I could very easily complain about this but I think
Sean put it best when he said:
WWE has postponed this week's edition of ECW until Saturday night, where you can forsake sex and any semblance of a social
life to get caught up on the rollercoaster ride that is Bobby Lashley: ECW World Champion.”
Really, does any more
need to be said?
Highlights from Lashley’s
win at December to Dismember Your Paycheck are shown followed by Heyman’s tearful speech and last week’s match
with Big Show. I’d like to say I am real sorry to see Show go. I have gained a
lot from watching his matches, mainly thanks to my regular consumption of nachos and beer. Actually what
I have really gained and the real reason I am sorry to see him go is losing one of my favorite running jokes.
Oh well, I’ll have to find a new fatty to make fun of.
hit the flow and we are most definitely TAPED from Boston. They call this place Beantown, do they have street lamps shaped like beans?
Tonight Lashley faces Paul Heyman’s personal enforcers. Umm, why are they still hired to be
his enforcers if he isn’t there? Well logic is a foreign word to the creative team. RVD’s
music hits and he comes down to the ring to face Test.
Rob Van Dam vs. Test (Drugs, Drugs and Rock n Roll Match
Because In Case You Didn’t Know Test Used to Be a Roadie for Motley Crue)
Both men exchange beatdowns
in the corner. After an RVD kick, Test goes out of the ring for a breather. Rob flips
over the ropes on top of Test but then back inside gives up the advantage to his opponent. RVD is able
to dodge a move by Test and goes to the top but Test pushes him off as we go to commercial.
Test has an arm lock when we come back and just as RVD tries to
break it he gets slammed. Test goes to the top and lands right on the foot of Van Dam. Both
men get up and Test walks into a variety of kicks across the face. After a few more moves, he hits Rolling
Thunder and gets a two count. He goes for the Five Star but misses. Test gets up and
goes for a power bomb but RVD counters into a sunset flip. Test falls on top and grabs the ropes and gets
After a commercial, Striker is in the ring talking about the people
of Boston. He starts talking about different balls relating to Boston and obviously this leads up to him
calling out Balls Mahoney. I should mention it’s pretty obvious cheers are piped in when no one in
the crowd is moving. Balls comes to the ring and Striker says he’s all heart and soul.
After he continues to mock everyone, Balls clotheslines Matt and as he goes for some Teabagging, Striker interrupts
it with a kick to the well, balls. He then says “Feeling blue, Balls?” Oh
man that was funnier then the fact he probably sexually harassed his students.
Backstage we see Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay and Elijah brags
about how great they are. You know, like pretty much every generic promo. CM Punk’s
music hits and even though he is legit over, it still sounds like the crowd sounds are being piped in. He
is facing Hardcore Holly.
CM Punk vs. Hardcore Holly (Hardcore Punk
Is Usually a Good Thing, But There are Exceptions)
Punk starts off with a couple of arm drags and an elbow.
Holly comes back and hits Punk with some stiff forearms. Punk then comes back and gets a swinging
neckbreaker. After a few more kicks he gets a bulldog and tries a pin but only gets two. Holly
gets back up and in the corner repeatedly hits him with his fists and since he doesn’t respond to the ref telling him
to stop the bell is rung.
Winner by DQ: CM Punk
Holly goes for a shoulder block but Punk moves so he hits the post.
Punk then locks in the Anaconda Vice. Holly does tap but all for naught since the match is already
Tommy Dreamer’s music hits and he comes down to the ring
and on the microphone says he’s been told he has more heart and guts then he does brains. He challenges
Khali and demands he comes out. Both he and Daivari come to the ring and Daivari says last week was a fluke
and he accepts the challenge. Whew! Dreamer vs. Khali has Roe vs. Wade written all over
Daivari w/ Great Khali vs. Tommy Dreamer (Come ALAYEEAHHHHH Faithful Match)
Daivari attacks quickly but Dreamer counters to a reverse DDT then
a regular one and gets the pin.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer
Khali pulls him to the outside and double arm chokeslams him on
Some clips are shown of Mike Knox begging for forgiveness last
week and then throwing it in her face which ruled. Of course to ruin watching that again, Tazz says “not
for nothing”. Lashley’s music hits and he comes down to the ring for the HIGHLY ANTICIPATED
match with Heyman’s guards. In case you were wondering, the enforcers weigh a bit less than 500 pounds
together, basically like Big Show as two people. I’m surprised he didn’t eat them since they
aren’t needed anymore (HA I still worked one in).
ECW Champion Bobby Lashley vs. Heyman’s Personal Enforcers
(What Would You Call These Masked Men, The Policetadors?)
Lashley dominates early on but the enforcers manage to sneak in
a hit with the night stick when the ref isn’t looking to gain control. Lashley comes back and beats
the crap out both of them. He hits the Whiplashley and gets the pin.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
He hits the Whiplashley on the other enforcer then clocks them
both with the night stick. Thankfully this brings the show to a close.
Extreme Moment: This
is pretty sad, but the only good thing that happened this week is the fact Kelly Squared was NOT on the show.
Not So Extreme Moment:
The lame, pointless main event.
If you’d like to get in the holiday mood, watch
Sean’s brilliant “Twelve Days of WWE Christmas
”, the first ever video satire on the site.
Also check out recaps galore of all the pro wrestling
programming you can handle.
It’s still early on a Saturday night; I’m gonna go get a life.
Now hit my music!