified tag champs, thus
allowing him to appear on all brands. That'd
be a better explanation. So GMGBT then elects
to put Jericho in a match against Christian tonight
instead. THIS, I CAN APPROVE OF.
Sheamus Vs. Who cares because he's tiny
Knees galore, fake pin, Irish
Curse, fake pin, Shelton run-in? Wha?
Sheamus, but never announced so NO ONE.
What Stood Out:
Why'd you run in Shelton? That guy had Sheamus
right where he wanted him!
After the bell,
Shelton is ALL OVER Sheamus, hitting a NICE german
suplex to the pale muhfugga to send his ass
scurrying to the back.
After an excellent
repeat video package of Cena/Orton (it really was
very well put together, but seriously, is going to
SmackDown really THAT BAD), we get a run-down of
Bragging Rights, just another PPV in a long line of
slaughtering good taste in 2009. Oh, I do hope
the next PPV will have a total bullshit gimmick too!
Can't get enough of that! Though it is kind of
hilarious how they're pretty much not acknowledging
ECW one bit for this supposed brand war. Man,
WWE sure knows how to bring the viewers to ECW!
TO THE RING NOW, as
the Burchills come out to, uh oh, cut a promo?
STOP! YOU'LL GIVE THEM CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
IF YOU DO THAT! Paul grabs a microphone,
gloating about how he stomped the Hurricane last
week. It quickly devolves into a USA Vs.
Britan thing, Saying how the UK's heroes are all
fine upstanding citizens, with our heroes being
masked people in tights who rescue kittens.
After claiming he's exposed the Hurricane, he
demands Gregory to come on down and unmask. So
the Hurricane comes on down, and unmasks with no
resistance. BUT OH WAIT. THAT'S NOT
HELMS. Burchill's deadpan delivery of "you're
not Gregory." is quite humorous. So the music
starts up again, and the actual Hurricane appears
from behind, wailing on Paul with a kendo stick.
A Hurri-CANE, if you will. Mmmmm, pun-tastic.
The Brits decide to quickly take a hike after that.
It wasn't a bad promo, and Katie Lea doing nothing
but standing around and looking good gets plenty of
thumbs up from me. Also, that was a pimping jacket
Paul had on. I'd get one, but I'm probably not
British enough for it. Oh, also Paul Burchill
probably outweighs me by probably at least 130
pounds. That may factor into things as well.
Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho Vs. ECW
Know why this makes me
happy? ECW gets a Jericho match, and SmackDown
doesn't. Additionally, Christian FINALLY
decides to not look completely yellow. I guess
Yoshi's lawyers finally got busy with that gimmick
infringement suit. Striker rightfully goes
over the history of these two, and points out how
they haven't had a match in SIX YEARS. Boy, if
an average wrestling fan knew that beforehand, they
might be tempted to tune in this week! WHOOPS!
It's a good ol'
Canadian amateur wrestlefest to start things out,
with wrist locks aplenty to start things off.
Jericho busts out a bridge of all things when put in
the wrist lock, which is awesome. Didn't even
know he had it in him still. That's like,
cruiserweight WCW Jericho right there. Things
break down from wrestling to just punching and
kicking the hell out of each other, which Christian
wins out on. Because he's a face, of course.
Jericho manages to put Christian down momentarily,
but when he tries to bust out the lionsault,
Christian's there to push him over the top rope to
the floor. Jericho then immediately eats a
baseball slide as soon as he gets up going into the
Out of the break,
Christian is working a chinlock, but Jericho powers
him into the corner to break it. All that
earns him is a missile dropkick after being stunned
with an elbow when he tried charging Christian.
This gets two, and Jericho manages to snap off a
BAAAAAACK BODY DROP through the ropes to send
Christian to the floor. After ping-ponging
Christian's head off various things on the outside,
it's all Jericho in the ring as Striker gives him
the verbal blowjob at every angle. Mongoose
McQueen, how Chris' dad played hockey for New York,
it's all in there. Jericho even steals
Christian's move of standing on his back using the
ropes for leverage. Oh, it's only cheer-worthy
when Christian does it eh? DISCRIMINATION!
Christian gets shots in here and there, but only is
able to rally when Jericho tanks it on the
lionsault. AGAIN. SHORYUKEN sends
Jericho into the ropes, and Christian does the
standing thing himself. This actually gets
some boos as well. It's a counter-fest from
here, with Christian going up top, only to be caught
flying into a Walls of Jericho attempt, which
gets countered into a schoolboy for two.
Roll-ups and finisher attempts abound, and Jericho
goes for the walls again, but Christian isn't
letting it happen. So, he just slingshots him
into the turnbuckle instead. Third walls
attempt follows right after, this time actually
getting Christian in it. But, because that
move hasn't put anyone away for the longest time,
the ECW champ crawls to the ropes to get the break.
Jericho immediately whiffs on a charge, and
Christian takes advantage with a Killswitch to pick
up the pin.
What Stood Out:
Jericho and Christian are able to put on good
matches consistently, and this was no exception.
GREAT TV match. However, what stood out is the
sheer heat the Walls got once it was locked in.
SUBMISSIONS STILL GET OVER DAMN IT.
After the bell, we get
a passing announcement that it's going to be
Christian and Yoshi Tatsu for the title next week.
Who cares about that though? CHRISTIAN AND
JERICHO, DAMN IT. Just let me bask in the glow
for a bit, you bloodthirsty bastards. THE END.
Uppers: Main event, all the way.
A very nice way to spend 10-15 minutes of your time,
if I do say so myself. Apparently blonde
Canadians are just genetically bred to put on
consistently good matches. The opener wasn't
too bad either. I'd say in general where
Jericho appeared, magic happened. He's good
Downers: Have to say, drawing a
blank here. I guess the total lack of
explanation on why ECW is not on the PPV card at all
is a bummer. This would be the good kind of
Overall: Good good stuff tonight.
Hell, watch the whole show! Shame pretty much
no one saw it because who watches ECW? Yep.
And that revelation always brings me much sadness.
And that'll do it for
this week. I must stress, watch this show.
There are FAR worse things you could be doing with
an hour of your time.