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WWE Armageddon 2007

by Catherine Perez

December 16, 2007


Welcome to Armageddon 2007, Wrestling Fan fans! Being held captive in the PPV Recapmeister seat with a bomb strapped to the chest this month is me, Catherine Perez... again. LET ME OUT OF THIS CRAZY THING~! I've gotta say, now that I've seen the show's card, Armageddon could very well be the show that gets WWE out of its shitty PPV rut. Then again, there was once a glimmer of hope for One Night Stand III, and look at how well that turned out.

We open up to an ominous little Armageddon preview video, where the James Earl Jones wannabe announcer narrates what's going down tonight. The opening pyro just about kills everyone's ears for the night, and Michael Cole welcomes us to Armageddon~! Justin Roberts announces that the next match is for the United States Championship.

MVP (c) vs. REY MYSTERIO for the UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP

MVP does his swanky little entrance sans Chuck E. Cheese tunnel of reefer. Mysterio makes his way out next with his biggest, pyro-iest entrance to date, which the craziest looking mask I've ever seen him wear. It's like... half skull, half actual Mysterio mask. He removes the crazy mask to reveal... HIS ACTUAL MASK! What, did you think he'd reveal his face? Mysterio hands his crazy mask to some kid, and the ladies behind him just about die from a heart attack. MVP takes Mysterio down, but Mysterio is back to his feet. MVP wants to go for a test of strength, but settles for kicking Mysterio's feet out from under him. Mysterio goes for the first pin attempt of the night, but barely gets a 1. Mysterio sends MVP flying out of the ring. The referee with the bald head blocks a suicide dive attempt. A nice spot sees Mysterio flip over the referee and dive onto MVP on the outside. Back into the ring, Mysterio lands a right hand. MVP sends Rey into the turnbuckle, countering a Huracanrana attempt. MVP goes for the cover, but no cigar. MVP puts Mysterio into a headlock. Take that, Orton~! Mysterio punches out of the lock. MVP drop toe holds Mysterio and goes for the pin, but ends up with a 2-count. MVP attempts it again, and gets another 2. Another headlock from MVP, but Mysterio quickly punches his way out. MVP goes for yet another cover, but gets another 2.

MVP goes for an arm hold, and it looks like this one is going to take forever. Mysterio attempts to kick out. MVP slams Mysterio's head into the mat and goes for another pin attempt. Mysterio kicks out yet again. MVP tosses Mysterio over him, but Rey lands on his feet and delivers a Huracanrana. Both dudes are down, and a 10-count begins. By 8, both men are up and they trade punches. A crossbody lateral press from Mysterio onto MVP, and Rey goes for the cover. MVP kicks out. It looks like Rey might have injured his knee after throwing himself at MVP from the top rope. A split-legged moonsault follows, and just as Rey gains some more momentum, MVP knocks Rey onto his ass. MVP and Mysterio are now both on the turnbuckle, and Mysterio slips off in a bit of a scary moment. Mysterio delivers another Huracanrana from the top turnbuckle, which looked pretty funny as you could tell MVP flipped himself over. MVP clotheslines the crap out of Mysterio and settles for a 2-count. Let me just say this: 2-count, 2-count, 2-count. Lots of attempted pins here. MVP quickly dodges a 619 and wanders around outside the ring. Mysterio catches MVP with yet another Huracanrana. Unfortunately, this one ends in a count-out. Thanks, MVP.

WINNER: Does Rey even win because of a count-out?

In honor of Armageddon, I'd like to introduce this month's rating system. Each match will be rated on a scale of one to five Ben Afflecks. He was in that movie Armageddon, after all. Hilarious? Probably not. Extremely fucking random? You bet your ass it is. Fuck you guys, I just wanted a rating system to call my own. Remember: one Ben Affleck means the match sucks, and five Afflecks means it rules. Chances are I won't be using five Afflecks tonight.



Post-match, Mysterio delivers a 619 on MVP. What a bitch. MVP heads up the ramp with his U.S. title. Good opening match.

Oh look, it's Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross, who are taking us back to last month's Survivor Series 5-on-5 match. Hey, I remember this one~! I recapped it, you know.

Todd Grisham's in the back with Jeff Hardy and his non-rainbow-like hair. Hardy says that none of the gimmicky matches he's ever been in compare to tonight's match. He doesn't fear Triple H, apparently. Oh yeah? Two words: under and card.

KANE and CM PUNK vs. BIG DADDY V and MARK HENRY (Thanks for the Mammaries Match)

Kane and CM Punk make their way to the ring. Good, Punk decided to shave for this bout. Big Daddy V and Mark Henry are out next with Matt Striker, and it's a damn wonder that the stage doesn't cave the fuck in. This is one breastacular match about to go down. Punk and Mark Henry's glazed self lock up, and Mark shows off his strength by throwing Punk into the corner. Punk ducks a second lock-up and starts kicking the crap out of Henry's legs. Henry doesn't take kindly to that shit, so he throws Punk onto the mat. More kicks from Punk, and Kane tags in. Even more kicks from Kane! Now we get some of those patented Kane "THWACK" punches. Crazily enough, Kane is manhandling Henry. Punk tags back in and hits a high kick to Henry's head. Henry weakly clotheslines Punk and delivers a few kicks before tagging in Big Dipper V. Tazz compares V to a fucking water tower. Punk is thrown out of the ring, and everyone's favorite disgraced teacher decides to get in a kick before running off. Henry tags back in and walks on Punk like he's a Welcome mat. Henry drags Punk into a corner and headbutts him, which somehow garners a replay. Kane is tagged in, and he hits his crazy top-rope clothesline. He teases a Chokeslam before Henry gains the upper hand. V tags back in and nearly no-sells some punches from Kane. He tried, but the guy is so immobile. Kane is slammed down between Daddy's legs. Punk interrupts a pin attempt from V. Kane cowers in fear as V and his giant breasts wail on him. I'm sorry, I can barely concentrate when Big Vis's tits are just about ready to shatter my TV screen. Henry is back in, and he warmly embraces Kane, who is so unreceptive to love. Kane is dying to make it to Punk, but he is quickly sent back to Henry's corner. God damn it, V's back in. V slaps the hell out of Kane's chest. Kane kicks V square in the tits - I wish he hadn't done that. Mark Henry is back in the ring. Dear God. Some back and forth action from Kane and Henry before Punk is tagged back in. We've now got a 4-man clusterfuck going. V delivers whatever the hell his finisher is, I think, and covers Punk for the win.

WINNERS: Titty and Titty, Attorneys at Law
LOSERS: Wonderbra, me, breast enthusiasts




...and that's being generous.

We get a lovely outside shot of Pittsburgh, PA. It's snowing like hell up here in New England. I'm surprised all these people even made it to the show. Backstage we have Smackdown GM Kurt Angle Vickie Guerrero, who is bound to a wheelchair and wearing a neck brace. Edge, obviously, is right there to gross us out. Edge basically lets Vickie know that he'll be winning, and this segment ends with a disgusting kiss to Vickie's hand. Vickie's all smiles, while I'm all barfs.

MR. KENNEDY... KENNEDY vs. SHAWN MICHAELS... MICHAELS

Kennedy is out first. He lets us all know that the only thing that matters tonight is that he beats Michaels. We get the big "...KENNEDY" bit. Michaels makes his way out next, thankfully not resembling Skinner tonight, but rather a walking advertisement - "BUY MY MERCH, KTHXBI~!" King reminds us that tonight's show is brought to us by Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. Thanks for that absolutely relevant information. The two lock up, and Kennedy lands some hard right hands and kicks. He whips HBK off the ropes and delivers a reverse elbow. Kennedy then gives Michaels an elbow drop and side slam. Michaels tries to get away, prompting Kennedy to hilariously ask "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" and punch Michaels's head off. Michaels is about to try some kind of suplex, but it looks like his back is killing him. Great timing, back. HBK does, however, deliver a side Russian leg sweep, and goes for the arm bar. I think a missed a bit here, but it looks like Kennedy's still in that arm bar. Kennedy's trying like hell to fight out of it, and his finally does. He charges at HBK and tackles the Skinner wannabe the hell out of the ring. Back in the ring, HBK's stomping on Kennedy's head and twisting his arm all which ways. Hey, Shawn, what are you trying to do, injure Mr. Kennedy's arm? LAWL~! HBK's still grabbing at Kennedy's arm, and one of Kennedy's punches nearly has Shawn tripping his way out of the ring.

Eventually, Michaels ends up out of the ring after getting thrown into one of the turnbuckles. After a 5-count, Kennedy throws HBK back into the ring. Kennedy now has Michaels in the corner and delivers a nice little kick right to Shawn's temple, so says J.R. He actually got kicked in the chin. Kennedy tries two pin attempts, but only gets a 2-count. Something tells me WWE loves 2-counts. Kennedy now wants to snap Michaels in two over his knee. Kennedy gets another 2-count at his third pin attempt, and is still playing off some kind of arm injury. Kennedy climbs onto the second turnbuckle and delivers an elbow drop into a pin. Guess what number count he got? Kennedy now has Michaels in a headlock. It's a wonder he can perform that so well when his arm's all fucked up. Michaels is hilariously trying to fight his way out. Michaels throws Kennedy out of the ring over his own shoulder. At a count of 7, Kennedy makes his way back into the ring, where he walks into some WOOOOO'in chops. Michaels delivers two atomic drops onto Kennedy's twigs and berries, and stumbles around holding his aching back. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and scores with an elbow drop to the delight of the crowd. Michaels goes for some Sweet Chin Music, but Kennedy dodges it and went for a pin. You know what number. Michaels goes for a pin of his own... again, a 2. Michaels is catapulted into the ring post. Kennedy goes for yet another pin. 2. Kennedy crawls over to Michaels and talks some shit into his ear, then lifts him by the hair and tries a side Russian leg sweep. This looks like a huge botch, but Michaels saves it from looking bad as he quickly goes to hang onto the ropes. A quick Sweet Chin Music scores Michaels the win~! Great match.

WINNER: Shawn Michaels



Michaels and his thinning hairline celebrate the win as Kennedy stares up at the pretty lighting.

And here's a Royal Rumble commercial. Several wrestlers enter a subway and proceed to beat the shit out of each other. Michael Buffer, yes, Michael Buffer, gets Superkicked right in the fucking face before he can finish his famous line. You know the one. Awesome.

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton. Dear God, RUN. I'll be honest here and say that I don't give a rat's ass what Orton's talking about. I'm sure it's something about Jericho. Oh, and Orton has a code for us: RKO18. 18 Championships or something. Don't care.

JEFF HARDY (w/ the power of the Imagi and all that shit) vs. TRIPLE H (w/ the power of premortem burial) for a WWE TITLE MATCH AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE

Jeff's out first with his free-spirited black jeans. Triple H is out next with fire to add to his bottle of water. Why does he suddenly look pudgy again, like he just ate Stephanie? Longest entrance ever. Even Undertaker must be sitting backstage yelling at him to hurry the hell up. The camera pans over to Hardy, who makes the ugliest face I've ever seen. And there's the bell! Hardy and H circle the ring a bit. Jeff would like a handshake. H returns one of his own, and shoves him out of the way. Who knows what Hardy must've had in that palm. The two lock up on two different occasions, and start off the action with some really slow turns around each other. What is this, ballet? J.R. swears it's not on Smackdown vs. Raw '08. Hardy tries one of his flippy moves, but H clotheslines that shit before Hardy gets too flip happy. A few arm drags from Hardy, and tries a baseball slide. The action goes outside of the ring. Hardy tried to walk the rails, but lost his balance and jumped off into a clothesline from H. Back into the ring where Hardy hesitates to punch H, and Hunter slaps the color out of Hardy's head. He screams at Hardy to fight him, and the two lock up once again. As the action goes on, you can see JBL and Michael Cole sitting, bored as shit. Hardy slaps the hell out of H, who Understandedly gets pissed off. It's time to bury some rainbow-haired bitches! H shoves Hardy, from the middle of ring, waaaay out to the outside. Hardy goes to the top turnbuckle, and gets shoved off by H so far that he just barely misses the audience.

By a count of 8, Hardy is halfway into the ring, and H delivers an elbow drop onto Hardy's head. Hardy falls onto his head inside the ring as his legs dangle on the outside. Hilarious visual. A suplex, elbow drop, and a pin attempt from H follow. H gets Hardy in an abdominal stretch. Hardy later executes an Enzuigiri. H slams Hardy onto his knee and goes for the pin, which only gets a 2-count. Can we at least get a 2 and a half? H gets Hardy into a headlock and throws him into the corner. Hardy dropkicks H off his feet. Hardy delivers a "lariat-like takedown" (thanks, J.R.), which makes H's ass jiggle. H goes for an Irish whip, but Hardy then splashes himself onto H. H goes for the pin, and gets WWE's favorite number. Hardy clotheslines H out of the ring and crossbodies himself onto H. The action returns to the ring, where another crossbody happens. Hardy goes for the pin, you know how that turns out, then goes for a corkscrew moonsault for another pin attempt. H goes for the DDT, my favorite wrestling move, and goes for the pin. One plus one is...? Hardy tries to jump horizontally onto H's back, and basically gets himself into a Samoan drop. H stomps a mudhole into Hardy in one of the corners. Hardy eventually gains his composure and gets H into another corner, then delivers a mule kick. He then goes for the Swanton Bomb, but it looks like H no-sold that one. The Pedigree is countered by a Twist of Fate which is countered again into something I didn't see. H goes for another Pedigree, but Hardy flips himself over and successfully pins The Game. What the fuck? It truly is the end of the world, folks.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy



For some reason, Triple H is smiling. Smiling? Hardy celebrates with the crowd. Hardy claps along to his own music and 13-year-old girls the world over cream themselves.

We get an advertisement for Undertaker's "15-0" DVD. And here's the Great Khali to yell at us:

Khali: YABLAH DIP DAMBLA DABBA DOO. BODINGLA BOOBAH DIPPA DAH.
Punjabi Translator Guy: The Great Khali says that Finlay loves to fight, but Khali loves to destroy. I love long walks on the beach.

Perhaps that's not the exact transcript.

THE GREAT KHALI (w/ Punjabi Translator Guy) vs. FINLAY (w/ Wile E. Hornswoggle) vs. DEAD SILENCE (w/ my complete apathy)

Man, I can't wait to see who wins this one, since it's totally not obvious at all. Khali starts off by shoving Finlay to the mat, then completely manhandling him over in the corner. Good news: Khali has mastered the kick! I'm already intensely bored by this. Khali has Finlay in that stupid Vulcan nerve pinch. The big thing here is all about Finlay getting to the ropes. He finally does after a good 2 minutes. JBL says "Finlay's done," and, unfortunately, so is my patience. There are a million different things I can do that would be more entertaining than watching this match... like... eating bugs, sawing my eyes offargling acid. Getting a colonoscopy. The possibilities are endless. Thank God, it's over.

WINNER: Finlay, thanks to a Hornswoggly low-blow!



It's now time for the match I ordered this show for! We get a recap of Jericho's return, as if anyone needs one. We all saw it numerous times while peeing our little mark undies out, and we loved every minute of it. Except for those parts when Orton spoke. We also are reminded of how the Jericho/Orton feud has panned out.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. RANDY ORTON (c) for the WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

The stunningly good-looking Jericho makes his way out first, but not before blinding me with that shiny-as-fuck outfit of his; a glittery, Matrix-like stripper vest, and glittery, Matrix-like stripper tights. Someone save us from glitter glue. Orton's out next, nearly naked as per usual. Lilian introduces both men like they're about to get ready for a boxing bout. The referee checks for illegal weaponry inside both men's outfits. What exactly can you hide inside Orton's underwear? Orton and Jericho lock up, and Jericho arm drags Orton so bad that Orton does a nice little ice skater flip onto the mat. Jericho is Irish whipped into the corner, but he fights out with two arm drag takedowns. He then delivers some kind of suplex, then kicks Orton in the gut. Orton finally makes it to his feet and Irish whips Jericho, then kicks him. Jericho was about to kick Orton in the face, but Orton quickly slides out of the ring. Orton lets everyone know he's pretty damn smart, but turns around to find Jericho launching himself right at him. Back in the ring, Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but it is quickly countered. Orton delivers a DDT and goes for the first pin attempt of the match for a 2-count. Orton goes for the headlock. I was almost wondering where the locks were tonight. Jericho elbows his way out of the headlock, and is stopped in his tracks after running to the ropes by a dropkick, Orton's second favorite move. Here's another headlock for us. Jericho finally gets out of the headlock and Irish whips Orton into the corner. Both men are on the mat, and a 10-count starts. Both Jericho and Orton are up at the 8-count.

Jericho is Irish whipped to the ropes, which has Jericho going shoulder block happy. Jericho goes for his first pin attempt, and 3 minus 1 is? Just as soon as you figure out that equation, Jericho goes for another pin, and almost, ALMOST, makes it to 3. Jericho delivers a dropkick from the top turnbuckle. Jericho attempts a backslide pin for another 2-count. Orton throws Jericho into the ring post, much to the crowd's dislike. Orton and Jericho are both on the top turnbuckle, punching the crap out of each other. Orton delivers a Superplex off the turnbuckle and goes for the pin. I don't think I need to tell you what number he got to at this point. Orton goes for a dropkick after whipping Jericho the ropes, but Jericho holds on to the ropes as Orton falls onto his back. Jericho goes for the Walls again, but doesn't get much out of that. Now Jericho's down and Orton's doing his scary stalking push-ups. Jericho makes it to his feet, and counters an RKO by throwing Orton to the mat. Jericho almost gets the pin here. Y2J's thrown to the outside and is launched right into JBL. JBL gets up like he just saw a ghost and stares at Jericho. Jericho shoves JBL out of the way and goes after Orton. Back in the ring, Jericho goes for a hard shot to the head from the top turnbuckle. Orton counters out of the Codebreaker and throws Jericho at the turnbuckle. Orton's looking to kick Jericho's head off, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho in the mark-out moment of the match. It looks like Orton's going to tap here, but here's JBL to ruin everything with a kick to Jericho's head. Thanks a lot, asshole.

WINNER: Chris Jericho via DQ, thanks to JBL



The crowd is most definitely not happy with this DQ finish. Orton gets to keep his belt, and everyone showers him in boos. Before leaving the ring, he surprises Jericho with an RKO. Merry Christmas, Jericho. Orton and his shitty music live to fight another day. That day? MONDAY NIGHT! Tune in and shit. Oddly enough, Orton's WWE title says TRIPLE H on the nameplate. Guess Trips is warming it up for a lengthy reign.

Here's the Royal Rumble subway commercial again. That match should seriously take place in a subway.

Jillian, with new, self-sung music, interrupts Lilian's announcing to spread some Christmas cheer. Dear God, help me. She sounds like a goat. Joey Styles lets us know that he's heard goats pass gas with more harmony. Here's Mickie James, looking like a banana, here to save us from this God-awful singing.

MICKIE JAMES vs. BETH PHOENIX for the WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP and CROWD ACCEPTANCE

Now here's another match I barely care about. After watching TNA's Women's Division, I'm quite unimpressed with what WWE's girls have to offer. Beth gets Mickie into what J.R. calls a chicken wing. It looks nothing like a chicken wing to me. There's absolutely nothing worth mentioning here. It's typical Diva action: barely any wrestling moves, lots of punches and kicks, a couple high-risk moves that aren't exactly executed perfectly, and absolute silence from a capacity crowd. Thank God this one's kept short.

WINNER: BETH PHOENIX



Heh, some guy in the crowd has binoculars. Har har.

If trying to convince you into ordering the Royal Rumble TWICE isn't good enough for you, here's an ad for Wrestlemania 24! Cough up all your money, kids.

BATISTA (c) vs. EDGE vs. THE UNDAHTAKAH~! for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

I WALK ALOOOOOOOOONE, HUH~! Here's Batista, who, as many people tell me, resembles a penis. Edge is out next with super wet hair and incredibly pink lips. You'd think he were Ashley Massaro. Finally, here's Undertaker to take up the rest of this PPV broadcast with his entrance. Oh, how I long to see the day when Undertaker walks up the steel steps and trips on his coat. That'd not only be the most hilarious botch of all time, but also the fastest Undertaker will have ever gotten his ass into that ring. Edge leaves the ring, leaving Batista and Undertaker to lock up. As both men leave the ring, Edge enters, and is dragged out by the other two. Taker and Batista enter, and Batista is whipped into the ropes. Undertaker is then thrown out of the ring by Batista. Taker quickly goes to Chokeslam Edge, who's been on the outside, but I blink and it looks like that Chokeslam never came to fruition. Undertaker throws Teest into the steps, and drags him into the ring with his head sticking out onto the apron. Taker does his apron leg drop bit, and Batista obviously slides himself to the outside. Undertaker is later thrown into the ring post, and Edge tosses Batista into the ring. Edge goes for the pin and gets himself a 2-count. What's with all the 2-counts tonight?!

Edge kicks Batista in frustration, and, just as Undertaker is about to enter the ring, Edge tackles him back out. Batista is back to his feet and side slams Edge for another 2-count. Edge is brought to his feet and whipped into the ropes, where Batista then drives his shoulder into the guy's gut. Edge quickly gains the upper hand after that, and goes for the Spear. I'm assuming I missed a bit of something here, as Undertaker is now tossing Teest into the steps again. Taker gains the upper hand on both men, and is about to go for another fancy apron leg drop on Edge before Batista blocks it with a clothesline that sends Taker flying onto the floor. I think I just saw Edge's thong. Edge eats a Spinebuster, and is about to have himself a side of Batista Bomb before deciding to just low blow the guy. Edge delivers a DDT and goes for the cover. It was almost 3, but Undertaker went and dragged the referee out of the ring. No DQs in this match, folks. Undertaker reenters the ring and gets a punch to the face from Edge. Edge worries as Taker no-sells. Edge gets himself some Snake Eyes and a boot to the face for his troubles. Undertaker goes for the pin, and I'm running out of ways to say 2-count here. Edge then falls victim to the DREADED~! Old School, then a kick to the gut, then a Last Ride attempt that's stopped by one of Batista's spears. Edge is disposed of outside the ring. Teest goes for the cover on Taker, but it's very quickly countered into a triangle choke.

The bell suddenly rings, and just as I scream "NO WAY~!", the camera pans to Edge, who's holding the bell and the little stick. Undertaker, understandly pissed, goes after the referee, who repeatedly swears he didn't call for the bell. Edge Spears Taker, then delivers another to Batista. He attempts pins on both, but both manage to kick out. Edge goes to the outside and grabs a couple of chairs. Back in the ring, Edge places one chair under Batista's head and goes for the Conchairto. Before Batista gets the makeover of a lifetime, Edge is kicked square in the face. Undertaker throws Edge out of the ring and turns to eat a clothesline from Batista. Big Dave goes for... a top rope maneuver?! and is quickly shaken onto his crotch by Taker before he can even think about what aerial move he can execute. Undertaker superplexes Batista. Teest's hand twitches as he stares up at the lights. Undertaker goes for the pin, but Batista and his hand kick out at 2. Meanwhile, Edge is crawling around the outside, peering into the ring from time to time. Undertaker goes for some Old School, but it's countered into a Spinebuster. Batista nonchalantly shakes the ropes.

Edge enters the ring, but is clotheslined back out by Taker. I didn't even see that, but my little cousin swears that's what happened. Then again, he thinks Edge is Chris Jericho. Undertaker goes for the Chokeslam on Batista, but Edge looks to interrupt with a top rope clothesline. He's caught in mid-air and eats a Chokeslam. Batista goes for his patented Bomb, but it's countered. Into what? Don't ask me. Taker whips Batista into the corner and presents him with some Snake Eyes. Taker bounces off the ropes but is stopped by a clothesline from Big Teest. Batista goes for the pin. Silly Teest, clotheslines don't put anyone away anymore. Before long, Batista's on the receiving end of the most obviously safe-looking Tombstone of all time. Seriously; the camera was right on Batista's head not hitting the canvas the whole time. Before Undertaker can make the pin, Edge slams him with a chair and pins him for the win.

WINNER, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: EDGE!



Now, I sincerely apologize for not noticing this at all, but somewhere along this match, Edge utilized TWO decoy Edges. The weirdest sight of the night definitely goes to Edge, Edge, and Edge all making their way up the ramp, with the real Edge holding the World Heavyweight belt up in the air as the other two Edges crawl in pain. What the hell? And I thought I knew him. Even weirder is that I can't tell the fucking difference between the three. Crazy. Even crazier? Vickie's probably going to sleep with all three of them tonight.

I'm quite disappointed with the finish to Jericho/Orton. Will Orton ever wrestle a match that doesn't end in a DQ again? Overall, most of the matches had some pretty solid wrestling, which is all I ever ask for in a wrestling show. I could've done without Khali/Finlay and Phoenix/James. The best part of this entire show was definitely the lack of McMahons, and the TRIPLE H nameplate on Orton's title. Awesome. This show gets a thumbs up.

Send Feedback to Catherine Perez

Catherine Perez is a proud owner of three e-mails from WWE's legal department, which she regularly prints out for when all the toilet paper runs out. She was the first person to call the Ghostbusters after witnessing something strange in her neighborhood, and is thus immortalized in a song that was made popular four years before her birth. Catherine enjoys collecting vintage WWF t-shirts, painting on her clothing, and the smell of crushed dreams in the mornings. She also shot J.R.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).