Welcome all to the first-ever WWE
Breaking Point Pay Per View! But what exactly is this
the breaking point of? The amount of really similar
gimmick matches they can put on one card? Your wallet?
Thrown-together haberdashery booking? SURELY NOT ALL
THREE. Shirley. We'll find out here tonight as the
returning Undertaker battles for the World Heavyweight
Championship despite not winning a match in almost half
a year and an as-of-yet uncertain midcard title match
takes place in what will surely be a battle for the
ages. Or Superstars. Depends which secondary title
defense it is. BUT FIRST we'll get to something you've
seen time and time again these past few months – Chris
Jericho and Big Show mowing down a thrown-together tag
team. This time it's a Gorilla and a Panther, so I guess
you could say it's a type of jungle connection. What. My
sympathies are with JeriShow, not because they have any
chance of losing the belts tonight, but because I
imagine it's kind of hard to bring prestige back to a
title when it seems the only other people who want it
are just kind of “fuck it, I'm not busy right now.” It's
kind of like Confederate bank robbers, where basically
the town sheriff just said “k, enjoy your kindling,
we'll just be over here with the food and supplies,
thanks.” I'm in college now, I got to start making those
kind of jokes. This is going to be the most high-brow
resling joke column on the net, I'm telling you
niggers.
Unified Tag
Team Champions Big Show & Chris Jericho vs MVP &
Mark Henry, title match
BECAUSE FOUR BELTS REPRESENTING ONE
CHAMPIONSHIP IS STILL COMPLETELY NECESSARY. I say they
ditch those shitbox WWE tag titles all together and just
put a little superscript 2 over the World Tag belts. You
know, to represent an exponent, like in math? High brow,
motherfuckers. I guess MVP finally proved to Vince that
tribal tattoos aren't Nigerian for more uppity monkey
business and so has earned himself a sleeveless bodysuit
tonight. Just keep leaving those radical pamphlets lying
around Stamford, P, you'll be allowed to go shirtless
one day. Jericho and P start things off after some Y2J
stalling as I wonder how many people reading here would
remember my old Smackdown Recaps. My guess? Probably not
enough to make me feel too ashamed for recycling old
jokes. CODEBREAKER VS JAILBREAKER! WALLS OF JERICHO VS
WALLS OF PRISON! I'm going to stop alienating any
semblance of a fanbase I ever may have had now. Just
right now, though. Expect more of me ripping myself off
in later paragraphs.
They go back and forth pretty well
until P tags in THE BIG MAN, and Jericho, not wanting to
go tits for tat against the self-proclaimed big stupid
monkey (I SAID SELF-PROCLAIMED, it's okay if they say
it) tags in, well, the other big man. Really gross shit
from here on out as Big Show and Mark Henry battle in
particularly tight, squeezing spandex. Big Show chant
here from those wily Canadians as Show goes for a
hymenoptera barb splash (high FUCKING brow) on Henry in
the corner, only for Henry to catch him and put him up
in the corner to hit a successful one of his own. Pretty
Strong Slam is teased but Jericho cuts Henry's knee out
like it was fat on a side of steak as Big Show proceeds
to gobble it up. The other black meat (the first being
cock.) Maybe if I keep referring to organisms by their
scientific names, nobody will notice that line. Homo
erectus takes down Troglodytes gorilla for two before
tagging in Jericho who gets a Canadian pop. He does next
to nothing before letting Show back in, and he and Henry
take each other down with clotheslines. Like two-ton
stainless steel microwave subways crashing b'gawd. It
just looks like two fat guys running into each other
because tv just doesn't do them justice. The
skillet-bender and skillet-bot tag out to their
respective human partners and it's all THE PANTHER from
here, but Y2J twists out of a pin attempt and traps P up
in the Walls, but you need bars to restrain MVP! Because
of both the fact that he's a convicted felon and the
panther thing. So I guess it takes bars^2! I should be
getting paid for this. Anyway, P escapes and Show is in,
deflecting the effects of the Drive-by by shielding
himself with his skillet hands and spears the panther
like you'd think he was Tony Atlas. Jericho gets the tag
but the Lionsault is no match for aggravated assault and
so Henry tags in and takes Jericho out. Show saves the
titles and P attacks the interferer, but Show launches
him back out, only to take a tumble at the paws of
Henry. MARK then repeatedly fails to put Jericho away
until Show hoists himself up on the apron to punch Henry
with a secretly loaded fist (secret : it's loaded with
skillet.) P is too late to break up the pin so that
seals it.
Winner and STILL Champions : Chris
Jericho & Big Show
TO THE BACK for Legacy and Josh
Matthews tooling it up together and Josh informs them
that DX have never lost via submission. Now they're just
making streaks up. “And, AND, Triple H has not tapped
out in this arena since it changed it's name back in
'05.” Besides, it's not like there's20shitloads of
submission victories anyway, I can't recall Legacy ever
tapping out either. Legacy however inform us that this
will NOT be a technical submission match, it will be a
FIGHT. They slip in the term “breaking point” like they
used to do with Unforgiven. They say they're the future
and compare DX to the glowsticks they hand out at shows,
saying, like them, Trips and Shawn will eventually fall
apart and leak green fluid. BODYSNATCHER
ANGLE.
Aaaaand the winner of the secondary
title defense tonight iiiiis...The United States
Championship. Goddamnit, I don't think I've seen John
Morrison on Pay Per View since like The Royal Rumble.
ANYWAY HERE'S MIZ THOUGH. He's out in his new short
tights with like a banshee on the front or something. I
LIKED his old look, okay. I thought it worked fine. How
is making yet another young star on Raw perform in
generic Create-a-Wrestler attire going to help any of
them? Also I have no idea what the fuck Kofi's theme
song even says when he comes out. It sounds like Sean
Paul yelling that cartoon noise that plays when a
character tip-toes. Yes, it does. Miz talks in French on
a mic and the crowd boos despite that being a pretty
nice thing to do, actually. “Listen to me as I mock your
culture despite taking the time and effort to learn your
language. Feel inferior as I make y ou more of a part of
the show than Cena would flashing you his pinkies and
yelling gibberish.”
United States
Champion Kofi Kingston vs Miz, title
match
It's Miz's really restricted,
un-signature offense vs Kofi's high-flying moves for a
while, and Kofi repeatedly comes out on top. Kofi is
over as a motherfucker, which personally, if I lived in
a cold fuckland such as Canada, I'd despise anyone who
so much as looks like they might have worn a short
sleeve shirt before, let alone the smiley
blacker-than-a-sea urchin's-asshole guy from Jamaica.
Highbrow people use good asshole metaphors. Cool spot
sees Kofi return a toss into the ropes with a dropkick.
Miz soon takes over with pretty brutal heel offense.
Kofi makes a comeback soon and does the dick move of
teasing a leap over the ropes, but Miz moves, so Kofi
lands on the apron. Miz then just trips his ass and
takes over again. He hits his signature corner
clothesline in the ring before successfully executing a
flying double axe handle to an audible gasp of surprise
from the audience.
He continues the stomp down until
Kofi droptoeholds him into the middle turnbuckle. SHADES
OF A RAVEN! Geddit cause he's so black. They do a little
kicking duel which Kofi of course wins and he tried to
finish the series with the Trouble in Paradise kick but
Miz countered with his finisher attempt, only for Kofi
to fuck his shit up with this, this thing, for a
nearfall. Miz comes back with a series of right toggle
stick + R1 power moves from here until Kofi Boom Boom
Booms his way into an opening, only for Miz to block it.
They proceed to show that they're equal by countering
and recountering eachother's pinning attempts before
drinking from the same water fountain, until a spastic
Russian Leg Sweep set Miz up for the Boom Cubed. Flying
crossbody from Kofi sees Miz turn it into a nearfall
before slamming him headfirst into the corner and trying
to grab the tights on a pin. Miz looks to be nearing the
end and sets Kofi up for something, only to be whipped
into the ropes and drilled with the Trouble in Paradise
for the win. Mon.
Winner and STILL US Champion : Kofi
Kingston
Well that was a hell of a lot better
than I thought it would be. I ke ep forgetting how much
I actually like Miz matches, and Kofi is always fun of
course. A fine substitute for John Morrison-Mr. Ziggles.
Just don't fucking rob me of Mr. Nohjo Rison again,
dicks. Oh man, the PPV's theme song, when did Lynyrd
Skynyrd transcend into the numetal genre? Who the fuck
is their singer now, the guy from Days of the New? Jesus
Christ.
ARE YOU READY? Well then okay. It is
now time for the rematch between Degeneration-X and
Legacy, and hey, if Legacy loses again, I am officially
going to start making mean jokes about Triple H online.
Yeah, I already kind of do that, a lot, but now it'll be
official though. Seriously though, if DX wins here, I'm
going to be convinced that they are wrestling at this
point in their careers for the sole purpose of fucking
with people. Not the paycheck, not because they love to
do it, but purely just to fuck with people. The Spirit
Squad is their proudest moment to date. They come out
wielding glowsticks and sans tank, so that was a
disappointment. How else are they gonna break it down,
with their dance moves? They have arthritis. Trips talks
for a little bit, calling “Moncha” his DX Army. Huge
“You Screwed Bret” chant starts up as the announcers
laugh nervously, leading Trips to quip that, on a
personal note from him, sincerely, it was all Shawn's
fault. The chant explodes louder but they allow Trips to
do the “Suck It.” Legacy enters next to a pretty
considerable non-reaction, considering they're fighting
Shawn Michaels in Montreal.
Legacy vs DX,
Submissions Count Anywhere Match
They pair off and exit the ring
immediately to fight around for a while with DX
dominating as King tries to claim that Michaels is
famous for the Figure Four leglock. WHAT ABOUT THAT MOVE
TRIPLE H'S BEEN DOING LATELY WHO'S FAMOUS FOR THAT? It's
just brawling into the crowd and up the steps. Cody
Rhodes and Trips reach the back vending area first and
Trips slams his ass into walls as Dibiase comes out of
nowhere to knock Trips off his partner, only for Shawn
to take down Dibiase amidst a growing crowd of backstage
onlookers. “You Screwed Bret” from the couple dozen
people backstage and then they all start...singing
something, I don't know. National Anthem? Fuck if I
know. They start brawling back down the steps through
the crowd to the ring. This sucks pretty fierce
phallus.
Both DX guys get Legacy in seperate
hea dlock type holds which they eventually escape. Back
down ringside and Trips starts killing with a chair. He
wraps both of Cody's legs in it, with the chair sitting
upright and Cody laying through it, before locking in a
Texas Cloverleaf in like the third legitimate wrestling
move of the match, despite this being, you know, a
submission match. Michaels then rears back on the head
and Cody grunts until Dibiase breaks it up. Legacy takes
over for a second, only for Trips to get Dibiase in the
ring and put him in the Crossface until Rhodes breaks it
up. Michaels joins and gets tossed but skins the cat,
headscissoring Rhodes out, only for Cody to yank HBK off
the ropes with a torture rack that Hunter has to dive
from the apron to break up. H returns to the prone
Dibiase in the ring as Shawn slams Cody into things
around the stage and back into the crowd. Rhodes gets
his ass sat down in a chair and Shawn goes for mounted
punches, only for Cody to throw him from their place in
the crowd down to the floor below and OFFICIALS start
shouting for help.
Triple H runs over to survey the
comatose Michaels before snapping on Legacy, just
absolutely demolishing them all the way to the stage. He
leaves Dibiae lying and takes Rhodes TO THE BACK, but
Ted comes to his rescue and Legacy finally gets the
advantage for like the first ti me this match. They're
wasting time punching Trips and going “Huh? Yeah!”
instead of, you know, going for an actual submission
hold. Trips soon puts one of them through the catering
table because it was there and he's Triple H and wraps
the other in the crossface until Dibiase takes him out
with a cooler and we see Michaels stirring back by the
stage. Cody hilariously nails a prone Trips in the head
with a steel chair, just because, before walking off.
The camera doesn't follow them and the announcers act
confused and ask “Wha, where did they go?” in hushed
tones, like they're on a sinking ship with Jaws and
velociraptors both circling under the water, and they
reappear on the stage to drag Shawn's CAHCUSS back to
the ring.
More time-wasting punches in the
middle of the ring before throwing HBK to a corner and
charging at him. What. Michaels counters but Legacy is
on them as King claims Michaels “sodomizes resilience.”
What. Cody Rhodes stops a Michaels comeback with the
Angle Ankle Lock, but he counters out of that shit with
ease before sending Dibiase out and superkicking Rhodes
down before falling unconscious on top of him, like that
shit will cut it in a submission match. MEANWHILE Trips
awakens. That looked ominous. Everyone is down until HBK
hops up for the Figure Four on Rhodes, but
Dibiase20stops it in time. More charging at HBK in the
corner and that again goes horribly. They tease a double
piledriver, with one guy on the turnbuckle to push the
feet down, but nobody is surprised when Michaels escapes
and throws Cody from the ring before looking for a
superkick on Dibiase, only for Rhodes to trip him up and
wrap his legs around the turnbuckle from the outside. He
then locks in the Figure Four while Dibiase
simultaneously slaps on the Million Dollar Dream. Triple
H is oozing his way on down the ramp, but Michaels taps
out.
Winners :
LEGACY.
Wwe.com probably put it worst when
they said “D-UPSET.” Great decision, and a good ending
sequence on top of that. Now we can look forward to
Triple H smarmily saying “he admits it, they got lucky
and beat them” before challenging and proceeding to kill
Legacy in Hell in a Cell. Because I'm fucking psychic,
that's why. Michaels tapping was probably the right
decision, too, as Triple H has been needing to continue
to rebuild his aura of dominance ever since he lost to
Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania XII, so good move
there.
The Great Khali
w/ Runjin Singh vs Kane, Singapore Cane
Match
Kane canes.
Winner : Kane
That wasn't very good, trust me dog.
Although fun f-, well a fact anyway, I get on facebook
and literally every update was about Kanye, you know, “I
can't bleev what he did” and all that, except I didn't
watch the VMA's, what the fuck do I know, and the first
one I read, the person had typo'd and said Kane, and so
I thought WOW WHAT DID KANE DO DID I MISS SOMETHING IT
MUST HAVE BEEN BIG I DON'T THINK THESE PEOPLE EVEN WATCH
WRESTLING IS IT ON THE NEWS” but then I realized it was
about Kanye West and I immediately felt severely
uninterested and disappointed and more than a little
pathetic about getting so excited to talk about
wrestling with people I know and not, well, you
fags.
IN THE BACK for CM Punk gloating
over the fact that he was right about Jeff Hardy all
along, referencing his latest arrest for drug
trafficking and all that. I bet this is all an elaborate
angle, and Punk's playing the role Edge did back when
Hardy kept getting randomly attacked. I BET MATT MADE
THE 911 CALL. He brags about how you won't ever see his
mugshot because he's straightedge and doesn't scare easy
when the lights go out. When they come back on Jimmy
Wang Yang is hyucking it up, fucking with the light
switch before telling Punk good luck. Punk shakes the
guy's hand before beating his Wellness-failing ass down
right there in the hallway. Punk's next feud? LET'S
HOPE.
We get a replay of Summerslam's
eight second ECW match. Still too much goddamn ECW.
Christian enters to a big pop and the announcer that
isn't Matt Striker calls Christian “The Valkyrie King of
the Great White North.” What. Regal enters with his
multi-cultural entourage. However, we get a special
announcement from ECW GM TIFFANY that Ezekiel Jackson
and Vladimir Kozlov are barred from ringside. They storm
away their usual angry selves and Regal tries not to
look too fazed by it. He bolts at Christian at the bell
and they tumble around before a staredown. Christian
clapping elicits a huge clapping along from the crowd
and Regal looks like he kind of wants to join in for the
fun and unity, but at the same time, Christian's his
opponent, you know? He can't clap for his opponent. What
is he, Rey Mysterio? Fuck know he isn't he's fucking
William the Fuck Regal. That's what it says on his
pocketwatch and everything, fWtFR.
ECW Champion
Christian vs William Regal, title
match
Lot of restholds, as apparently most
men's BREAKING POINTS can be defended by suddenly
feeling really strong on cue and jerking sharply out of
your opponent's grip. Regal gets a harsh exploder suplex
for two, followed by a surfboard stretch. Christian
escapes and goes for a springboard sunset flip but Regal
knocks his lights out with the running knee. He soon
throws Christian halfway across the ring and locks in
another hold as an announcer says “TRYING TO MAKE YOUR
OPPONENT SUBMIT IS WHAT TONIGHT IS ALL ABOUT” despite
this being a regular 123 singles match. Regal gets
repeated nearfalls as that fucking announcer says
Regal's inner vampire is dancing to life or some shit.
When I get around to watching ECW sometime and20find out
who this guy is I'm going to trash him. In the meantime,
my excuse is I refuse to dignify his shit announcing by
mentioning his name in a high-brow article of eloquence
such as this, but he knows who he is. Christian picks up
a two-count and so climbs up multiple times, avoiding
Regal's attacks every time until he catches him with a
shot and brings Christian down. Killswitch attempt sees
Christian sent forward throat-first into the ropes, but
he comes back and just plants Regal with the Killswitch
on a counter immediately after for the win,
Winner and STILL ECW Champion :
Christian
Okay match. I didn't really get into
it. We get an advertisement for what COULD BE a
career-altering announcement from Batista. That's like
saying “Tune in tomorrow where we'll have a match that
COULD be held in a cell!” Big gay old Pat Patterson
comes out to showtooney music and addresses the crowd in
French to cheers. I have no idea what the fuck is going
on I mean what is this I don't even. He then says in
English he was the first IC champ, which brings out
current ambiguously gay bleach blond Intercontinental
Champion wannabe Dolph Ziggler, in nothing but short
tigh ts and a leopard vest. I think it's clear Dolph
studiously studied the tape of Patterson earning his
Intercontinental title in Rio de Janerio, and he plans
on becoming a champion tonight, one way or another.
Pat talks like fucking Yogi Bear as
he picks on Dolph, only for Dolph to come back with
lispy elderly jokes. SHUT THE FUCK UP chant from the
crowd. All those people need to be fined, I'm fucking
offended by those insensitive faggots. MORE old jokes
before Dolph is like “loljk” but Pat ain't having none
of that. Because if there's anyone who has self-respect,
it's the wrestler who fucked his way to a championship
before any female wrestler ever did. Ziggler decides
Pat's a coward and so kicks him in the stomach before
leaving smugly, only to return to finish the job that
was probably halfway done already just from Pat walking
to the ring. Intercontinental champion John Morrison
comes out JUST AS THE FEED CUTS OUT WHAT THE. It's like
I'm not allowed to watch John Morrison. What are they
trying to do, make me watch it on tv? PAY FOR IT?!
Anyway I'm just going to go ahead and read the results
elsewhere. Turns out Ziggler ran like a scawdidaw
bahgaw. Moving on.
John Cena vs
Randy Orton, WWE Championship I Quit
Match
The added stip is that if anyone
interferes on Orton's behalf, he'll be stripped of his
title. PRE-MATCH HYPOTHESIZING : I bet Cody's brother,
the one who interfered last month, interfere's on CENA'S
behalf, beating down Orton, because Randy wouldn't let
him join Legacy. POST MATCH ANALYSIS : He doesn't. They
do a long staredown as I guess this is supposed to be
the final match between these two, at least for a while.
Until the next Pay Per View. Standard wrestling fare at
the getgo with Orton quickly taking control of the No-DQ
by sending Cena out and into the announcer's table
before injecting his cranium with a nice doese of
television monitor. Cranium is a high brow, top shelf
word for head, just in case we have any public
school-educated stragglers peering. He sets Cena up for
the elevated DDT in the ring, then tells the ref to ask
Cena if he quits, but Cena ain't nevuh scaid and so he
gets his cabeza drilled into the mat. Cabeza is Spanish
for head, or maybe arm. I forget.
Orton sets up a chair in the ring
for the chaiRKO, but Cena blocks and hits the first
three of his big five moves. If you only use five moves
you get to call them big five moves, and they hurt more.
King's got big two moves, but his punches feel like you
just got slammed by two planes, or The Big Show even. 5
Knuck Shuff as the ref ditches the chair. Interfering
motherfucker. Orton flies out of the AA and out onto the
apron where he guillotines Cena before going for the
soccer punt, otherwise known as countless elementary-age
kids' one big move. Cena blocks with an STF attempt but
Orton stops that like a boss and rolls out. ROLL OUT.
I've been on a rap kick ever since Kane's incident at
the VMA's. Lady Gaga will have to wear a mask for the
rest of her life, but at least now you can't read her
pokerface. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
STEEL STEPS! Cena goes sprawling.
Orton with a modified curbstomp on the steel steps but
Cena refuses to quit, so he gets his shit stomped some
more. He rolls Cena back into the ring before pulling
out an arsenal of weird shit, namely handcuffs and a
chain with a big obvious key. He chains Cena up like a
dog and cuffs him to the top rope like a dog used as a
slang term and begins stomping him like either of the
aforementioned dogs, whichever one you are more
sensitive to. Orton lets Cena free, still constantly
whipping his ass, only to handcuff his hands together
and string him up like=2 0a dog of your choosing from
the turnbuckle. He beats on him like a pinata before
reviving him with a bottle of water to keep him from
passing out. Awesome. Cena spits the water at Orton, but
consciousness is good news and so Orton arms himself
with a cane and goes to work, thwacking Cena as he
refuses to give up. You know, I bet if you hit anybody
in the world long enough with that cane, they'd probably
quit. Why not stick with that? He starts choking Cena
but he lands a lowblow. Since when are moves like that
regarded as respectful and loyal hustling moves?
Cena escapes and looks beat to shit
but nevertheless struts on over where Orton gets him
with a chairshot and cuffs him to the bottom of the
turnbuckle. Open season for chairshots until Cena ducks
and Orton runs into the ringpost, allowing Cena to
backdrop him in this position and snag the key. Cena is
so fucking ridiculous it's, well, it's ridiculous, I
just said that, where the fuck were you? He frees
himself, only to handcuff himself to Orton's wrist.
WHAT. Orton loses his shit and Cena then goes fucking
nuts and basically, glossing over a few parts here but
basically what he does is, he kills Orton all over
everything. That is the jist of what happens. All set up
for the AA but Orton sneaks an RKO out of it to take
Cena out. He drags Cena's limp body20over to where the
keys are just as Cena comes to. He realizes he had
better get his ass in gear and so gets Orton in the
STFU, with the handcuffs still locked in, and Orton
audibly quits into the mic.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion : John
Cena
Post-match Cena proclaims on the mic
“I DID NOT QUIT.” Easy there, Jeff Hardy, noone said you
did.
Good match, I just hope Orton can
find fuck-anything else in the world to do other than
fight for the world title. Hop in there with Legacy and
DX or something, I don't know, just something. He's been
in the title picture this past year than fucking John
Cena, and I say that after witnessing him lose the title
to, after a long feud with, John Cena. MAIN VENT
TIME.
Punk gets a hearty dose of boos and
Undertaker gets quite the opposite of that. This feud is
of course based off the fa ct that The Undertaker has
been gone for a very long time and so now needs his
obligatory world title match, and Punk doesn't like him
for this reason and for the fact that he encourages
hallucinogens with his magic powers and second-hand
graveyard smoke. I'm just reporting the
facts.
World
Heavyweight Champion CM Punk vs Undertaker, Championship
Match
Punk hauls out of the ring right
away like, well, like his name implies he would act. He
returns with some kicks but Taker is like “I'm a big
sumbitch” and hurls his ass out of the ring. He
generally dominates for quite a long time as Punk is
purely in defensive mode here, letting Taker build up
his momentum until his attack points are finally enough
to put him away. Until then, Punk takes abuse until,
after being thrown into the crowd barrier, he dodges a
boot and Taker gets hungup. Pepsi One knee and Punk is
all over that ass with a chair like an ass to a chair,
letting the action return to the ring so he can hit the
Pepsi One. Bulldog fails but so does the Old School and
Punk leaps up for a super fall to the mat. Sure=2
0enough he gets tossed but he's right back up to nail a
kick to Taker's head and scores the Superplex. Holy
shit.
Pure kicker vs pure striker from
here and it's all Taker's signature shit, Corner
clothesline, boot, legdrop, CHOKESLAM! Is averted with a
roundhouse to the, well, kind of shoulder region of
Taker. Zombie bones are brittle. As are elderly gingers.
It drops Taker anyway and Punk collapses before crawling
over, only to get trapped up in Hell's Gate, which sees
Punk tap right the fuck out in the shittiest, most
anti-climatic, oh wait here's Teddy. He proclaims that
Vickie banned that shit ages ago due to it being a
chokehold or some lie, and thus the match must restart.
Taker says fuck it and hoists him up for a Last Ride
which Punk escapes and he downs Taker with a chopblock.
ANACONDA VICE and the ref starts waving his hands for
the bell. The bell rings despite Taker clearly not
tapping.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight
Champion : CM Punk
Oh, gay, GAY, Punk and the ref hurry
out of the ring, with the ref stopping to award Punk his
belt before hauling ass away up the ramp. Punk then goes
and stands next to Teddy Long on the ramp who looks on
at Taker like “I'm a nihilist now, playa.” In Teddy's
defense, he was on probation and does need to keep
making them dollas, just before anyone gets too hasty or
judgmental right off the bat.
Overall, I'd say this was an okay
show. Cena-Orton was probably the highlight, which was
just half a step above mediocre in terms of both my
interest in the match and the match itself. I'd count
the screwjob finish as a strike against it, except if it
didn't happen, there probably wouldn't be any other
reason for this show to have taken place, really,
although I'm sure once Vince makes the angle entirely
about him it will fall into that category anyway.
Everything else was mediocre or below, and this was
definitely not a show worth paying for, let alone
spending four hours watching, and something like four
more hours writing about in intervals throughout my
hectic day. Thumbs down. And then Batista powerbombs
himself through the mat. END
SHOW.