Restart with a recap of Bobby Lashley jobbing out to Vince McMahon last night before we find out an eight man MITB tag match is scheduled for tonight. Rachael has to be caught up on the Hair vs. Hair situation to which she replies with a "Wha....?"
Rob Van Dam vs. Elijah Burke and racial inequality!
Elijah Burke starts us off for the night with RVD. Burke is deemed kind of hot by Rachael which I'm sure you all cared. They seem pretty even until RVD goes for a head scissor on the ground. Burke counters a bridge by Van Dam into a slam. Burke rubs his leg on RVD's back which does SO MUCH damage. Ole Blackie keeps the pressure on in the corner then hits a spinout elbow drop for two. Elijah runs into a reverse elbow and runs around like he was just shot in the face, but recovers until Rob rolls over him out of a whip into a superkick. Van Dam hits rolling thunder and racks Elijah on the top rope before nailing him with a flying kick. Elijah shows off his ass by being tangles before Van Dam suicide dives as we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: Zombies bite.
My fucking computer broke so I didn't have a chance to recap much of what happened, suffice to say when we came back, Van Dam was in a chin lock (take a shot) but he retaliated and came back with a rolling thunder that backfired when Elijah had up his knees. Burke hits vertical suplex and a slingshot elbow in the corner before applying a headlock. Burke nails a boot to the face on Van Dam, but jumps off the top into a huge kick to kill both guys dead. Van Dam hits a step over enziguiri for two. Burke railroad spikes (because black people know a lot about building railroads) before missing the flying knee (Elijah Express? Is that a coffee) to the corner. Van Dam scores Five Stars right after for the win.
After the match, the New Breed or whatever the hell they're called attack RVD, so his posse backs his ass up with some support before we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: Spongebob fever should be qualified as an official disease.
So we come back to the Extreme Expose and I think Rachael threw up somewhere along the line, Apparently they are gonna beat that pussy up. We see Edge in the back trying to make amends with his face partners for last week. Balls is in the ring....also Mahoney is there. Gene Snitsky is here to fight him and Rachael says he looks like a Piranha.
Gene Snitsky vs. Balls Mahoney
Snitsky attacks and sends Balls to the floor early on. Balls tries to go for the Teabagging, but Snitsky slams him into the ring post. That effectively shuts him down. Back in the ring, Snitsky squashes Balls (OUCH) and pins him for the three.
After the match we get a recap of last week again, this time with actually moving pictures! Whoo!
Random Commercial Thought: Vacancy- described by Rachael as a two person Genocide.
Back to the show. The heels for the MITB are talking to each other when Finlay comes up to find out what they are saying. Booker arrives late and Finlay tells him the other two were talking behind his back. Booker decides to strike a deal between he and Finlay for the night where they will watch each others back (to make sure they don't have any bacne showing?). We go to a split screen of Vince and Lashley where we get Vince chattering on for a while saying Lashley was lucky he didn't show off his physique last week. Vince tells Bobby to count his lucky stars or Lucky Charms...the fuck? Rachael begs Vince to keep in his "Law of the Jungle" saying it will comes out next week with a splat (ew...). Vince says Lashley will be half the man he already is. Vince says he will win and still have his hair so Bobby's future will be very bleak. But wait, does that mean if he loses he won't be able to fire him even while bald? Is his hair the source of his power?
We get a shot of the MITB ladder as we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: Stone Cold was a cute kid, in an alcoholic kind of way.
Back to the show where Kennedy is on his way to the ring, followed by Orton, Booker and then Finlay minus a midget. The Hardys are next with CM Punk and finally Edge. The introductions take so long that we just get a shot of the MITB hanging over the ring before going to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: I want gnomes sneaking into my house too, I better call Netflix.
Back to the show where the match is already under way.
The Hardys, CM Punk & Edge (Team Emo) vs. Finlay, King Booker, Mr. Kennedy & Randy Orton w/ Sharmell (Eight Man Tag Match)
Matt Hardy is knocking Kennedy around, hitting the Side Effect for two when King Booker breaks the pin. Matt stops Kennedy from making a tag with a front facelock, dragging him to Jeff for a double reverse elbow for two. Jeff misses a corner splash and Kennedy runs for the tag to Orton who stomps the Hardy boy down. Orton hits an uppercut on Jeff because somewhere along the line he forgot the definition of the word Wrestling. Randy runs at Jeff in the corner who flips over then hits Whisper in the Wind for two when Booker breaks it again. Jeff tags Matt back in who hits the top rope leg drop for two.
Matt tags in CM Punk who comes off the top with a double axe handle and a snap suplex for two when Kennedy breaks the pin. Orton manages to get a headlock on to make the tag to Finlay. Finlay takes advantage and kicks him in the gut, hitting a stiff clothesline. CM Punk holds his chest like a little emo girl broke his heart. Finlay hits a heavy body slam for two and Booker tags in. Booker gets huge suck chants hitting a reverse elbow before Finlay tags back in. Finlay puts on a headlock (take a shot). Finlay stops Punk's toes when he tries to escape to keep it on. Orton comes in, but CM Punk starts fighting back with kicks.
Orton hits a clothesline to the back of the head and a knee drop for two. Booker comes in and locks on a front face lock. CM Punk hits the Pepsi One into a bulldog and tags in Edge. Edge sets up for the spear then runs back over and tags in Punk. Edge leaves the ring. Booker hits an enziguiri on Punk and everyone spills into the ring. Jeff flies over the ropes onto Orton while Punk and Booker fight. Matt and Kennedy are tied up, but when CM Punk has the upper hand, he gets cracked in the head by Finlay's stick right into a scissor kick from Booker.
Winners: Booker, Finlay, Kenned & Orton
After the match all hell breaks loose, but the Hardys grab a ladder and clobber everyone with it. They both ascend the large ladder then (Tazz gives the technical measurement of "Ginormous") before both reaching for the briefcase. The Hardys seem to have a chat and look like they are about to make out before we go off the air.
And that ladies and gentlemen is why Gershon does this show, so I can sleep soundly without horrifying images of an incestuous Hardy love session dancing in my brain. Thanks a lot!
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).