Wow, what a Raw on Monday! Both Skinners, Steve Keirn and Shawn Michaels, were on the same show in one night - apparently, Keirn wanted his hat back. Marty Jannetty showed up looking drunk and all-around bizarre, even wearing the same tights he wore back in 1990. Bret Hart was set to show up, but Jim Neidhart ate him. Lita's love life came back to haunt her, and for once it wasn't in the form of a rare STD. But it's not what happened on Raw that had me in stitches, but what happened when the show went off the air. Stephanie McMahon actually scolded Punjabi Translator Guy, Runjin Singh (real name Dave Kapoor, but who cares?), for breaking kayfabe and having a merry time at Steve Austin's beer bash... like everyone else. As many of us saw, the final segment of Raw's 15th anniversary special had wrestlers young and old coming out to have beer (and Pepsi, right CM Punk?), and Singh was basically just enjoying himself with the rest of the wrestlers. After the show, Stephanie called his ass over and told him that his behavior was highly unprofessional. What? Stephanie then went on to tell Singh to start taking his job seriously, because creative team members shouldn't be on-screen characters anyway... unless, of course, you're the chairman's daughter, and have heaving, sagging, Elvira-esque breasts... or are fat and disgusting like Big Dick Johnson. Stephanie ended with telling poor Punjabi Translator Guy that she's gone to bat for him in the past, so he'd better not screw his lifetime opportunity up. Allow me to speak for all of us (me, you, the TWF staff, the rest of the IWC) when I say that this story comes as no shock; Stephanie McMahon is the personification of evil, with a tampon in her ass, and stories like this only continue to prove us right. Christ. Premature menopause much?
In a follow-up to that hilarious Leticia Cline/Howard Stern report, Leticia actually sent a letter to Stern following her firing from that Motocross show. Stern got the letter, and asked everyone in his show's studio if anyone remembered who Leticia Cline is. Unsurprisingly, not a soul remembered Leticia, despite the fact that she had appeared on the show just the previous week. I think I've just shit myself from laughter. So much for being a Stern Slut; surely this would have been her true calling. Perhaps now Leticia can be introduced to the world of monster trucks -- after all, after hitting rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but ROCK BOTTOMER~! Or into the lead role of The Scorpion King. Whichever works.
"I didn’t think he [The Great Khali] deserved the World Championship. I don’t want to say it made me sick to my stomach to see the title in his hands, but it really did make me sick to my stomach." This hilarious quote comes from Batista, who went on the record with the U.K. Sun to make that comment. Now that Dave's book is out, this guy thinks he can run around and talk shit about everyone. This time is different, however. He's talking about Khali, the worst wrestler since Giant Gonzalez, and has actually echoed my sentiments on the giant lummox. Khali's title reign was nauseating, in a way that neither Pepto Bismol nor a toothbrush handle down the throat could heal. Unfortunately, a Batista title reign is not much of an improvement. Sorry, Teest.
I previously reported that Senshi was the only guy to take up Dixie Carter's offer to leave TNA. As it turns out, this isn't the case, as Ron Killings is gone too. Again. Yep, Truth danced his way out of our hearts forever... until TNA hires O.J. Simpson and needs another black guy to round out a gangsta tag team called Team O.J., a duo of delinquents who only target white women to beat the shit out of. Anyway, a few other guys are also considering Dixie's offer. As long as they aren't Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley, I'm okay with that.
Jillian Hall's Christmas album, A Jingle with Jillian, was released via iTunes yesterday. This five-track album has all the worst of Jillian that you've come to expect - a true aural Holocaust. Even the $1.95 price tag can be considered a rip-off. However, if you happen to write for a wrestling satire website like I do, A Jingle with Jillian is just the album for you to review while your ears spew blood like a horrified 12-year-old girl on her first period. With song's like "Jingle Bell Rock," "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," and "The Christmas Song," A Jingle with Jillian will have you impaling your ears with your very own Christmas trees as you wonder why you're listening to a handful of songs that all sound exactly the fucking same. Like WWE.com says, "nobody jingles like Jillian," unless your name is Brooke Hogan, of course.
Candice Michelle is being advertised for the Greensboro, North Carolina Raw taping on the 29th. First of all, what is WWE's fetish with the Carolinas? This only means one thing: ALL. EYES. ON. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME will be more audible than ever, thanks to the stunning lack of crowd noise. Son of a bitch. As if traveling through a revolving door, with Candice's return comes Torrie Wilson's absence. Torrie is currently on the shelf with a back injury. Oh no! Not the back! Not the part of her body that helped get her to WWE to begin with~! Finally, on TNA's side of the fence, Karen Angle is now the proud owner of a BROKEN FREAKIN' LEG. Your gold medal's in the mail, Karen. Hopefully that's the last time Kurt uses the ankle lock as foreplay. Actually, I'm quite sad to hear this bit of news; for someone who has never been on TV prior to this year, Karen is obviously a natural in front of a camera. She's definitely got a talent for acting, which further assures me that WWE's no-talent swimsuit model-turned-divas are just lazy and good for absolutely nothing. Get well soon, Karen.
Speaking of Karen, she recently filmed a pilot for a reality show. God, I hope it's not "Life with the Angles." Actually, I hope it is, just for the opening credits. Kurt would walk out of his house with a mouthful of Somas as "STARRING KURT ANGLE" flashes across the screen, then he'd smile a big, shit-eating grin as Somas spill out onto the walkway. How fucking awesome. As awesome as that is, this has been your least important news bit of the week. Wow... not much to report this week, is there?
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).