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By Catherine Perez

About a day after catching TNA Impact, it dawned on me that the group known as THEY~! had gotten a name change while I had my attention on Twitter (I hope you readers are following me and joining me for WWE and TNA show live tweeting [/endplug]). "What for?" I ask! THEY is a great name! It's already provided much hilarity with the sign that THEY held up which read "THERrrrrE HERrrrE!" Thurr hurr; has this phrase ever been more apropos? Plus, think of the fountain of lulz that comes from the grammatical fumbles alone~! And "THEY" sure beats Hogan's proposed name: "ME". I would enjoy if they all adopted Dixie Carter's name for Eric Bischoff: "Smug Shit", though, but that's neither HERrrrE nor THERrrrrE (heh heh).

Of course, much like how I've been deprived of the comedic genius that is Brian Kendrick lately, TNA once again stopped me from enjoying the little things on their show. Sure enough, Hulk got his possessive wish as the stable which includes himself, Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Hardy...

...several minutes later...

Frankie Kazarian, AJ Styles, and fucking Rob Terry [
Note from 2011: TURNS OUT I COULDN'T TELL THE DIFF. BETWEEN TERRY AND, uh... Doug Williams?] has now rechristened itself HOGAN'S IMMORTALS~! WHAT?! Their ONE shot at redeeming all of the horrors wrought upon my eyes from this week's Impact by naming the faction HOGAN'S HEROES, and THEY've SOILED IT! SOILED IT!

But, as always, there's a silver lining (that being Photoshop fodder - and that's why you're here)! THEY and THEY B-Team have come together, not as mere men, but as IMMORTALS! You know, like VAMPIRES -- or like Ric Flair himself, as seen on our sidebar here. Mostly vampires. So move over, Robbie E. and Cookie, here comes TNA's next shameless rip-off of something far more successful than they ever will be:

Yeah, I know it says "Hulk's"; YOU try finding "Hogan's" in that font.

They're everything that a Twilight vampire aspires to be! They're undead zombies (Flair)! They're blood-sucking leeches (Hogan, Bischoff)! They sparkle (Hardy)! They're... pale? Guess not. Thanks a lot, you couple of fucking orange leather couches. Let's see... They can't survive without other men by their sides! One's got a perpetually pained expression on his face like he suffers from chronic constipation (Jarrett)! Their story is being written by someone known for a mind-boggling inability to coherently string words together on paper (Vince Russo)! YEEESSSS! It all makes sense now, and it only took a huuuuuge stretch to make this joke~! My deed is done here; I bid you adieu! Thanks for reading!

Catherine Perez is a proud owner of three e-mails from WWE's legal department, which she regularly prints out for when all the toilet paper runs out.  She was the first person to call the Ghostbusters after witnessing something strange in her neighborhood, and is thus immortalized in a song that was made popular four years before her birth.  Catherine enjoys collecting vintage WWF t-shirts, painting on her clothing, and the smell of crushed dreams in the mornings. She also shot J.R.

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).