Did anyone see VH1’s “40 Greatest Celebrity
Feuds” countdown? It’s a two-hour special hosted by
Stone Cold and it’s well worth checking out. Here’s
their list, with my comments interspersed. If I don’t
comment on a feud, it’s because I have no problem with
its placement on the list.
Before anyone starts,
no, I really DON’T have anything better to do with my
time. Oh, and I probably misspelled half the celeb names
on this list. Live with it.
40) Weird Al
Yankovick vs. Coolio
39) Sean Young vs.
Too low. The bizarreness of Young
going into business for herself puts this one in a class
38) Alyssa Milano vs. Shannen
37) Triumph vs.
36) Sharon Osborne vs. Renee
This is where things get fuzzy. Apparently,
this wasn’t just celebrity-vs.-celebrity, but any feud
involving a celebrity. Renee WHO? (I know, I know, she
was a Hollywood agent. I’m making a point here. Work
with me, people.)
35) Larry Flynt vs. Jerry
WAAAAAAAAAAY too low. This was CLASSIC
every step of the way, as well as actually being a
significant First Amendment case.
Berle vs. RuPaul
33) Suzanne Somers vs.
“Three’s Company” cast
Too low. Double-S pissed
off the producers so bad, they actually punished her
on-air by sending her character to live with her mother
and cutting her scenes down to one 60-second phone call
a week. That was pretty much unheard of for network
32) Roger Ebert vs. Vincent
31) Dr. Dre vs. Eazy-E
low. Great feud between former best buddies, with the
two taking some great shots at each other via music
30) Howard Stern vs. Kathie Lee
29) Johnny Carson vs. Joan
28) Bruce Willis vs. Cybill
27) Anna Nicole Smith vs. Marshall
26) Andy Kaufman vs. Jerry
Here’s where things stop making sense.
Kaufman and Lawler never truly DISLIKED each other; all
the others did. True, their feud was entertaining as
hell, but if worked feuds are eligible, just off the top
of my head, I can name half a dozen wrestling feuds that
were more entertaining and/or did bigger box office than
Kaufman-Lawler. You dare challenge me? Fine. Behold:
Austin vs. McMahon, Austin vs. Rock, WCW vs. nWo, Hogan
vs. Sting, Raven vs. Dreamer, and Bret vs. Shawn (which
even happened to feature legit hatred between the guys,
to boot). There are tons more, but you get the point.
And I’ll get to the biggest one
25) Elton John vs. Tina
24) Neil Young vs. Lynyrd
Too low. One of the greatest rock feuds
23) David Lee Roth vs. Sammy
22) San Diego Chicken vs.
21) Bob Barker vs. Dian
20) Vince Neil vs. Axl
19) Eminem vs. Mariah Carey
Tom Selleck vs. Rosie O’ Donnell
Too high. I didn’t think there could be
such a thing as a boring rapper feud, but here you have
it. Look me in the eye and tell me this was a better
feud than Dre vs. Eazy. You’d be a damn dirty liar, you
16) Ludacris vs. Bill O’
15) Metallica vs. Napster
Madonna vs. Sandra Bernhard
13) Creed vs.
12)Nancy Kerrigan vs. Tonya
Too low. This is Top 5 material. Classic
heel-vs.-babyface (complete with Pearl Harbor attack!)
that led to their skate-off being one of the highest
rated television programs ever.
Love vs. Nirvana
10) Mick Jagger vs. Keith
9) Frank Sinatra vs. Sinead O’
8) David Letterman vs. Jay
Too low. Another top-fiver for obvious
7) Tupac Shakur vs. Biggie
Number SEVEN??? These two KILLED each
other! How the hell do you top that?! To me, this should
have either been #1 or it shouldn’t have been on the
list at all.
6) Eminem vs. Triumph &
Too high. And I’m the biggest Triumph mark
west of the Mississippi, too.
Jackson vs. Paul McCartney
4) 50-Cent vs.
Too high, though you’ve gotta love the
fact that Fitty invented a whole new word in “honor” of
3) Toby Keith vs. Dixie
2) Fred Durst vs. Britney
WAY too high. This shouldn’t even be in
the top 20, let alone the runner-up spot. No feud that
called a “truce” belongs in the Top 5.
David Lee Roth vs. Van Halen
out of the equation, and this is a suitable number one,
for the omissions:
WWF vs. WCW. Call it
McMahon vs. Bischoff, McMahon vs. Turner, Raw vs. Nitro,
Smackdown vs. Thunder, or whatever. This was a
legit feud that lasted for years, ignited a wrestling
boom and had more twists and turns than one overbooked
episode of NWA TNA. Leaving it off the list was
Sam Kinison vs. Andrew
“Dice” Clay. Classic comedy feud. Before
political correctness ruined humor as we know it, these
two pulled no punches and each played Howard Stern
against the other like two divorced
Madonna vs. Courtney
Love. Since when does VH1 ever miss a chance to
show footage of a drugged-out Courtney harassing Madonna
at a post-VMA interview?
Charlton Heston. Speaking of footage VH1 loves
to dust off, the bit where the NRA icon disgustedly
reads the lyrics to “Cop Killer” is a proud part of our
nation’s pop culture history. “Die. Die. DIE PIG, DIE.”
If they wanted a gratuitous right-winger-vs.-rapper
feud, they should have picked this instead of Ludacris
vs. Bill O’ Reilly. Ice was a better, more influential
rapper than Ludacris, while Chuck has reached levels of
conservatism that BOR can only dream
Suge Knight vs. Vanilla Ice.
Suge allegedly dangled Ice out over a balcony. Is it any
wonder people respect and love
Frank Sinatra vs. Phil
Hartman. The Chairman didn’t appreciate PH’s
send-up of him on SNL and used his (ahem) connections to
teach Phil a lesson; somehow screwing him out of his
lucrative “Chester Cheetah” commercials. Yes sir,
Francis had him some major stroke.
No More vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Similarly,
the Peppers screwed FNM out of a lucrative international
tour, prompting FNM to fire back on one Halloween night
in Michigan. FNM dressed up as the Peppers (complete
with needles sticking out of their arms) and FNM
frontman Mike Patton proceeded to sing “Under The
Bridge” hilariously off-key. There was even a mock
tombstone for dead former RHCP guitarist Hilel, with the
epitaph, “I can’t believe I died for this
Harlan Ellison vs. Gene
Roddenberry. An obscure feud, but an inspired
one. For a while there, Ellison couldn’t even accept a
writing award without launching into a tirade about how
“That asshole ruined it!” (Meaning the classic “Star
Trek” episode written by Harlan that Gene
3rd Bass vs. Vanilla
Ice. Remember 3B’s “Pop Goes The Weasel” video?
They were hating on Ice before the rest of us jumped on
Kim Cattral vs. Sarah
Jessica Parker. Kinda like Alyssa Milano vs.
Shannen Doherty, only with uglier women and more money
MC Hammer vs. Sinead O’
Connor. Okay, maybe this one would be more like
“Top 100” material, but it still deserves a mention if
only for the fact that Hammer offered to buy SOC a
one-way ticket out of the country…and she actually took
him up on it. When baldie flew back home to wherever the
hell it is she was spawned from, she sent Hammer a bill
for the plane ticket, which he happily paid. I don’t
care what anyone says about Hammer, anyone who would
help usher Sinead out of the country gets my proverbial
James Gandolfini vs.
HBO. Tony held out for more money, risking one
of the most profitable shows in history. (Imagine if
Suzanne Somers’ power play had worked.) Anyway, they
kissed and made up, but not before a public battle saw
HBO call their biggest cash cow a “greedy pig” and file
suit against him (which was eventually dropped). Ah
well, it was fun while it lasted.
McDonald vs. NBC. Norm burned his bridge upon
leaving the compost heap that was SNL. In retaliation,
NBC refused to air commercials for his movie “Dirty
Work.” Hilarity ensued.
Hulk Hogan vs.
Richard Belzer. The most unbelievable feud of
them all, if only because it contains the only known
footage of Hulk Hogan using a wrestling
Dr. D vs. John Stossel. Do
you even have to ask?
For some reason,
they snubbed Arsenio and his many feuds
Arsenio Hall vs. Jay
Leno. When Leno took over “The Tonight Show,”
there was a famous magazine cover that showed Arsenio
with a quote vowing, “I’m gonna kick Leno’s ass.” He
Arsenio Hall vs. Vanilla
Ice. Better and more entertaining than Tom
Selleck vs. Rosie O’ Donnell. Arsenio’s own audience
booed him at the start, but later turned on Vanilla and
his empty head. Special surreal cameo by Flava-Flav (I’m
Arsenio Hall vs.
Roseanne. Remember Grossanne’s “Triangle Head”
swipe? Ah, to be feuding comics in the
Howard Stern vs.
KLG was a no-brainer, but the KOAM has had many
other noteworthy feuds.
Howard Stern vs.
Don Imus. Imus was a prick to Stern when both
worked for NBC; eventually Stern wound up on another
station and KILLED Imus in the ratings for
Howard Stern vs. Rush
Limbaugh. This was all the rage in the 90s.
Loudmouth vs. loudmouth.
Howard Stern vs.
John DiBella. Stern took the art of celebrity
feuding to a new level, holding a public “funeral” for
the Philadelphia “Zookeeper” when Stern’s show went to
#1 in Philly. A significant feud that laid the
groundwork for all future Stern feuds to
Howard Stern vs. Mancow.
Worth mentioning, if only because Mancow was a rare
threat to Stern, beating him in a couple
Howard Stern vs. Chevy
Chase. A strange, fun feud that kicked off when
Chase trashed Stern during “Larry King Live,” not
realizing that people watching the show on satellite
could hear what was said during commercial breaks. This
lead to many classic encounters between Chase and
various Stern cronies, too.
Crony: “Chevy, after
what happened with Phil Hartman, are you afraid to let
your wife near the gun cabinet?”
“Do you think that’s funny? DO YOU THINK THAT’S
Crony: “I saw some of your movies,
Chevy. I didn’t think THEY were very
Other notable band
Poison vs. C.C.
Deville. A classic moment in live television
when a pilled-to-the-gills CCD totally lost his mind
during a live VMA and started playing while the show was
still at commercial. When they came back from the break,
CCD immediately started playing the wrong song. Then CCD
purportedly got into a fistfight with frontman Bret
Michaels backstage. CCD was unceremoniously ejected from
Metallica vs. Dave
Mustaine. “Dude, wake up. You’re fired. Your
bus leaves in an hour.” GOLD.
vs. Vince Neil. The Crue publicly fired Vince,
chastising him for racing stock cars when he should have
been in the studio. They tried out another lead singer
while Vince went solo. Both projects flopped, causing
everyone to come to their senses and get back together.
Then they kicked out Tommy Lee, IIRC. Some people never
Van Halen vs. Sammy
Hagar. They included the two other VH wars; why
not this one? Upon becoming a solo artist again, the Red
Rocker’s first release included a song called “Little
White Lies,” a swipe at the brothers Halen and um, the
They missed a whole heap of
celebrity relationships gone bad,
Tina Turner vs. Ike Turner.
How in the HELL did they forget this?! Like Tina vs.
Elton John was more memorable or well-known. Eat the
cake, Anna May!!
Madonna vs. Dennis
Rodman. Gotta love a guy who can find a way to
Burt Reynolds vs. Loni
Anderson. This divorce was uglier than Burt’s
Geraldo Rivera vs. Bette
Midler. Geraldo’s tell-all book boasted of
nailing Bette. Bette fired back by saying Geraldo was
“lousy.” Fun feud, as long as you don’t actually have to
picture them doing the deed.
vs. Robin Givens. Christ, who were you pulling
for in THIS one?
Roseanne vs. Tom
Arnold. Memorable if only for the SNL monologue
where Rosie talked about getting a shot at the doctor’s
office. (“It was a little prick, just like having sex
Woody Allen vs. Mia
Farrow. ‘Nuff said.
Harry Simon is a trivia-fueled wisenheimer
who has been writing about pro wrestling off and on for
16 years and counting. Harry has written trivia pieces
for both the Wrestling Observer and Live Audio Wrestling
websites, and contributed a ton of research to his
fellow Las Vegan Mike Tenay in preparation for the first
NWA TNA PPV in 2002. Harry has also done play-by-play,
color commentary, and ring announcing for indy
promotions. Harry invented the Von Erich Match Rating
System, which you can learn about HERE.