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BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SUMMER OF SEAN: (07/21/06) Total Nonstop Bullshit! Sean Carless's Ridiculous View Into TNA As Seen By...Sean Carless.(Who Else Would It Be?) Featuring: Complete TNA iMPACT! Recap, Blowing The Lid Off Of Terrorism In Orlando~!, And Reasons Why Jeff Jarrett Is... Awesome? All This Plus Much More!

 

Hey, party people, I am the venerable Sean Carless, and this is the latest stop on the Summer of Sean tour: TNA "impact!"... which of course is clever because the first letter is not capitalized, thus making it look like an inverted exclamation point; which of course also ends the very same show name. In fact, it's so clever it took me an entire year to realize that's what was going on. But whatever. Don't blame my stupidity. Blame my lifestyle. A lifestyle that would make CM Punk puke his guts out in disgust for the record. Heh. If he's straight edge, I guess that means I'm a protractor. Wait. That doesn't make any sense. Once again, blame the above excuse.

 

Anyway, our friend Remy has decided to move on to other avenues on the site, and thus, much like your girlfriend, there appears to be a large opening available that I wish to fill as soon as possible. So if you're interested in perhaps recapping this show, drop me a line and we'll go over your qualifications. Qualifications that include A) Having no life, thus having the free time to pen a recap show instead of getting laid, and B) well, that's it. Get to it.

 

Onto the show~!

 

Hey! TNA just wrapped up a successful ‘Victory Road’ PPV! Although, to get onto said "Road" that’d actually mean TNA would have to leave fucking Orlando some time. So the show’s all one BIG LIE. But I digress.

 

Tonight's show comes to us from ORLANDO FLORIDA (~SURPRISE!), and your hosts are the man responsible for more facials than Ron Jeremy, one Mike Tenay, and of course Don West; whom I heard has to have his pancake TV makeup applied with a push broom. I mean, come on. If that's dude's face was any bigger, this show would have to be aired in theaters. Tell me I'm wrong.

 

But~! Before we get to this week's extravaganza, let's look back at last week's show. Remy had the full coverage here, but in the case that you're tremendously lazy, or just want my take; just like scrotum, here it is in a nut shell:

 

LAST WEEK’S DIGS:

 

-Rhino officially closed the chapter on ECW forever… by giving them free advertising. He then cut a great promo on ‘moving on’, before throwing the “ECW belt” into a trashcan and lighting it on fire. Go  Rhino!  I know that when I stopped playing ball for a little league team when I was younger, I also took my trophy and set it on fire when another team was awarded one the next year. THAT SHOWED THEM.

 

-The Monster Abyss destroyed Norman Smiley with the black hole slam. For the record, I really love Abyss, and think he has a bright future. But I always wondered what his actual character is supposed to be, and more so, why he wears a mask. JESUS CHRIST. I take that back.

 

The James Gang make nice with Abyss; and it’s funny, but I’ll be damned if the “6’8” Abyss” isn’t about 4 inches shorter than Kip James. WOW. Who knew the former Mr. Ass was nearly seven feet tall! Man, WWE really dropped the ball on him. Imagine all the possibilities that “The Giant Ass” could have brought to the table!

 

-Shane Douglas whips the Naturals into shape. They have to be at their best when they face the Diamonds in the Rough at the pay-per-view. Hey, wait. They’ve been squashed so much over the last two years, shouldn’t David Young & Elix Skipper be actual diamonds by now? What’s it gonna take? Come on geology. Do your part.

 

-We find out the Giant woman that has been helping AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels is named “Sirelda”. Sirelda? I guess all the good country and continent names were taken up in the latter 90’s with other she-beasts Chyna and Asya. Although, I’d mark out for Uzbekistan. But that’s probably just me.

 

-Senshi and his disturbing gym shorts destroyed Jerelle “Don’t call me Jor-El” Clark with a top-rope double stomp. And somewhere, General Zod  is smiling. Well, before realizing he’s still trapped in the phantom zone and all is lost. (Jerelle was my joke first, Remy~! Check the archives!)

 

Alex Shelley and Johnny Devine form “Paparazzi Productions.” Their first order of business is to take secret pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s bare breasts and run Princess Di off the road causing her death. Mission accomplished.

 

The two then faced and lost to AJ & Daniels, when Sirelda prevented Alex Shelley from using his Tripod, while I secretly hoped that she didn’t accidentally expose hers (after that Chyna porn, I sure as hell ain’t taking anymore chances on these huge women). AJ then finishes Devine with the Styles Clash.

 

-PROMOS aplenty abound, from Larry Z, Raven, Samoa Joe, and finally Jeff Jarrett explaining why his world title win is not controversial. He’s just that damn good, err, The Game, err The King of the Mountain. You damn right. You don’t just get handed some 6 NWA World Titles because you’re in charge of the booking! Clearly.

 

-Rhino, Jay Lethal & Brother Ray & Brother Devon defeat Team Canada and cause our nation to disband. And there’s riots on every corner! People are turning over Zambonis, maple syrup is flowing through the streets, and some guy just said “about” in proper diction. It was nice while it lasted. Canada: 1867-2006.

 

Oh, ya. It was Lethal who scored the pin. So he now has a guaranteed Title shot! It’s a lot like ‘Money in the Bank’ I suppose, but they just can’t call it that. And not just because of the WWE trademark issues. They just have no money. I heard there’s actually renegade promoters out there who charge people money for the tickets. It’s a risky proposition, sure; but you know, it just might work.

 

Now that I’ve ran that into the ground, let’s get started on THIS WEEK’s SOIRÉE. What happened at Victory Road? What else can Rhino set on fire from his den? Can Samoa Joe do even more jobs without ever being pinned? These are tough questions that need intelligence insulting answers. Let’s get to it!

 

TNA iMPACT! : JULY 21 2006

 

We open up with Jeremy Borash outside (this is) STING’S locker room, when Jay Lethal comes out. Hey, why can anyone just come and go from this guy’s locker room? Shouldn’t he at least have security out here? Or maybe Police? Wait. Sting & The Police? YES. Let’s get the band back together! Sometimes I say these things to just amuse myself.

 

Anyway, Borash asks Lethal about his no money in the bank title shot, and Lethal reveals that Sting told him to go for Jarrett’s title, and that’s exactly what he’s doing tonight! He then reveals that from there the two vow to save the Rainforest one tree at a time. (Ok, enough with the Sting jokes already).

 

The Naturals w/ Shane Douglas vs. Frankie Kazarian & Matt Bentley w/o Traci Brooks. ¾’s Of This Match Is Made Possible By The Awesome Power Of Finally Obeying A Promoter And Getting A Fucking Haircut.

You did not read the above wrong. Apparently, The Naturals are only getting a push now because they finally agreed to get a haircut. And of course, Frankie Kazarian’s issues during his brief stint in WWE are well documented. He too was told (by WWE) to get a haircut, but he refused, asked for his release, and has toiled in the Indy’s since. HOWEVER~! He recently cut his hair, hoping doors would fly open now that he was no longer a dirty Hippie. But no dice. So here we are. A bunch of dudes whose stubbornness is laying at the bottom of a dust pan somewhere, and “MAVERICK” Matt Bentley…kin to one Shawn Michaels. Cousins actually. And Yes, he too uses the superkick. Apparently all these fucking Hickenbottom’s have a natural biological inclination to kick people in the face. I’d love to go to their family reunion, if only to see their grandmother stand in the corner of the room menacingly stomping her foot.

Anyway…

 

We almost immediately go to commercial after the four go at it. I'm sad to disappoint but there's a serious lack of Traci Brooks Morphoplex commercial spots. How will she keep her pants on? Wait. Fuck morphoplex. How dare they prevent nature from taking its course!

We're back now, and these guys seem to be bringing this thing home already. Fucking commercials. Anyway, Matt & Frankie look to have things won after a German suplex/ clothesline combo. Kind of like Cade & Murdoch's Sweet & Sour, only you know athletic. However, that doesn't get the job done, and Stevens & Andy Douglas rally, tossing one man to the floor (I don't recall who) and getting the win with their Powerbomb Doomsday Device finish. Shane Douglas then comes out wearing shades last seen clung to the head of the visually impaired guy who panders outside your liquor store (every town has one. I'm convinced there's a Union) and looks as if he'll congratulate them on their win, but instead, he slaps them, and continues berating them for being cocky. Ya, Naturals! You don’t just become as polished and credible as the DYNAMIC DUDES overnight. Clearly, this is the man you should be listening to as it pertains to tag team wrestling. Now let’s all go olley over something gnarly. Righteous.

 

Winners: The Naturals & Magic Cuts. Together, they can win the Tag Titles.

 

-We flash back now to Victory Road, and see Jeff Jarrett, dressed in cat burglar gear (Can a Jim Neidhart alliance be far behind?!) and he sprays "Gasoline" in Sting's eyes. Actually it looked like silly-string, but if Tenay says its gasoline, then who am I to doubt him? Even if he did think Hulk Hogan's Jimmy Hendrix theme was called "Voodoo Chili". Anyway, this apparently took Sting out, but blind Sting returned to beat Steiner anyway. Clearly Sting cashed in on one of those miraculous Jesus healings. If he can raise Lazarus from the dead, curing the blind is old hat. Clearly.

 

-Backstage, once again outside (this is) Sting’s locker room, the perversely entertaining Eric Young, who has now been emancipated from his former homeland of Canada; and as such can finally reveal that perhaps he never really liked hockey that much…  you know, without being lynched, approaches Jeremy Borash, and asks him for advice on how to keep his job (He’s paranoid Jim Cornette will fire him). However, before Borash can give his sage advice, we comically cut away. But hey, maybe it’s for the best. These days Borash looks like he spent the better part of the day being spray painted in bronze acrylic at a bodyshop, sporting an inhuman skin tone that makes Hulk Hogan look like fucking Sissy Spacek in comparison. And yet he’s completely fine with that.  I think I’d refrain from taking any advice from this guy. Period.

 

Anyway, we immediately cut to Jeff Jarrett & Scott Steiner coming out to Tenay & West’s announce table; but before I get into this, am I hallucinating, or did I just see the fucking BAT PHONE on their table? That’s awesome. I can just imagine what that’s used for….

 

 

Anyway, Jarrett states that Sting is out to get him and cost him the title. Apparently Sting has taken to referring to Jarrett as “cancer”. Well, that at least explains why I got so nauseous when Jarrett won the title again. I was just feeling the effects of the chemo! Makes perfect sense~!

Jarrett then proclaims that from this point on, wherever he goes, Scott Steiner follows. Well, makes sense, sort of. If you’re kind of boring and uninteresting, maybe it’s smart to surround yourself with people even worse than you. You know, kind of like how some chicks hang out with fat girls to make themselves feel better? THAT HAS TO BE IT.

 

Anyway, the bottom line here is that Scott Steiner, who all joking aside has looked very impressive in TNA thus far, will be at Jarrett's side from now on, and specifically at Hard Justice when he faces (this is) Sting. It’s cancer vs. the elusive cure at Hard Justice! Hell in a White Blood Cell! Ok, maybe not.

 

-We see Alex Shelley, Johnny Devine and Kevin Nash.  Kevin wants to learn about X-Division wrestling, so Shelley shows him video footage from the true hotbed of pro wrestling, MADAGASCAR. Fucking hilarious. Shelley says he'll fly these men in to personally school Big Sexy. AWESOME. Is it wrong that I really want Kevin Nash to end up as X-Division champion?

 

Rhino vs. [RANDOM JOBBER!]

The War Machine makes short work of [RANDOM JOBBER!] destroying him in under 20 seconds with the GORE.

Winner: Everyone. Rhino for President in 2008~! Lieberman/GORE! Let’s make it happen.

 

COMPLETELY RANDOM SEAN BULLSHIT:  After last week’s big Rhino promo, TNA needs to exploit a *certain* television commercial ending with this liner:

Random person: "Hey, Rhino; You mean you’re not really the ECW Champion?"

Rhino: "No, but I did destroy all the furniture at a Holiday Inn Express last night!…."

 

…OK, I’ve always wanted to use this joke and never had a place for it. Whatever.

 

-After the match, Rhino gets on the mic and issues an open challenge, and here comes SAMOA JOE to accept. Joe says why wait until the pay-per-view, when they can do it RIGHT NOW next week. Awesome. It’s nice to actually see a Samoan in wrestling for once wearing shoes, being articulate and possessing a head that isn’t five fucking inches thick. And here I thought Samoans were all island savages who use their thumbs for no good (don’t even try to hitchhike there, you could get killed!).

 

-Backstage again, and Borash is with Team 3D, not to be confused with Team 1D, better known as the current creative team over in WWE. Brother Ray explains that since they haven’t accomplished their goals…they’re taking "a break". Not exactly the most positive message for the youth of America. Haven’t accomplished your goals? Quit! It’s completely hopeless! Determination & Tenacity is for people who want to, umm, accomplish goals? That’s right. Anyway, all kidding aside, 3D say they’ll be back soon, and tell Brother Runt (RUNT? Man, good thing they don’t have a sister. I’d be terrified to hear what they’d name her) to not do anything crazy while they’re gone, and hold it down for the family. A family that will get you sued if you say who they are, but a family nonetheless.

 

Commercial Time. ORDER HARD JUSTICE~! Only on Pay-per-view. 3 hours of fast paced action and a little prison rape. I’ve watched OZ, I know what Hard Justice is. All we’ll need now is for one of the Harris Brothers to come back and brand a swastika on some prag’s ass, and the circle will indeed be complete.

 

 

-Jeremy Borash returns, and I’ll be damned if he isn’t melting under the lights.  He’s like one of those fucking people in the House of Wax remake. Anyway, he’s standing by with Gail Kim and America’s Most Wanted. Gail makes peace (piece?) between the two while they’re arguing. Good for her. Got to keep this team together. If they go their separate ways, imagine how much more difficult a time the F.B.I. (not Mamaluke & Guido) will have keeping tabs on them!

On a related note, no one has ever revealed to me just what they did to in fact get on the F.B.I.’s infamous most wanted list. Then, I started to think about it, and it came to me. THEY HAVE A CONNECTION TO A KOREAN DICTATOR. One Gail Kim. Or as she’s REALLY known: KIM JONG II, reigning dictator of North Korea (Ontario, Canada)! It’s OBVIOUS to me now that the government is keeping a close eye on these guys because of that recent missile scare over there. (although if they’re really your most wanted, go get them already! They’re in Orlando! They can’t be too hard to catch! They haven’t left that city in 3 years!).

It’s clearly a complicated terrorist conspiracy. I mean, look at how much bigger Gail Kim Jong’s breasts are now! Clearly she’s smuggling WAR HEADS in there. Laugh now. But you’ll thank me later. I think.

 

Oh~!, for the record, Gail Kim challenges Sirelda at Hard Justice. She says she's gonna show her what a real athlete looks like. And right after Molly Holly leaves, Gail will wrestle her. Ah, I kid Gail Kim.

 

COMPLETELY RANDOM SEAN BULLSHIT: Apparently recently outed TERRORIST Osama Bin Sabin can thwart airport security and hijack planes, but he can’t ever seem get to Kevin Nash.  Which of course means if the twin towers were a seven foot Hoss with limited mobility and even fewer moves, they’d probably still be here today~!

 

Ok, clearly I’m going to Hell for that. But it’s alright; because there’s a pretty good chance I was going there anyway.

 

-We’re back, and we’re joined by the NWA world Tag team Champions, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels... the only guy I know who’d have to sew two turtlenecks together just to have one that fits. Let’s hope no one ever piledrives this guy. He’ll rupture the earth’s core.

Anyway, AJ & Daniels are out, and say they understand why Team 3D is bitter at not being champions. They apparently have an open contracts to face anyone, anytime. And oh no, they actually have a physical contract ON THEM. This shit never works out. They might as well have wheeled out a birthday cake while they’re at it to finish off any and all wrestling clichés. Just then, Konnan stands up at the Spanish announce table (you know, the only one in the biz where a dude doesn’t come plummeting through it at exactly 10:30 every pay-per-view) and calls them out. Konnan doubts if the open contract includes LAX (Latin American Exchange) and when AJ and Daniels go over to approach them, they’re blindsided by Hernandez & Homicide.  The four men brawl, and Homicide hits the move formerly known as the “Copkilla”, which I guess is far too controversial. But hey, if a cop just stands there while a dude gives him a contrived finisher, maybe he had it coming. We clearly need to train our police better! We can’t just have cruiserweights going around taking out law enforcement with unrealistic high spots! Yeesh.

Anyway, LAX get the better of the champs, and Konnan signs the contract in Daniels' blood. Awesome. I always insist on signing important legal documents in bodily fluids. Good for them.

 

COMPLETELY RANDOM SEAN BULLSHIT:  No truth to the rumor that Kevin Nash wants to join LAX because he thinks it's really a short form for Lackadaisical.

 

-Backstage again, and we’re now with Larry Zybysko… AND WE’RE IN FRONT OF STING’S LOCKER ROOM AGAIN. Why is everyone hanging out here? Anyway, Larry is wearing a wig ala Kurt Angle and Molly Holly to hide his “shame” (Raven shaved his head at Victory Road). Larry is apparently upset that Cornette is allowing Joe vs. Rhino next week for FREE when they could make money off it at the pay-per-view. Wait. I thought heels aren’t supposed to tell the truth? Anyway, Referee Slick Johnson (I had that problem once. Used too much KY, and slipped right off my girlfriend) suddenly appears and makes fun of Larry’s dome. Oh, the humanity. I can’t imagine suffering the ultimate indignity of having someone finish the job on my head that nature had already 2/3rds completed...

 

-Vignette of Bobby Roode. Neat little video package putting himself over as a new threat to the heavyweight division. He then closes out the segment saying "you're looking at the new face of TNA!". He then awkwardly pauses, then puts on a rubber Jeff Jarrett mask and says "Ok, how about now?". OK, there's a slight chance that I may have made that part up.

 

Jeff Jarrett w/ Scott Steiner (eventually) vs. Jay Lethal w/ some pretty shitty advice from Sting: World Heavyweight Title match!

Fun little match here as Jay Lethal holds his own. But then again, when you are born with the last name Lethal, you better be pretty deadly, or people will really be disappointed! Am I right?  …….. Huh? *nudge* Huh?

 

Ok, then.

 

Lethal takes control early, flustering Jarrett, and picking up a real close near fall after a big cross body. Lethal then takes it to Jarrett on the floor, hitting a big (attempted) suicide dive ('cause let's face it, he's still alive) and this brings out Scott Steiner and a pipe. The tide then turns in Jeff's favor as Lethal goes to the well once to often and gets tossed from the top to the floor.

 

~Commercial Time. Hey, apparently YOU can now vote on who you feel is the hottest chick on Spike TV who'd never talk to you in your life~! Call now!

 

We're back, and Jeff is in complete control. Toss to the floor, and Steiner presses Lethal back into the ring. Jarrett hits THE 2ND BEST DROPKICK IN THE BUSINESS (Well, at least until Holly flatlines) and goes for the figure-four, but Lethal cradles him for two. Lethal now quickly gains the advantage and executes a figure-four of his own, but Steiner reaches in and grabs Jarrett, pulling him to the ropes for the break. SHENANIGANS. Lethal gets tired of Steiner's haterizing and hits a big...plancha? I don't know.  This takes out Steiner on the floor, and Lethal gets right back on Jarrett with a missile dropkick then follows that up with a big flying headbutt. Lethal looks to finish Jarrett on top, but Steiner climbs up on the apron and nails him with the pipe. Jarrett then climbs up top to the now straddled Lethal and finishes him with a super stroke. Medical journals state that had Lethal taken regular doses of aspirin, this all could have been avoided. Jarrett gets the pin.

 Winner & still NWA World Heavyweight Champion and King of a Mountain that exists only in a world of make believe: Jeff Jarrett.

 

- After the match, Jay Lethal gets beat down, but the lights go out and …THIS IS STING.  I always imagined this would also be how he arrives at church. (As if seeing a face painted dude in black propelling into the pews from the church rafters and wielding a baseball bat isn’t terrifying enough of an image for the congregation. ). (this is) Sting of course then saves the day and runs off the heels. That was Sting.

 

Video montage of the action you just got finished watching. Also announced for next week: Rhino Vs. Samoa Joe. Wrestling's only civilized Samoan. If he wasn't, we'd be privy to information that he in facts hunts and eats Rhinos and that would create intrigue or something.

 

-We close out the show now as we go backstage, and Christian Cage (The man, not the device personally designed by Ann Coulter to capture foreigners overseas and convert them to Christianity [/bacon]) is at Jim Cornette’s office door. He has something to ask James E.  He goes into his office but we don’t see Cornette because he’s actually off working another show. Seriously. If I was TNA, I’d have Cornette just appear via those Jedi holograms. “Help me, Samoa Joe. You’re our only hope!”

 

That’s it. End Show.

 

Thumbs up~! TNA gets my stamp o’ approval. Not that that’s worth anything. But fuck you for doubting me anyway.

 

BONUS~!

That’s right. Originally, this was posted by me in our Award winning Forums, but I thought I’d repost it here just because. You see, we here at TWF have gotten a reputation for being off all things ANTI-JEFF JARRETT, and thus incapable of objectively covering his matches. Some people have called BIAS. While others are sick of hearing the myriad of insults hurled by us at the Chose One’s expense. But now, in an act of good-will, I will list a somewhat revised list I compiled TO REFUTE THESE BRAZEN CHARGES ONCE AND FOR ALL called:

 

REASONS WHY JEFF JARRETT IS AWESOME

(Or How I Learned To Tolerate His Multiple Title Reigns.)

 

-Jeff Jarrett= EDUCATION. His figure-four encourages children to love and appreciate mathematics, while his name inspires a passion for phonics and spelling.

-Speaking of children, Jeff Jarrett =RESPONSIBILITY. In 1998, Jeff had the good sense to place three stars over the "iss" in "PISS" to spare children the indignity of having to read a terribly designed t-shirt.

-Jeff Jarrett would have caught Owen, but he was too busy trying to elevate Val Venis. Jeff Jarrett thinks about the FUTURE.

-Jeff Jarrett taught us that slapnuts isn't just what happens when we take our girlfriends from behind.

-Jeff Jarrett makes guitars out of harmless confetti thus SAVING new trees from an unnecessary death. JEFF JARRETT <3 THE ENVIRONMENT.

-Jeff Jarrett doesn't believe in SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. In fact, he vows to take all Entertainment out of the sport completely. I commend him on his successful goal.

-Jeff Jarrett called his finisher ‘the stroke’ to encourage awareness of the calamities of the elderly.

-Jeff Jarrett never has to ask twice. He put Debra in her place YEARS before Stone Cold did. Which means Jarrett's Pimp-Hand is stronger, and obviously Pimpier.

-Jeff Jarrett has single-handedly kept the fledgling south beach clothing store "really gay shirts" in business for half a decade.

 

-LADIES LOVE JEFF JARRETT. Women are inexplicably drawn to Jeff Jarrett in TNA. Almost as if it’s written that way. That’s the kind of unmatched magnetism he possesses.

 

-Jeff Jarrett REVOLUTIONIZED the way we watch Ladder Matches in 2004 by removing any and all bumps whatsoever. He clearly set the bar at a level I dare say WWE will never crawl under.

-Jeff Jarrett once beat up Hermie Sadler; if only because after feuding with Chyna, he sure as shit wasn't taking any more chances on “hermies”.

-Jeff Jarrett CARES ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE. (except Ahmed Johnson, Ron Killings & Monty Brown.).

-Jeff Jarrett's is the only man in wrestling history to come out of a hair vs. hair match with a better haircut.

 

-Jeff Jarrett is a friend to the Agricultural community. He pulled downtrodden hog farmers Dennis Knight & Mark Canterbury from the depths of poverty in 1998; Giving them a new wardrobe and lease on life…for three weeks anyway, before the whole thing was dropped, and one was fired and the other briefly gained the ability to see the future after a satanic blood transfusion from The Undertaker (don’t ask).

-Jeff Jarrett's lip syncing > Ashlee Simpson's lip syncing. He's also better than Milli Vanilli's. In fact, he was so good, that umm, Vanilli killed himself out of jealousy. That, and total depression and hopelessness.

-Jeff Jarrett believes in PEOPLE FIRST. To prove this point he buried a rhino, squashed a raven, and is trying to run a Panda into the ground.

-Unlike another so called "Chosen one", Jeff Jarrett had the decency to not turn to the darkside and attempt to destroy the entire Universe through supreme oppression; instead just relegating his to Orlando & Nashville.

-And speaking of the force, Jeff Jarrett is a master of the Jedi mind trick, using it on hundreds across the Internet, convincing them that he's an invaluable member of the TNA roster and the only man capable of carrying the brand.

-Double J > Triple H. Jeff Jarrett has never had to have sex with the boss's daughter to get his world title push. Of course that'd be his sister. But my point stands.

 

 

Ok, that’s it. Stay tuned for more (or nothing. Whatever) in the Summer of Sean series!

 

I’m Sean.

 

Sean Carless is a man of many hats. And he wears those hats to cover an ever-increasing bald spot. Sean's various scribblings have been read at Live Audio Wrestling, 411 Mania, Honky Tonk Man.com, The Toronto Star.com, and Lethal Wrestling. He has also cured AIDS.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).