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R.I.P. CHE E. SECAKE

Hey kids. It's a question that's been asked since the dawn of time - who is the most awesome person ever? Jesus? Einstein? Hasslehoff? The debate has been constant.. UNTIL TODAY. You see, today is the day, where JAMES WALKER has been crowned the MOST AWESOME PERSON EVER. If you need proof (and you shouldn't), here it is.

Last Friday, I baked a cheesecake. A Delicious cheesecake it was to be - I employed every neat trick in the book (that I wrote) to have it be absolute perfection. We're talking room temperature eggs, a boiling water bath that it was cooked in, the whole deal. It was a pumpkin pie cheesecake, and I even made a delicious sweet cream topping for it - truly divine. I took a photo of it before certain events, and it is attached.

However, seeing as it was a Friday at a university, there was drinking going on. This is not something new, and it was especially not new in my room, as my roommate and I are sociable fellows. My cheesecake was cooling on my desk, as I wanted to keep a watchful eye upon it. Eventually, I decided it had cooled enough to be placed in the refrigerator, and I prepared it to enter it's final stage of cooling. As I was about to pick it up, an inebriated friend of mine on the floor attempted to offer her services in it's transport. I declined, citing that this cheesecake was of the utmost importance, and that I had it under control anyways.

Well, seeing as the alcohol was thoroughly making it's way through this person's system, that was not good enough, and aid was "forced" upon... and the result was the CHEESECAKE LANDING FACE DOWN ON MY KEYBOARD. Anyone who knows me well will say this is a horrible occurrence - it's not unlike my own puppy being murdered in a drive by shooting, before my very eyes. The damages were deep, for not only had my soul been crushed, but I also lost the use of my num pad.

A few days of mourning began. So tormented over this situation, I could barely continue on. Fate had taken the one thing away from me in this world that I loved, and smushed it into the addition key.

Soon, I realized I would not be getting over this with a simple matter of time. No, it would take for more drastic measures. Something to show the world how much this cheesecake meant to me, something that the world could understand.

Therefore, I took out an obituary in The Ottawa Citizen for my Cheesecake.

Now, I understand that I could not simply tell the newspaper that I am mourning the loss of a desert - they are simple minded people, and would not understand the gravity of the situation. Therefore, I had to develop a clever ruse. The Cheesecake had to become .. a person.

Attached below is a photograph of the clipping. Notice the other dates, such as 2002, and 2005 - being inexperienced with obituaries, I placed this item in the "In Memoriam" section. Apparently, this is generally not the place for deaths. Never the less, it is right beside that section, so I have little ill feelings.

It is worth noting that the Ottawa Citizen is read by approximately 600000 people a day.

For those who do not know, I will explain certain aspects of the piece.

Range: A type of Oven

Springform: The pan cheesecakes are cooked in

Desert: Dessert.

The army motif was used simply because no one would dare to question the history of someone within the armed forces.

All things considered, it was the best $56 dollars I ever spent.

Rest in (delicious) pieces, Che E. Secake.

ontheseashore