Still standing here in
Louisville! And as soon as the show starts, we
get right to the champ coming out for a little talky
talky. Christian rants about the ECW
homecoming and how it's the final week of qualifiers
before CM Punk comes out to interrupt the
proceedings to teach a lesson on getting heat.
Christian starts chuckling as CM starts talking,
which leads to an obligatory plug of Bret Hart and
Shawn Michaels hugging it out (if you listen
closely, you could hear millions of IWC scream out
in pain). Christian then somehow segues into
complaining about CM being here, and Punk is not
amused. Christian also looks to get in the
cheap shot of Punk looking like a homeless person.
So all this leads to is hype for Punk's qualifier
against Mark Henry later (along with Shelton
Benjamin Vs. Chavo Guerrero but who cares really).
Futurama was on the TV so I wasn't paying too much
attention (half-assed baby!) but since it was
Christian and CM Punk, I just assumed it was good
shit. NEXT SEGMENT.
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match #7: Shelton
Benjamin Vs. Chavo Guerrero
Oh come on, given how
thuroughly Chavo's credibility has been raped into
the dirt, is this result even in any doubt?
Chavo starts out with wailing
on Shelton, which turns into getting his ass kicked
instead. This goes on for a while now.
Man, that Chavo, what a competitor. Remember,
THIS guy has actually been champion before.
Shane Douglas weeps at that thought. His
manager then tells him to go restock the housewares
aisle. Chavo does actually manage to turn it
around after hanging Shelton up on the top rope, and
WHOA THERE, Chavo looking threatening! He
works Benjamin's leg for a good while before Shelton
finally battles back, but a HUGE headscissors ends
that. Chavo then goes up for a frog splash,
but Shelton gets up, Chavo somersaults off the top,
and runs right into getting PayDirt'd for the pin.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
What Stood Out: Boy I
love matches when I have no doubt who's winning!
Quick flashback to last week and Dreamer's touching
sendoff now, which is still good times. This
leads to Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez coming out, who
says Tommy is dead and gone. Um, unless Vince
shot Dreamer as soon as he got backstage, I think
that's a bit of an exaggeration. And, that's
really it. Well, glad to see you Zack.
This leads to the Raw recap,
focusing on WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK. For a
guy in his 50's, Hart looks pretty damn awesome.
I heard outside of those two segments Raw was
decidedly average, so no harm no foul. Now
it's time for some QUALITY wrestling:
Ezekiel Jackson w/ William Regal Vs. Vladimir Kozlov
...Oh, sorry about that, this
match seemed to have bored me into a coma.
Watching a couple of stiffs hoss it up for about 8
minutes will do that do a guy. But yeah,
Ezekiel just plops him on the mat with a Negronage,
clean as a sheet.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
What Stood Out:
After the bell, they decide to
rub it in Kozlov for a bit. Man, what a
fucking jobber. To the unemployment line with
your Russkie ass!
TO THE BACK with Mark Henry
already sweating it up, despide just standing there.
Tony Atlas pops in to say hi and offers to come down
to the ring with Henry tonight, but then busts out
the laugh to have Mizark shoot him down. Aww,
muffin. MAIN EVENT GO.
Homecoming Qualifying Match #8: CM Punk w/
Luke Gallows Vs. Mark Henry w/ Lake Superior Left
Behind Wherever He Walks
There has been FAR too much red
on wrestlers tonight. Also notice both black
hosses are wearing all red attire. It's like
the scarlet letter, and to me, equally as shameful.
Judging by the time left on the youtube vid looks
like they're giving this about 10 minutes, so away
CM tries his best to wear down
Henry, but since it's EVERY MARK HENRY MATCH EVER,
he shrugs off all the hits and powers him all over
the place. Punk retreats to the outside as we
go to break.
Back from the break, Henry
gives chase to the outside (yes, it DOES take Mark 5
minutes to process that he should go to the outside)
and he gets drop toe hold'd into the steel steps.
Once things get back into the ring, Punk is all over
Henry with some basic heeliness. Remember, the
slower you do moves, the more EEEEEEEEVIL it is.
Henry finally decides to...um, "black" up and shrugs
off all the kicks again and runs wild on Punk.
Henry then goes for one fatty charge to the corner
too many, but Henry shrugs off the Pepsi One, nearly
sending CM into the ref. While Punk and the
ref have a little chat, Gallows pops Henry, who
stumbles into the roundhouse kick from Punk to
collect the pin and the final homecoming spot.
Winner: CM Punk
What Stood Out: Mark
Henry, the master of variety.
So, apparently the finale to
the homecoming is next week, and it's going to be an
mini battle royale. So after some last minute
hype to make it sound like ECW is going to be one to
watch, we're done here. THE END.
Uppers: Holy crap, they're trying to
make Chavo not look like a total joke all of a
sudden! Granted, he still lost as usual, but
baby steps. Main event was also good for what
it was, mainly because Punk can only do so much with
a guy who can only work one kind of match ever for
Downers: Honestly, no real issues
with tonight. Oh wait, Kozlov/Jackson was
awful. But at this point, are you surprised?
The only shocker I saw from that was how cleanly
Kozlov got put down. If that guy gets his
walking papers by the end of the week, I'm not going
to be surprised.
Overall: Tonight's show was chock
full of both wrestling and promo-related stuff.
It was probably the best balance you could hope for.
So, despite me not giving it my undivided attention,
thumbs up for me, it was no Monday, but still good
And that'll do it.
Hopefully I'll get back on track next week, but I
only make claims like that to disappoint you,