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With MTV dragging their feet on whether or not to make Wrestling Society X a regular part of their television empire, Kevin Kleinrock and Big Vision Entertainment have begun to seek out alternative plans with competing networks...





New Jack and Puma to co-host ESPN's Pardon the Interruption: With the recent announcement of Tony Kornheiser signing with the Monday Night Football crew, ESPN's popular PTI program's overuse of guest hosts will come to an end with the new permanent crew of masked Japanese high flyer Puma and the original gangsta himself, New Jack. Join Puma and Jack each and every day as they debate all of sports' hot topics such as professional baseball players' use of steroids and "crazy muthaf—ers" use of cheese graters. Who among us can not be enthralled when New Jack spends Five Good Minutes with a woman who claims she is one of Jack's many road wives and claims to be the mother of his baby?




Teddy Hart, Jack Evans, Matt Sydal, and Vampiro to headline Comedy Central's Blue Collar and Elbow ComedyTour: It had to happen: A national tour of three cruiserweight comedians and one painted up oddball culminating in this frequently funny concert film, shot in the WSX warehouse with the most attractive audience in wrestling history. Matt Sydal's milk-and-cookies-fueled, sex obsessed world view gets things off to a good start. ("I spent last night in a drunken haze. Her name was Daizee.") Vampiro's creepy-silly persona helps deliver a set long on gross-out humor. ("It's nice being a famous comedian, I haven't had this much regular sex since I worked in a Tijuana funeral home.") Jack Evans balances the tone with his hip-hop shtick. ("Knock Knock. Who's there? Yao. Yao who? Yao best get out of my grill before I cap all yo asses! ") Main event champ Teddy Hart offers fresh material about the act of training a cat army, describes the bizarre sight of seeing his marijuana confiscated by Canadian airport security and, of course, renders his trademark definitions of what constitutes a Hart Family member ("If you've ever done moonsaults off a 15 foot cage onto people not expecting you... you might be a Hart.")


Sean Waltman joins the Food Network's Iron Chef - Between 1993 and 1999, a popular television show in Japan called "Iron Chef" ("Ryori no tetsujin") pitted one of its professional chefs against a challenging chef each week using a particular theme ingredient in all of the dishes made. Due to the rising popularity of the show from cable subscribers, the Food network decided to broadcast an American version of the show. With new sponsors High Times magazine and Cheetos, Iron Chef is proud to unveil Sean "X-Pac" Waltman as its critically acclaimed chef as he takes on all comers in the preparation of his famous "mystery brownies."



P.J. Polaco (a.k.a. Justin Credible) becomes new host of NBC's Deal or No Deal: Continuing the string of genuinely nice, bald has-beens, the former iMPACT player and ECW world heavyweight champion is back again in the national spotlight and ready to host America's most popular game show since "Millionaire." But be careful, the former Aldo Montoya might have to Singapore cane you if you upset the banker!



Human Tornado joins Cartoon Network's Justice League Unlimited - Forces of evil, chaos, and destruction await… and those are the good wrestling promoters. Not even protectors like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the Flash, or the Martian Manhunter may have a chance alone. But together as the Justice League, with funky new member Human Tornado, they are a metahuman force (and a hope) to be reckoned with.

Derek Burgan can be seen wasting everyone's time with wrestling DVD and comic book reviews over at Wrestling Observer and the world famous Wrestling Enjoyment Index at Figure Four Weekly online~! Don't forget about his Opinion Pieces at World Wrestling Insanity and goofiness at WrestleCrap as well. Whew! Derek can be reached at: derek@gumgod.com

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).