Alright, this report’s late this week.  I know this, you know this.  So, how about I explain?  Well, to sum up, sudden (and shitty) circumstances prevented me from getting the report in on time with the usual “humor” you all know and love.  So, because it’s late, I think I’ll do a little something special for this week’s report.  An experiment, if you will.  The experiment?  Simple:

 

Does Neil, when he is drunk as hell, provide a better report than a sober Neil?

 

So, I am going to recap this week’s ECW not once, but TWICE.  Once Tuesday night, as a VERY sauced and bitter Neil (due to the day’s festivities), and once, as a sober (but probably just as bitter) Neil.  Ah, the Internet surely is magical.  So, some ground rules first:

 

-         In commercial breaks, I’m giving drunk and sober Neil thoughts

-         In drunk mode, I will only use Word spellcheck to correct errors that may come up in my recap (I assume there will be many)

-         I’m using the same exact feed for both recaps

-         Ummm…do you care about these?  Didn’t think so

 

With that said, there will be no recalling of other things, and no intro (in particular, WWE’s mass firings, and the pretty good RAW last night…if you ignore the wrestling aspect of it) this week either.  Just straight up reporting ECW…um, twice.  OK, let’s get down to business!

 

SOBER NEIL  (Warning:  May be VERY depressing to read)

 

Still standing here in Chicago!  And we are getting into it right out of the gate, with Tard Grisham in the ring, and simply introduces former ECW Champ, Matt Hardy.  It might be just me, but for a guy who lost his championship and had his brother fried last week, he doesn’t seem all that upset.  Phenomenal acting!  Tard decides to focus on the more popular brother first, showing a replay of Jeff’s pyro mishap.  I loved the close-up shot, personally.  So what’s the injury tally?  First degree burns.  Oh come on, I get that from mowing the lawn in the summertime!  Grisham asks if he thinks it’s a coincidence or not, which prompts Matt Hardy to SHOOT.  He’s really good at it, you know.  Remember when he was SHOOTING on Edge and Lita by crashing their matches?  That was so real!  What do you mean it was a work and he basically lied to all his fans? BULLSHIT, I SAY!  Anyway, after playing second banana to Jeff’s crap, time to inquire about losing the title last week.  At the last second, Hardy gets a rematch with Swagger at the Royal Rumble.  Matt decides to suck up to his opponent (basically his whole promo style right now) which brings out Jack Swagger, the NEW ECW Champ, to a lonnnnnnnnnnng entrance.  Age Against the Machine gets to their second verse even!  Have to say, the song is growing on me a little bit.  Swagger, of course, proceeds to gloat.  He’s also working on the lisp, but it’s still there, and I still chuckle.  Swagger, in his gloating, goes for the verbal low blow via insulting Jeff, which leads to Matt FUCKING nailing Jack with a right hand, sending him to the outside.  Matt pursues and lays in some more haymakers, only for refs to restrain him.  Swagger gets a cheap shot in and runs.  And, that’s that.  It was at least a pretty good backdrop for their match Sunday, even if it’s probably going to be about 5 minutes long at the most.  YAY ECW PROMINENCE!

 

 

Sober Neil Says:  If I hear Samuel L. Jackson say, “AFRO!” one more time, I will murder a kitten.  Might want to think about that, advertisers.

 

 

Ricky Ortiz Vs. Adam Evans

 

Adam Evans?  Who?  Exactly.

 

I guess someone realized Ricky Ortiz needs a shred of credibility to sell any merchandise, so we have this match.  I hate face squashes, as they are quite retarded.  Oh, apparently Tard almost got punched in the previous scuffle.  That’s more interesting than this match.

 

List of moves:  punches, headbutts, hard Irish whips, basic bodyslam, basic backbreaker (which looked HORRIBLE), elbow drops, Saito suplex, FOOTBALL BLOCK OF DOOM, and finally (thankfully) the Big O for the victory.

 

Winner:  Ricky Ortiz

 

What Stood Out:  The jobber did nothing but get his ass kicked the whole match.  Also, for such a limited amount of moves done, Ricky sure looks winded…I imagine he wasn’t a running back in football.

 

After the bell, Ricky goes for a few cheap pops by saying Chicago as many times as possible, along with giving a kid a rally towel…which the kid no sells.  Awesome.

 

 

After a replay of Tommy Dreamer’s heartwarming speech last week, we head to Teddy’s office, with Dreamer chatting with Long.  Generic Blonde Tiffany just sits there and nods.  Earn that paycheck, missy!  Pirate Paul and Pirate Hooker Katie (who is looking HOT) bust in, demanding a rematch with DJ Gabriel.  All this gets Paul is a match with a surprise opponent, after the break.

 

 

Sober Neil Says:  If you drink, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD drink water before going to bed.  You’ll thank me for it later.

 

 

Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea Burchill Vs. Boogeyman

 

Oh joy, just when I think Paul might be getting out of his jobber status…guess not!  Also, what is the deal with that glove on one hand?  Is he just a big fan of Michael Jackson?  Well, considering one of his interests is incest (though tonight I don’t blame him), he sounds right up Jacko’s alley…

 

Paul Burchill goes to town on him early, just hitting, and hitting, and hitting over and over while Boogey is in the corner.  Wrestling moves on a wrestling show? HA!  Surely you jest!  After what sounded like a piped-in chant for Boogeyman, the tables are turned with a clothesline.  And another.  And a stinger splash or two.  The first actual WRESTLING maneuver is then attempted, when Boogeyman goes for the Snitsky Slam on Burchill, which leads to Katie Lea interfering, for a DQ.  Yay.

 

Winner:  Boogeyman

 

What Stood Out:  I must have opened the wrong show.  I could’ve SWORN this was a wrestling show.  Yet, here we are, watching a match that consisted of pretty much no wrestling moves whatsoever!

 

After the DQ, Paul gets tossed to the outside, and Katie tries to run, but is chased down by Boogeyman.  I guess she isn’t a hooker, at least.  Hookers would have no problems running in those boots, I’m sure.  Before she gets worms on her face (unfortunately not the one worm I would prefer either), Paul pulls her out of the ring.  Boo.  I wanted to see someone degraded on this show damn it! Boogey settles for putting the worms on the announcer’s table.  And, thankfully, we’re done here.

 

 

Sober Neil Says:  I wish I was drunk still, so I could forget about the Eagles sucking so hard last Sunday.  Oh well, Phils are still World Champs!

 

 

Let’s recap Raw last night, with Vince’s segment being the sole focus.  Hey, just like the actual show!  Also, did Steph smoke a carton of cigarettes on the way to the ring or something?  Because that voice is RASPY.  Not in a sexy way either.  Orton actually saved this segment, because Jericho’s humiliation was just plain uncomfortable.  Hey, thanks for being one of the only compelling characters on this show!  Now bark like a dog!  Yep, sounds about right.  The fact that Orton (supposed mega-heel) was getting CHEERED for obliterating Vince is kind of a telling sign, wouldn’t you say?  Though I wish he would’ve laid out Steph too.  And yeah, I know this is ending with some rehash of McMahon Vs. McMahon.  Yep, that storyline works every time.  Ask the Invasion.

 

Now let’s do the numbers for the Royal Rumble!  I laugh as I realize that this is pretty much the same EXACT promo they did last year, just updated with what happened at the 2008 rumble.  Though, 90 second intervals this year?  That seems long to me.  Probably because there really isn’t much to the rest of the PPV.  The hilarity of the biggest winning position (27) is also the one with the most fatalities is not lost on me.  Look it up on here even.  Harry Simon’s Rumble of the Damned.  It’s actually an interesting read.

 

 

FATAL 4 WAY:  John Morrison Vs. The Miz Vs. Mark Henry w/ Tony Atlas Vs. Finlay w/ Hornswoggle

 

Commercials interrupt the entrances, so…

 

 

Sober Neil Says:  Know what I love?  Kids online.  There’s nothing quite as emasculating as getting shot to death online, and to have an 8 year old kid cursing you out.  Man, do I love it. 

 

 

After all the entrances, we can finally get this thing started!  Henry and the tag champs go to town on Finlay first, with Henry’s job being supervisory in nature.  He’s as bad as GBT in doing as little as possible for a paycheck.  Finlay battles back for a second, only for Henry to step in and DO SOMETHING.  Hey, first time for everything.  Not even 2 minutes into the match, and we get another commercial break.  Come on!

 

 

Sober Neil Says:  If you smoke, you’ll get lung cancer and die.  And I can assure you the end result is NOT pretty.  Aren’t I friendly?

 

 

Back from break, and Mark Henry is run…um, waddling wild on everybody else.  Finlay, Miz, and Morrison get shots in every so often, but they can’t compete with the POWER OF BLACKNESS.    So, what does Finlay do to turn the tables?  Cheat, of course!  What a good guy!  A few blatant stick shots to Henry puts him down, with Miz and Morrison rolling his fat ass out of the ring for good measure.  The tag champs then proceed to whoop up on Finlay, which they do quite effectively…until they get a double bulldog.  Henry, in the meantime, goes “fuck this shit” and leaves the match.  Hornswoggle hits a DEADLY tadpole splash on Miz, leading to the Celtic Cross from Finlay.  Before he can get the win though, Morrison knees Finlay in the head, and then covers Miz for the win. RUH ROH!  Partner Turmoil!

 

Winner:  John Morrison

 

What Stood Out:  Everyone played their roles as well as possible.  Champs worked together, the powerhouse was a powerhouse, and the face was a face.  I REALLY hope they’re not teasing anything with Morrison pinning Miz, however.

 

Morrison celebrates wildly as Miz just looks on in shock.  Please, PLEASE GOD NO.  THE END.

 

 

Uppers:  I would have to say the opening segment was good (with their frantic last minute attempt to generate interest in the elusive “buying the Royal Rumble for the ECW match” viewer), and the main event was pretty good stuff too, even if it was a bit short.

 

Downers:  Everything else felt pretty meh, if you ask me.  Ortiz and Boogeyman don’t interest me at all, so why are they on my screen wasting time?  Also, once again the complete advertisement rape of a show strikes again.  Less than 40 minutes was the actual show.  That’s over 20 minutes of commercials!

 

Overall:  Total throwaway show here.  Of those 40 minutes, you can take another 10 minutes off due to the recap of Raw and the Royal Rumble piece.  They VERY clearly didn’t give a shit this week.  Rightfully so, I mean, because there’s a PPV Sunday, and nobody’s buying it because of ECW.  Still, I have a right to be bitter about it.

 

 

DRUNK NEIL  (Warning:  May be VERY difficult to read)

 

 

Still standing here in Chicago!  God, how much did that movie suck?  Hey, let’s make a musical on stupid whore gangster bullshit!  IT’LL SELL MILLIONS.  Horrible.  Oh yeah, show, duh.  I’m all over it, yeah.  We start off with Tard Grisham in the ring, saying bullshit I just simply do not care about, followed by introducing MATT FREAKIN’ HARDY.  Oh man, remember when Paul Heyman said that to Edge?  That was awesome, even though he said he had TWO words for him, thus making him look like a dumbass.  Though, it’s Paul Heyman.  He ran a company out of business based solely on money, and he’s JEWISH.  The stereotype should have saved him.  Lame.  Anyway, I’m getting sort of off base here.  Get used to it.  Tard then decides that he wants to FIRST recap the AWESOME Jeff Hardy pyro mishap, however.  MULTIPLE REPLAYS ahoy!   Replays, to be specific, of Jeff Hardy’s bad luck last Friday on Smackdown.  God, the close-up version was awesome.  I distinctly remember going “HOLY SHIT” to how that looked.  Goldberg is superior once again, and that’s all there is to it.  Jeff Hardy, you are a pussy.  Take that pyro like a man!  Also, isn’t this sort of strange?   I mean, Matt lost the title last week.  So basically Grisham’s line of thinking was “Hey man, I know you lost your title last week but let’s talk about your brother first because he’s way more important and popular than you could ever hope to be.  Don’t you feel integral to the company now?  I mean, you lag behind your meth-addicted cousin.  God man, you suck.”  I think that’s how it went.  Though, if this whole “Jeff Hardy has bad shit happen to him” storyline end with Matt being the culprit, that would be kind of awesome.  Right now, it’s supposed to be Christian.  Why though?  What the fuck did Jeff Hardy ever do to Christian?  Supply him with some bad crack?  At least with Matt it’s interesting, if not completely ridiculous.  I mean, so Jeff is more popular.  So what?  So you assault him in a hotel staircase, try to run his ass off the road, and fry him with pyro?  That’s not overreacting at all, no sir.  OK, so to sum up, Jeff Hardy storyline = ridiculous.  Thought I’d clear that up for you.  As if you didn’t know.   Come on, I thought you were smart.  OK, so there was a point for Matt to be out here, and that’s to update the status of his brother.  He has first-degree burns as a result of the pyro incident.  Um, I get first-degree burns from going to the beach without sunblock.  So, REAL SEVERE INJURY THERE JEFF.  Pussy.  How is this guy champ again?  Because he’s popular with fat Goth bitches?  Woohoo.  All I have to say is I like fucking Dashboard Confessional and scarification and I’d be just as popular.  But he has ARM STOCKINGS!  OK, I’m beat there.  But not really.  Fuck that crackhead. 

 

Back on track (again), this leads to Tard asking Matt about something that actually matters to ECW, and that’s his losing of the championship last week.  Matt talks about how Jack Swagger was the better man next week, when…CHECK 1 2!  AWWWWW YEAH!  Here comes the NEW ECW Champion, Jack Swagger!  You know what?  The theme music is growing on me.  I was singing it to myself earlier today to help me cope with my family’s troubles.  Truly, the awesomeness of Jack Swagger has no bounds.  Still, I wish he’d fuck up Hornswoggle more often.  It gets me hard.  I’m straight, for real.  ANYWAY, Swagger (in full clubbin’ gear) comes out to gloat, seeing how he’s a heel champion and all.  First of all, Swagger has the total Guido douchebag in the club look down solid.  You expect to see every picture taken of him with puckered lips and spray on tan.  In fact…

 

 

Proof once again that I am always right.  Second, what is he doing wearing a fucking rosary?  I demand he do some Hail Marys and Our Fathers right in the center of the ring this instant!  Oh yeah, there was a reason he came out here, right?  Right.  Grisham decides to ask him how winning the ECW title felt.  He replies with “How does it feel!?  How do I look?  I feel great!”  Which makes no sense to me.  I bet it won’t make sense to me sober either.  Oh yeah, something about Hardy and Swagger having a rematch at the Royal Rumble pops up in here too.  I guess that’s important to someone.  Swagger decides to gloat about how great he is, like a good heel.  How precious!  Also he says how if Hardy thinks he’s going to get the title back at the Royal Rumble, his hopes will be going, like his brother, “down in flames.”  OOOOH SICK BURN!  Man, remember when that was Beth Phoenix’s finisher!  Remember when Victoria broke Beth Phoenix’s jaw?  Victoria retired last week.  I’m sad now.  Who will give me awesome rims (and rimjobs) now?  Got off track again.  Hardy does not approve of his brother being brought into his shit, so he VERY stiffly decks Swagger with a right hand, sending his frosted tips ass to the outside.  Hardy pursues, and proceeds to light up Swagger with lefts and rights even though Jack tries to cover up on the ground.  Refs step in to break it up.  IT’S OVER BY REF STOPPAGE!  NEW CHAMPION MATT HARDY!  Oh wait, not an MMA match, sorry.  Kind of looked like one for a bit.  While the refs restrain Hardy, Swagger gets in a cheap shot, because he’s the champ, and champs have certain privileges.  DQ!  REVERSE THE DECISION!  Swagger then proceeds to puss out.  And, with that note, we’re done here.  Wow, I wrote quite a bit on this opening segment.  Simply put, I fucking rule.  Quantity over quality, baby.

 

 

Drunk Neil Says:  Man, what the fuck is the deal with Tim Burton?  I never get his movies.  I just don’t know how this guy stays in business when all he does is make films that creep out children and adults at the same time, AND cast his girlfriend/wife/whatever in all the leading female roles.  JEFFERTON ALIVE!  Sorry, Tom goes to the Mayor is more interesting than Coraline.  GARY BUSEY!

 

 

Ricky Ortiz Vs. Jobber Magnifico, who cares what his name is

 

Oh, this guy’s still here?  Man, I am glad I’m numb to the pain this guy brings to the ring.  Who the fuck has a good guy do squash matches anyway?  ECW, that’s who.  Avant garde, that’s all there is to it.  Striker tries to make the jobber sound important, and FAILS.  Sorry Striker, back to remedial class for you.  Or going off to Japan or whatever you did to get your ass kicked out of a teaching gig.  Whatever.  Announcing is obviously your thing.  That and snidely making fun of Democrats.  Vince must love you.

 

So, how does this one end?   JACK EVANS WINS!  Oh wait, I came back to reality, sorry.  Ortiz busts out the IMPRESSIVE SHOULDER BLOCK OF DOOM, along with an admittedly cool looking suplex.  If he killed a bitch in the ring, I would’ve immediately marked for this guy so hard, that I might have a stroke.  So yeah, after that suplex, it’s Big O time!  God that running splash looks better every time I see it.  Warrior would be proud.  At least, he would be when he’s not busy bashing gays.  So yeah, there’s the pin.  Goodie.

 

Winner:   Ricky Ortiz

 

What Stood Out:  Ricky looked SUPER SERIAL during the match, actually.  Really!  Edgy Ricky Ortiz!  Maybe he can drink beer and hand out a few Ricky O Stunners to all of the ECW Roster!  That might get him over!  The complete opposite of Stone Cold!  And I mean that in every sense, as Stone Cold was entertaining and worthwhile TV.

 

After the match, Ricky grabs a microphone.  Joy.  He DEMANDS the towels keep rallying, and then goes to give his personal towel to a nearby kid at ringside…who proceeds to not give a shit.  HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU RICKY, YOU WORTHLESS LOAD.  Back to the XFL for you!

 

 

TO THE BACK now, with Tommy Dreamer having a chitchat with Teddy Long and Generic Blonde Tiffany (well, not so much her as she only makes facial expressions and doesn’t actually say anything.  WAY TO EARN THAT PAYCHECK).   Teddy is discussing his announcement last week (which was replayed in case you have some really bad amnesia), to which Dreamer respects Long’s opinion.  Basically, this is a completely pointless conversation.  Well, until the Burchills roll into the office.  Especially Katie Lea.  Tight leather pants.  SCHWING!  Man, wish I was her brother right about now, so I could dine at the Y tonight baby!  So yeah, after taking a swipe at Tommy’s shitty career, it’s time to demand a rematch with the INTENSE feud between the Burchills and DJ Gabriel/Alicia Fox.  Wrestlemania 25, MAKE IT HAPPEN.  Teddy basically tells the two that Pirate Paul has a match next, against a MYSTERY OPPONENT.  INTRIGUE!  Also, he tells them that the match is next, and that they should promptly fuck off.  Which they do.  Okie doke!

 

 

Drunk Neil Says:  I resent that the Irish are stuck with the stereotype that they are always drunk.  I’m sober when I do this show damn it!  Just not tonight.  Are you claiming I drink to deal with my problems.  I think you just did.  I’ll see you out back in a second.

 

 

Paul Burchill w/ HOT Katie Lea Burchill Vs……The Boogeyman!  Try and be surprised, please?

 

I would like to make a little comment.  I noticed the boots Katie be wearing have that little flap at the top.  You know what other people had boots with little flaps at the top?  PIRATES.  And…PIRATE PAUL BURCHILL.  The tribute is there.  You just need to look for it.  Man I am a perv.

 

So yeah, this is not exactly a squash match, with Paul actually getting a lot of offense in.  It makes me happy, as I am starting to really not like Boogeyman lately.  Why?  Oh, I could sum it up very quickly, actually, once Boogey gets on offense.  Which he soon does, hitting nothing but clotheslines and stinger splashes.  WOW.  ENTHRALLING.  I’m very happy Boogeyman’s offense is so varied, let me tell you.  Boogeyman soon after goes for the Snitsky Slam, but pirate hooker Katie runs in to…um, kick Boogey in the back of the kneecap area, scoring a DQ.  Man, I could go for some soft serve right now.

 

Winner:  Boogeyman

 

What Stood Out:  Someone looked decent against Boogeyman!  That’s all the proof you need!  Paul’s the real deal!  PUSH.  NOW.  Also, tight leather pants on Katie = serious chub.  I hope that I’ve disturbed you.

 

How dare Katie interrupt a Boogeyman squash!  She must get worms!  Boogey chases her down, and is about to give her a tasty snack, when Paul runs in and saves her, to which the Alabaman couple scurries to the back.  So, expect her to get it in the future, then fired.  Why?  She’s not blonde, of course.  She’s even trying to accommodate with blonde highlights, but too little, too late.

 

 

Drunk Neil Says:  Why was King of the Hill on for so long?  We get it, they’re hick Texans.  Funny, really.  Oh wait, not it’s not.  God, Adult Swim, why would you pick this shit up?  It’s as bad, if not worse than, 12 Oz. Mouse.  Who thought that was funny?

 

 

Recap video of Raw now, focusing mainly on Vince’s return, and subsequently awesome punting by Orton.  Though the humiliation of Jericho was quite depressing.  They simply CANNOT let go making fun of Jericho whenever possible.  Luckily, Orton decided to be awesome for once.  Wow.  Who would have thought that possible?  Seriously?

 

REPLAY OF ROYAL RUMBLE STATS NOW!  1:  The number of times I cared about the outcome of that match – when Bret Hart and Lex Luger hit the floor at the same time.  Yeah.  I just emasculated the Royal Rumble.  Eat it.

 

 

FATAL 4 WAY:  John Morrison Vs. The Miz Vs. Mark Henry w/ Tony Atlas Vs. Finlay w/ Hornswoggle

 

Yum, pizza.  The perfect accent to alcohol.  Shame the Eagles are not going to the Super Bowl.  Last time I’m getting cheap pizza from Papa John’s.  Damn you Eagles!

 

So yeah, this starts out as you’d expect…or not.  I kind of just say that a lot.  Actually, Finlay runs wild on the tag champs while Henry sits back and admires the handiwork.  Anything to avoid physical exertion, am I right?  This is followed with Marky Mark going with the generic power moves that made him SO EXCITING throughout the years.  The champs once again eat it.  And…well, I’ve just summed up the first few minutes of this match.  Concise-ness FTW.  Let’s go to commercial.

 

 

Drunk Neil Says:  NEVER get a drink on the rocks.  Ice dilutes your booze.  You know who likes their hooch diluted?  Pussies.  Are you a pussy?  I don’t think so.  Get that shit straight.  And make it a double.  Especially if you’re underage.  Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?  Exactly.  Drink.

 

 

Back from break, we get the champs going to town on Finlay and Henry, even able to put down the SILVERBACK Mark Henry down with a combination clothesline/roundhouse kick off of the ropes.  They proceed to gloat, but Henry proceeds to use the power of BLACKNESS on the tag champs.  Remember how this is a 4 way?  Yet it seems more like a tag match?  Or maybe that’s just me.  Listening to me now would not be wise.  Henry obliterates Miz, Morrison, and Finlay, but Miz and Morrison are able to mount a comeback and baseball slide Henry to the outside.  Mizark subsequently goes “fuck this” and leaves, probably because putting effort into any of his matches isn’t in his contract.  Easily understood.  What’s he gonna do, work? Har.  Like his kind would do that.  What? I mean Gorillas, which he is.  Um, he’s not?  Oh.  Man, I am digging myself a hole here.  Hey, SEXY PARTY!  Watch that instead!  Anything to get away from this blatant racism!

 

So yeah, now that that crisis has been averted, THERE’S A DAMN MATCH GOING ON!  Champs go to town on Finlay, but he is able to turn things around eventually.  Of course, this leads to what?  HORNSWOGGLE!  Tadpole splash!  What a deadly maneuver!    Careers ended in an instant.  DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME.  It was done on Morrison, by the way.  He rolls out of the ring, while Finlay proceeds to beat the hell out of, and Celtic Cross, The Miz into oblivion.  However, UH OH, Morrison is back!  Knee to Finlay’s face!  Morrison pins Miz as he’s out cold!  Tension between tag partners!  Haven’t seen this before!  Why can’t I stop using exclamation points!  I don’t know!

 

Winner:  John Morrison

 

What Stood Out:  I guess the point of this match was to show tension between the tag champs, but oh well, it wasn’t anything I haven’t seen before.  Mark Henry’s an unstoppable force, Finlay is a cheating piece of shit, and Miz/Morrison work together quite well.  ORIGINAL!

 

After the match, Morrison calmly explains to Miz that he was out cold, hence picking up the win.  No break-up yet, thankfully.  However, Morrison wins, because he’s awesome.  Pretty simple stuff.  THE END.

 

Uppers:  Main event.  Pretty simple stuff, and the also the only bright spot of the show, even if it wasn’t that bright.  I’ll take what I can get.  My legs feel numb now. 

 

Downers:  Umm, the other stuff wasn’t so good, yeah.  I don’t care much for this stuff, as other, more important stuff is on.  SUPERJAIL!  YEAH!

 

Overall:  Honestly?  Not great show.  I like that they’re trying to do something with Dreamer and the new champ Swagger, but that’s about all they got.  What was the point of the 4-way again?  I mean Morrison (the best man) won, but what does that get him?  A hearty pat on the back?  A gold star?  Come on.  Give me a reason to care!  And I’m easily influenced now…I’m easy to please.  I’m easy.  I may have given too much info away with that one.

 

 

So what did we learn today?

 

-         I am quite a bit more random while drunk

-         Total alcohol consumed?  2 Red Bull and Vodkas, 2 Rum and Cokes, and 2 Screwdrivers

-         Total time it took to recap drunk:  90 minutes – two hours (making those 6 drinks rather effective…)

-         This show sucked, no matter how much drinking you do (though it helps)

-         Cartoon Network has some pretty good shows on at late night

 

Ok, well, that was fun.  Hope you enjoyed the self-imposed abuse!