Welcome one and all to what I hope will become a somewhat regular feature on TWF:
Creative Team Showcase!!!
Indeed using my phenomenal insider power I have been able to infiltrate the various different creative teams of wrestling promotions across the USA and thus can report the logic behind their latest decisions to you all! Indeed. Or possibly I just get drunk, write a bunch of crap and you laugh, I forget. However there must be a column here and thus we can delve into the logic behind some of the latest actions of WWE creative!!
Stephanie: OK are we all here now?
Stephanie: Good now we can get down to doing that thing that we do
Stephanie: Exactly, yeah that.
Hayes: Well urrm SD! Has an issue in that Edge, the champion is injured
Hayes: Well you see we can't have a show with an injured champion so we need a new one, so umm we need suggestions.
Gerwitz: But it's on the wrong show
HHH: Oh right, yeah fuck me going on the B show, heh OK not me, but I want the other one when I get back.
Dusty: Well we do have an ECW title feud going on
HHH: Bwahahahaha, I meant world title, not piece of crap
Stephanie: Hahahahaha! That's hilarious, wait a second.
Stephanie: Paul? Heyman is that you, we just called your company's title a piece of crap! Eat that you loser.
-slam down phone-
Stephanie: Got to keep him in his place
Gerwitz: Yeah completely, by the way HHH why are you here?
HHH: I'm injured, what else have a I got to do but exert backstage power?
Hayes: OK, OK that's great but we need a solution
Yes-man: Of course
Hayes: What do you suggest then?
Yes-man: ummm Matt Hardy?
Stephanie: Umm no he's got this absolutely awesome gimmick of losing all the time, and if he won a title he wouldn't be losing. Would he?
Yes-man: Well no, but why's he losing?
Stephanie: So he stays over
Yes-man: But, don't people win to get over?
Stephanie: Well some do, but amazing bookers like me and not Paul Heyman can let people get over by losing
Yes-man: OK then.
Stephanie: Right, so not him. Is there anyone in ECW we could steal? I mean it's a third rate brand
-picks up phone-
Hear that Paul, THIRD RATE!
So they could spare some stars for us
Lagana: But we only have like two guys since you got rid of Van Dam and Sabu
HHH: Couldn't work
Lagana: Well fine but we need the Punk and Morrison
Stephanie: Oh yeah right, this is totally hilarious, y'know Nitro?
Stephanie: Well I renamed him John Morrison because he looks exactly like Jim Morrison, isn't that funny?
Hayes: Well I suppose it is quite clever, they're quite similar...
Stephanie: I SAID IT'S VERY CLEVER AND HILARIOUS!
Hayes: Yeah, umm, of course, ahahahahahaha?
Yes-man: What? Oh umm hahahah Please don't fire me!
Stephanie: What about Daniel Rodimer? He's totally hot! I mean I'd totally dump HHHy for him if he asked, I mean those tribal tattoos and big biceps, like two big hot-dogs, ohh god sooo gooooddd....
HHH: He can't work!! It'd be stupid to call him up! He said you were fat!
Stephanie: Oh OK then.
HHH: What about my man, Dave?
Hayes: Well we're trying to move him away from the title picture due to possible steroid issues with the media
Finlay: There are no steroids in wrestling! Guerrero's death had nothing to do with steroid related issues! At all! The police were wrong!
Hayes: OK Finlay calm down! Here's some Guinness, now go calm down!
Finlay: You know I resent this stereotyping
Hornswoggle: At least you are Irish!!
Hayes: Anyway, so not Batista at the minute we feel, so we're left with Kane and the Great Khali
Stephanie: What about Benoit?
Lagana: He was drafted to ECW and then went homicidal and killed his family
Stephanie: Wow, when was that?
Gerwitz: Yes and now we're never mentioning him on TV again, remember and erasing his name
HHH: Especially from WMXX!
Yes-man: Why, because he beat you?
HHH: No, urrmmm, because he looked homicidal and I'm that damn good!
Yes-man: That made no sense at all
HHH: Shut-it, you're fired!
Stephanie: Did Heyman know him?
Hayes: No idea.
Stephanie (into phone) : Hey Paul! PAUL! I just fired someone, he sucked but he was still better than you!
Vince: OK what's going on?
Stephanie: I'm shouting at Heyman
Vince: Whatever makes you happy
Hayes: Also do you want the WHC to go to Khali or Kane?
Vince: Which is bigger?
Vince: Khali then.
Hayes: Ah OK Vince Khali then, because he's big.
course, also he's foreign, thus he's the perfect heel as he doesn't love the
Vince: You saying I'm stupid?!
Vince: OK then
Stephanie: Even better with Khali, he's got that manager!
-gets a phone-
Hey Paul, you piece of shit, remember that Asian who liked your booking, well we're parodying him on TV because I'm smart and better than you!
Vince: Is he even there?
Stephanie: Nope, answer machine, but when he gets home he'll get sooo pissed
And there you go, the detailed process behind making Khali your World Heavyweight Champion!
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).