Wow, it feels like I just did this
three days ago. Oh wait, maybe because I did! Next
time they reschedule this show on a Saturday I will do something extreme. I’m
gonna eat TWO cheeseburgers!
The bawdies hit the flow and we are
LIVE from Hampton,
Virginia. Lashley’s music hits and he
makes his entrance. They changed his pyro to when he jumps on the ring. Hmm, just like another Midwest based muscular superstar who
used to be champion. He gets on the microphone and says the reason he came to
ECW is because of the fans. You know, I’ve never really heard him speak
before and now that I h ave he makes Chris Benoit sound like the Rock. He says
if Big Show ever comes back (don’t think he will) he will gladly challenge him again.
He also says us fans get to choose online (he slipped and said WWE.com though it is the same as ECW.com essentially)
who he faces in two weeks. The choices are Sabu, Test, and RVD. Wow we get to choose from a guy who shouldn’t get a push and two guys ready to leave for TNA. He then starts talking about the Tribute to the Troops before he is interrupted by
Rene Dupree. He claims to be the most extreme athlete. In fact he’s so extreme that he hasn’t been on TV in months! Lashley attacks him and in a rare moment of ECW authenticity we
have an impromptu match.
ECW Champion Bobby Lashley vs. Rene Dupree (Are There Any Black French Guys?)
Exchange of punches and Dupree sneaks
to the outside but gains control when he comes back in. He puts a rear lock on
him but Lashley picks him up for an electric chair drop, followed by a delayed suplex.
One Whiplashley late r and this one is over.
Winner:
Bobby Lashley
You can vote now and the winner will
be revealed tonight. Guess this proves it’s a live show, doesn’t
it? I just voted for Sabu since like Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday I vote for the
one least likely to win.
After a commercial, Brad Armstrong
has joined Joey and Tazz on commentary for the next match. This one will be between
two tri-state area guys in Matt Striker and Balls Mahoney.
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney (It’s Time for Recess on My Balls)
Balls attacks quickly with some rights
and a headbutt. Striker comes back with a ki ck to the face and he uses the tights
to send Balls to the turnbuckle. He takes off his shirt but the ref takes it
away and while not looking uses the tape on his wrist to choke Balls. Mahoney
gets up and hits a series of clotheslines then some Teabagging. Striker tries
to stop it with a kick to the cash and prizes but Balls catches his foot and then hits the big punch. He then goes to the top and lands right on his ass. Striker
then hits the Golden Rule (although I missed what exactly it was) and gets the pin.
Winner:
Matt Striker
Test is backstage talking about why
he is so great. For some reason his face is a different color then the rest of
his body. That’s like if you’re creating a wrestler in the video
game of your choice and decide to put a white man’s head on a black man’s body (hey that’s a good way to
get ahead in the world and still have a huge penis!). Main event tonight is a
triple threat between the three guys we have a choice to vote for.
Hey did you know there was a pay per
view last weekend? You can order a replay this week if you really feel like you
missed something. Of course they don’t give a discount or anything, jerks.
After a commercial, RVD is talking
about how things were so good last summer when he was champion then he fucked it up by getting pulled over. OK maybe he wasn’t THAT honest.
Hardcore Holly is in the
ring and they show a clip from last week’s match. Holly wants to clear
up an ugly rumor from last week; he only sent an OVW guy to the hospital and didn’t kill him. Actually it was the fact he tapped out when it wasn’t part of the actual match. He calls out CM Punk because he doesn’t think he can do it in an actual match. Punk’s music hits and he enters the ring. Holly says
he only gets three minutes to make him tap. Boy they really miss Kurt Angle don’t
they?
Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk (Sparkplug Invitational Match)
Nothing really exciting happens the
first minute, in the second minute Punk gets close to locking in the Anaconda Vice but is unsuccessful and in the third minute
Holly hits a suplex and then puts on an Orton lock. Punk breaks it and hits a
suplex and then just as time expires tries to lock it in but can’t. Holly
attacks him anyway and hits the Alabama Slam.
Winner:
Umm, I guess Holly since he didn’t tap?
Shannon Moore is talking on his cell
phone and walks into Daivari and gets him upset. He then challenges him to a
match.
Commercial Comment: During the little clip of where ECW will be in the next couple of weeks, they said “Hershey
gets extreme”. Apparently Kit Kat will be facing Twizzlers and Reese’s
P ieces in a Three Way Candy Ass Dance.
Shannon Moore is in the ring, and Daivari
comes out speaking gibberish, or it might be a language. Khali is with him of
course. And oh no, he’s the one who is wrestling.
Not
So Great Khali vs. “The Reject” Shannon Moore (Please Allow Me to Vomit)
Khali decimates Moore
until Tommy Dreamer shows up to cause a DQ.
Winner by DQ: Not So Great Khali
Dreamer tries to hit Khali with a chair
but it gets punched out of his hands. He then chokeslams him on the hollow steel
steps. Khali carries Daivari on his shoulde rs like a caveman would his woman. Maybe he’s going to have some roast duck with mango salsa. Dreamer is getting medical attention while some idiot in the crowd screams “UMAGA!” A clip of Sabu is shown but they don’t have a backstage interview with him. Gee I wonder why.
Commercial Comment: In case you haven’t heard, Kane is in a movie and it’s on DVD. Funny thing is, the only way you wouldn’t know is if you never watch WWE television.
We get to see the clip of Mike Knox’s
apology again which was great for two reasons. One he hit the Hard Knox on her,
and two it kept her off TV last week. Knox is shown backstage and Styles asks
him what he has to say for himself. He says people shouldn’t feel bad for
Kelly, they should feel bad for him (yeah really, I feel bad you’re on such a bad show).
Sabu makes his entrance, followed by
Test, and then Rob Van Dam. We
are now ready for our main event.
Sabu vs. Test vs. Rob Van Dam (An Arabian, Canadian, and a Pothead Walk Into a Bar…Ouch)
All three guys are on the outside as
we come back from commercial. RVD gets back in and tries a monkey flip but gets
caught. Rob breaks out and hits a flying body press. He then goes to the top again but Test pushes hi m off and goes head first into the ring barrier which
elicits a big “holy shit” chant. Sabu is now in and tries going to
the top but Test hits the ropes so he falls on them. Just as Test goes for a
superplex, RVD catches him and ends up doing a power bomb on both of them. Sabu
is now bleeding from the mouth. Rob goes for a pin but only gets two. RVD and Sabu team up on Test and hit their version of Poetry in Motion.
Clothesline from the second rope connects from Sabu then Rolling Thunder from RVD.
Test is clotheslined over the top and Sabu goes to work on RVD hitting a pair of springboard clotheslines. RVD then cat ches Sabu trying to hit a kick and drops him on the ropes and kicks him from the top. He then hits the Five Star but Test throws RVD out and gets the pin himself.
Tazz goes to the ring to reveal who
won the vote. Sabu gets a minimal reaction, Test gets boos and RVD gets a moderate
pop. The final vote ends up as:
RVD 45%
Sabu
37%
Test
18%
That was a lot closer than I expected. After RVD celebrates a bit, he gets a boot to the face. Test walks off and Sabu shakes RVD hand as we go off the air.
Extreme Moment: Umm, was there anything? Well
we didn’t have to put up with Kelly again. Wow, who would have thought
she would start a streak on the other side?
Not So Extreme Moment: They remembered there are more than six guys on the roster and
they just get squashed.
You’ll have to hit
the archives now, but the previous recap of this show was only posted a couple days ago if you didn’t have a chance
to read it (stupid rescheduling ruined my Saturday night). Other than that, check
out all the same good stuff you can always find here
at the Fan. Stay tuned for the year end Fanny awards which are coming soon to this very
website. Next week, we have the best of ECW.
That’s an oxymoron isn’t it? Now hit my music!
ECW: The Next Generation
