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REMY
REMY   
Thursday April 13, 2006 12:00AM

A Day With The Honky Tonk Man.

Ladies and Gentleman, the Diatribe returns once more! However, this is a very special edition of the Diatribe. For one thing, it’s actually a serious piece, and not the satire you’ve come to expect from me. Everything in this edition is the Gospel truth as best as I can recollect it.

Many of you may not be aware, but I worked at HTM.com for several years as a forum administrator. As part of the staff perks a couple years ago, we were offered a staff pass that would get us into, and backstage, at any indy event the HTM was performing at. At the time, I thought mine would just make a nice souvenir. Being up in Whitehorse, Yukon (right next to Alaska), I didn’t have high hopes that I would ever get the chance to use my pass. On the upside, I got an autographed shirt and poster from HTM around the same time, just as a “thank you” for being involved with the site. That’s just to give some idea right away of what kind of guy HTM is.

So shortly after I received my pass in the mail I was talking to Ryan Smith, the webmaster of HTM.com at the time (co-webmaster now), and he tells me that HTM is coming to Whitehorse. Of course, I think he’s pulling my leg. It’s a fairly small city, and I had heard nothing about any upcoming events. In fact, in my fourteen years up in Whitehorse I had never heard of any wrestling events, period. But just as I buy a staff pass to HTM events, he gets booked for an event in Whitehorse for the first time in his career, at the first wrestling event in the territory in … well maybe ever? Of course I didn’t believe it.

Now, while I was certain I was having my leg pulled, I decided to look into it. I started making some calls, phoning the arenas in the area as well as the athletic commission (or some such thing). And as I expected, no one has a clue what the hell I’m talking about.

Then, as luck would have it, I happen to find a poster for the upcoming wrestling event while walking into the local Dairy Queen. Now, unless Ryan flew all the way up here to hide a poster in a random location … no, it’s real. The next day, I make sure I get the time off work.

I had a couple weeks to wait, but the time flew by pretty quickly. Before I knew it, I was planning to meet the one and only Greatest Intercontinental Champion of All Time. There was a meet and greet with wrestlers in the early afternoon, and then the show itself in the evening. Of course, I get the times fucked up and arrive a bit late to the meet and greet. Go me!

When I do finally get there … no HTM. Asking around a bit, no one knows where he is, but I just missed him. Shit. Fortunately, he does come back about twenty minutes later. So I go over and attempt to introduce myself. At first he looks at me with complete disinterest. I can understand this, he’s dealing with fans all day, most of whom are text book marks. He was expecting me though, so as soon as I tell him who I am he immediately warms up to me. Right off the bat I’m helping take pictures for him and showing him around the city a bit (mostly to get mix for drinks later on, haha).

After hanging out for about an hour, HTM leaves to go back to his hotel room. I head back home, but the show is only a few hours away, and that’s what I’m really looking forward to.

HTM had earlier introduced me to the promoter, and informed him that I would be coming to the event. Of course, the promoter was less than thrilled that I would not be paying for the show. This is where I get to puff out my chest and feel important, mwa haha. When I get to the show though, there is a very large line to get in. My dad, who has come with me, waits in line. I walk right up to the front, flash my pass (which they couldn’t possibly have known about), say I’m staff, and walk right in. They hardly even gave me a second look. I’m thinking I should do this more often at other events.

Once I’m inside I run into the promoter. I wasn’t sure how the seating arrangements were sorted, so I ask him politely if there is anywhere close to the front that I can sit, so I can take photos for HTM. He remarks “you sure ask a lot for someone who got in for free.” Asshole. After that, I meet up with HTM again. There’s at least an hour or so before the show, and he’s selling merchandise. During that time I get to take some more pictures with him and fans, and just generally shoot the shit with him as we wait. Again, during this time, it’s got to be the biggest marks on the planet who come and start chatting. Fortunately there was a very hot girl working the show was helping us out as well. Before I know it though, it’s time for the show to start!

Now, for the most part it was typical indy fare. Nothing spectacular. The only other recognizable name on the card was Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. For whatever reason, I didn’t care that much, haha. It would be shortly after this that Anvil was in the rumour mill over stealing stuff from someone’s house. I don’t remember all the details, but Sean’s got a great photoshop of it, and we even have a forum member named Anvil’s Swagbag in honour of this momentous event.

So eventually it’s time for HTM to hit the ring, and he uses his classic entrance theme to boot! Once in the ring, he grabs the mic. Classic HTM promo, cutting down his opponent and really getting the crowd worked up. Oh, and he mentions ME to the crowd. I was slightly fucking shocked. He gets me to stand up and introduces me to the crowd as a writer for his website. Puts me over huge. Says I’m a local, which the crowd seemed to appreciate, and says that if you read something nasty I probably wrote. Nice hyperbole there to put me over, seeing as how I maybe wrote one entire column for HTM.com. Awesome stuff. He then calls me to the ring for Christ’s sake. I take his costume for him, and hang onto it for the duration of the match. HTM hits the Shake Rattle & Roll for the win, but sadly, there was no el-kabong. Fucking awesome to see a legend in action, live.

I catch up with him again briefly after the show, and basically just say goodbye. HTM hugs me and says something along the lines of “good to have met you.” Awesome. I got an e-mail from HTM shortly after where he said that at the after party the asshole promoter put his cash box down for a few minutes, which had $12-14 000 in it, and when he looked again, it was gone. Oh karma!

All in all, it was a day I’ll always remember. I still get a kick out of telling this story to people, because frankly, I have a hard time believing it myself sometimes. Very surreal. Hope you all enjoyed a look at what a stand up guy HTM really is.

You can find some of the photos I took of the event here ( http://www.thehonkytonkman.com/pictures/thumbnails.php?album=8 ). For whatever reason the picture of HTM and I isn’t up there. However, the pic in the top left corner is of that hot chick I mentioned earlier and me. Let’s pretend I went home with her ;).

So, thanks to HTM for some awesome memories, and thanks to HTM.com for giving me the opportunity.

That will do it for this Diatribe. Stop by our forums and leave some feedback or shoot the shit with us. I’d love to hear about some of your favourite HTM memories. And definitely check out the main page, which is always worth the time. The site’s never been better. Take care, and as always, I remain

Remy

P.S. I think this proves I’m a big “insider” like Bacon, so any girls who want to take topless photos saying “I love Remy” would be sweet!

 
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Remy’s the kind of guy who enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet candle lit din … fuck that, chicks are crazy. He’s actually a wrestling fan (and therefore not single by choice, as he’d have you believe). He’s also a former admin of HTM.com, having been there for nearly three years. Now, he resides in limbo, wandering from forum to forum, fixing past wrongs, with the help of his friend Sam who … well, err, nevermind. He is, however, the brother of a well-known gentleman, whom you may have heard of, by the name of … JESUS! Well, not blood brother, but brother in the way black people say it, which is more meaningful, I think.

*Pics & logos created by Sean Carless.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).