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Creative Team Showcase!!!

By Stephen Bailey

 

Hello again all and welcome to the third edition of Creative Team Showcase. Why you're still watching I have no idea, well actually you're reading but whatever. Anyway I would note tat apparently the creative team idea had been done previously by voiceboxforgiven, though I will note I did not steal any of his ideas, seriously......Stop looking at me like that!! Anyway credit where credit's due there. There is also a possibility that he may guest a feature here at some point, in fact anyone is welcome to submit their own ideas as it'd mean less work for me.

Anyway this week you are being whisked to the wonderful land of the TNA creative team, principally because WWE has been completely focussed on Vince's story which I already fucking mocked, and a two page explanation of why Mysterio returned silver probably wouldn't be that entertaining. Then again most likely neither will this, but whatever. Also it should be noted this week we're in the format of multiple short sketches, official reason-experimentation; real reason-I'm lazy.

Pacman

Dixie: OK guys, we've got issues. Apparently the Kurt Angle show is not giving us ratings, horror of horrors even that big star Andrew Martin didn't, so what are we going to do?

Russo: Well in situations like this Dixie you just need to remember the key philosophy that has given me all my success. Sleaze and drama are the way to go. So we need to get pop culture sleaze into TNA.

Mantell: How about Osama Bin Laden?

Russo: Are you crazy man? This is an American show! They want to see American wrestling, white people. That guy won't get over!! I'm thinking Charles Manson here.

Jarrett: Regrettably there are issues in the way here. Also even though we offered him Dutt and Shelley to kill he still feels we're too capitalist. However, as we all know our connections with professional sports have always yielded success. So I suggest Pacman Jones.

Tenay: This is incredible!

West: We all know who he is, this is why TNA is the most talked about wrestling in the world!!

Jarrett: Why are they here?

Dixie: They add to the atmosphere

Tenay: She said we add to the atmosphere!

West: I know she did Professor, this is incredible!

Mantell: That's it I'm getting ear plugs

West: Did you hear that he's getting ear plugs!

Tenay: I heard him Don, I think it way be to block out our incessant screaming!

West: You could be right!!

Russo: Get out!!

Mantell: Well I've actually got a plausible story for Pacman. We can team him with Ron Killings

Killings: Woah, whats up I totally quit the TNA, nigga!

Russo: No you didn't, besides you're the perfect partner for Pacman, you're both black.

Killings: Yo, we're both sun-tanned supermen yo. We're gonna take down John Cena and win the tag belts yo!

-Killings break dances out-

Jarrett: Actually we could put the belts on him, Kurt did his back in carrying all his belts.

Shelley and Sabin: But you said you were going to push us!

Daniels: And me!

Russo: Are you the most controversial men in sports entertainment? Nope, you haven't even worked for WWE!

Daniels: I did briefly

Mantell: Which is why we let you wrestle Sting. Case closed Pac is controversial and will give us ratings, now to decide how much we'll pay him with our random money generator!! $25,000 per appearance apparently

West: That's crazy, we're giving it away!! Isn't it great.

Dixie: He's right, Shelley+Sabin, you're taking a pay cut.

Shelley: Godammit!

Contract Issues

Senshi: Hey I want my release.

Jarrett: No. By the way, Basham and Damaja, you're fired.

Basham: What, why?

Russo: Because you couldn't beat VKM in that shoot fight

Damaja: What shoot fight?

Dixie: The one I did with these action figures! Hey we need to pay for Pacman and Karen Angle. So we have to let you go.

BG: While you're at it, we want out!

Kip: Yeah and I'll bask TNA until you do it.

Russo: You worked for WWE and were successful, we'll never let you go!!

BG: Oh come on, we're bored and hate it here.

Matt Bentley: Sorry you're in the middle of something here but I have this idea for Serontonin.

Mantel: Eh Serontonin are boring.

Bentley: Come on, I'm trying to help here.

Mantel: And I don't care, you're fired.

Bentley: What? I helped make this place! I had a cool dance!

Dixie: Angle built this place

Jarrett: And we're hiring Too Cool to do a cool dance, bye.

Russo: Anyway VKM, we have a solution. Shelley, Sabin. VKM want their release.

Sabin: Sorry about that guys, we'll see you

Russo: So you're jobbing to them in 90 seconds.

Sabin: What?

Shelly: Godammit!

BG: We're as confused as you are, trust us.

TNA gets a Test (Not drug testing because then Angle will fail)

Jarrett: OK we want to continue the Abyss-Christian feud

Mantel: Hasn't that been going for about 5 months?

Russo: Yep, still got about another 5 in it.

Jarrett: Well we need to even the sides a bit so I suggest we hire someone new to help Abyss and Sting. Angle wants Vito.

Russo: However, I'll think he'll work much better as a tag parter of Dustin Rhodes.

Dixie: Then we can reform AMW and job them to the WWE guys

Mantel: Dixie you're a genius.

Jarrett: So not Vito anyway yet, I think Rikishi's character would gel very well with the pair.

Mantel: Unfortunately he wants a lot of money, and event eh compensation of eating Shelley didn't persuade him.

-AJ enters-

AJ: Hey guys, mind if I sit in?

Jarrett: Sure we're discussing how to further your feud with Abyss and sting, sit down.

-AJ sits_

West: OH my god, the Pele the Pele he hits it out of nowhere, right in the face!!

AJ: Guys I just sat down

Tenay: That AJ Styles how far has he fallen.

West: I know Mike, it's just disgusting

-AJ stands-

AJ: Hey that's just kayfabe, I resent the insults!

Tenay: What a vertical leap!

West: He's a phenomenal athelete no mistake about it.

Jarrett: Ignore them, anyway Andrew Martin said he'd be interested.

Tenay: We all know who he is!!!

Russo: That could work

Dixie: He was in WWE this year!

Mantel: Lets call him the Punisher!

AJ: Why?

Mantel: Sounds cool, and we'll get him over by jobbing you to him AJ.

AJ: OK that's fine but could I get a win, I keep losing, I'm worried about losing credibility.

Russo: That's true

-AJ takes a drink-

West: The Pele! The Pele! How'd he get his limb up there!!

Tenay: I don't know DW it's just amazing.

Mantel: I've got a way to keep you over, Shelley

Shelley: Yeah?

Mantel: We're putting AJ over you

Shelley: OK at least we'll get a good match out of it.

Russo: And Karen Angle needs heat too, so you'll lose to her by submission next iMPACT

Shelley: Godammit!

There's your crap. If you want good stuff I'd recommed The Raw, SD! And ECW rants. And Anvil's great Summerslam review. There's also Sean's stuff,  Done! And Deadface Walking for far more funny satire than this. Thanks for reading.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).